First off, if anyone has been reading my other fics, I apologise for the waiting. I've written quite a bit for both of them, but lately every time I sit down to write them, this fic pops into my head. It won't go away! So I've uploaded it. My Rose/Scorpius fic will probably be updated soon, but my other Dramione will be a while. I'm focussing more on this.
To everyone else, I hope you like this! It's a lot darker than I've written before with lots of drama, but I hope I've done an okay job. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but plot and original characters.
Chapter One
Did some things you can't speak of
But at night you live it all again
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you had seen what you know now then
Hermione took a deep, shuddering breath and looked at the test again, praying it would give a different answer. Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky. But she wouldn't cry; not yet. This was a muggle invention, and it may not be accurate. When she thought about it, why hadn't see just gone straight to the magical option? But in her sudden state of panic, logic had evaded her and her mind went straight to her muggle roots and customs. But she needed a definite answer, and no matter how many muggle tests she took, she would not believe it until it was proved with magic. And she needed to know now. Looking into the bathroom mirror, she composed herself before she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, and hastily dialled the numbers.
"Hello?" came a soft voice after a few rings.
"Ginny, thank goodness I got you, I need you just now. I think..." Hermione heard her voice starting to break, and she took another deep breath before continuing. "I think I'm pregnant."
There was a short silence. "Wait, what? But you and Ron...I thought...is this good news?" She finally asked.
"I really don't know Gin, but I need to find out for definite. I don't trust the muggle tests and I don't trust finding out by magic myself. I want to go to St. Mungo's and have a professional tell me...will you please come with me?" She finished in a whisper.
"Of course I will, should I come over now?"
"Yes, but don't tell Harry! Please Ginny, don't tell Harry."
"I won't, don't worry, I'll be right over."
The call ended, and Hermione put her phone away with a shaking hand, then buried her face in her hands. How could she have let this happen? It was all wrong...
A cracking noise downstairs told her that Ginny had just apparated into her living-room, and she heard the banging of feet rushing up the stairs.
"Hermione?"
"Bathroom" she replied weakly, and stared into the mirror as the door opened to her left. Ginny stepped into the room, and looked sadly over at her friend, who still refused to look back at her. Ginny's eyes then drifted to the sink, where she saw five muggle pregnancy tests littered in it. She walked over, and saw that they all said the same thing.
"Hermione, do you really need to go to St. Mungo's? All the pregnancy tests say-"
"They're muggle tests, magic will give me a definite answer. You can't always trust these."
Ginny nodded, knowing that Hermione wouldn't rest until there was no way to deny what was most likely the truth.
"Okay come on, we'll go to St. Mungo's"
Hermione allowed Ginny to take her arm, and before she knew it she felt the crushing blackness and then her feet landing on solid ground. Looking around, she found herself in the waiting room and being dragged up to the reception desk.
"Hello, how may I help you?" The receptionist asked kindly.
"My friend thinks she might be pregnant, she wants it confirmed." Ginny replied.
"Okay then," her attention turning to Hermione. "And have you taken any tests?"
"Just muggle one's, but I want a professional to tell me."
"Okay, if you could just fill in this form please." She slid a form to Hermione who quickly filled it in. "Ok, if you want to take a seat, someone will be along to see you in a minute."
Ginny and Hermione turned back to the seats, and the receptionist watched them sadly. She can't want this baby very much she thought to herself.
After about ten minutes, Ginny and Hermione looked up as a healer called out her name. Slowly, they raised and followed her down a corridor. As the past the reception desk, the receptionist gave Hermione a reassuring smile, but it didn't make Hermione feel any better. She felt like she was walking to her death.
They followed the healer into a small room, where she gestured for Hermione to sit on the bed with the usual crinkly paper.
"So, Mrs Weasley, you believe you might be pregnant?" she asked as Hermione jumped onto the bed. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak for fear of breaking her composure and crying.
"Okay, have you missed any periods?"
She nodded again, before croakily whispering "one".
The healer nodded and asked her to lie down, then pulling up Hermione's top to reveal her stomach, she waved her wand in a smooth gesture over it, then watched as a golden glow emanated from her stomach.
The healer looked up at her. "Congratulations, Mrs Weasley, you're pregnant."
