and the cracks begin to show

The time had come. The bitter harsh reality of war has forced its hand into all of their hearts, and with the smell of iron in the air Ivypool found herself growing more and more apprehensive. Her life had been filled with the secrets that broke like bombs around them all now. A life she held close to her even now. After so long playing spy she couldn't just kill the monsters now.

They weren't monsters anymore.

Gray body lurching backwards, the girl rebounded in an attempt to avoid two sets of claws. Caught in the middle, a traitor to both sides. Confused and rushing the tabby spun around. Crying out with ever rip of her skin. Metal scented bloody and red against her nose. The war for Starclan had begun. It has started, and everyone wanted her dead. Ivypool lashed away, unable to fight for either side and unable to bring herself to so much as protect herself.

Once long ago she had thought she was doing the right thing. Both times she had. Hawkfrost had led her to glory, shown her how to be a real cat. She had betrayed the tom, and her heart dropped even lower into the pit of her stomach as she thought it. Ivypool shuddered, body twisting away yet again. Only dodging. Once long ago she had been an apprentice twisted around Jayfeather's paw to believe what he believed. Now she found herself loosing everything because of it.
Starclan had lied to her. Jayfeather had lied. The dark forest cats weren't evil. The Dark forest had lied as well. Starclan wasn't evil either. They were all just cats. All just dead cats who had been wronged an hurt an tormented. Feeling utterly lost the young warrior fled backward, avoiding yet another raking slash at her eyes.

Said eyes held in their dual hued face, twisted around. Tabby forms were everywhere. There was no way to tell where that gaze was coming from. That hard icy stare she could feel in her very soul. Ivypool snarled out of fear, lashing around as she finally found a place in the brambles no one could see her in.

But he could still see her.

The dark man with his piercing eyes. He would always be able to find her. Always pull her from her fears and worries and listen to them. He had never told her what was what. He had manipulated her with her own hurts. Her own torments. Did that mean Ivypool was truly evil? Was anyone evil. Oh Starclan it made no sense.

Why couldn't they all just be cats? Why did they have to torment each other so. Why must they play war to hide the emotions buried deep under their bleeding flesh? Trembling the girl fell deeper into her green sanctuary. Her thorn prison. Outside she could hear the wails of the injured. The cries of the dying. Those loosing their souls on a field of death.

Was Hawkfrost amongst them? That only cat who listened and did not altercate. He had never told her what was right. He had told her words echoed in her own heart. Her truth, a thing the Riverclan warrior had understood all too readily. Was it wrong of her to long for that scent, influenced so deeply by the water as it was?

Was it wrong to love too?

Did it go against Starclan or the dark forest? Did it go against everything? Oh but everything went against anything now. Truth and lies were ripped apart and lay in webs of misinterpretation upon the battle field. Nothing was real anymore. Only ones self. Ivypool feared she had lost herself.

Jayfeather must be furious. Ivypool was more pained by the thought that Hawkfrost must be as well. Lionblaze was a monster, a hateful tearing monster, revealing her. Claiming her a spy, naming her allegiances. Hawkfrost's expression at that moment had almost broken her. And it would haunt her forever, even if she were to die today. Because surly Starclan would send her to the dark forest for being a traitor if she were to die.

Ivypool burrowed down into leaf litter, accepting the prick of thorns as punishment. They would send her to the dark forest to be forever torment for her own disloyalty. Because she was disloyal. She was the monster, not them. Not any of them. It were cats like her, like Ivypool, that made life like this. The cowards, the indecisive. The pitifully green hearted.

Oh Hawkfrost. What had she done? Why had she listened to Jayfeather and his fanciful talks of good and evil? It had done nothing but hurt everything. Destroy her friends. Even the black Windclan tom had looked frankly down trodden, his mentor shocked then reserved. Breezepelt had become her friend, and she had betrayed him too. Brokenstar had become a shadow of companionship and she had flung him aside. She was a spy a nasty hateful monster of a-

"You look like a mushroom, sitting like that" Ivypool's heart almost leaped out of her chest. Turning slowly towards the all to recognizable voice, blue met blue. The ocean pooling under it's layer of ice. Cream wrapped itself coldly to his throat, slipping away to the belly she could not see. Hawkfrost moved forward, powerful striped shoulders shoving their way past foliage and barriers alike. His dark striped face was crumpled with confusion and hate. "Hiding like a coward are you?" His voice grumbled forth, harsher then usual.

Ivypool stared, unable to open her mouth. What was she to say? She was a traitor, a traitor to everyone. She had done everything those pale eyes silently accused her of. She had betrayed her best friend and the cat she had been slowly falling in love with. He was right to look at her with such hate. Such betrayal.

The tom cat thrust his way into her hiding place, massive body taking up too much space. Ivypool shifted backward, making herself as small as possible for many reasons. Would he kill her now that he could no longer trust her? He dropped himself down, paws settled under his chin as he glared. "You could have fought" he accused quietly. "You can fight a choose your side, but you will not." Claws slipped free of their sheaths, and her's did the same by instinct. "Why will you not?" it was a demand, heavy and in some section of it desperate.

Finding the will to open her mouth Ivypool spoke up with a low trembling tone. "There are no sides." His head lashed up, brown ears slicking back. "Hawkfrost how can I take a side? They both.. you both..." The she-cat lost her voice, unable to do more then trembling and stare. The tom leaned back, lifting his head slowly, revealing the paler expanse of fur under his jaw.

He looked, almost betrayed. Ivypool flinched, tail tucking up around her nose. Why couldn't he just name her a traitor and kill her? Wouldn't that be easier? Mind in a jumble the young gray patched warrior wanted nothing more then to die. At least then someone would make her decision for her. Eyes slipping closed she stared into blackness. It was better that way.

"Who do you love more?" another demand, this one openly and truly desperate. Ivypool winced once more, body coiling defensively. She couldn't pick. She couldn't and it burned through her like acid. Hakfrost was asking her to choose between her family and him, the only cat that had made an effort to understand her emotions in all of this. He was asking her to make an impossible choice. Feeling very much like she was about to cry Ivypool lifted her head, parted her eye lids and stared at the tom who stared back with just as much pain in his eyes.

"I don't know"

Author's Note

This was a request for Shimmertail, I'm sorry this took so long Dx My computer broke. As you can see this is a song fic to the song Cracks. Hawkfrost and Ivypool are one of my favorite pairings, just because of how horrible it is. The fact that unlike many other pairings this one has so little hope of becoming a lasting relationship. In this fic I've implied heavily that Ivypool ran from the battle field, as I would expect her to. She is such a loyal character it's hard for me to think she would be able to fight on either side, no matter the motives. I hope you enjoy it c:

Shimmertail