If I Die Young
What do you think now? I had told all of you before. I told you Jace, I you to stop...and mum, you should've been there for me. At least now you actually understand the severity of the things I've been going through. And the worst thing about it, Each and every person contributed to why I've done what I've done.
There is everyone standing around my grave acting sad that I'm gone. All dressed in black. It was quite a big funeral even though I was the biggest loner. Most of the people here I have never talked to. Why are they at me funeral pretending to be mourning. Most f them were journalists trying to catch Valentine crying because he's always so cold. Almost all of my school is here, what's the point? The only person that is actually crying is Simon because he was truly my best friend. My plaque is joined with so many roses with one lily.
Only one person in the world knew I hated roses because they symbolised something that I never had. Love. Take a guess who the one lily was from? I didn't have a grave because my parents knew I had this secret fear of waking up in a casket 6 feet under. That was probably the only thing they knew about me. I bet my parents aren't the least depressed, probably not even gloomy. Their probably happy, no daughter weighing them down now. I bet it was my dad's idea to act all distressed and invite all of these people for publicity. You have to be sad at your own daughter's funeral right?
My father's up at the podium in the church talking about how much I was loved, he would do anything to get me back, he'll never forget me and false memories of us together. I laughed at most of the stories because they were so fake it wasn't funny but everyone was drinking it in. Some were even teary because they were moved by his touching words.
It's like his heart is made of stone, heavy, unmoving and solid, not taking in or putting out any love, only hate. Even Jace himself, has the nerve to come to my funeral and look solemn. I feel so much better now! I don't have to deal with getting up every day and having him torment me and da-Valentine, I can't even stand to call him dad anymore. What kind of Dad comes home and beats their own daughter bloody.
After Jonathan died in a car crash, mum just sat by her window and stare. I had to sit there every day and coax food into her. She won't do anything and Valentine...Well his was to relieve the pain is to drink away the memories and come home. Then he would make me scream for him to stop because the way her stamped on my leg broke it.
Mum, you could have stopped this! All of you could have! I told all of you! The teachers, The Police, kids at my school. Of course no one listened to the weird, art nerd. The all just said you'll be fine with a flick of their wrist or told me to stop telling nonsense about my millionaire father. Valentine Morgenstern would never do that! Only one person in the whole entire world would ever listen!
Simon. My best friend. He has always been there for me. I would always ring him every day to let out my frustrations and he would just sit there and listen. Every time, without fail, he would talk sweet nothings in my ear, helping me through it. Even Simon couldn't even get someone to listen! He's the only person I regret leaving.
Jace, I fucking hate you! You're one of the main reasons why I did this. You have NEVER left me alone. And to make it worst because you're the "golden boy" everyone went along with it. You made fun of me or wearing to much makeup and long sleeved T-shirts. You didn't even know half of it! They all regret not listening to me
Funny, when you're dead, THAT"S when people start listening. I don't even remember ending it, I just remember having the worst night with Valentine. He started throwing, kicking and hitting me with anything that was in his reach, including a vase. I could barely move the next day. Then, as soon as I made my way through the doors of the school, there they were there. They were calling me anything that came to their mind, which wasn't much. My red, frizzy, curly hair, my green eyes, my braces, my choice of clothing, my lack of curves, my lack of friends, the list goes on and on!
They always claimed that i wore too much makeup because I was trying to be cool and impress them. If only they knew. But of course they didn't even stop to put the pieces together. They even started wetting me with their drink bottles and food. Even Izzy, Alec, Aline, Maia and Magnus were joining in. They weren't exactly nice but they usually stood back from Jace tormenting me and after everyone left they would help me up, give me some tight miles and scurry off to class. They knew that if they were seen with me they would join me at the bottom. Then Jace said something that pushed me over the edge.
I quote: "You're nothing better than your brother who was a stupid douche that we only kept around to make fun of. At that moment I flinched. How dare he bring up my DEAD brother that used to be his best friend. Back when Jono was alive he used to always protect me from being picked on but since he died...I just control the words coming out of my mouth.
"Jace Lightwood! You're the world's biggest barstard I've ever met! You're just a little pussy that likes bullying people because of the power it gives you. You're actually really insecure yes I know... You're brother being friends with the popular boy gets you some gossip. I hate you! You're a fucking horrible little shit!" I stalked up to him and with all of the force I could, I slapped him, leaving a red hand mark on his cheek. I then fled from the school, grabbed dads shotgun from home, went out the back and shot directly into my heart.
Suicide wasn't what I expected...It wasn't that hard, it was quite peaceful.
Bet all of you listened now! Well...hope you all rot in hell! Except Simon. You're all horrible people! I'm happier now and Jace, hope you like the letter I left you.
Review and I'll write the letter left for Jace. :)
Disclaimer: As much as I wish this wasn't true...The Mortal Instruments aren't mine