Ah, so here I am. It's me, Kit. Rach and I really haven't written a whole lot on here lately have we? So we have decided (or rather I thought it would be cool) to do something different. So Rachums and I will be alternating every other letter of the alphabet and writing various one-shots/drabbles here. If you have a request, please review or PM either one of us on this account or one of our separate accounts. Now, pairing will be various, so if you don't like one pairing, wait for a new one to come out. And there might be some Shonen-ai (boyxboy) and if you don't like that, don't read. Bleh.

Disclaimer: Yes, and I am a descendant of the magical poptart valley. Just thought you all should know. I taste like strawberries and sprinkles.

So here it is, the start of a new drabble. Starting with the good old letter 'A'.

A: Anguish

An-guish ('ang-wish) - n: extreme pain or distress of mind

Author: Kit (Ebil Chameleon)

Pairing: Sasuke/Sakura (implied at least)

Anguish.

It was a word I knew all too well. I'd never really thought about that word…or its meaning until it was (not so casually) used against me. Of course, it had to be one person who knew me all too well to mention my state of being in that sense. Still I could hear her words coming back to me.

"You really need to do something for yourself! You're living your life in anguish and you don't even realize it!"

She was right. And there was no way I could deny it. Ino was always right, always. And even if she was wrong, she would never admit it. I wish though, that this one time she was wrong.

So I was living in denial. It really seemed all too easy for her to let the word fall from her lips, only because she had an easy-going life. She had never really known what losing was, not the way I did. Then again, she had lost her sensei. She had a sense of the feeling, but I knew it wasn't the same though, it would never be the same.

To think about my life now, I understood why the word was related to it. From the outside, I looked well set off. Amazing friends, loving parents, an amazing (yet far too perverted) sensei, and another amazing sensei who was in fact the Hokage. I had a good job, a nice home, and enough money to live comfortably. And the last thing I had was what had been the object of my desire for all so long. Uchiha Sasuke.

I had been more than thrilled when he had come back home, though I didn't show it. Annoyingly he hadn't come back on his own, but he was back nonetheless. He had put up a good fight from what I heard, but Naruto had the satisfaction of bringing home; his best friend practically dragging him back.

After a time of getting to know each other once more, we had learned that we each had changed. He had noticed that I had calmed down considerably, turning from the once crazed fan girl, to a girl who could sit there and not have to talk to him, not have to squeal whenever she saw him. I found out that he hadn't changed a lot. He was still silent, still a brooding bastard who could be colder than ever before. But there was something about him that I couldn't explain, some thing that just told me, he's different.

I learned that his brother was dead. But I also learned of his hatred towards someone named Madara. He hadn't told me all that much about Madara, but from what I could see in his eyes, he held a bloodlust for this man, one that was possibly stronger than the one I saw when he talked of Itachi.

Multiple times he had tried to run, to get out of the village. But he was stopped. He never got away, from the village, from us, from me.

I don't remember the exact time when it was, but eventually we started going out. At the time I had been so shocked and full of emotion that I never even took in idea that possibly, maybe Sasuke didn't even like me. In that way at least. Not the way I loved him. Yes, love. Once you are in love with someone, it's sometimes impossible to fall out of love. That is possibly one of the hardest things to do.

For the first two months I had been so sick in love that I'd never really noticed that anything was wrong. I couldn't see the flaw in our relationship. It was like I had blinders up to keep me from seeing anything that could ruin it. In my own world, we were happily in love and nothing could ruin that.

"Don't you get it Forehead? It takes two people to contribute to a good relationship..."

I ignored her. I ignored everyone who could see what I refused to notice. Once I started to realize that there really wasn't any love on Sasuke's part, that's when the anguish started. I had really come to recognize the one flaw in our relationship when I felt the pain. My heart broke a little that day. And slowly, day after day, it continued to deteriorate. But I was in denial, I insisted that everything was fine, we were both happy.

I wouldn't allow myself to think that I was unhappy. I smiled when I should have cried.

"You can't go on like this. Find someone else, someone who will actually love you."

But he did love me. In my own world. It was our world to me. I had moved in with him and we lived like any other couple. We lived together, ate together, talked together. Hell, we had sex together. We lived like other couples. The thing I never picked up on was that we weren't like happy couples.

"You understand why he's with you don't you?"

Oh I understood well enough after time. The way he never protested to sex was curious to me. Sasuke wasn't an affectionate person, so being able to be with him intimately, pretty much whenever I wanted, was strange. I was a tool. He was using me.

He needed an heir.

But that didn't falter my love for him. That didn't break up our relationship. It just made me start thinking; maybe someday I'll be more than just a tool for him. I could only wish now.

Too bad for him, he still doesn't know that I'm on birth control.

I'd started taking it a while ago, when there was the threat that I could get pregnant. It wasn't that I didn't want to become a mother. At the age of twenty-two, I knew I was capable; and seeing the career choice I had taken, it would be better to have some kids earlier. But I wasn't having kids with someone who didn't love me. I wasn't willing to fight over something as precious as children, never in my life. So why not prevent it? At least until I know that the condition of our relationship is better.

I wonder how he'd react if he knew that I was taking birth control?

But I won't give up. I'm sure that someday he'll love me. He'll learn to love me, and not merely see me as a tool. He should know that I'm better than that. Really though, he just knows that he can have practically any girl he wants. And that scares me. It shakes me to the core.

The pain that I felt was clouding my mind, numbing myself into oblivion. I refuse to see the bad. I only look for the good. I'll continue on, living as a happy girl, the girlfriend to Uchiha Sasuke. I'll continue to tell him that I love him, receiving nothing of the sort in return. I'll live a lie. I'll live in anguish.

But that's okay.

Because as far as I know, Sasuke and I have our own little world to live in together.

I'll live on as blind fool.

...Forever.

So how was it? Good? Bad? Did you like it? Loath it? Tell me! I want to know!

Next up: the letter 'B' by Miss Rach, also known to you as you.broke.a.promise.