AN: This is for the totally awesome Soraya the All Speaker for being my 100th reviewer for Dysfunctional Family. She wanted a JiraiyaxTsunade fic, so here you are, hun! Hope you enjoy. :)
Disclaimer: I'm too awesome to own Naruto (what a twist, huh?)
The crisp air was biting his nose and sending pinches of heat to his cheeks as he sped through the snow covered forest. The nerves on his face stung and zipped up and down as the biter cold air smacked his tan skin, leaving patches of red in its wake.
The worn cream scarf tangled around his neck flapped and spun behind him as he launched from tree branch to tree branch, slight wisps of light blue chakra flooding from the soles of his feet whenever he took off.
Flipping forward and off an old oak, the alabaster haired man fell to the ground, landing on his feet and pausing to rise slowly.
At his full height, Jiraiya easily stood at a good six five without his red clogs. In his battle sandals, he trudged through the heavy snow, one leg up and the other over. Konoha's main gate was just in sight and he was just too tired to finish with a sprint, taking the time to admire the dark brown, nearly black, trunks of the Sakura trees as they contrasted with the fresh white snow. Their spindly black branches reached up high in the sky, catching the powdery flakes as they floated down like butterflies.
When he left, there were bright pink buds on the tips of the branches, some blooming and showering him with blush colored petals and getting stuck in his white spikes. It still didn't really phase Jiraiya of how long he had been gone, not even the melting of the snow seeping into the bottoms of his pant legs helped him transition in to the now.
If he could, he would stay in the strip of snow and bare Sakura trees.
But then again…
'Don't take too long, please.'
Jiraiya smirked at the memory of her pout, the subtle way her bottom lip puffed out ever so slightly and the way her honey-hazel eyes glittered in the hazy morning light.
She was hypnotizing him without being anywhere near him.
"I'm home," Jiraiya smiled and pushed through the snow at more of a pace worthy of a shinobi.
Once inside the snow-swept gates of the village, Jiraiya eyed the Yamanaka flower shop and their new shipment of winter lilies.
She loved lilies.
The sannin made the motion to walk towards the small shop but patted his back pocket where his wallet lay.
"Do I still," he fished the worn leather wallet out of his pocket and opened it, fingering through the isles hopefully.
"Cleaned out." Jiraiya sighed and put his wallet back in his pocket, onyx eyes surfing through the other little shops of Konoha when suddenly, the gray pools landed upon an aging stone building bigger than the shops around it.
The bank.
"Hi, I'd like to make a withdrawal, please." Jiraiya tapped his long fingers on the marble counter of the consulting counter. The woman behind the counter smiled and went off to do such, leaving the older man to stare at her bottom as she sauntered away.
Giggling, Jiraiya turned around and leaned on the counter, propping his elbows and stretching his legs. Not even a minute after the woman left, Jiraiya heard the whispers of her voice, along with another deeper voice.
"Are you sure?"
"We checked three times, there's nothing there."
Unnerved, the toad summoner stood straight on his feet and watched intently as the teller came back.
"Sir, it appears that your account has been closed."
"What?" the alabaster haired man shrieked, hands pulling at his long white hair.
"Are you serious? I agreed to no such thing! How could this happen?" Jiraiya left the teller's desk and started pacing furiously, hands balling in to white knuckled fists.
"Sir, it seems that your house has also been signed over to the bank." The poor teller managed to peep out between Jiraiya's shouts of disbelief.
"What?" it took everything the sannin had not to fall to his knees at the news.
"B-but, I didn't…"
"This note was left for you, though." The petite bank teller handed him a scrap of folded paper, her manicured hands pressing it in to his big shaky, calloused left.
"What…"
It was as if he had been possessed, like the devil himself had zipped on Jiraiya's skin and took his place.
He stormed through the halls of the busy mansion, his glazed over glare warding off any brave soul stupid enough to ask what was wrong. The note was in his hand, being crumpled and squished in the grip of his fist as he reread it in his mind over and over again.
'Don't be mad, I can explain.'
"Explain my ass." Jiraiya grumbled dangerously as he approached the mahogany doors, eyeing the fancy brass doorknobs like a hungry tiger.
"Umm, Jiraiya-sama. Is everything alright?" Jiraiya shot his head to meet Shizune's eyes, locking dark eyes with the woman.
"Shizune, very soon you are going to hear some noises. I don't want you to be concerned or call security because they won't get here in time. Now, could you please buzz me in?" Jiraiya let an unnerving smile slip onto his lips at the last bit and watched as poor Shizune stammered.
"Well, she's,"
"I don't care. Please buzz me in." Now the smile was gone, and just a devastating glare was left.
"Yes sir." And through the doors he went, slamming them hard behind him.
Tsunade sat in her chair, her green coat wrapped around her and a dark navy long sleeved shirt keeping her warm. In her hands was a steaming cup of tea, the vapor rising and clouding around her eyes, making her look mystical in her gaze.
"Welcome home, my handsome breadwinner."
"Where's all my shit? Why did you take all my shit? What the hell is wrong with you?" He started pacing again, eyes going wild as he bore holes in to his hime's head.
All Tsunade did was giggle behind her hand, gently placing her cup of tea back down on her desk as she watched her best friend pace a hole in her floor.
"And I come home, I was gonna buy you flowers! And the teller's like, I'm sorry sir, you have no money. You do not believe how unnerving that is. I was going crazy and scaring away all the pretty women who were looking at me and I thought I was gonna cry because of you!" Jiraiya spun on his heel, finishing his sentence with a long finger aimed at the blue diamond on Tsunade's forehead.
