Disclaimer #1: I do not own Minecraft, Herobrine, or any of the other characters mentioned. Jeb belongs to himself. I did create my own version of Herobrine and Jeb's Minecraft character though for this story.
Disclaimer #2: I do not own any regrets for writing this story.
I've always wanted to write a humorous fanfic. Now I finally have an idea and time for it!
This fanfiction is four chapters long. All of the chapters are already written, so this fanfic will be updated everyday for the next four days. That's my gift for you guys. Happy April Fool's Day and happy new year!
By the way, this story takes place during the 1.13 snapshots (aka the Aquatic Update). There will be references to the upcoming features. So I recommend checking the Minecraft Wiki or YouTube to learn about the latest snapshots. If not, don't worry. I'll try to provide enough exposition to make the story understandable.
That being said, this fanfic will not be accurate to the order of snapshots (ex: in this fanfic, X may come before Y, even though in reality, Y came before X), but that's all creative liberties to help with the story. I hope you guys understand. (Like how Herobrine is gonna go underthesea. Huehuehue)
I also used my own headcanons and interpretation of Herobrine, his role in Minecraft, and Jeb. It's weird. Like, Herobrine and the Mojang people are the gods of Minecraft as if it was a real world...but they're also just programmers of the video game. Just roll with the flow.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy!
No realm or universe is perfectly peaceful. It's a given that there will always be an evil to every good. After all, even the most genuine, helpful people cannot satisfy everyone. There is always a flaw in the performance.
That, or some people are very, very persistent with their malice.
Herobrine - the forgotten Minecraft god of terror - sneaks within the shadows of the trees until he arrives at the grassy cliff. Holding onto a tree for support, he peers down to the sandy shore below, finding just the god he has been looking for.
Jeb is hard at work on the beach. To many, Jeb is the leader of Minecraft's gods, succeeding Notch - Herobrine's brother. Others see him as a minor deity. Herobrine has known Jeb as the god of animals - the one who designed and created almost every mob introduced into Minecraft. He has seen Jeb's works himself before disaster has driven him down a more foul path. Even though Jeb's powers have expanded to other fields, Herobrine still sees him as just the god of animals. Consequently, he has expected Jeb to be working on those new turtles he has overheard from a villager. Instead, the deity is constructing an hollow square pillar. The pillar is towering, although Herobrine can see its top from his position. What is he doing?
Jeb places the last blocks of the gray structure before brushing the sweat off his forehead. Then he kicks himself off the sand and flies to the brim of the pillar. Herobrine notices the water bucket in his hand. With a smirk, the god of destruction immediately recognizes Jeb's intent. To test water physics for the Aquatic Update.
Well, that makes Herobrine's goal easier. He just needs the perfect timing.
He rubs two fingers together as his glowing eyes follow Jeb. Small sparks of lightning generate in his hands. Notch has given Herobrine the powers and title of the god of lightning many eras ago, and Herobrine enjoys abusing that gift with his antics.
Jeb pours several buckets of water on the edge of the pillar. He watches the pillar, unaware of Herobrine's presence. Herobrine continues rubbing his fingers as the water expands and fills the pillar flawlessly. Like an avalanche, the water devours the empty space of the pillar. Then the water settles and flattens, and the pillar becomes a tall, filled with the smoothness of the water physics, Jeb flies down to the bottom of the beach.
Now! Herobrine's white eyes flash and his hand immediately aims to the sky, summoning a lightning strike.
Zap! A lightning strike chomps into the pillar's side, eradicating the cobblestone blocks and alarming Jeb. The pillar's liquid content collapses onto Jeb. Jeb, on instinct, shields himself with his arms, but the waterfall completely overwhelms him, causing Herobrine to beam.
Herobrine cackles. He jumps into the air, flying himself, and hovers towards Jeb. Jeb pushes his wet, white hair out of his eyes and glares at the troublemaking god.
"Herobrine, what are you doing?" Jeb demands.