Hermione closed her eyes, forcing herself not to succumb to tears. "Cou-could...could you check again please? I-I need to be sure."
"Very well" and she repeated the spell, only to have the same result. "It's definite, no avoiding it."
Hermione nodded, and a single tear slipped out from under her closed eye-lids. Ginny moved forward and held her hand, squeezing it gently.
The healer suddenly looked hesitant. "I don't mean to pry, but...am I right in saying that this isn't good news?"
Hermione nodded and slowly opened her eyes. "My husband and I...we- we haven't been getting along for quite a while. I'm not really sure where our marriage stands. This isn't the best time to be having a baby." She whispered, before more tears slipped down her cheeks.
"I understand. I'll give you two some time alone." And she left the room.
"Hermione," Ginny spoke, "it's going to be okay. I know your marriage has been rocky for some time, but maybe this will improve things! Maybe a baby will bring you two back together."
"I don't know Ginny, we already have two kids and they certainly haven't helped us bond. Not to mention we can barely afford the children we have – how are we going to cope with a third? And how is Ron going to react when he finds out? He'll be furious!"
"He can't be that angry, it's not like he played no part in getting you pregnant!"
Hermione hiccupped nervously. "I want to go home now, Ginny. I need to sort some stuff out."
Ginny nodded and helped her up, and just then there was a knock on the door and the healer entered.
"Oh, are you getting ready to leave? Very well, but I suggest you make an appointment for a check-up every month, just to make sure everything is going well. That is, if you're planning on having the baby?" She asked hesitantly.
Hermione nodded. "I'm definitely having it, whether my husband wants me to or not. I...I don't know if I'll keep it, but I don't think I could face giving it away either."
The healer nodded, and opened the door for them. "Well if you just make an appointment, and I'm healer Grant if you wish for me to continue your appointments."
"I'll do that. You've been very kind."
They said goodbye to healer Grant and walked down the corridor, but when they arrived in the waiting room, Hermione stopped. "Actually, Ginny? Could you make the appointment for me? I just want to go home and be by myself."
Ginny nodded, and Hermione pulled her into a hug. "Thank you, and thank you for coming with me today."
"It's okay, Hermione" she said reassuringly, and gently rubbing her back. "Everything will be okay. Just go home, relax, and have a think."
Hermione nodded and pulled out from the hug.
"I'll owl you the date and time of your appointment."
"Okay, and Ginny please, don't tell anyone. I don't know when I'll tell Ron and I can't have people knowing before him."
She nodded again and headed towards the reception desk, while Hermione turned and disapparated.
As soon as she landed into her living-room, she collapsed onto her knees and happily welcomed the flood of tears she had been holding back for so long. How could she have been such an idiot? Why did this have to happen? Her life was about to become an even bigger mess than it already was. Ron was going to be furious - he was adamant that they were having no more children, despite the fact that Hermione wanted a big family. Being an only-child had been somewhat unsatisfying and empty, and she had always envied the Weasley's for having such a big family. It was one of the reasons she loved spending time with them. They were her second, and large, family. But considering how little money they had, even she knew having any more children would be foolish. But now...
Hermione sank sideways and lay on the floor, and had no strength or desire to move. She continued to cry for hours, until she finally sank into a restless sleep, and she welcomed the blackness that embraced her.
When Hermione finally opened her eyes, she wondered what it was that woke her up. Deciding that it wasn't the uncomfortable floor or the freezing cold, she looked around until she noticed an owl tap tap tap-ing on the window. Getting up off the floor and stretching her aching body, she made her way over to the window. It was then that she recognised the owl - Caspian, Harry and Ginny's snowy owl. That could mean only one thing: the letter he was carrying was from Ginny telling her when her next appointment was. Hermione took the letter and gave Caspian a small stroke over his soft feathers before he took off again, and Hermione looked down at the letter. No, she wouldn't look at it yet. She couldn't look at it yet. She wasn't ready. Instead, she headed to the bathroom, intending to forget her troubles momentarily by having a hot shower. This turned out to be a mistake, as she noticed the pregnancy tests from earlier that day still lying in the sink. Anger suddenly washed over her, and she furiously picked them up and threw them in the bin. Then accepted a new wave of tears. Blinking through them, she turned the shower on and stepped in.
