Running Up That Hill (USUK Songfic)
It was the eve of the fourth of july, the day that I have dreaded for a large portion of my long life. The only day of the year when I get no sleep and stay up all night alone. The only day of the year that isn't worth living.
It doesn't hurt me.
Yeah right, keep trying to tell yourself that. I wiped the tears from my eyes, the tears that I had been holding in for 364 days. It felt more like years to me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
It stung my face, and the feeling of the unwelcome water on my skin took me to another time, a time when nothing mattered, nothing but the gun in my hands and the enemy, the enemy that was the person I loved the most. I felt like I was achieving something by this, that killing would take away the sheer feeling of pain that someone had betrayed me.
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
But who was I kidding? You were the one that had created meaning in my life. I finally felt like I had someone to protect when I met you, someone that I could teach to be a better person than I would ever be. I was just a tool, a lifeless doll when you left me, but it did hurt, no matter how much you try to make it up to me now. I don't think I could ever forget what you did to me.
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?
I risked a lot trying to bring you up like that. You encountered your fair share of problems, and you still have scars from your reckless acts. But I risked it all. It was a deal that I could never turn back from.
You be running up that hill
You were independent as your own person from a young age, and you always ran off from me, but I would be pleased for you, when you turned up in a hole or bush of some sort, covered in leaves or grinning like some absurd cheshire cat and covered in mud.
You and me be running up that hill
But the best times were when we were together, and those times were few and far between. We would have picnics and play chase in the vast meadows, sing little songs to ourselves and laugh at each other's stupidity. Sometimes we would just lie there on the grass and count the stars in the sky. Maybe if I'd have visited you more often you would have stayed by my side.
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
I remember when you stared into my eyes, when you said that you wanted- that you deserved independence, but your eyes were full of fear. You left the nest too early, and I couldn't cope. If we could only step into each others shoes, maybe we could come to some sort of understanding. But maybe was no use now. No, maybe was long gone.
Be running up that road,
I remember the first time I let you go out on your own. You looked so happy, running up the road to the hedges where the berries grew.
Be running up that hill,
We had a race once, when you decided we should see who was the fastest. You outran me, and I admit that I held back a little just to see that cute look on our face when you felt proud of yourself.
Be running up that building.
You used to bring bugs and creatures into the house, but the time you brought the flowers was the best. You had run upstairs with them, spilling them in the process, and by the time you found me there was just a single daisy in your hands. But I still loved you for it.
If I only could, oh...
If I could only return to those times, I wouldn't be so sad right now. Wait, maybe I could. My brain dragged me back to the present, and an idea slowly began to form in my head.
You don't wanna hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
As I rummaged through my cupboards, which were overflowing with old paperwork, I saw that look of fear in your face as you raised the musket to my head. Why didn't you shoot me? Was there a reason that I didn't see before? I pulled out an old contacts book and looked for your address.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.
Ok I admit, I was a little harsh, ignoring you for all these years, but tonight I can and will make it up to you. A new fire of determination struck me, and I felt the adrenaline surge through me like thunder.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
That was just it, wasn't it! It was hate! You wanted to see me suffer. You wanted to see me wither away. Well, it didn't matter anymore. I was going to solve this.
You, be running up that hill
You and me, be running up that hill
You and me won't be unhappy.
I refused to put up with it any longer. I downright refused to be upset. I ran outside without any further preparation, and went outside to my black Mini, turning the key and collapsing onto the cold leather of the seats. I pulled out of the gravel driveway in a dreamlike daze, and I felt my heart grow warmer and warmer with anticipation as I drove to the airport. I was going to end this, and now was as good a time as any. I reached the airport, which was crawling with tourists and fatigued businessmen, and literally ran to where my plane would await me. Of course, there were hours before I would touch down in New York, and even more before I got to you.
And if I only could,
A turbulent flight, a boring taxi and a lifetime later, I was there. Of course, nerves struck me as I reached out my finger to the absurdly high up doorbell of your house. You, Mr. Alfred Jones (America to your friends), were never going to forgive me. You still hate me, don't you?
Make a deal with God,
I looked skywards, praying to a nonexistent God that this would work, and I rang the doorbell before my brain could stop me.
"Hold on a second, I'll be right there!"
Phew! At least he seemed to be alone. Wait, alone, on the night before his birthday? Usually he hosted his party tonight, but there were no cars around but his and that voice definitely belonged to him.
He opened the door as I was lost in thought, and I stood motionless, my last self-defense system before I screwed up. Of course, that system failed as I stuttered out a faint "C-c-can I come in?" and looked up once more for reassurance.
And get him to swap our places,
"Sure" He smiled his signature hollywood grin and I could feel the blood rush to my face. I was sure that it was just the weather. After all, what else could it be?
Be running up that road,
I shrugged it off, my face slowly draining as the aircon kicked in, and sighed. His house reflected his personality perfectly, it was huge, and the walls were vivid white, contrasting to the mahogany furniture.
"What, you never seen my place before? I had it redone a bit, do you like it?"
He smiled again, and I froze. Why did I freeze?
"Uh... Arthur, what is it?"
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
Then the rain fell in my head, and I said what I had to say.
"I'm sorry. For being selfish. I think independence must have been hard for you. Can you forgive me?"
He replied with a small gasp, and backed away from me, his expression becoming serious as he glanced sideways and fiddled with his pockets. Maybe this would be an uphill struggle? Well, it would be harder than I first thought.
If I only could, oh...
"Actually, I think I ought to be the one to apologise... I was rash and stupid. I can't think how much I've hurt you. I'v been meaning to say this for a while now, but..."
"You just can't find the words"
We spoke in sync, guilt mirrored in each others eyes as we stood motionless in the darkness of his living room.
C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
"Well to be honest, there was something that I wanted to add, but you'd hate me for it...
Let me steal this moment from you now.
"I'd never hate you, even if you hated me." I said, bowing my head and expecting the worst.
"I... I love you"
Let's exchange the experience
And at that moment nothing mattered anymore. This was the wrong time and the wrong place, even the wrong context. But totally the right moment. And as he edged closer to me I realised what a complete and utter idiot I had been this whole time.
It wasn't hate, it was love.
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...
"And I love you too"
-END-
Ok that was my first songfic, thanks to 'HetaliaUSUKCP for inspiring me with their US/UK AMV thingy of "Running up that hill". Hope you enjoy it! (PS I do not own Hetalia, the song or Kate Bush/Placebo. As if I would! But if I owned Hetalia it would be a rom/com with lots more USUK moments and a lot less history so... What? I can dream!)
'.' Thats all for now, nya!