"I could say the same to you," Herobrine replies, placing his hands in his jean pockets. "Water you doing?"
Jeb scoffs as he squeezes his brown robes dry, not taking his stern eyes off Herobrine. Herobrine inspects the shore, now consumed with water. His work.
"It seems like the water has en-gulf-ed you, huh?"
Jeb shakes his hair and readjusts his wreath. "What are you up to?" He orders. "Whatever it is, cut it out. I don't have time to deal with your tricks."
Herobrine shrugs. "Relax, Jeb. You know that I'm no longer interested in destroying Minecraft or harming the gods. Today is just another day I entertain myself." Jeb is right to distrust Herobrine. After all, Herobrine has spent thousands of years attacking and killing any gods allied with Notch. He has gained the power to disable respawning, to kill some players permanently with his owns hands. Not to mention that he has nearly destroyed Minecraft by releasing an infection that transforms humans into Endermen and zombies. He has committed many crimes to spite his brother. However, ever since Notch has left the world of Minecraft, Herobrine has become calmer and less maleficent. And if he does "strike," he only "harms" Jeb or Steve.
"In fact, just a few hours ago, I've already trolled Steve. I sent my zombie army to the server he was visiting."
Jeb huffs. "You put a bunch of other players in danger because of that."
"They were just in the way." Herobrine shrugs, his careless smile not twitching.
Jeb facepalms with a sigh. "At least I know to expect a server admin's complaints later."
"That admin should not be surprised that Steve brings trouble."
"Go back to your Nether kingdom, Herobrine." Jeb walks and drags his wet robes away. Although irked by Herobrine's antics, he knows an amused Herobrine is better than a bored Herobrine. Jeb fears the god will get bored one and resume creating havoc and death. As the new leader of the gods, Jeb has to prepare for that scenario.
Herobrine frowns with disappointment. "That's it? That's all you gotta say?" He exasperates. Of course Jeb is more concerned about the lives of players than about Herobrine's fun. But usually, he would give Herobrine a sarcastic comeback or a threat, or both. However, today, he seems to have completely forgotten about his lightning prank. Why has Jeb cut the conversation so short?
"Hey come back here!" No! Herobrine cannot tolerate this odd behavior. "I'm not done with you!" Not until he receives his normal doze of reactions. He'll get them out of Jeb. He kicks himself into the air and follows the god. Plans for antics already brew in his mind.
In a new set of clothes and with a clipboard, Jeb observes a glass cage in which three manta ray creatures flutter. Phantoms. Jeb can't fathom how these chubby, green-eyed rays can strike terror. Perhaps he's biased because three million years of hardship has hardened the god of animals, and he has seen worse. But his years of experience allow him to determine how to make the mob more distinct and terrifying.
Jeb observes the uninspiring movement of the phantoms. Suddenly the grass explodes from lightning. The phantoms screech in surprise before eying Jeb. Jeb jumps back and gulps. "Oh Notch, no."
The three monsters charge at Jeb with their fanged mouths opened. They knock him off his feet and sink their fangs into his flesh, sending pain into the god. Jeb winces. He has to tear his arm out of a phantom's mouth to grab his weapon. He stabs each monster with a sword. The phantoms cry and scatter away. Jeb sighs in relief as he lays on the grass. He senses the shadow of a person approaching.
"Phantoms are attracted to insomnia," Herobrine commented. "Wow. You pull all-nighters?"
"Ironically, yes," Jeb admits in defeat. He pushes himself up to a sitting position. "Working on these phantoms has kept me up all night," he adds as he searches for a potion of healing and an energy drink in his inventory. "But I'm a god. The pain is nothing. And it's worth it for the players."
"Really?" Herobrine inspects the gliding phantoms in the air, who have regrouped over a nearby ocean, trying to comprehend their new surroundings.
"You're skeptical?"
"Hey, I'm a legend," Herobrine replied. "And there are many fantastical things in Minecraft. But those things." He gestures to the phantoms. "They're a bit too much of a phanta-sea."