The tears merged with the droplets of water, so she could pretend they weren't there. She desperately searched her mind for a distraction, and ended up trying to plan her day. Get dressed, eat, pick up the kids (it must be quite late in the afternoon), tidy the house, make the dinner.
She then went into more detail when she ran out of plans. Tidy the house. The kitchen was in a mess, the table needed cleared, floors swept, dishes done, living room needs done too, there's still a pile of mail lying there to go through...
Hermione stopped in her thought tracks. Mail. Like the letter with a certain appointment...
She couldn't stop the tears for another ten minutes.
Guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your war path
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind trying to get it back
After her shower, Hermione had dressed herself with shaky hands, wondering how long she could go before she told Ron. A part of her considered hiding the truth for as long as possible with baggy clothes and resisting any strange cravings she had (her first two pregnancies had caused a strange craving for fish covered in chocolate), but she wondered if this wouldn't make Ron angrier that he hadn't been told sooner. But maybe just getting it over and done with would be the best option. Just rip off the metaphorical plaster. But that idea scared her more than anything. A tiny voice of hope in the back of her head suggested that he wouldn't be that bad, that he would actually like the idea of another child, but Hermione knew that was foolish. With his temper, always yelling about money and how poorly they were living, complaining about the noise their two children were making, there was little chance for him to take this well. She was just going to have to find a time when she was at his bravest and he was at his least angry to tell him. She had noticed that her Gryffindor bravery had slowly disappeared into almost non-existence not long after they were married, and Ron had certainly lost his good streak. It had been good for a while, but the stress of dealing with the effects of the war and learning to handle his own life in terms of a job, mortgage, ad budgeting had led him to anger and drink, and he seemed to find more comfort there than he found from her. And slowly, as the drink stopped providing comfort, he sought it elsewhere. Namely, some random woman's bed.
Hermione wasn't stupid; the evidence was practically lying about for anyone to see. The unfamiliar perfume, the small lipstick stains, the oh-so-important meetings that for some reason never included Harry, despite them working in the same department. She didn't even know why he bothered lying to her anymore; they both knew the truth. Although she knew she should be angry, she couldn't help feeling guilty. Why wasn't she able to provide the help and comfort he obviously needed? Was she not a good enough wife? A good enough friend?
She sighed, pulling on a worn-out pair of jeans and a simple jumper. Maybe she didn't dress nicely enough for him. She had made the effort when they were first married, but now she didn't see the point. Ron often complained that so held absolutely no sexual appeal in how she dressed, but he never noticed her when she tried. There was also the fact that they just didn't have the money for nice clothes. Plus, having two kids, a part-time job, and looking after the house didn't put her in the mood to dress in some uncomfortable outfit just for Ron to ignore her. 'He can get his various mistresses to dress nice for him' she often thought bitterly.
She walked quickly downstairs and made herself a quick sandwich, which she chewed hurriedly so that she wouldn't be late in picking up her children. She had managed to enrol them both into a school set up for magical children, so that they could get a basic education before they left for Hogwarts, and there wasn't the risk of them accidently exposing magic to other muggle children. It was run by a squib, along with a few witches and wizards that were predominately muggle-born. They recognised the importance of getting an education and interacting with other children their age, and this allowed it to happen. It was the sort of job that Hermione had considered after Hogwarts, but the birth of their first child Amelia had prevented this from happening. But she still had some hope to try once all her children were old enough.
Amelia was nine now, completing her second-last year of school before she went to Hogwarts. Hermione couldn't believe how quickly the time had flown by. Her son, Tom, had just celebrated his second birthday and went to the nursery in the same building. She guessed she'd have to enrol her next child into the school too.
It was a twenty minute walk to the school, so Hermione brushed away the crumbs from her finished sandwich and stood up, searching for the buggy. Finding it by the kitchen door, she shrunk it with her wand and placed it in her pocket along with her wand, walking out the door and locking it, securing the wards.
Because they didn't have a lot of money, they had chosen not to buy a car, which had caused some problems when trying to go anywhere with the children. They absolutely hated apparating, and there wasn't always a fireplace where they were going. Even when there was, Tom always ended up coughing for a good ten minutes afterwards. But since today was sunny and warm, she decided to walk there and back. Walking there would help clear her head, and the walk back would do her children some good.
