What if
In one instant
Everything ended?
And what if
That moment
Was shattered?
And the ending was then
A beginning
What If?
David Hayward slid the latex gloves off his hands and tossed them into the waste bin, stifling a yawn.
It was eight-thirty in the evening and the clinic should have been closed for half an hour now. But it wasn't. Closing it was his task and he simply hadn't got around to it. Janelle left a few hours ago and aside from a nurse whose name he kept forgetting there was no one else at the clinic with him.
"Remember to keep the arm elevated," he reminded the man he'd just bandaged.
"Yeah," the man grunted in reply, not bothering to turn around when he swung open the door of the exam room to leave.
"You're welcome," David mouthed. He wondered why the clinic was so quiet. He wanted to call his nurse, but then remembered that he'd forgotten her name. Was it Jen or Jane? He chided himself for forgetting.
'I should lock the door,' he thought. Locking the door would prevent any new patients from entering and after doing so; it would take him about an hour or so to finish the day's paperwork. 'If all goes well, I can be home in ninety minutes.'
Home.
David checked the time on the wall clock and felt a familiar surge of panic. He wanted to go home. Yet at the same time he dreaded it. Anna might be there already, after all, she'd left early enough this morning. In fact, as if to mimic his work routine, it seemed she left earlier and came home later each day.
'One day soon, she won't come home at all,' he thought sadly.
He loved her. The love he felt for her was as deep and as real as he'd ever felt for anyone. Yet he couldn't bring himself to be near her these days.
They lived together like strangers. On the rare occasions when they shared a meal or a cup of coffee, they made small talk and when they did it was friendly and civil. In fact, they were achingly polite. When the timing warranted, he drove her to work, dropping her off at the police station with a tender kiss on the cheek.
Sometimes they even slept together. And when they did, it felt surprisingly good. If nothing else, their bodies could still meet the needs and desires they'd long ago stopped trying to express with words.
When it was over, they always turned away from each other. Falling asleep. Or not. Whichever it was, they did it at opposite ends of their bed.
The sex was good. Satisfying. But it wasn't the same.
Before Leora, they didn't just have sex when the need arose.
Before Leora, they made love.
'I can't remember when I last held you,' he realized, his heart heavy. Holding Anna was not an option, because most days merely looking at her took more effort than he could muster.
Because every time he looked at her, he saw Leora. And it hurt. It hurt so much, it was almost impossible to breathe.
In the beginning Anna had fought for him. She fought fiercely and relentlessly, as only Anna could. She had held him when he wept and had broken things in anger when he didn't have the energy to get up off the floor. In all their grief she never stopped to remind him that she loved him enough for both of them.
But you shouldn't have to.
He glanced around the emptied rooms of the clinic. She had fought so hard for both of them, but now, during the rare moments when he did look into her dark, expressive eyes, he knew she'd given up. The anger and the tears were now replaced by polite smiles and meaningless small talk.
'I won't blame if you leave,' he thought, moving towards the door. 'Most women would have left already.'
He turned the lock in the door, halfway only, before re-opening it. If he locked the clinic now, he could be home in less than two hours.
He loved her so much. Yet he couldn't face her. Couldn't hold her.
Anna.
Leora.
Why did it still hurt so much?
The door of the clinic swung back open, ripping the thoughts from his mind and nearly knocking him off balance. Four men entered, wearing hooded sweatshirts. When he caught a glimpse of one of their faces, David figured they were in their late teens, maybe early twenties.
"Sorry. Clinic's closed," he mumbled without making eye contact. It was eerily quiet. Where the hell was that nurse?
"The door was open," one of the men pointed out making no move to leave.
"I was just about to close it," David replied calmly. One of the men held on to his side and when he took a closer look, David saw a dark stain on the black sweatshirt.
"We need a doctor, man," another one said. His eyes were glazed. He was probably high on something.
A sense of unease crept up David's spine. Drugs. Knife wounds. He had dealt with his share of both them at the clinic, but he didn't want to do it right now. Alone.
"Look, I'm sorry, I'm closed," he repeated. "I can call you a cab that'll take you to PVH's emergency room. I'll even give them a call to let them know you're coming."
"No," one of them said firmly. "No, hospital." Another man moved next to David, his expression unreadable as his eyes stared him down. David smelled a whiff of alcohol on his breath.
David clenched his teeth, noticing that the man with the stained sweatshirt was considerably paler than when he stepped into the clinic less than a minute ago. "Fine," he said, pointing to the nearest exam room. "Take him in there and take off his sweater."
Two of the men took the third one inside the room, but the one who stared him down didn't move.
"And you?" David asked.
"I'm stayin' out here," he mumbled, his right arm clutching at an object that stuck out from underneath his bulky clothes.
David nodded, his unease rising. "Jane!" he called out, hoping he had the name right. Where in the world was she? "I need your help here!"
There was no response. Only silence.
The man outside the room moved to a water fountain, paying no attention to David's call for help.
At the same time David heard the clinic door open again. 'Damn,' he thought. 'Just what I need. More punks.'
"I'm sorry, we're closed…" he started, not bothering to look up.
"I know."
The familiar voice startled him. "Anna? What are you doing here?"
She smiled, "I thought I'd stop by on the way home. You left your car at home this morning and I thought you might like a ride. We can pick up some dinner on the way."
He averted her eyes. "I don't know when I'll be done. I haven't even started closing yet and I just got another patient. It could be a while."
"I can wait around for a…"
"It might be a couple of hours," he said with finality. When he did manage a glance in her direction, he could see the sting his words left in her eyes.
She nodded, making an effort to keep her voice level. Indifferent. "It's okay… I'll just head home then."
He watched her attention turn away from him and towards the door of his examination room.
"What the hell's taking you so long?" one of the men yelled, as he came out of the room. His eyes narrowed in recognition, when he saw both David and Anna standing by the reception area.
"Shi...," he mumbled staring in Anna's direction, his expression furious. "It's the Chief. The doc called the cops." He ran back into the exam room, slamming the door shut behind him.
"I know him," Anna whispered, drawing her gun from its holster. Now her voice was calm. Icily calm. Her eyes darted towards the phone on the counter. "Call 911," she instructed David, raising her weapon with both hands and pointing it towards the exam room. "And after you do that, duck down behind the reception desk."
David stared at her in disbelief, "Anna, I won't…" As if he would hide and cower in fear while she faced these punks alone.
"Just do as I say, damn it!"
He was about to pick up the phone when he suddenly saw the fourth man, the one who didn't go into the exam room with the rest of them, pull up behind her. The object that made his clothes bulge earlier was now in his hands. It was a huge, black, semi-automatic gun.
Aimed at his wife.
"Anna! Behind you!"
She turned around with astonishing speed.
After that, all he heard was the sound of gunfire. Indescribably loud. The noise pierced through his skull and he covered his ears with his hands to drown it out.
When it was all over an eerie silence enveloped him. David moved his hands from his ears and saw both Anna and the man lying on the floor.