GENDERBENT ADVENTURES: CHAPTER 1
Nobody knew what the fuck had happened. It was odd, and strange, and most definitely unwelcome, but nobody knew how, and certainly not why. It was irritating as hell and a great, unpleasant mystery. The Research and Development Bureau was trying to see where the strange pink-and-blue gas had come from, as it appeared to have radiated outward from a central point, but most of them were having a little trouble adjusting and not much progress was being made. It was a rather large adjustment to make, truly- most of Soul Society was having trouble, actually. That happened when the physical sex of every person to breathe the gas had been switched to the opposite one. Worse, the gas had seeped into every crack and crevice of each of the three worlds, leaving no living creature untouched. Anything that breathed had been affected, animal, hollow, human, and shinigami alike. For the shinigami, it was most distressing- 95% of their fighting force had been put completely out of commission unexpectedly as they tried to adjust to their new bodies. Apparently, having breasts threw their balance all out of whack, and they had trouble adjusting to their wider hips and all their weight being concentrated in their pectoral and gluteus areas rather than being squarely in the center of their gut as it had been when they were men.
The women adjusted much more quickly. Rangiku Matsumoto, in particular, had promptly squealed in delight and gone to find the nearest bar, yelling for the world to hear that now that she didn't have tits she was going to drink 'til she dropped because now she wouldn't wake up with sore breasts from drunks groping her roughly while she herself was in a drunken stupor. It was her turn dammit! Nemu Kurosuchi also adjusted easily, claiming her 'father' had remade her several times as both male and female for experimental purposes and she really was used to it; while disturbing on more than one level, this proved very useful. Momo, who believed the gender switch to be another of the hallucinations she'd had since her mental breakdown, got dragged along with Rangiku. After all, a lot of hard drinking sounded like a very good idea at the time. Soi Fon, on the other hand, had taken to the transformation like a fish to water. She knew how to handle women warriors, and forced her division into shape quickly. It helped that turning into a man made her almost a foot and a half taller, which made her more intimidating, which was an impressive feat considering she was scary as hell on her own. Though when she found her beloved Yoruichi-sama was not unaffected by the gas, she was immensely disappointed. She still hated men- though naturally Yoruichi-sama was the exception.
The men, on the other hand, were immensely distressed. Having your weight concentrated in your hips and pectorals rather than your gut or legs threw off their equilibrium completely, making even something as simple as walking a difficulty. And while the novelty of being able to squeeze and fondle your own breasts was wonderful, after about an hour that lost it's allure. Especially for new 'women' with smaller boobs, which became sensitive and very sore after only one or two gropes. Plus, each and every man cursed how hard it was to remember that they needed to sit down to pee. There was more than one embarrassing accident within the first few days. It was also immensely unpleasant to get cold, they quickly discovered, because whenever a cold wind blew, their nipples would harden. For a man, this wasn't a problem. But in their new womanly bodies, they were wearing bras (and had it been a trial to teach the males how to put those on) which rubbed and chafed against the pebbled flesh. All the former male soul reapers very quickly learned to despise wind and all forms of cold.
Things weren't smooth in the human world, either. Though the phenomenon seemed confined to Japan, concern swept the global community. What was it? Was it contagious? Were there more 'gas bombs' of this type that could be detonated? Not to mention that only nutcases like Urahara and Yoruichi adjusted easily. Part of the transformation seemed that their 'other self' seemed either eerily similar or directly opposite to their normal selves. For instance, a male Kenpatchi Zaraki was six feet six inches tall, burly, and impossible to intimidate. A female Kenpatchi Zaraki was five feet even, had breasts the size of cantaloupes, and long, wavy hair that was seemingly impossible to style into his normal liberty spikes. However, no matter how different their bodies were, their personalities were mostly unaffected- this made the situation all the more comical. At least, when it wasn't completely terrifying. Kenpatchi as a woman was even scarier than Soi Fon had ever been. Further, breast size in women seemed to directly correlate to muscle power in men- the larger their breasts as women, the more muscled they'd been as men. Soi Fon, who had no breasts to speak of, was a very lithe male, while Orihime, who'd had breasts the size of baby watermelons, was as ripped as Kenpatchi had been. It was almost disturbing, really. There were one or two exceptions to this rule, but for the most part this seemed to be standard.