No matter what was going on in her life, Hermione couldn't help but feel a little better whenever the sun was out. The heat soon started to feel a bit uncomfortable, so she rolled up the sleeves of her top to her elbows and tied her hair into a messy bun with a bobble from around her wrist. As she welcomed the breeze that swept across her face, her mind drifted back to deciding how and when she should tell Ron. Because the truth of the matter was, when Ron was drunk and angry, it usually led him to being violent too. And while it was usually her that was at the receiving end, there was the one time he had hit Amelia. Hermione had been shocked at what happened, fear for her only daughter clouding all judgement as she ran over to Ron, pulling him back away from her desperately, hitting his arm and not caring that he would probably hit her back harder. Which he had, causing her to fall to the floor from the force of it. She had automatically curled up in case he decided to hit her again, or worse, kick her, but he had simply stormed out of the room, leaving her to crawl over to Amelia as she ran to her, and she embraced her in a tight hug while they both cried. Hermione had made sure her tears were few though, not wanting to cause her daughter any more concern. That had been one of the few nights that she packed a bag and took the kids over to Harry and Ginny's, afraid for all of their safety. Ron never called, saying he was sorry and begging her to come back like he had the first couple of times. He knew she would anyway, so he could save his pitiful apologies for when they came back.
No-one apart from Ginny, and to some extent, Harry, knew the truth about Ron, and they had often questioned her as to why she kept going back. Truthfully, she was asking herself the same question. But she always did, never having it in her to leave him. They were married, and that meant something to her, even if it had stopped meaning something to him. When she was younger she couldn't have imagined herself putting up with this, but she knew she had changed as her marriage had went on. They had married just when she was nineteen after she found out she was pregnant, so she quickly had to assume the role of mother and wife. And as Ron slowly slipped away from her, she thought it her responsibility to try and fix him. And when she was finally forced to accept that she couldn't, she changed her responsibility to just looking after him and being there for him. If she left him, she would have failed her role as a loving wife. And this would cause her children stress, meaning she failed her role as a loving mother. All in all, her life would be a failure, and that wasn't something she was willing to accept. So she continued with it, regardless of the grief it was causing her.
Wasn't it easier in your firefly catching days
When everything out of reach someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn't it beautiful running wild 'till you fell asleep
Before the monsters caught up to you
While Hermione had been lost in her thoughts, her feet had carried her to the school, having walked this path so often. With a start, Hermione found herself outside the gate, and she pushed the cold metal bars to enter. Heading to the nursery part of the building first, she could hear the sound of children's laughter coming from it, along with screaming voices and feet running about. Hermione smiled to herself, thinking how wonderful it must be to be so care-free, not a care in the world except for if you weren't being fed often enough or if your toys started boring you. Entering the building, the whole area just had a care-free feel to it, with the brightly coloured walls covered in posters and children's artwork, and the floor that was covered in a well-worn carpet that had the occasional paint or food stain on it. There was a vague sense of areas of the room being designated with a certain activity, such as an art area with small art easels and tables covered in paper and various drawing utensils, a play area covered in toys and building blocks, an eating area with some tables and small chairs, and a reading area with bookshelves and cushions grouped around a chair.
One of the teachers there spotted her and walked over with a smile. "Hello Mrs Weasley, looking for Tom? He's in the garden right now. Last time I looked out he was chasing a butterfly around in a circle." She said.
Hermione laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like Tom. I'll just go get him so we're ready in time to meet Amelia."
"Oh yes, how is Amelia doing?"
"Great, she's looking forward to going to Hogwarts so much already, but I can tell she's going to enjoy her final years here."
"I know what you mean, my oldest child, Sam, went here and he's just started Hogwarts, and he said he really misses the school. But at least he's going up to Hogwarts with a whole class of people he knows. Unlike us, who were muggle-borns and didn't know anyone."
Hermione nodded. "It was pretty scary."
"Yes. And how's your husband? Is he dreading seeing his little girl heading off to Hogwarts?"
Hermione immediately plastered on a fake smile, but it seemed very real. After years of pretending everything at home was normal and happy, it got easier to lie about it.
"Definitely. He doesn't see her as often as me because of his job, so he's really going to miss her being around and seeing her even less. And of course I'm going to be missing her terribly too."
