Hi! It's been so long since I've written anything.. I just had this sudden idea to write a story about CCS but in a much more simpler setting.. Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it ^_~
My Heart is Telling Me So~*~ Kirei Blossom
When I was younger, I used to wonder – what is love? What does it mean to be in love?
That day at school, the teacher asked us to write down one thing that confused us. It could be anything, anything we were curious about. I still remember staring down at that blank sheet of paper -- white as the purest wings of a dove with straight lines going across it. I think I wondered for a moment, and then picking up my pencil I carefully printed four letters: LOVE.
Like the rest of the students, I obediently folded the sheet in half and passed it up front.
One by one, the teacher unfolded the sheets, read the word written on it and told us what it meant. I listened with awe, somethings I knew, some I didn't. It seemed like quite a number of the children had written 'Death' on their sheets. But I knew all about that. My mother had died three years back. Death meant to go away, to leave all your friends and family and float up to the sky, where you could rest in peace and watch the people you miss from above. I was half daydreaming when the teacher unfolded the next sheet.
"Love." She read. Instantly, I snapped back to reality. Some of the boys and girls were giggling and whispering together. I didn't understand why. "Who's sheet is this?" the teacher asked with a soft smile. Without hesitation, I raised my hand. The whispering grew louder. I still didn't understand why.
But the teacher silenced the class and told me. "Love is when you really care for a person. Like the feelings you have for your family – if something is upsetting them, then you get sad too. And when they're happy, you're happy. That is love – to care and to share your good and bad times."
I nodded, I understood. The teacher placed my rectangle sheet of paper on the desk with the other unfolded ones and continued through the pile. I understood, but… this wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted to know about the other kind of love. I don't even remember how, or when, but at that time I knew that there was a different kind of love, different than the love for a family – like in fairy tales. Like when Snow White met the handsome prince or when Cinderella 'fell in love' with Prince Charming. What did it mean?
I remember trudging through the chilling snow back home from school, feeling quite lonely and lost; a frosty wind freezing my ears and the tip of my nose. But on reaching home, there was my father, sitting next to a warm cozy fire with two mugs of hot chocolate beside him.
"I was waiting for you." He smiled, dispersing any sad thoughts I had at the time. I smiled back happily.
"Father, what's love?" I asked later, warming my hands around the mug, sitting on the floor next to the fire. In his armchair, father put down his mug thoughtfully, gazing at his six-year-old daughter. "Love means to care for someone."
"That's what the teacher said; love for a family." I replied. "But—" I looked at the flickering flames. But what, I asked myself. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to go on.
I didn't need to. "Your teacher was right. Love for a family is one thing. But there's another love reserved for one special person in your life. That person isn't from your family, nor are they exactly just a friend either. But you love them anyway, in a different way, a special way."
"What do you mean?"
Father simply smiled. "I'm sure you'll understand when you're older."
I sat there contemplating the fact. "Will I ever find this one special person?"
"Of course."
"But how will I know that I love them when I don't even know what that special love feels like?"
"Your heart will tell you. Just listen to your heart and not your mind; when the right times comes, you'll know."
I can't say I ever really understood my father's words at that time. But over the years, I never forgot what he had told me either. Somewhere, in the back of my mind I always carried his words. Before I knew it, eight years had passed… and I didn't change. I was still the girl who was curious about what love truly meant, what it felt like; watching friends around me go through happiness or heartbreak, I pretended I knew what they were going through. And yet I knew I was lying to myself, trying to share their happiness when their love worked out, or to ease their pain when it proved otherwise. How could I know when I myself had never been through all this? I was just hopeless.
Anyway, eight long years had passed since that cozy fireside chat with my father. It was the beginning of a new year at school, and where was I on that first day back from summer vacation? In bed with a cold. It made me feel really terrible, having to miss the first day and all. I went to school on the second day, feeling utterly helpless and lost. Pushing my way through the crowded hallways, I glanced at the schedule in my hand. My first class was: Maths. Great, just what I needed. Entering the class just four minutes before the bell, I glanced around for any of my friends – any familiar faces. But there were none. How exciting.
Okay, so where to sit? There was a note hanging at the front of the room saying something about alphabetical seating order. That was helpful, if I only knew the names of some of the other students in there. I decided to just wait and with a minute to the bell, most of the seats were occupied with backpacks or their owners, with the exception of two seats near the window at the very back of the class. So I went and placed my bag on the last seat and made myself comfortable. I made a mental note to ask for a book first thing the teacher came in.
"Excuse me," there was a tap on my shoulder. "But I think you're sitting in my seat."