"What do you mean?" Jeb gets up and sips the last of his healing potion, the joke flying over his head.
"They're not terrifying enough," he elaborates, silently irked at Jeb's lack of emotion.
"Honestly, I agree with you. But they can be better."
"I doubt it. Just add me into the game as an official boss mob," Herobrine remarks. "I'm just not a phan of them. 'Fan' with a 'ph.'"
"...What nonsense did you just say?" Jeb questions with a tilt of the head.
The white-eyed deity facepalms. "It's a pun, Jeb. Learn the art."
"...I do know puns," Jeb defends himself. "Don't act like you're the master of puns."
"I make more complex puns than you. It's one of my most villainous traits, if I do say so myself," Herobrine brags with a smirk.
"I doubt that. You're terrible at pick up lines, and it's taken you one million years to finally get a girlfriend," Jeb blurts out.
Herobrine stumbles back, a glare of hurt flashing in his eyes. "Jeb! How could you? Why are you honest without sympathy?!" He becomes sensitive when immortals expose his inability to woo women.
"...I'm not sympathetic?" Jeb repeats. The god ignores him, deep in a lament.
"I just want to start a new family now that I don't have my brother anymore," Herobrine continues to whimper. "I want to break my cycle of loneliness, but you had to rub that into my face."
Jeb seizes the lament as an chance to quickly jot down notes about the phantom, before he forgets his ideas. He knows Herobrine can monologue for a long period and block out his surroundings. And his sorrows are expendable since Jeb has already listened to all the things he rants about.
And if he finishes his notes, he can prepare that spell while Herobrine is distracted. Perfect.
"I miss Notch. I have taken him from granted, and now he's left Minecraft. I never told him how much I cared for him," Herobrine adds with a cry. "I needed a new outlet. A new replacement for my brother, so I turned to you and Steve, since you were the closest to him. At least Steve's reactions satisfy me. But you. You never play along. And when you do, you insult me. Especially today. You can't fill the gap Notch used to fill for me. You ruin my fun. What else are you going to ruin for me?" He finishes his rant with a heave inhale.
"...I'm sorry, what was that?" Jeb looks up from the clipboard, which hides his right hand from Herobrine's view. His face shows no concern or a change in emotion.
"Didn't you hear any of that?" Herobrine demands. "I said, 'What else are you going to ruin for me?'"
"...shrimp cocktails," Jeb finally answers.
Herobrine blinks. "Wait, what?" What about shrimp cocktails?
"I know in the immediate future, I'm going to ruin shrimp cocktails for you."
"How do you know that? That's so farfetched for you to say."
"You'll get the joke later. Thank you for buying me time." Jeb drops the clipboard and turns his hands towards Herobrine. His hands glow with power. Herobrine gasps. He has walked right into a trap.
Jeb blasts the two auras of magic at Herobrine. Herobrine tries to fly out of the way, but the auras zaps through his cyan shirt. Hit him right in the chest. Herobrine winces and clutches his heart. He immediately feels his body swell with an icy feeling and then a strange pain. He attempts to kneel down, but he loses feel of his legs and collapses to the ground, falling unconscious.
Herobrine's vision blurs until it corrects itself. Blue. Just blue. Herobrine shakes around. A gravel ground with stone structures accompanying it.
Did...did I already respawn? He wonders. Did Jeb seriously kill me? Was my rant that unbearable? Hhmmph. What an apathetic god.
Whenever someone kills him, Herobrine is "removed" from Minecraft. Honestly, "removed" is just a 3 week delayed respawn. Herobrine still lives, but he gets kicked out of Minecraft and it takes him weeks to return to the game.
But usually, Herobrine is conscious during those 3 weeks in a strange purgatory. This time, he can't remember anything happening after his death. Did three weeks really pass? Did he really die? No, I must had respawned. All of my items are gone and I always respawn in a random area. This time, it's the ocean.