Hueco Mundo, too, had been hit with the mysterious gas, and they were having almost as much trouble adjusting. Szayel had no problem- and that was why he (now she) was now finally, almost a week later, pinpointing the place from which the gas had originated. When Aizen had demanded to know why he had adjusted so well, he had easily responded that he had, by mistake, once created a liquid that had produced the same effect as the gas. He had, unfortunately, never been able to recreate it. He still wasn't sure what had happened in the first place, and thus could not replicate it. Hallibel in particular was taking immense sadistic pleasure in rubbing the sexist Nnoitra's face in the fact that he was now one of the females he despised so deeply, and everyone above him in rank except her was the same, including their God, Aizen-sama. Even he had not been spared from the gas's effects. Hallibel and her fraccion were now the only males in the Espada and most of Las Noches. She found it immensely amusing. On the sixth day after the transformation, Szayel had found the source of the gas- which, oddly enough, was two men. Rather tall men, one of them heavily muscled and the other slightly less so, which meant before all this they had been fairly short women, not the kind that would look like any sort of threat. Szayel also used some insect cameras, a few spy lizards, and even Ulquiorra's visual recording abilities to observe them and, luckily for him and the Arrancar, happened to overhear a conversation.
"Man, this thing keeps getting more and more sensitive!" That came from the slightly smaller man, who was gesturing to his crotch. His companion snickered.
"Well yeah, ya kinda keep pokin' at it. Cocks generally get more sensitive th'longer ya fuck wit'em, if ya get m'drift."
The other man pouted. "I can't help it! It's fun to play with! Even more so than my boobs were…"
The bigger man laughed loudly. "Hells yah, y'know they got like, I 'unno, twice the nerves we do? Actually…" he pulled out what looked like a miniature computer and looked it up. "The penis has roughly five times the nerves found in the breasts. Lucky bitches. Hhmmm…hey, didja know there are as many nerves in the woman's clitoris as there are in the penis? No wonder ya cum violently every time someone pushes yer button," he cackled, grinning lecherously at his companion.
The smaller male flushed deeply and his voice lowered to a grumble. "I can't help it...feels so damned good..."
The bigger man wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "An' tha's why. I mean, same number of nerves as in tha' dick, jus' in a super concentrated space…which like triples th'effect of how intense it feels. An' yer dick feels pretty damn good, don't it Ray?"
"...Yeah..." The 'Ray' human male fidgeted, obviously used to, but not particularly comfortable with, his friend's vulgarity. "I...like my dick..."
The other man cackled again, grinning from ear to ear. "Yeah, I do too," he purred, "I guess it wouldn't matter anyway, would it, since th'damn bottle broke an' I can't make no more for a long while."
In his surveillance room where he was watching the recording, Szayel sat forward in her chair, shivering in anticipation. This was the person who created that gas? She had to get his name! And possibly kidnap him, since apparently he knew the effects and the formula. This incident was also an accident, which was vital information.
The unnamed male nuzzled Ray's hair, his own dark blond horse-tail bobbing. "It's good ya like yer cock though, really. If ya di'nt, we'd 'ave a problem, seein' as yer stuck with it until I can brew up another Switcher Potion. Besides, I guess ya need more practice 'avin' a dick anyway. Ya spend almost all yer time in yer female body an' your dick gets next to no action, babe."
His companion nodded. "So very true. I would like more experience..." Surprisingly, he nuzzled the other male in return. Szayel had been under the impression that humans somewhat frowned upon same-sex affections like those. "So, no rush with the potion!" He grinned.
The other blond snickered again, holding Ray close. "Nope, none at all. Besides, if we hang around long enough, I'm sure the boys will stumble upon a woman's monthly agony…it would do them good to learn a thing or two about what we go through." Szayel had to wonder what on earth she was talking about. A 'monthly agony'? He'd never heard of such a thing in all his research.
"I hope so. I'm sick of them always making fun of us when we're in pain! Jerks..." Ray grumbled more, obviously put out. What man made fun of a woman in pain other than a complete fool, Szayel wondered, or a sexist bastard like Nnoitra?
The mysterious male flashed a grin. "It'll do 'em good to learn what we go through constantly. I mean, I'm willin' ta bet that their first pain will put 'em abed for two days at least, bu' us, we're still expected ta go ta school, an' work, an' do anythin' else we normally do. Haul shit an' climb stairs an' walk all o'er hell an' gone…all tha' shit. It'll be so satisfyin' ta see them try an' 'suck it up' like they keep tellin' us ta do."
The smaller male sighed. "I know. They expect us to be super-women. It'll be so fucking refreshing to see one of the complete sexist assholes suffer for a change..." A devious smirk took over his mouth, looking oddly frightening on the otherwise sweet face. Such an expression seemed much more natural for the unnamed male beside him, who was giving him a fond look.
"I ever tell ya yer sexy as shit when ya get evil?"
Ray laughed, taking no apparent offense. "No. But my Mates say so all the time..." That floored Szayel. He was a human, he was sure of it. Ray registered on all the scanners as human. How could he have Mates? Then he was distracted by the other man again.