"Oh! I-I'm sorry." I stood up immediately, briefly glancing at the tall boy. "I didn't know."
"You're Kinomoto Sakura, right?" He pointed to the desk in front of his. "That's where you sit."
"How did you know my name?" I asked surprised, moving my stuff over to the seat in front. I was sure I had never talked to this person before.
"I just knew from the seating chart in back that I was supposed to sit behind a person with that name. And you were the only one in class who was absent yesterday, so…" he shrugged.
I looked at the noticeboard on the back wall. Seating chart. Of course. Blushing slightly from my stupidity, I thanked him and sat down as the bell rang.
After the lecture the teacher told us to form pairs in our rows and work together on the problems for the rest of the class. Yay. I always hated working in pairs during maths because it always shone light on how dense and clueless I could be on the subject. If it were my friends I was working with, I wouldn't have minded but… I glanced behind me. But with someone who had already seen I wasn't all too bright… Ah, forget it! What stupid thoughts to be thinking of at the time.
Smiling, I turned my chair around. "I guess I'll be working with you."
At the end of class, I packed my bag, not feeling all that bad anymore. The boy I worked with was good in maths, but he had tried to explain whatever I did wrong in a manner that didn't leave me feeling foolish. Walking out of class behind him, I realized I never asked his name.
"Li Syaoran." He replied to my question, before joining a group of his friends waiting outside the room for him.
Heading in the opposite direction, I spotted a familiar head. "Tomoyo!" I ran to catch up with her.
"There you are; is your cold better now?" my best friend said happily. "I was wondering which class you had first, since it wasn't with me."
"Maths. Hey, what class do you have now?"
"Art. Same as you." She squealed. "I was so happy when yesterday the teacher took attendance and your name was there. But that's the only class we have together."
My face fell.
"Oh, but don't be disappointed. I heard that Chiharu's in your Literature class and Rika is in piano class with you."
"Still." I whined. "That leaves history, science and philosophy with none of my friends. You know how much I dislike all three of those subjects." This was turning out to be the worst year till now.
My friend patted my back sympathetically. "You'll make new friends soon, don't worry, since you're so friendly and can bond with anyone fast."
I cheered up. "Yeah, at least we all have the same lunch… and there's cheerleading practice three times a week after school."
When I reached home that day, all I wanted to do was collapse in bed. What a tiring day! Tomoyo had been right. I had a total of four classes with none of my friends; but strangely the boy who had sat behind me in Maths – Syaoran – was in my history class and science class and philosophy class as well! And since all our classes had alphabetical seating, he always sat behind me! I was laughing so hard in my last class when I saw him taking the seat behind me; it was funny.
One school day passed another. And over the weeks, sitting in front of him, I got to know Syaoran a little better. He never talked a whole lot, unless when really needed. At first I felt a bit uneasy at this, but my friends say that whenever I'm happy I talk a lot and since I'm usually cheerful, I can't help talking most of the time. They say my attitude is contagious, whatever that means. I never really figured it out. Maybe they mean that whenever I talk too much, I'm annoying? If so, I'm sure Syaoran must be quite annoyed by now, since I was always turning my head around, babbling one thing or another. But still, I think it must be my imagination, but Syaoran seemed a little less reserved and quiet than he did a month ago. I wonder why. You could even call us friends, though I doubt we were that, for I knew Syaoran felt quite annoyed by my endless chatter and having to always end up sitting behind me.
One day getting stuck in the halls, I was late for science. I checked my watch: just one minute to get to class from my locker. Running like never before, I slid into the class from the back door with just ten seconds left. And promptly stumbled over my own feet, tumbling to the ground near my desk.
"Ow.." I whimpered, getting up quickly and dusting my skirt. Well, one advantage to a back seat was it didn't attract attention. It was then I noticed Syaoran trying hard not to laugh at me. He looked away so I wouldn't notice the smile, but I did. He had seen the whole thing, and I was furious.
"Don't laugh at me, it's not funny!" I plopped down on my chair.
"Sorry." He apologized, but I still heard the laughter in his voice. "Are you all right?"
"Fine." I muttered, dusting my hands. I looked up at the teacher talking to us about a small science project we'd be doing that week in pairs. And it could be anything we chose to make. Anything? I smiled. It was too good to be true, the possibilities were endless. But who should I work with?
"Want to do it together, Sakura?" I heard from behind me. I turned around, surprised. Syaoran wanted to work with me? But I thought—nevermind.
"All right." I smiled happily. We spent the rest of the hour trying to decide what to do, but all our ideas seemed to have one thing or another wrong with them.
"How about a kaleidoscope?" I ventured.
"A kaleidoscope? Is that really a science project?"
