Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.
Just A Memory
Sometimes when she couldn't sleep at night Martha would pace the many corridors of the TARDIS.
The first time it happened, she thought she was hallucinating. A fleeting glimpse of something, someone, out of the corner of her eye. A silhouette of a girl standing in the shadows, just watching. Seconds later the girl was gone. She blamed her tired mind playing tricks on her.
The second time she saw the mysterious girl she ran towards her, determined to discover who she was. As she pursued her through the endless corridors, she reached out to grab the retreating figures arm, only for her fingers to fall straight through. She stood there gaping as the girl faded away, blonde hair swinging in an imaginary breeze.
The third time it occurred she was prepared. She walked slowly towards the girl, hands upturned, a hesitant smile on her face. The girl watched for a moment before gliding away at an easy pace, glancing over her shoulder as if she wanted Martha to follow.
She hurried to catch up, so that they were walking side by side and she drank in the image of this strange yet oddly captivating woman. Up close, she was surprisingly modern - bottle blonde hair, dark brown eyes and a soft smile curving on her lips. She was wearing a faded blue jumper and jeans, which were wearing thin at the knees. She was so normal for - well whatever, whoever, she is.
'I'm Martha Jones,' she blurted out suddenly. Heat immediately rose to her cheeks. Oh well done Martha, tell the strange girl your name, she internally berated herself.
The strange girl in question simply nodded and grasped her hand, leading her into a small unnoticeable room, complete with a few squishy sofas and an antique mahogany coffee table.
'So, uh, who are you? I mean well, can you speak? Communicate with me? What's your name?'
There was a slight pause and Martha thought she could feel a trickle of amusement radiate throughout the room.
'Rose. My name is Rose.' A sad smile flitted across the girls face.
For a moment, Martha was stumped. This was Rose. This seemingly normal girl was the amazing Rose. The Doctor's Rose. That was pretty unbelievable and she quickly voiced this opinion.
'You know I imagined you to be this glamorous, incredibly clever, perfect person the way he went on about you.' Her hand flew to her mouth when she realised just what she must have sounded like. 'Oh God. Sorry. I don't mean to be rude, I just-.' She was blabbering. Brilliant. Rose must think she was a complete moron.
On the contrary, she just smiled. 'It's fine. I know how daunting it can be to meet a past companion.' A faraway look swept across her face. 'You feel you have to measure up somehow to this brilliant image you've got painted in your head. 'Cept it's impossible. You can never reach the pedestal you've put them on and you know what? You don't have to.' She paused for a minute as if to collect her thoughts, then carried on. 'I met this woman – Sarah Jane. The Doctor and her were old friends; she used to travel with him, just like me and you. She seemed perfect. She was really clever and pretty and I mean just look at me. An unemployed ex-shop girl who didn't even take her A levels. How could I even begin to compare? You know what though? However much I tried, I couldn't hate her because she was just like me - head over heels for someone who didn't even think about her in that way.'
There was a slight pause as Martha tried to figure out how to express the words that flooded her mouth.
'Well, I don't know about that. The way he talks about you, the look he gets in his eyes. I'd say you were pretty important to him. When I first came onboard, he was a right misery guts, never letting me forget that I wasn't replacing you. I think that makes you a bit more than special to him.'
Rose flashed her a grateful look as if thanking her for the beautiful lies. Oh God, they were practically made for one another: Rose and The Doctor. Neither believing that they could be worth so much to the other.
They sat in silence for a while, just watching each other. Just when Martha started to feel an air of awkwardness start to settle in, Rose spoke – her voice quiet and tinged with heartbreak.
'You know, I am so very glad he has you.' She broke off, a brief smile lingering on her lips. 'I never meant for him to be alone.'
This small, nearly insignificant statement cut straight through Martha's heart and she finally began to understand the complex puzzle that was The Doctor. The lone traveller, who though never seeming short of companions, was destined to walk the world alone. And Rose, amazing Rose - just like The Doctor said. After everything that had happened, she still wanted The Doctor to move on, to love again, to be happy and Martha knew from experience just how hard it was to let go of someone who was so central in your life.
Moreover it was then and there that she promised herself to let go too, to set loose this fantasy she had of The Doctor reciprocating her feelings because now she had met Rose she knew she could never live up to those expectations. However, she could create her own expectations; her own legacy and she couldn't help but wonder if in years to come she too would wander the lonely TARDIS corridors seeking out companionship.
She reached across to lay a sympathetic hand on Rose's arm but once again, her fingers fell straight through and instead hit the soft padding of the sofa. It was as if she were a ghost – a non-transparent, extremely human looking ghost. She couldn't stop herself from asking.
'Are you – are you real or a ghost or what?' The moment the question left her lips, she was positive she didn't want to know the answer and she was right. Rose's forehead crinkled into a sad frown as she replied.
'I am just a memory. A mere shadow of the person I once was, set to roam these halls until I am forgotten.'
The thought was so desperately sad; she didn't know how to respond aloud. However, in her head Martha made a silent promise to remember Rose, to keep her memory alive for as long as she could. She started to tell her this, to give her hope but Rose cut her off.
'Goodbye Martha Jones.'
Martha just stared at her. The look in Rose's eyes conveying everything she needed to know - they'd never meet again. But there's so much she needed to know, questions unanswered, stories unexplained, yet all she could do was stare at Rose as if she were captivated by some sort of magical spell.
'Martha! Oi Martha where are you.' The Doctors voice jolted into her head. She could hear footsteps gradually getting closer, yet she couldn't bring herself to shout out an answer. Her eyes snapped back to where Rose was standing – the smile on her face so heartbreakingly sad as she started to fade away. The spell was broken.
'There you are.' The Doctor was standing in the doorway; a small frown marred his face. 'Didn't you hear me calling you?' She didn't reply. Instead, she reached out, grasped his hand in hers tightly, and slowly led him out of the room. A quick glance over her shoulder revealed an empty room. All she had left were sad memories and a determination to try to save The Doctor as long as she could.