"Well, ya are, wifey. Th'lil' Titan down there says so." He palmed his crotch with a light pat. "O'course, both yer mates an' mine get all hot an' bothered when we remind 'em who's in charge an' get all evil on 'em." The pink-haired scientist reeled. They both had mates? And were apparently in a relationship themselves? According to human social structures, that sort of thing was unacceptable, no matter how normal it would be for hollows! What the fuck were these two?
Ray reached over and patted his companion's ass playfully. "I'm always flattered, especially if I am capable of getting your Titan riled up..." Then he licked his lips with a grin.
His… -husband? Mate? Friend? -reached over and let his big hand settle on Ray's hip, bringing their bodies together and purring- actually audibly purring like a hollow- to him, "Mmm, my Titan just adores ya, love…jus' as much as yer mates go crazy fer yer Catnip…" Szayel could stand no more. He fainted dead away, falling from his chair. He would wake up with some very ugly bruises later, but for the moment he could not be roused, mind thoroughly maxed out from trying to understand all the implications those two presented.
Nate, or so he was called when he was male, gave his "lil' wifey's" hip a firm squeeze and dropped an affectionate kiss on his cheek. "So, ya wanna go harass Ichi, Urahara, Chad an' them? I call dibs on mah twins, though. I wanna see what kinda tittes they got!"
"And you can have some playtime with the twins. If I get to watch this time..." The other male returned the affection, and the two set off to find the teenagers.
Nate looked thoughtful. "Well, Ray darlin', I'm no' s'sure they'll let me play…m'Mates are the nineteen-year-old model…these ones are fifteen, sixteen at most." Then he grinned. "Bigass bundles of ragin' teenage hormones…nevermin', they'll definitely lemme play…"
Up on the rooftop of her school, Ichigo suddenly shivered when a chill raced down her spine. She suddenly got the urge to cover her chest with her arms and hands while crossing her legs. It was the strangest thing…like she was getting a sudden and random urge to protect herself against imminent molestation.
In Las Noches, Aizen had been just gathering up people to stage a raid on the desperately vulnerable Soul Society, but had only gathered Gin and Nnoitra (why those two were in the same room he did not want to know) when suddenly something felt…off. Wrong. He didn't know what was going on, and when Nnoitra abruptly burst into tears he knew he wasn't the only one feeling it. Though he wasn't sure why the Espada's reaction was quite so extreme. Then he realized his stomach was swollen, tender, and his sash, which this morning had been just tight enough to hold his hakama up, was biting into the sensitive flesh. What was going on? Gin's eyes actually blinked open for a moment before quickly returning to their usual slitted state, and one of Aizen's hands dropped to his stomach, desperate to loosen the painful article of clothing.
"Oh my." Gin's hand rubbed his stomach a moment, then she tucked both hands into her sleeves as she customarily did.
"You know what this is, Gin?" Aizen's breath was a little labored, not that she would ever admit to such a thing.
"I have a suspicion, Aizen-sama, but I pray I'm wrong," her former lieutenant replied, some of her lengthened hair falling forward over her shoulders.
Aizen blinked at her. "What? Why?"
Gin's mouth was set in a solid line, never a good thing when he wasn't smiling. "Because if I am right, we and every other woman in the world is in for a week of pure relentless hell."
Aizen, again, would never admit it, but felt herself pale. "A week? Of pure hell? Gin, this sounds serious!"
Gin nodded solemnly. "Pure relentless hell, Aizen-sama. It's very serious."
Aizen frowned. "Then for god's sake, man, what do you think it is?"
Gin bit her lip. "Tha's it, right there- we ain't men anymore…uh, ya ever heard a woman say she's 'on th'rag'…?"
Aizen blinked and shook her head. A short description of the menstrual cycle later and she had to lean against a wall to stay standing. "And…and you say this isn't the end of it…?"
Gin winced. "Bloatin'…" she gave Aizen's stomach a pointed look, "abdominal pain, an' hormone swings are jus' the beginnin'…"
"WHY THE FUCK AM I A WOMAN? WHY DO I HAFTA HAVE TITS? AN' WHY CAN'T I STOP FUCKIN' CRYIN'?" Nnoitra suddenly wailed, tears still streaming down her face as she turned without warning and ran down the corridor toward her rooms, where she stormed inside and slammed the door.
Aizen's hands both wrapped around his middle. "Uuggghhh…bloating…it is quite painful…this did not factor into my plans…"
Gin's smile returned. "O'course not, Aizen-sama…yer plans fergot ta take inta account tha' now we got uteruses an' vaginas an' hafta deal with pain, cramps, bloating, cravin's, mood swings, an' whatever other shit women handle once every month, because ya fergot we ain't guys no more!"
Aizen just growled at her half-heartedly as Gin reached up and experimentally pressed her breasts together lightly, one hand on each boob.