"Why not? It has mirrors and reflection and all those things involved. We could get the mirrors from a hardware store and some small colored glass pieces. Put them together in a tube and we're done. Simple as that. Um… what do you say?"
"I knew you'd want to choose something as un-sciencey as possible." He shook his head with a smile.
"Hoeeee.."
But it turned out to be a good science project after all. We both stayed back after school to work on it one day and finished it in a couple of hours. I brought the decorated tube covered with green velvety paper up to my eye and staring inside the eyepiece, twirled it around, watching beautiful patterns form and reform. "Wow, it's so pretty!" I gasped. "I can watch this thing for hours." Finally tearing my eye away from it I noticed Syaoran staring at me with a look I couldn't quite read. "What?"
"Nothing."
"Huh?" I tilted my head to the side, not understanding one bit. Oh well, at least our kaleidoscope got full points.
At lunch the next day, I carried my tray over to my friends. "How're all your classes going, Sakura?" Tomoyo asked me. I told her everything she'd find interesting and even showed her the kaleidoscope. Rika especially liked it a lot. She was examining the decoration on the tube when she noticed the names printed on it in black felt marker.
"Who's Syaoran?" she asked.
"Oh, he's this guy in four of my classes and—"
"Four?!" everyone at the table shrieked. Chiharu looked practically horrified. "I wish I had someone who was in four classes of mine. It seems like I have separate friends for each class."
But Tomoyo's eyes had lit up, and she found something really interesting. Sitting next to me, she clutched my hand. "Is he here right now? I want to see who it is."
I looked at Tomoyo confused and then scanned the lunchroom looking for him and pointed him out, sitting at a table with four other guys.
"Oh, him? Li Syaoran." Chiharu said. "He's Yamazaki's friend, I've seen him before." Tomoyo was giggling.
"What?" I snapped annoyed.
"Nothing." I hated when everyone always said that. I hated being kept in the dark. I needed to change the subject and fast. "Chiharu did you finish the Literature portfolio?" It was a gargantuan project that had taken up most of my evenings the past few weeks. And it was due next class.
"Yeah, mine was a full fifteen pages."
"Mine was even longer." I pulled a face. "Even the stapler refused to go in, so I ended up putting the thing in a folder."
"Can I see it?" Of course she could. I pulled my backpack open and searched through it as the bell rang, signaling end of lunch. Hurrying up, I pushed my books and notebooks aside looking for the light pink folder. Eeep.. I felt the color drain from my face and a nasty feeling in my stomach. "I-It's not here." I looked up into Chiharu's pale face. "Are you sure?" Students around us swarmed out the doors, pushing and shoving.
Wait! I just remembered; I had it in my locker!
"You better be quick, Sakura." I heard Chiharu call after me.
I ran as fast as I dared on those slippery floors, weaving in and out of the crowd, scolding myself on the way. How could I have been so stupid, not to get it out of my locker in the morning. Stupid, stupid, stupid, my mind kept saying over and over as I hastily climbed the stairs and skidded to a halt in front of my locker. My clammy hands slid on the combination lock. I tugged the handle. Great, it didn't open. Slowly taking a deep breath, I calmed myself and spun the lock again. Opening my locker with a clang, I grabbed the folder and set off for class, glancing at my watch. I had exactly two minutes to get to the other side of the building. I hated being late! And in this particular teacher's class most of all. Last time someone was late for her class, they had been given detention. Trying to run on those slippery floors again, I hurried towards class, opening the folder and arranging the sheets in order at the same time. Quickly turning one corner, hurrying up a staircase, then running down another hallway. One minute left. My class was in the next hallway and turning the corner at full speed, I collided headlong into someone going the opposite direction with full force – sending me falling hard back on the ground from the impact, papers flying everywhere.
"Watch where you're going, moron!" the boy yelled at me over his shoulder.
Seriously, I thought I was going to break down that very moment. A few people passing by me snickered at me or pointed openly. I just wanted to disappear; I could feel my ears turning red, and burning with an inner heat. For a few seconds, I sat there stunned, various pairs of shoes passing by me. Next moment, a hand appeared in front of my face and startled I looked up at Syaoran, holding out his hand to me. At that moment, even though I was close to tears, even though I was late and was sitting on the floor with all my papers scattered about me, even though I felt completely terrible, I couldn't help noticing his eyes for the first time – probably the first time I ever really looked at them closely. They were a color I had never seen before, a warm amber mixed with deep brown – reminding me of the autumn leaves falling from the trees outside. All this went through my head in mere seconds and I gladly accepted his hand as he pulled me up to my feet. As soon as his hand grasped mine, my mind seemed to have gone blank, with the exception of only one thought: so warm.
