daring yourself to play these games
-another moment gone-
*Warning: Playing these games, you may get burnt.
It's one in the morning, the entire night your mind has been pretty neutral. These past few weeks have felt incredibly unreal. The wintery days are short and white, the snow reflects off the moonlight on occasion, but when it's pitch dark out and the hum of the radio is the only sound in the entire house, your stomach rolls. The stirring of the silence conjures everything in the dimly lit room.
You stare at the photo that you always handle tenderly. You're careful not to imprint countless finger prints all over it; you tuck it away every night, face down, beneath the other photos. But like every evening, you slide it out of the white envelope just to shuffle through each photo as casually as possible.
Causalities have never been your strongest point.
Yesterday he spoke to you for the first time in a while; it felt incredibly dream-like. You have been in a state where things aren't quite real but it's not faux enough to be considered impossible. You're not zombie but sometimes, you appear to be.
You fingers delicately flutter over the picture: you want to memorize the way his white teeth align and the half crooked smile that takes up his entire face; the flow of his dark straight hair, the freckles that trace over his face. You want to remember the way he held your hands as you two childishly danced together, fingers laced together, or the less innocent dancing—intimidatingly close together. You want to remember how nice it felt to have his arms locked around your waste, the way it felt so easy to grin and laugh up at him as he looked down at you with those brown, brown eyes.
Or maybe the simpler things he embedded in your head. The way you saw him stride in late to homeroom every day, your head cocked subtly to your right so you can count on him striding in late; a catch of those eyes lined with long dark coal lashes that you envy. Or the way you'd be caught guilty for staring greedily at him during French class, the smile that broadened on his face.
You have been floating for the last few months; you jumped, you free-fell, you've crash landed, and now you're finally dusting yourself off and standing up on your own two feet. You're not very coordinated.
Your temper is a little crazy, your feelings getting the best of you. He's everywhere though.
Those eyes that lock with yours as you shyly and abruptly whip your head in the other direction. The false hope, the false pretense—all of it is overwhelming.
"You've got to move on"'s or the "he's just a dumb boy"'s or just simple plain, "forget him—he doesn't want you anymore"'s.
Had he ever?
Every teenage girl asks that; did he ever really actually like me?
These games are becoming increasingly complicated. The players are picking up new tactics and all the pawns are becoming worn out due to all the mishandling.
It's two in the morning and your thoughts are coming to a wrap—for tonight—you tuck those photos away chastely, your heart hurting a little less tonight, and place the off-white envelope on your radio. You hit 'off' on your radio and upload your latest entry to your favorite writing website…
Just another story that you write pathetically over another boy that stole your heart and got away with it.
You slam your laptop shut.
You've been burned.
Now you need to let things heal.
R&R?
Sorry about the lack of updates.
I've been very busy and tired lately. Long weeks and long months.
Please read and review; I think I might write a multi-fic chapter story. And I've been known for starting multi-chapters and never finishing them; but my new year's resolution was to finish what I started.
(;
As always though,
Another moment gone