Setting: Mass Effect 3.
A/N: I was originally neutral toward Thane before playing Mass Effect 2 and hadn't planned on pursuing him because he already had a son, but after exploring a romance with him on my second Shepard, his character became highly appealing. I was among the population disgruntled with the way he had been swept off to the side in Mass Effect 3. This is my take on how he and Shepard should have spent one of their last nights together.
x-x-x-x-x
Her sweet whispers urge my heart to persist in beating,
Shield my mind from suffering the toll,
Bid my flesh to remember our meeting,
And write her love all across my soul.
x-x-x-x-x
The silence and stillness of the inpatient wing fed the wrenching in her gut as she crept with soundless footsteps through the dark. Her ears caught the faint hum of machinery and the soft voices of the medical staff from the lab services behind her, allowing her to estimate the distance she'd covered from the entrance. With one hand sliding against the cool wall, she guided herself forward and relied heavily on what little luminescence streamed in from the windows. The recent influx of critically injured patients had inspired a team of psychologists to persuade the Council to call for the simulation of daylight and nighttime hours on the Citadel. Currently, the time was set to some late hour of the night, and the hospital maintenance had yet to install lighting within this section.
Shepard's eyes flickered to the green glow of the door access mechanisms lining either side of the hallway ahead. Pausing, she counted the ones on the right: one… two… three. The third room was Kaidan's. Her visit earlier that day had started off amicably enough, but it had quickly spiraled downward after he confronted her about her alleged infidelity during their time apart. Following an argument on break up protocol and how one's death and rebuilding could place all sorts of strain on a relationship, she ended the issue by declaring in irrefutably clear terms that they were over.
She came to a stop in front of his room now, wondering if he was sleeping or if he was tossing and turning to the memory of her harsh words. Her hand drifted of its own accord to the door mechanism before she caught herself and drew back. Although the bond between them was damaged and tarnished, it still existed. No matter who they were in the present, their history would always retain that connection, and that was something she could accept. However, that link no longer included her heart.
Moving on, she continued to count the doors: four…
A heavy thud in one of the rooms up ahead sent her pulse racing, and she hurried forward as anxiety gripped her stomach anew.
Five… six…
Death was an inevitable occurrence that she witnessed regularly, inflicted when necessary, and even experienced unwillingly. When placed in a pessimistic point of view, life itself was a terminal illness, ending the same way through varying methods. She herself had come back on borrowed time, and there were only two reasons she didn't simply allow herself to keel over and expire again. At least, not yet. The first reason was, of course, her mission to lead the war against the Reapers. The second reason…
Seven.
She slammed her palm against the green mechanism of the seventh door, the sharp sound breaking the fractured silence and sending thrumming echoes throughout the wing. She was climbing inside before it had even finished sliding open, and her brown eyes scanned the dimly lit room frantically, searching for the body she prayed still drew breath.
"Siha."
Apprehension gave way to relief when she spotted him standing next to the counter on her left, the surprise evident in his large black eyes as he lowered the inhaler from his mouth. A bulky black bag was on the floor next to his feet, its contents scattered everywhere from its fall. He was shirtless, garbed only in his standard black pants and boots, having removed the jacket when it became too restrictive on his lungs. She surged forward and heard the door hiss shut behind her, chest clenching at the way he tried to hide the breathing aid behind his back. Her hands came up to cup his face, and his arms encircled her and held her tightly as she gazed up at him, thumbs stroking the rough skin of his cheekbones.
"Why didn't you put on your oxygen mask if you were having trouble breathing?" she demanded, hearing her own voice waver from its customary gruff timbre.
His double lids blinked twice before he lowered his head. "I did not want that image in your mind, Siha. Not tonight."
She sighed and pressed a kiss to the ribbing of his neck. "Go sit down. I'll pick this stuff up."
"You needn't do that. I will—"
"Thane."
Her tone hovered between a warning and a plea, halting any further protests. He conceded wordlessly and allowed her to leave his embrace as he backed up to the edge of the bed. She crouched down and gathered the items into the bag, recognizing them as the personal effects his son, Kolyat, had sent him during his hospitalization. Heavy pistol models that were out of commission. What looked like traditional drell garb. Many, many holographic pictures. She held onto one that caught her eye, studying the image of a slender blue-skinned drell woman. It had to be…
"Irikah?" she asked without glancing up.
"Yes," came the short reply.
Shepard stood and set the full bag onto a nearby chair, the picture still in hand, before approaching the makeshift nightstand next to the bed. Thane remained silent as she placed the holographic frame on the metal surface, angling it so the lamplight illuminated the gentle expression of his late wife.
"Why not set it up so she can be with you?" she inquired softly, hoping her action wasn't too bold or offensive.
The mattress creaked slightly as he got to his feet and came to her, eyes not on the picture but on her face. Shadows skimmed over the muscles of his bare torso, blending in with the black stripes across his ribs before fading behind him as he stepped closer. His skin glowed a deeper shade of green in the darkened room, and even in this stage of his illness he still looked as strapping as ever.