Only when Syaoran bent down, picking up the scattered papers, did I wake up to my senses. What was wrong with me? Hurriedly, I gathered the papers, took the ones Syaoran had collected and stuffed them in my folder. "T-thank you, Syaoran." I stammered. He just gave me a small smile and walked down the hall without a word. I stood there, rooted to the spot, staring at his back. Somehow, my brain felt like it had stopped processing information.
"Hurry up Sakura, or you'll be late." He called over his shoulder. I mentally smacked myself for just standing there and with a quick pace, entered my Literature class right when the bell rang; ready to hand my portfolio in.
It wasn't until the next day when I heard someone say that Syaoran had received a tardy.
The school months passed one by one, autumn turning to winter and winter giving way to spring. I was baffled to find myself every morning, wanting to go to school happily. I didn't seem to mind all the boring subjects anymore either. Strangely, I actually looked forward to them. I didn't understand what could have changed to make me feel so. But I did know one thing – as time advanced my friendship with Syaoran grew stronger, there would even be times when he'd smile at me or say something and I'd either feel quite shy and bashful or just look away, feeling my face heat up with a sudden warmth.
On a clear spring day after school, I was in cheerleading practice out on the grounds; we were practicing various gymnastic moves. While the instructor called us one by one, I waited for my turn, engrossing myself in watching the soccer match out on the field. And even though I tried to watch all the players, my attention always diverted to one chestnut haired person, as he ran ruthlessly across the field, manipulating the ball's path in a seamless manner. There, I felt that strange heat on my cheeks again. Why was I acting like this? I had been absolutely fine a few months ago. What had changed?
"Kinomoto Sakura."
Oh, it was my turn. Taking position, I took a running start and when it was time, I leapt in the air, ready to bring my hands down and spring up again in a full flip. I had done this millions of times, and probably that was why the moment my hands touched the mat, I knew there was something wrong. I had lost my balance mid way and next moment felt an excruciating pain in my left wrist, spreading up to the tips of my fingers.
I won't say it didn't hurt because it did. A lot! I think I yelled too – okay, okay, I screamed so loud that everyone in the whole school must've heard. Did I cry? Yes, my eyes did brim over with a few painful tears. Chiharu and Naoko were next to me in a second and took me to the nurse. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the pain.
"How's your hand?" he asked me first thing next morning.
I looked glumly at my stiffly bandaged hand. "It still hurts a little." I said softly. "But nowhere near as much as yesterday."
He nodded, looking out the window. "I heard your scream – it was blood chilling; sounded really painful."
"Its okay now." I told him truthfully. "Anyway, I'm grateful it wasn't my right hand or I wouldn't be able to write. Really I'm fine."
Syaoran still looked like he didn't believe me.
"Thank you." I heard myself say.
"For what?" was the amazed response.
"For worrying."
My hand healed faster than I expected it would. I was really glad because Spring Break had arrived and I wasn't in the mood to spend it with an injury. On the last Saturday before we returned to school, I found myself with absolutely nothing to do. All my friends had either gone out of town or were busy with something else. So in the afternoon, I decided to take a walk by myself down one of the many paths behind our house.
Kicking slightly at the dirt, I adjusted my pink baseball cap on my head to block the sun, slowly strolling down a well-known trail. When I was younger, I used to come here all the time whenever I needed to be alone. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at the sky, feeling quite calm than I had in a while. I allowed the wind to brush against my skin, blowing my hair back; just thinking of things and listening to the soothing chatter of the birds hidden amongst the tall trees. It only seemed like yesterday when I would come running down this same path as a child, to look at the beautiful flowers or just sit down by the lake this path led to, watching the gentle ripples of the water. As far as I knew, not many people were aware that there was a lake here. A pleasant cooler breeze reached me, with the nostalgic smell of the clear, cool lake, accompanied with a sound of gentle water being rippled by something.
Emerging out of the trees, I saw the wide expanse of the lake at a distance. A figure was standing in front of it, occasionally throwing something in the water. Coming closer, I stopped, realizing who it was. It was the first time I had seen him outside school.
Syaoran bent down and picked up a stone; tossing it a little, he grasped it firmly and then threw it across the water. I watched, almost entranced as the stone skipped across the smooth surface, jumping over the water, before finally falling in after covering a wide distance. I was fascinated – the stone seemed to be alive, gliding flawlessly. For a while I just stood there watching. Syaoran didn't notice any one else behind him as he kept sending stone after stone skating over the lake. It was amazing.
"Can you teach me how to do that?"
