When I was a kid, my mom and I used to read the Frog and Toad books, but we'd add little bits of our own dialogue for fun. I recently got to go to the Frog and Toad musical, and it brought up all of the memories, so I thought I'd post some of our "improvements" here. Hope you enjoy them.
Cookies
Toad baked some cookies.
"These cookies smell very good," said Toad.
He ate one.
"And they taste even better," he said, as he crammed a fistful into his mouth.
Toad ran to Frog's house.
"Frg, Frg," cried Toad, with his mouth full, "Tst ths ckies!"
Frog stared at Toad.
"Toad, have you accidentally eaten your pillow again?" asked Frog.
Toad swallowed. "I said, taste these cookies that I have made," he said.
Frog ate one of the cookies. "These are the best cookies I have ever eaten!" said Frog.
Frog and Toad ate many cookies, one after another.
"Wu wow, Oad," said Frog, with his mouth full, spraying Toad with cookie crumbs,"I fink fe shou fop feating."
"Wha?" asked Toad, spraying Frog with cookie crumbs in return.
"I said, I think we should stop eating. We will soon be sick," said Frog.
"You are right," said Toad. "Let us eat one last cookie, and then we will stop."
Frog and Toad ate one last cookie.
There were many cookies left in the bowl, more than should be physically possible to come out of one batch.
"Frog," said Toad, "Let us eat one very last cookie, and then we will stop."
Frog and Toad ate one very last cookie. Of course, that didn't last too long.
"We must stop eating!" cried Toad as he ate another.
"Yes," said Frog, reaching for a cookie, "We need will power."
"What the heck is will power?" asked Toad.
"Will power is trying hard not to do something that you really want to do," said Frog.
"You mean like trying not to eat all of these cookies?" asked Toad.
"Right," said Frog.
"Can't we just call it resistance or something?" asked Toad, "Will power sounds dumb, and this is a kid's book."
"No!" said Frog, as he punched Toad in the eye and took the three cookies in his hands.
"Okay," said Toad, clutching his eye.
Frog put the cookies in a box.
"There," he said, "I have placed a nuclear device in this box. Now we will not eat any more cookies."
"But we can open the box and be blown to smithereens," said Toad.
"That is true," said Frog.
Frog tied some string around the box.
"There," he said, "Now we will not eat anymore cookies."
"But we can cut the string and open the box and be blown-" said Toad.
"To smithereens," said Frog. "That is true."
Frog got a ladder.
He put the box on a high shelf.
"There," said Frog, "Now we will not eat any more cookies."
"But we can climb the ladder and take the box down from the shelf and cut the string and open the box," said Toad.
"You're not helping, Toad!' said Frog.
Frog climbed the ladder and took the box down from the shelf. He cut the string and opened the box, and was not blown to smithereens for the purpose of this story.
Frog took the box outside.
He shouted in a loud voice, "HEY BIRDS, HERE ARE COOKIES! WATCH OUT FOR THE NUCLEAR DEVICE!"
Birds came from everywhere. They picked up all the cookies in their beaks and flew away. Some were later mutated by exposure to the nuclear device, but who cares?
"Now we have no more cookies to eat," said Toad sadly. "Not even one."
"Yes," said Frog, "But we have lots and lots of will power."
"You may keep all of the stupid will power, Frog," said Toad. "I am going home to bake a cake. You cannot have any."