"Because she has always been in here," he said, gesturing to his chest as he stopped in front of her. "Siha, I appreciate how respectful you are to Irikah's memory, but tonight…" He reached toward the frame and gently flipped it facedown. "…Tonight is about you and me."
A pleasant warmth spread from her heart and coursed through her system at his words. She gave him a small smile as his arms slid around her again, pressing her body to his. "Well, I guess it's a good thing we won't have to worry about interruptions," she told him as she placed her palms on his firm pectorals. "Dr. Michel has it taken care of."
"And for that she has my thanks," he replied, kissing her temple. His fingers came up to weave through her ponytail, entangling themselves in the strands before tugging off the hair tie. Her dark tresses came loose and fell in waves over her shoulders. "I like that you've grown your hair, Siha. Long hair suits you."
"Really?" She stared at him dubiously. "You know, you didn't even recognize me at first when I came up to you in the patient lounge this morning."
He chuckled and began walking backwards to the bed, towing her along. "You were even more stunning than I remembered. I was just so overcome by your beauty that I was speechless."
"Bullshit. You had no idea who I was," she accused teasingly, pushing him down on the mattress and straddling him. Bending forward, she kissed him deeply, brushing her tongue over his lower lip and eliciting a moan from his throat. His hands came up to grip the hem of her shirt, dragging the material upward until she had to break the kiss to slip it off over her head.
"There is no doubt in my mind who you are now," he panted, eyes burning with desire when she unhooked her bra and tossed it away. But before he could paw at her soft flesh, she grabbed his wrists to still them, her expression growing serious.
"Thane, just let me know if you need to rest for a few or if it gets to be too much," she said, the slight tremble returning to her voice.
He smiled, caressed her cheek affectionately, and assured her, "I will let you know. Please don't worry." Then he noticed the lack of redness on her lips that usually followed oral contact with him. "Siha, your skin is not irritated…"
"Oh, Dr. Michel gave me a serum with some sort of antihistamine that's supposed to slow down the development of a rash by eighty percent." She leaned over him again, pushing herself against him as she nibbled on his jaw. "So I can go all night, at any pace you'd like," she murmured.
She barely had time to gasp as he yanked her down onto the bed and pounced on her.
x-x-x-x-x
The steady beat of typing roused Shepard from sleep. She rolled over to face the direction of the sound and blinked blearily as her eyes adjusted to the light from the terminal at the opposite wall. As the room was still bathed in darkness, she guessed it to be the very early morning, before the Citadel triggered its artificial dawn. Thane was sitting at the terminal and typing away, dressed only in one of the thin hospital blankets that he'd wrapped around his waist. His posture hinted that he was aware she had awoken, and he quickly found a stopping point in whatever he was working on before switching off the monitor.
"What are you doing up?" she asked groggily, though she snapped to attention when he rose, holding the blanket precariously low on his waist, and presented her with a generous view of the V-cut of his hips. Even the simulated moonlight streaming in through the window couldn't detract from any of his natural sex appeal.
"I was just working on a message." He rejoined her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her as she moved to lay her head on his shoulder, her hand resting on his chest.
"Trouble sleeping?"
"I've you to blame for it," he stated, the deep rumble of his words resonating with amusement. "After your… ardent performance, your hallucinations were so potent that I had to restrain you from running through the halls in the nude."
She flushed and pulled the blanket up to her neck. "Glad to know I'm still a great form of after-sex entertainment," she muttered.
He laughed quietly and held her closer.
The jovial mood passed and left in its wake the sobering reminder of the time they had left. In a few hours she would have to depart and lead the mission to Tuchanka, donning the stoic mantle of Commander Shepard and pushing thoughts of her ill lover to the back of her mind. It was during these instances that she wished her task had fallen to another, that she be granted reprieve to be selfish in her need to stay with the last person she cared for. Still, she had known from the beginning that they had no future, and if she failed in her duty to rally the other races to come together in arms, that would hold true for everyone in the galaxy.
She clung to him tightly, listening to the precious sound of his heartbeat, wishing this moment could be their eternity. Peace for her was rare, security more so. Yet she felt these things strongly when she was in his presence, basking in the affection he freely gave her. Her mended heart had come far from her origins on the streets of Earth, where she'd sold her body to her fellow gang members for status and viewed the notion of commitment with disdain. Romance and compassion were foreign concepts until her relationship with Kaidan, and she would always be grateful to him for restoring her humanity.
However, it was Thane who had gifted her with insight on the complex nature of love, for the discrepancy between his profession and his personality had been mystifying. She remembered the first time she'd seen him, the graceful way he had appeared, eliminated his target's guards, and then delivered the kill within seconds. It was the twisted but beautiful dance of a skilled assassin, and she recalled the way her breath had caught in her throat when he'd first locked eyes with her, the onyx orbs mesmerizing in their alien quality. His silhouette had come to stand in front of the window, head bowed and hands clasped together in a prayer of forgiveness. Behind him was the fading sun, sinking lower into the distant horizon and which now, she realized, served as a metaphor for his failing health.