The other witch nodded. "I understand you completely. But I'll let you go get Tom, and I'll see you both tomorrow" she ended with a smile, and then walked off.
Hermione kept her smile in place until she had completely turned away, and let it slowly slip away as she headed over to the door that led to the nursery's private garden as the woman's words swung around in her head. 'I understand you completely' she had said. No, you don't Hermione thought. You don't understand a thing.
Stepping into the garden and embracing the sunlight again, Hermione sighed. She hated lying. Thank Godric she had gotten better when it came to lying about her supposedly happy marriage.
Looking around, she spotted Tom playing in a sandbox, digging a small yellow shovel into the topmost layer of sand and flinging it haphazardly to the side. Apparently getting bored of this, he began dumping the sand onto his tiny legs, covering the small parts of his legs that weren't covered by his shorts, laughing happily at the feeling of the sand. A genuine smile growing on her face, she walked over to the sandbox, and sat on the side. "Hey, baby!"
Tom's head snapped round at the sound of her voice. "Mummy!" he exclaimed, waving his arms in the air.
Hermione laughed, pulling him out of the sand and placing him on her lap. "What are you doing, baby?"
"I played in sand!"
"I saw, you were covering your little legs in it, weren't you? But you can't bury yourself, Mummy would miss you!"
"I was catching butterflies" Tom told her proudly.
"Did you catch any to show Mummy?"
Tom shook his head sadly. "They too fast."
Hermione hugged him close. "That's okay sweetie, maybe you'll catch one tomorrow. Shall we go see Amelia now?"
Tom nodded his head ecstatically, smiling and yelling "Melia!" as he couldn't say her whole name yet.
"Let's go then." Hermione stood up and walked to the gate that would lead them out, still carrying Tom. She headed to the area where the parents usually waited, just next to the metal gate she had first entered. There was a small patch of grass next to them, so Hermione let Tom down so he could run about while they waited. Wasting no time, Tom sprinted out of her arms as quickly as his short legs could carry him, his arms outstretched like a bird.
A bell rang out, and it wasn't long before the area was crowded with pupils looking for their parents. Tom had immediately run back to Hermione and hugged her legs, scared by all the people suddenly arriving that were much taller than him. Hermione gently stroked his brown hair, calming him.
"Melia!" He suddenly called out.
Amelia was indeed walking towards them, her neat blue uniform jumper contrasting with her long red hair. She had her school bag hung over both shoulders, and it bounced slightly as she ran over to them. "Tom!" Amelia immediately hugged her little brother then gave her mother a hug.
"How was your day, sweetie?" Hermione asked as she pulled Tom's buggy out of her pocket and enlarged it.
"Great, we were revising fractions though" Amelia pulled a sickened face.
"You're good at fractions" Hermione frowned, placing Tom in his buggy and strapping him in.
"Exactly, it's boooorrrrring!" Amelia whined.
Hermione smiled as she stood up again and placed the buggy in front of her. "Consider it practice then."
Amelia just shook her head and followed her mother home, chatting happily on the way, and Hermione allowed herself a few happy minutes with her children, pushing her worries to the back of her mind.
Once they arrived back home Amelia immediately started her homework at the kitchen table. She had inherited Hermione brains, but she also inherited some of Ron's impatience, as she quickly became bored going over things she already understood, whereas Hermione would have appreciated the extra practise, no matter how well she understood the topic. Hermione took Tom into the living room, where she left him to play with some of his toys, placing some protective enchantments around him so he couldn't hurt himself on something. She then bustled around the house tidying up, making sure there was nothing out of place that could upset Ron. On days where he was in a particularly bad mood something out of place could cause him to erupt, cursing and yelling about how he worked all day just to come home to a complete mess, as if she just lazed around the house all day doing nothing.
After she was sure the house was as perfect as she could (she was pretty sure sometimes Ron expected to come home to a palace) she went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Amelia was just finishing her maths homework and moved onto her English.
Searching the freezer for something to cook, she was interrupted by Amelia's voice. "Hey mum, there's a letter here for you."
Hermione froze. She had almost let her problem slip to the back of her mind, but it suddenly all came rushing back full-force.
"Mum?"