He should get to the surface before he drowns.
Still looking at the ocean's blue surface, Herobrine begins to swim upward. He is taken back by how fast he swims! Have the gods altered swimming mechanics while he was gone? Made swimming even faster? He feels so light!
Herobrine surfaces. He nearly chokes on the air when he spots the gigantic, strange machine in front of him. What in the world?!
Herobrine submerges immediately. Already he creates a theory, but he needs confirmation. He zips through the water, inspecting his surroundings. He notices that the stone structures in the ocean aren't even made out of stone, but of plastic! He continues swimming but can't tear his eyes off the "rock's" strange texture. Then he bumps into a wall. He jumps back in confusion. Barrier blocks?
Herobrine sees other blocks ahead of him. Then he spots the glare on the invisible wall. Glass pane. He revolves around. He realizes how amazing his vision is now, because he can see glass pane surrounding this entire...this entire...
A tank, as I suspected, Herobrine silently concludes. Players always make gigantic versions of everything. I once respawned in a gigantic guitar. Now I can add gigantic fish tank on my list.
Now that he knows he's in a tank, Herobrine can absorb his surroundings better. He inspects the entire build. It is nicely made with several decorations. The temperature of the water is also satisfying. It's a shame it's void of any fish who can make a great home out of this giant tank. He turns to see beyond the glass wall. Wow, the player has even build large furniture to accompany this tank. A large sofa, a large desk, a large bookcase, and a large door. Not functional, but the furniture serves its purpose with the aesthetics. Herobrine looks down at the gravel. He is concerned by how giant the individual pebbles are. They are so big, he can see the algae growing off of them. Al-jeez.
I don't want to be in this tank anymore, thank you very much.
The god turns to the glass pane to punch one of the blocks. To his confusion, he cannot break it at all. He can't even feel his hands punching it. With a huff, he swims back and rams into the wall. The only thing that cracks is Herobrine's body. He sinks down to the gravel, his entire body aching. Glass pane? More like glass pain. Where did the builder find that hard glass? Herobrine wants it for a future prank against Steve.
When Herobrine lands the gravel, he feels the individual pebbles shape around his body. That's when he gets a cold feeling. The shape is abnormal. With that, he starts feeling queasy, as if his body has suddenly morphed or his stomach has transformed, even though those events have already happened. His heart is suffocating, but he feels like his heart is out of place with everything else. What happened?!
Feet stomp. Associating that volume with approaching ender dragons, Herobrine automatically stands right up and prepares to bow to his superior dragon leader. But it isn't an Ender dragon. It's a gigantic Jeb approaching Herobrine from the other side of the glass pane.
"How...how did you get so - ?!" Herobrine swallows his question down, releasing an even bigger concern than Jeb. His voice. It sounds like it's been bloated with helium, and he will not dare to use that voice in front of Jeb.
"Did you figure it out yet?" Jeb simply replies. Herobrine can't see his face from the gravel ground, but he's sure the brown robed god is smirking.
Herobrine keeps his mouth shut and stares at Jeb.
"...well, just in case you didn't here's a mirror."
Jeb places a reflective glass block in front of the aquarium. Herobrine immediately jots to the mirror to see himself. A sinking feeling enters his body. His new body.
He wants to deny what he sees. He wants to say that he has the invisibility effect on. But he's smart enough to know the truth.
Looking back at the god of terror is a creature as long as a finger. Its narrow body is a bright red. Its antennae and antennules wiggle uncontrollable - an obvious sign that they have never been used before. The body's many white legs are frozen in shock - until Herobrine feels the urge to move. He slowly turns the creature's body to the side while keep his sight on the mirror as best as he can. In the mirror, the shrimp moves to reveal its side. Still bright red, but speckled with a few white squared spots, like a mooshroom with remarkably bright colors.
Oh no...
Herobrine doesn't want to do this, but he must use that new voice.