She didn't notice the tear sliding down over the bridge of her nose and onto her opposite cheek until he tenderly wiped it away.
"Siha, please don't cry," he whispered, brushing the backs of his knuckles over her cheekbone.
She blinked the wetness from her eyes and buried her face into the junction between his shoulder and neck. "I'm glad you're still here, right now."
He responded by resting his chin on top of her head. "I believe it is because of you."
"That's too cliché to be true."
"Consider." He shifted so he was fully on his back again, with her still draped over his right shoulder. He lifted his left hand and conjured a small ball of biotic energy. It illuminated them in a blue hue, rotating in smooth torrents as it floated above his palm. "This sphere is weak, frail. It cannot last forever and will soon extinguish once its duration runs out. Think of it as me."
"Thane, if you're trying to make me even more depressed than I already am, it's working," she commented dryly.
"Bear with me, Siha," he said, ever patient. "Watch the sphere. On its own, it will flicker and die quickly." He brought it closer to her as it began to diminish in size, the torrents fighting in their rotary motion to remain. "However, if it is granted support…"
She immediately understood the unspoken meaning, and her hand rose and stretched out to hover over his so that the sphere floated between their palms. Summoning her own biotic power, she channeled a line of energy to join his. Her eyes widened as she watched the sphere swell into a brilliant flare of light, washing them in radiance as their hands increased the distance to accommodate its mass. New life had been breathed into it. And as they continued to cast it together, he turned to her with a look full of raw emotion.
"And that is why I am still here when my time ran out half a year ago," he told her. "Your presence sustains me, Shepard. Your existence is why I live."
A lump formed in her throat as she continued to regard him without speaking, not trusting herself to issue any vocalization other than a strangled cry. She simply lowered her head onto his warm skin once more, returning her attention to the vibrant biotics encircling them. He had a tendency to make his point in the most tear-jerking and lucid manner possible, and although it drove her mad, it was just one of the things she cherished about him. To be able to move a woman formerly known as an ice queen in such a way was truly a notable feat. Considering how much influence he'd had on shaping and altering her personality for the better, she couldn't imagine her life without having known him.
They continued to lie there in silence, entwining their fingers and drawing warmth from each other. In retrospect, neither of them belonged in this time. She supposed she should be thankful that she had been given a second chance and he had been given an extension. The fact that they were both here together was a miracle in itself, if only to grant them the opportunity to make these memories and find comfort in them before their passing.
Suddenly, the light vanished as a coughing fit overtook him. She sat up and waited for it to abate, but when he began gasping for breath a minute later, she launched into action, fighting the panic that threatened to overwhelm her. His inhaler had been left on the counter at the other end of the room, and even as the cold air rushed past her exposed skin, she demonstrated extraordinary agility by swiping it from the counter and dashing back in a flash. She looked on anxiously while he used it, but when she saw that it wasn't working and his skin had started to become clammy, she jumped from the bed again and examined the oxygen machine.
Within a few desperate seconds, she had it operating. Seizing the mask, she hurried to his side and pressed it to his face, swatting away his hands when he tried to stop her. "Come on, baby, I need you to work with me," she ordered shakily.
She held his head against her chest and sighed in relief when his breathing finally began to even out. He relaxed, exhausted and a little discomfited, but still alive. Taking deep breaths into the mask, he clutched her midsection with trembling arms. She felt the tears well up again.
"I'm here, Thane. I'm here," she mumbled, her lips on the crown of his head. "I love you."
x-x-x-x-x
Shepard sat at her desk in her cabin, face frozen in a stunned expression as Thane's unopened email stared back at her from her inbox. His death had been difficult to cope with, but her crew had been kind enough to allow her to grieve in private during their downtime. Now, days later, he had managed to win her undivided attention even after he was gone. She flashbacked to their last night together, remembering the message he had been typing up in the darkness of the hospital room, and instantly knew this was what he had been working on. She opened the email.
Siha,
I write this with a heavy hand, knowing you will read this letter when I am no longer able to share my thoughts.
The ache that had dulled with the passing of time returned with full force as she read through the letter. He shared his thoughts and his memories, leaving nothing unsaid, and she had to swipe at her eyes when she reached the end.
I love you.
She sobbed once, hands over her face, and exhaled slowly to calm the emotional turmoil he'd wrought with his belated declaration. She had known what he'd felt for her without him having to verbalize it, but actually reading it in words…
Still misty-eyed, she read the last line of the letter.
I will await you across the sea.
"Commander, quarian envoy ship in ten minutes," Joker's voice announced through the intercom. When she didn't reply, he understood and closed the connection.
She stroked the screen of the terminal with her fingertips, lingering over the signed name.
"See you soon, Thane."
x-x-x-x-x
A/N: This was just a short, heartfelt one-shot. I hope you enjoyed reading, and if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for me, I would love to hear them. Thank you!