Hermione slowly forced herself to stand straight, trying to ignore her rapid heartbeat. Turning to face her daughter, she composed her face so she didn't show her worry. She walked over to the table and reached for the letter Amelia was holding out to her with a surprisingly steady hand. She was sure her nerves would have caused her to shake. She pulled the letter out of her grasp, staring at it.
"Mum, is everything okay?"
Hermione forced herself to smile. "Yes dear. Everything's fine." She folded the letter and placed it in her back pocket, and she swore she could feel it burning, desperate to expose its secrets. Desperate to expose her.
Turning back to the dinner preparations, she didn't see her daughter's worried look, or her open mouth as she considered saying something, then quickly changing her mind and closing it.
Hermione realised she still hadn't figured out when to tell Ron. She figured that maybe she would never know when to tell him, or what to say, so she just had to hope she would realise a good opportunity when it came and that the words would just come to her. It was a slightly more risky idea, as Hermione had always been one to plan everything carefully, but it was honestly the best idea she had.
But one idea that did come to her was to try and ensure he was in a good mood. That meant good, filling meals every day, a perfectly tidy house every day, and perfect, quiet children. She quickly spun round and sat next to Amelia. "Amelia, I need you to do something for me."
"What is it?" she asked, looking up from her homework.
"I need to tell daddy something, but it's going to make him angry." Hermione flinched at the scared look that flashed in Amelia's eyes.
Amelia just nodded, and Hermione was thankful she had such a responsible and logical daughter that didn't question her mother's motives or ideas, and didn't cringe away from something because she was afraid. In many ways, she was just like Hermione was at her age. She hoped she never lost that like she did.
"Now to make sure he doesn't get too angry, I'm going to make sure nothing upsets him beforehand. So I need you to help me make sure the house is always tidy, and to make as little noise as possible when he's home. I hate saying this to you, honey, but I need you to do this."
"Should I just stay upstairs when he's home?"
Hermione was pretty sure she felt her heart break a little when Amelia asked her that, no hint of sarcasm or anger in it. Just genuinely trying to do anything to help, even if that meant practically being banished to another part of the house. "That might be best, sweetie." Hermione stroked Amelia's hair, watching the light dance across it. "I'm sorry your life isn't perfect, like it should be."
Amelia just nodded sadly. "It gets me really angry sometimes. Sometimes I hate you for keeping us here." Hermione fought back a tear. "But I know you do it for a reason. And I trust you."
She couldn't help a few tears falling now. "Oh, Amelia, of course there's a reason. And that time he hurt you, I truly considered taking you and Tom away forever. But...but it wouldn't do us any good. I can't work enough to get us enough money to live... and believe it or not, your dad needs us. Sometimes I think we're the only thing keeping him from breaking down."
Amelia just nodded. "It's okay, mummy" she whispered. "I understand."
Hermione kissed her forehead. "You're such a big girl. Thank you."
Amelia hesitated for a moment. "What do you have to tell daddy?"
Hermione inhaled deeply. "I can't tell you yet. But once I tell him, I'll tell you."
Amelia just nodded. "Okay."
Hermione stood up again and placed a kiss on top of Amelia's head, then went back to making dinner. As she cut up some vegetables for a soup, she began to mentally brace herself for the anger that was inevitable whenever she got round to tell him. He would definitely yell at her and scare her. If he'd been drinking (which was highly probable) he might hit her. She shuddered slightly. She could deal with his yelling, even when the sound seemed to hammer at her eardrums and he walked towards her threateningly, trying to intimidate her and force her to back down. But she couldn't handle it when he raised his hands to her. He didn't do it often, but he still did it enough to make her fearful of him doing it again.
But despite his anger, she had to tell him; there was no getting around it. She just hoped he didn't find out the whole truth.
Merlin help her if he found out he wasn't the father.
Hope you enjoyed it! I'm not sure about the song lyric thing I did, I just wanted to try something different and I was listening to that song a lot while I wrote this chapter. I would love it if you could recommend some songs that might be good for this fic, I know you don't really know the plot yet but just any sort of dark, angsty songs you can think of. Would really appreciate it :) And I hope it was believable, I wanted a good explanation of why Hermione wouldn't leave Ron, so I hope I've achieved it at least a little.
Song was Innocent by Taylor Swift.
Please review, I would love to know your thoughts! xxxxxx