"You wicked siren!"
"I need you to sign something for me." Tsunade moved to a drawer in her desk, pulling it open and placing a few papers before her, even sliding a pen over to where her teammate boiled.
Like she didn't hear a word he had just screamed.
"What?"
"Print here, initial here, and full signature here please." Her finger pointed the way to each dotted line; her eyes didn't even pass over Jiraiya's discombobulated face.
"Did you not hear me? Why did you take all my stuff? You haven't answered my question!" The rising baritone of his voice got her to look up.
"I merged your possessions with mine. Your account is now our account, counting the money I made selling your dump of a house."
"What?" His voice was nonexistent now, barely a whisper.
"I had everything in your house moved to the main house of the Senju complex, so you can sort through that later."
"Why?"
"Because it would be more financially sound this way." The Hokage answered matter of factly and leaned back in her chair, taking a sip of her tea.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"If you read the damn papers I want you to sign you'll understand." Her administrative voice was in full boom as she glared at him through the dissipating steam of the tea.
With an audible huff, Jiraiya scooped up the papers and brought them close to his face.
"I also scheduled you for an eye appointment, your sight isn't getting any better.
"Thank you, dear." He spat facetiously, pausing from his read to send her a glare, and then returned to his reading. He mumbled some as he read, eyes quickly passing through the first few paragraphs until-
"What?"
"We're adopting him."
"But-,"
"If I had been told earlier, then this would have happened years ago." Jiraiya lowered his head, knowing full well he was about to get torn a new one.
"Why didn't you tell me? He was alone for all those years because you didn't want to take care of him and you never told me."
"That's not why I didn't take care of him and you know it!" The white haired sannin growled and anchored himself on the edge of Tsunade's desk, meeting eyes with her.
In all his years of being a ninja, he'd encountered men he'd had to stare down, gazes so hard they cut him up. But never before had anyone ever beaten Tsunade at literally tearing his balls off with just a look, those sharp honey-hazel eyes were like swords when she really concentrated, daggers when she wasn't trying. Now, they were on fire, eager to get close enough so they could burn him.
"You could have at least told me."
"I thought that wouldn't be enough to get you to come home."
"You don't know that, Jiraiya!" Tsunade shot up from her chair and planted her hands on her desk; her face now inches away from his.
"I would have sprinted home if I'd known. You know how much I cared for Minato. And getting that letter from one of your toads that he was dead was devastating, you could of at least showed up to tell me in person!"
"Well maybe I didn't want to spend another week with you sobbing on my shoulder or holding back your hair when you drank yourself half dead."
Oh shit, he did it now.
Tsunade left the desk and stood motionless behind her chair, eyes wide and mouth trembling. With one foot in his mouth, Jiraiya closed his eyes and sighed, letting his brow furrow into creases of apology.
"Tsunade-,"
"No. You're right, I can't self soothe. I'm sorry for having wasted your time, you can go." She waved a hand in dismissal, turning her back on him to stare out her wall of windows.
Knowing better than to argue with the most pig-headed woman in the world, Jiraiya lifted himself off of the desk and reached for the pen, signing on each dotted line she had pointed out.
"Alright, I'm gonna go sort through my things to make sure you didn't steal anything." He chuckled lightly as he rubbed the back of his neck and headed for the doors.
Turning around when she heard the click of the door opening, Tsunade eyed the adoption papers, face lighting up when she saw his bold scrawl lining the page.
"Did everything go well, Jiraiya-sama?" Shizune asked quietly as she looked up from her paperwork. The big man sighed and looked at the younger woman.
"She took all my money."
"Ouch."
"Yeah, watch your back around her, Shizune. She might just tear your head off." Suddenly, the double mahogany doors flew open and Tsunade jumped through them, landing on Jiraiya's back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist as he struggled to keep from toppling over.
"You're the best." Tsunade chirped in his ear and squeezed him tighter, the adoption papers in one hand.
"I know, I know. You can erect your statues of gratitude later." Jiraiya chuckled and turned his head to meet her eyes. Through the jungle of his hair, Tsunade found his cheek and gave him a light peck, getting his face to burn up faster than fire to a paper house.
Dismounting her man, Tsunade's feet met the floor and she planted her hands on her hips.
"Alright, lets go to the house, Naruto's there waiting." She was like Columbus, adventurous and daring in her tone as she pointed toward their destination.
"Wait, why is he already there?"
"Well technically, I already adopted him, you were just icing on the cake."
"Oh, I feel so appreciated."
"Shut up." Tsunade chuckled as the two left the big red Hokage mansion, noses turning red as the icy air bit at their faces.
"You know, seeing as how you've basically fused us together at the hip, it's almost like we're married. Maybe we could-!"
A snowball made contact with his face before he had the chance to finish his sentence, with a miffed Tsunade squinting her eyes angrily at him.
"That's just crazy talk."
"I'm crazy? You took all my stuff when I was away! That's crazy!"
"I was being financially savvy!"
"And what if I didn't sign? Hmm? What about then?"
"Oh please, you would've signed. That's not even a valid argument."
"Is too!" Face red, Jiraiya turned and glowered indignantly at his female counterpart.
"Na-uh."
"Are you serious? A grown woman and you're gonna start an uh game."
"Yup."
"You're right, marriage is out of the question. I'd kill you before the honeymoon."
Whaaaat? I liked making him sound over-dramatic, it's cute. ^3^
And hell yeaz for sannin glompz, best part of the whole thing if you ask me!
PEACE :P