I don't like Miaka. I don't know why I'm writing this. I have gone inane.
If you like Miaka, that's good for you and I hope you enjoy this. If you
hate Miaka, I love you but still hope you enjoy this.
[I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. I mean, I got a few tapes and my friend as all
the mangas and DVDs but I still can't say I own it.]
---~---~---~---~
Each time I cry he comes to comfort me. Each time I scream he comes
to save me. For once I want to be the one to comfort him, to soothe him, to
save him. Unfortunity all I can do is love him. Sure, I'm the priestess for
Suzaku, but I'm nothing without him and the others. They've done nothing
but give everything to me. In return I do all I can for them, but sometimes
I think it isn't enough. While they sacrifice their lives to keep me save I
shake in fear. I don't want to do that anymore.
When I fought Soi I felt something. Maybe that's what they feel. I stood there with nothing on my mind but protecting the men behind me. Sure, I was scared, but at the same time a passion to protect them was flowing through my whole body, giving me the power to stand up to Soi's attacks.
Though I helped sometimes I did make a lot of mistakes along the way. Still, none of them cared. None of them thought of themselves before me. Then one by one they did it. One by one they gave the ultimate sacrifices.
Their lives.
First it was Nuriko. He'd finally come to terms with his little sister's death and the two of us were finally starting to get along. I thought he'd be beside me forever, but I was wrong. When he died, it felt like something in me was ripped out. I didn't know what to say or think or do. If Tamahome and Mitskake didn't help me come to terms with it I don't know what I would have done. Yet again someone had to come to my rescue.
I think that was the moment I made the decision. The decision that never again would I run away and cry. The decision that from now on it was my turn to really pull my weight. That's why I went to go make love to Nakago. I thought that I could finally be helpful to the people that gave me so much when I gave so little. Looking back I see just how much I was willing to give them. I really was willing to give them everything they gave me. However, I didn't know it then, and so I continued to try to prove my worth.
"...facing certain death on the cliff behind you," I remember Soi telling me. Did I care about the enemy? Did I care about myself? No. I was so happy that I was of use again and that I could be with Tamahome again that none of these things came to mind.
It seems my whole journey had me trying to prove something to myself and others. Tamahome is whom I live for and whom I shall always cherish. Still, never will I forget the other six Seishi. Hotohori, the man who loved me from the moment he saw me and watched in pain as I fell into Tamahome's arms. Nuriko, the man who's strength and kind heart amazed us all and who's sacrifice touched us all. Chichiri, the monk who always wore his mask of a smiling face and always looked out for us before himself. Tasuki, the fiery bandit whose spirit and courage could never be beat. Mitsukake, the warm healer who felt so much guilt for not being able to save Nuriko or Chiriko and always had the well-being of people on the top of his list. And last, but most certainly not least, Chirko. His intelligence was supposed to be the power Suzaku gave him but I think his bravery and will are just as strong.
When I look back at how I've grown up and what I've grown into I realize how truly blessed I am. The day I felt a need to open that book was the real day my life began, and I wouldn't want to forget it for the world.
When I fought Soi I felt something. Maybe that's what they feel. I stood there with nothing on my mind but protecting the men behind me. Sure, I was scared, but at the same time a passion to protect them was flowing through my whole body, giving me the power to stand up to Soi's attacks.
Though I helped sometimes I did make a lot of mistakes along the way. Still, none of them cared. None of them thought of themselves before me. Then one by one they did it. One by one they gave the ultimate sacrifices.
Their lives.
First it was Nuriko. He'd finally come to terms with his little sister's death and the two of us were finally starting to get along. I thought he'd be beside me forever, but I was wrong. When he died, it felt like something in me was ripped out. I didn't know what to say or think or do. If Tamahome and Mitskake didn't help me come to terms with it I don't know what I would have done. Yet again someone had to come to my rescue.
I think that was the moment I made the decision. The decision that never again would I run away and cry. The decision that from now on it was my turn to really pull my weight. That's why I went to go make love to Nakago. I thought that I could finally be helpful to the people that gave me so much when I gave so little. Looking back I see just how much I was willing to give them. I really was willing to give them everything they gave me. However, I didn't know it then, and so I continued to try to prove my worth.
"...facing certain death on the cliff behind you," I remember Soi telling me. Did I care about the enemy? Did I care about myself? No. I was so happy that I was of use again and that I could be with Tamahome again that none of these things came to mind.
It seems my whole journey had me trying to prove something to myself and others. Tamahome is whom I live for and whom I shall always cherish. Still, never will I forget the other six Seishi. Hotohori, the man who loved me from the moment he saw me and watched in pain as I fell into Tamahome's arms. Nuriko, the man who's strength and kind heart amazed us all and who's sacrifice touched us all. Chichiri, the monk who always wore his mask of a smiling face and always looked out for us before himself. Tasuki, the fiery bandit whose spirit and courage could never be beat. Mitsukake, the warm healer who felt so much guilt for not being able to save Nuriko or Chiriko and always had the well-being of people on the top of his list. And last, but most certainly not least, Chirko. His intelligence was supposed to be the power Suzaku gave him but I think his bravery and will are just as strong.
When I look back at how I've grown up and what I've grown into I realize how truly blessed I am. The day I felt a need to open that book was the real day my life began, and I wouldn't want to forget it for the world.