He rockets up and through the water until he is at eye level with Jeb. Since the tank is assumable on some table, he can only see the god's body from the chest up.
"What did you do to me?!" Herobrine half-demanded, half-squealed. Even he knows how immature he sounds. "Change me back!? Change me back!?"
"Hah," Jeb scoffs. It irks Herobrine that his scoff are more expressive than any of his responses to Herobrine's pranks. "You know what I did."
Herobrine growls like a chihuahua. But that makes Jeb smile even more.
"But why a shrimp?!" Herobrine asks.
"Punishment," Jeb blunts. "For all the things you've done in the past. You've killed four gods. Nearly killed Notch and Dinnerbone once. You've threatened my family. I believe you can figure out your other crimes.
"It's all unforgiveable. Yet you get away with it because we can't kill you. We can only remove you, and you always come back. We've tried imprisoning you before, but then you kill yourself to remove yourself and respawn elsewhere. I can't believe it's taken me this long to know the simplest way to lock you up for good. You can't escape or do anything in that form."
Herobrine sulks. "But I don't do any of those things anymore!?" The puny crustacean explodes. "I've changed ever since...Notch left."
"Still unforgiveable. And simply put, I don't trust you." Jeb shrugs.
"...it's inexcusable for giving me this form!" Herobrine pouts. "I'll die anyway from humiliation if anyone sees me like this!"
"Don't worry. No one knows what I've done to you."
Herobrine flinches. "...No one?!"
"This is just between the two of us," Jeb elaborates. "Oh, and only I can understand you since I am the god of animals. So you can't tell anyone else a single word they'll understand. You're a - " Jeb places a finger in front of his mouth. "shhhhhrimp."
"...Somehow, that's even worse!" Herobrine grumbles. "You'll pay for this! Oh, you're so going to get it!" Herobrine concentrates all of his anger and his energy...into nothing.
"...did you take away my powers too?!" A nod from Jeb. "How?!"
Jeb answers that with his own question. "Don't you recall when we depowered you centuries ago?"
Herobrine remembers. The gods have attempted to defeat him by tricking him to give up his godly powers. But the feat is insignificant now. Herobrine has continued being dangerous with cunning skills, and he has eventually stolen his powers back.
"Anyways, you're no longer a god either. And I would like to see you try to get your powers back."
Hhhmpt. Herobrine has no comment. The shrimp just bats away from Jeb and swims away in the salt water.
"Enjoy your new home," Jeb comments. "If you think positively, you may have a maritime in here."
Herobrine pauses. "...I know why you did this to me. But why a shrimp?!"
"Well, you know the gods and I have been working to replenish the oceans with life," Jeb explains. "The Aquatic Update. That's the first time the oceans have been in my mind for a very long time. Needless to say, I got inspired with my choice of your new form."
"I get that!" Herobrine hisses. "But why a shrimp specifically?! Why not a fish or a squid?!"
"Well." Jeb places his arms on the table and kneels towards the tank. "I thought you said you would krill to destroy me."
Herobrine shots a glare at Jeb. "...screw you! Go get trapped in a cyclone!"
Jeb lets out a chuckle. "I thought you wanted me to get better at puns. Now you're not appreciating my own Jeb at puns."
Not even a goodbye. Jeb leaves the office that is now Herobrine's prison. The shrimp glares at Jeb until he disappears from his vision.
This humiliating imprisonment is indeed a pun-ishment. Herobrine huffs and sinks to the bottom of the tank's gravel.
The jokes are already terrible. But now that he's a shrimp, he fears that the puns are just sardine to get worse.
So, what do you guys think about the first chapter? Let minnow by writing a reef-view for the story! Chapter two will be up tomorrow!
There are 15 puns in this chapter. Did you find them all?
I decided to not italicize the puns because I think they are noticeable enough. But if it's difficult to spot them, let me know, and I'll italicize the puns in the next chapters.
...I'm so sorry for these marine puns...NAUT.
Anyways, thanks for reading! Take care.