"Oh, oh my…Rangiku wasn't kiddin', when yer on the rag these do get abou' three times as sensitive as normal…"
Aizen glared. "You seem to be taking this extraordinarily well, Gin. You started off male just like the rest of us."
Gin released her breasts just as carefully as he'd handled them. "Oh, I've helped Rangiku out durin' her time o' th'month lots'a times. I kinda know what ta do. Speakin' of doin' things…ya do know we're gunna need pads, dontcha?"
If Aizen wasn't a woman of great dignity, she would have fainted right there. "P-pads? What are pads?" If gin ever told anyone she'd stuttered, she'd kill her.
"Uh…ya remember I said we're gunna bleed fer a week solid, don'cha? We need somethin' ta catch tha' blood."
Aizen thought of her army, her Espada. All the former men who would be bleeding. Oh God. "Gin, you know what you are doing, correct?"
Gin started to frown- hell, she should never have mentioned being familiar with this. "Yes.."
"I will provide funds," Aizen said shortly, "kindly go and retrieve these…'pads' we will be needing. We will need at the least, several thousand."
"Ya know, ya needa change 'em when they fill up, usually around one ta three a day," gin added.
"Very well, make that ten thousand. We will issue a full package of these 'pads' to each woman within Las Noches." Aizen almost wanted to cry. Dear god…she had never thought that being a woman could be this troublesome…or this painful.
In the human world, once Ichigo and the others had shown signs of PMS, Nate and Ray had done the safest thing they could- taken a week's food supply, gathered the other males, and retreated to Urahara's underground training room and barricaded themselves in. As of right then, Soul Society's previously male-dominated population had just turned into one massive, ticking time bomb. If they hadn't retreated, they would've been eunuchs by the end of the week. And when Hallibel and his fraccion showed up, they let them in without question. It was about to become nuclear war out there.
Gin's field trip to get the pads turned out to be a small nightmare. With the massive quantity, she's had to bring along most of the Espada, who were moody as hell, irritable to the nth degree, and most of them could hardly stand. The first thing they'd had to do was buy a single package and divide it up among themselves, because Szayel had discovered that they were starting to 'leak' blood all over the crotches of their uniforms, and moving seemed to aggravate it so the flow of blood was faster. This caused a quick trip back to Las Noches for new clothes and learning how to position the little fluid-catching contraptions, and once that was taken care of (without a spare pad to be had, damn it all) they had to order most of a warehouse store's entire stock and pay for it, which they did in cash. Then came hauling it back to Las Noches. While under normal circumstances, no matter the gender, they would have been able to haul the heavy crates without trouble, now lifting even a single crate put strain on their abdominal muscles and caused vicious, crippling cramps. This forced them to move the fifty or so massive crates one at a time through a portal, and Gin had to remain on the Las Noches side to hand out packs to the women waiting in line for them as well as give them very embarrassing, very graphic demonstrations on how to properly place them. It was, simply put, a nightmare, and Gin was incredibly glad when it was over.
Gin had just flopped down on her bed when something was tossed onto the bedside table. She hadn't even known there was anyone else in the room, and he looked up to see the unnamed male from Szayel's surveillance standing in a gargantua, only his waist up coming through. Then he looked at the object, which appeared to be a small bottle labeled "Pamprin Max". She picked it up and gave the man a quizzical look.
"Wha's this…?"
The man's lips pressed into a thin smile. "This, this is your godsend for the next six days or so."
She blinked at him. "Uhh…"
He rolled his eyes. "Honey, baby, darlin', jus' take two pills. It's made specifically to help with the symptoms o' yer period." It treats bloatin', cramps, fatigue, an' all tha' other nasty shit. Even the mood swings."
Gin's eyes blinked open wide, and she vaulted out of bed to hug the stranger. "Yer my new Kami. Thank you thankyouthankyou!"
The man patted her back comfortingly. "I felt sorry fer ya…ya've been through hell t'day. I saw ya at th'warehouse. I get cramps an' heavy bleedin' an' shit, and this is th'only thing that helps, y'know?"
Behind him, the other man, Ray, peered around his arm. "Listen to the nice man, Gin sweetie, and take two pills every day or so."
Gin released the big man and nodded frantically. "I will, I will, thank ya again, um..?"
"Nate," the man replied, wrapping an arm around his companion. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have to retreat back to the bunker before the hormonal rage finds us. Anything ta say ta Gin before we go, darlin'?"
Ray leaned forward and gave Gin a little hug, careful of the amount of pressure he used. "Good luck, sweetheart. Just…try not to destroy Las Noches…"
Gin waved as the gargantua closed and the pair disappeared. She wouldn't understand Ray's warning, not fully, until the effects of the world-wide menstrual cycle really kicked in the next day and the days following.