The Kids Are Alright
Fandom: Supernatural
Author: Rosegirl94
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. I wish it would ;)
Characters: John Winchester (29), Dean Winchester (4), Sam Winchester (0)
Spoiler: None
English is not my mother tongue and this is why I have to thank Madi Holmes soo much for editing this story!:)
"Mother of two died in a fire."
This was the newspaper's headline the next morning – November 3rd, 1983.
Many people stood in front of the newspaper shop to read the article and were truly shocked. Others saw it on television and talked about how devastated the family had to be and how tragic it all was.
Three days later, no one could remember the names of the children or their ages.
One week later, nobody could even remember the article or the news as newer tragic accidents and catastrophes occurred.
Dean Winchester would NEVER forget this night. Not today. Not in a week. Not in one hundred years.
His father John and Dean would never forget the acrid fumes of the fire, never forget those cries of pain Mary made seconds before she burned. They would never forget the scene they saw that night.
Three weeks passed since Mary's accident. Twenty-one days and twenty-one nights. The pain grew bigger each day, because the illusion that she could walk through the door became less realistic every minute.
That second of November night, the Winchesters lost everything. A loved person, their home, their lives. Nothing would ever be the same.
For three weeks, John and his children had lived with friends, Mike and Kate. There were so many things, like the insurance and funeral service, which John could not do by himself. But John also couldn't stand the sympathetic glances that his friends continually gave him.
For two days, they had lived in a cheap motel. John spent most of his time with Jim Beam and Jack Daniels, who had become his only true friends.
In the mornings, he slept through his hangovers. By noon, he started drinking again. The pain was just too big. An ever present headache was his steady companion.
He didn't go to work anymore. The insurance paid the room for one month so there was no reason to get up anymore.
John also tried his hardest to ignore his environment. From time to time, he heard Sammy crying. He couldn't get up, Sam didn't want him- he cried for Mary.
Today, the crying stopped unusually early. It must have been Dean who comforted his little brother. The thought crossed his mind and suddenly he felt a stab in his heart.
Dean.
His boy was just four years old, and John hadn't cared for him. He had totally forgotten everything around him.
John immediately got up and felt yesterday's night. Had he drunk THAT much? He couldn't remember.
Dean sat at the kitchen table, held Sam in his arms. He had a bottle in his left hand, feeding his brother with milk just like their mother used to.
"Hey sport," John took a seat next to Dean. The boy didn't look at his father.
John felt guilty, but also knew that he deserved it. "Can I hold your brother?"
Dean looked John in the eyes for a brief moment and John could see and feel his son's pain.
Pain caused by the death of his mother, caused by his father who wasn't there for him when he needed him. The man who used to be ALWAYS there.
Dean looked at his feet, loosened his firm grip on Sammy, and let John take the baby.
"Hey, Sammy. You have an awesome brother, but you already know that, don't you?" He walked into the living room where he put his little son on a blanket.
The fire didn't leave them any toys. Some church members had donated clothes and some toys for them. Dean didn't cared about them, but Sammy loved every single piece. Especially the things which made a lot of noise.
John was sure that Dean would follow him, but his son was still sitting at the table.
John went back to the kitchen: "Hey, buddy. how come you're still sitting here? There's a great movie on TV. You're too young to watch it, but... I could get popcorn, and then it can be like we're at a theater. How's that sound?" He held out his hands toward Dean, hoped his son would take them.
Dean buried his head in his arms on the table. He sighed frustrated.
John carefully plucked the boy up, and placed him against his chest just like he had done the night of Mary's death. Dean didn't resist, but he also didn't give in. He stayed stiff in the embrace.
John sat down on the sofa, holding Dean in his lap. They silently stayed there, watching Sam play. Sammy laughed from time to time, unaware at just how cruel the world was.
John started to talk to Dean again. He just couldn't give up.
"Champ, what's wrong?" Dean ignored him and continued to watch Sammy. John already knew the answer, but still wanted his son to talk to him.
"Dean. are you always going to give me the silent treatment? I'm sorry. I really am. There's no excuse, but this isn't easy for me either." He cleared his throat. "I promise I'll take better care of you. You and Sam mean everything to me... Apology accepted?"
Dean still didn't react to his father's words.
John finally slid the boy onto the couch, and kneeled in front of his oldest.
"Dean, look at me. Look at me!" He took Dean's chin and carefully lifted it. "Dean, say anything. Please. Curse or shout at me if you have to. Please. Just talk." Dean remained mute.
John slumped in disappointment.
"Okay, maybe we should get to bed. Go on and get ready." John ordered standing up, and slipped the infant into his arms. Sammy started to try, wanting to play more.
"Sam, it's bedtime now. You can play some more tomorrow."
Sam continued crying even louder than before. John counted silently in his head
The telephone started ringing. It was too much for him.
"Dean, take your brother." John ordered, handing the baby over to Dean.
"Winchester."
"Hi John. It's Kate. I've been trying to reach you all day."
"Hm."
"Just wanted to know how you and the boys are doing. I can babysit them this weekend. You know, if you need some time for yourself."
"Thanks, Kate. Say, I've got a question. Last week, did Dean ever talk to you or Mike?"
"Not exactly. He's still in a shock, John. I asked him once or twice what he wanted for dinner or if he wanted to rent a movie. He just shook his head each time. He did talk in his sleep, though."
"He talked in his sleep? How do you know that?"
"John. He, um. Well, he's just a child. He would have these nightmares, and then wanted some comfort... He crawled into our bed a couple of times."
"Why didn't he come to me?"
"Mike told him that you... that you wanted to be alone. Because of the alcohol, you know? You needed time for yourself. We didn't want to interrupt you."
"Kate... I'm going to hang up now. The bad guy brings his kids to their bed now. Bye."
"John, you know I didn't mean it that way."
John hung up, didn't care what Kate was going to tell him. He was never going to see her again.
Sam was already in his pajamas and cooing in his crib.
John didn't want to know how Dean had managed that. Dean also in his PJs and in bed, too. John was really proud of his eldest.
"Thanks Dean. For helping me so much." Dean nodded.
It was more than John had expected.
"Dean, you know what? I'll tell you a secret. Sometimes. When I'm alone and scared- especially at night. Don't tell anyone. Can I sleep with you tonight?" John had to stop himself from laughing at Dean's facial expression. He looked like he didn't really believe John, but, on the other hand, he always trusted his dad in everything.
Dean nodded again and helped his father to put the beds together. John got in first and pulled Dean to his chest.
"I miss her, too. But I am very sure she wants us to be happy again. Wants us to live our lives. It is okay to be sad but nobody should suffer alone. I know, I suck at being a role model." John could feel Dean's breath at his skin.
"I love you, Dean. I will be always there for you. Forever! And as long as I live I will take care of you."
Dean knew that his dad, how he was before the accident, would never came back. But the monster of the last weeks would also never come back.
It was just a whisper but it was the best John had ever heard:
"I love you, too, Daddy and I am also scared sometimes."
It wouldn't be easy but John knew they could managed it together.