He turned around curiously and I could almost see his eyes light up with surprise at seeing me there.
"Sure."
//Plunk//
"Awww…" I moaned as the twentieth stone just sank into the water. "I'm starting to think it's impossible."
"Nah" Syaoran said. "Here, watch. Like this. Aim parallel at the water." And there went the stone, seamlessly skipping again. I counted five skips.
"You make it look so easy." I aimed just above the surface, throwing back my arm, and.. plunk. "Aww, not again." I stooped down to pick up yet another stone. "Syaoran, you know, at this rate all the stones will be gone." I aimed again.
"Your posture's still not right." He came up behind me and holding my arm positioned me correctly. I blinked, feeling my cheeks heat up at his nearness. "Here, now try." I did, successfully managing to send the stone straight down into the lake. "Aaaah~! This is hopeless."
"You'll get it in time."
I must've tried for a good few hours. Finally, tired, I just stood near the water's edge, staring at the lake. A slight breeze was creating tiny waves in the water. It was really peaceful to watch.
Suddenly, I felt my cap being ripped off my head. Startled I looked to the side.
"Li Syaoran, give it back!" I tried grabbing it, but Syaoran just held it higher. "Give it back."
"Nope." He smiled, holding it high out of reach. I was furious. Screaming for my beloved cap, I tried to grab hold of his arm, but he kept holding it higher.
"Sakura, do you think this cap would float or sink if I throw it into the lake?"
"Don't you dare!" I screamed, frustrated, jumping up. No fair, he was taller than me. I just couldn't reach it. Syaoran looked ready to toss it into the lake, his hand outstretched over the glassy surface of water. Blowing a strand of hair away from my face, I stretched my fingers towards the cap.. almost.. "Hey, that's cheating." He had switched it to his other hand. Running around him, I jumped up, trying to grab it. "Syaoran, if that cap gets so much as a drop of water on it.." He held it yet higher. I screamed, reaching for it, and the farther I reached, the farther he held it away from me.
"Syaoran!" I gave another fierce scream.
Just then I reached out too far. I felt the soft mud near the lake's edge crumble beneath my feet as I slipped. Syaoran grabbed my arm and pulled me back before I fell into the water.
Standing there, I tried to calm my heart. Syaoran placed my cap gently on my head and walked away to the side.
"Actually, you look prettier without your cap."
I turned around, surprised. Did Syaoran just… compliment me? I stared at his back, watching him poking at something in the water with a stick. Something came over me and I took the cap off my head, gazing at it. Then I rolled it up and stuck it in my pocket.
"Actually, the sun's setting now. Its not all that hot anymore." I moved away from the lake, picking up a flat stone. "I'll try this again."
And for the next few minutes, I silently tried skipping stones; unsuccessfully.
There was the sound of a beep and Syaoran looked at his watch. "I have to go now." He turned around and walked away.
"Okay." I was determined to get at least one stone to skip before I left. I kept trying, one stone after another, and then after five minutes – I gazed almost stunned at the stone leaping across the water. I counted four skips.
Squealing, I jumped into the air. "I did it! I finally did it! Syaoran, did you see?" Then I remembered that he had left. I turned around, suddenly apprehensive to be standing alone near the lake with the deep velvety blue sky closing over me. Wait.. what was he doing there?
"Syaoran!" I called, running over to him near the trees and the path. The wind whipped against my face. I was really happy and I'm sure my eyes must've been, like my friends say.. 'sparkling' at the moment.
"Did you see? Did you see me skipping the stone?" I looked up at his face. He was staring back blankly.
"Syaoran?" I believe I'd never seen him space out like that before. Then he blinked.
"Yeah, I saw. I told you you'd be able to do it."
"What's wrong with you?" I smiled. "Staring like that!"
He turned around, heading up the path. "Come on."
"Huh? You were waiting for me?" I scurried after him.
"Didn't you tell me once that you were scared of three things?" He counted on his fingers. "Ghosts, thunder, and being alone in any isolated spot in the dark."
"You still remember that? I'd told you a long time ago."
"Are you implying I have a faulty memory?"
"Hoe, n-no!"
We walked the rest of the way in silence. Falling a bit behind him, I stared at Syaoran walking calmly, his hands in his pocket. Today, visiting this favorite well-trodden path had invoked a lot of memories from my childhood. And as I thought about them, a few cherished words surfaced up to my mind as I finally understood. Keeping my eyes on Syaoran, I finally understood what I was feeling. A gentle smile spread across my face.
Father, I think I finally found that one special person – the one person who I love in a different way; a special way. My heart is telling me so.
~*~-----The End-----~*~
^_^