Jane Foster had always wanted a quiet wedding, especially after the debacle that was the Potts-Stark wedding which had left Central Park in shambles. So when she and Thor decided to get married, they chose to hold it in Puente Antiguo and they just wouldn't have anyone but Darcy and Erik Selvig in attendance. Darcy had made sure that none of the Avengers knew they were even getting married due to a fantastic relationship with JARVIS that made Tony jealous. So here they were, standing in the Justice of the Peace's office in the Middle-of-Nowhere, New Mexico. Thor in his armour, making the Justice very nervous; Erik in a suit and tie, for once; Darcy in the thoroughly dry-cleaned bridesmaid dress she'd worn to the Stark wedding (She claimed it had good juju, though how much of this had to do with what she and a certain archer got up to after the ceremony Jane wasn't quite sure); and Jane in her mother's wedding dress.

The elopement and wedding had almost gone off without a hitch. They had just gotten to the 'I do' bit when the door burst open and there stood a man in gold armour and an eyepatch. The man with the eyepatch was backed by a woman wearing a spangly dress and crown, as well as Thor's friends: Sif, Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg. The poor Justice of the Peace promptly fainted from the stress of having what seemed like an entire Renaissance Fair in his office. On the whole Jane believed she acted quite well under the circumstances.

'Holy fuck! Jesus Archibald Christ! Oh my god, I'm going to die!' She clutched Darcy's arm and shut her eyes.

'Oh Boss Lady, I think it's gonna be much worse than that.' Her assistant muttered under her breath. She opened her eyes.

Frigga started to do the weird whisper-scream thing that only parents can do, saying something about 'Patriotic duty', 'Filial pride', 'Running and hiding like a little child', and 'For God's sake, being responsible.'

'What I'm pretty sure your mother is trying to say is: How dare you deprive us of an excuse to feast and make merry.' Fandral cut in, a large grin adorning his face.

'We need an excuse to make merry?' Volstagg looked stunned at the thought.

'After my son Loki's disobedience, we need all the excuses we can get,' Odin sighed. 'And speaking of Loki, I must thank him when we return. It was he who told us of your nuptials.'

'How did Loki find out?' asked Jane. 'We didn't tell anyone!'

'We stopped asking a long time ago,' Thor informed her. 'Loki doesn't tell anyway, and it's safer for one's sanity not knowing about his information collecting system.'

'And we couldn't stop him even if we did know,' said Frigga. 'So all in all it's better not knowing.'

'That is besides the point,' said Odin. 'I have already commanded the kitchens to begin preparing your wedding feast.'

'You really didn't have to-' began Jane. A cloud of dust announced the arrival of the Starks, Steve, Bruce, Natasha, and- to Darcy's joy- Clint.

'We just got a random message,' said Tony, 'saying that you were getting married.'

'Why didn't you tell us?' asked Pepper. 'I could have been your matron of honour!'

'Uh, that's my job,' said Darcy, surfacing briefly from her passionate reunion with Clint to defend herself. Pepper cheerfully ignored her.

'Well, the more the merrier,' said Odin. 'We shall return to Asgard at once and begin the celebrations!' Jane's face started doing an alarming facial tic at the thought.

'So, King Eyepatch Man, what does an Asgardian wedding ceremony entail?' Jane winced at her assistant's nickname for her (hopefully) future father-in-law. Said assistant, however, didn't seem to care a jot at that moment for her employer's marital prospects at that point. Her lipstick was smeared across Clint's face and they were both grinning like fools.

'The traditional feasting, a few rituals. I believe that is on par with Midgardian customs, no?' Darcy nodded and Jane felt the sickening feeling in her stomach lessen.

'Okay then, let's get this show on the road!' Tony clapped his hands and looked expectantly at Odin.

'Heimdall, open the Bifrost!' Odin commanded the sky in a loud, booming voice.

A large tunnel that Jane would have been completely fascinated by in any other circumstance appeared out of the sky. Thor wrapped his arms around her and jumped into what the 'science-y' part of her brain still referred to as the Einstein-Rosen Bridge.

It felt like every atom in her being was being ripped apart and reassembled repeatedly. After this was all over she'd have to investigate this further.

The little group arrived in a golden dome with an exceptionally tall and slightly frightening man standing in the middle holding a sword that was a little too large for Jane's liking (She had not yet totally dispensed with the idea that they were going to kill her). It appeared she was not the only one feeling negative after-effects of the Bifrost. Steve was carefully feeling his facial features to make sure he suddenly didn't have an ear where his nose was supposed to be or lips for eyebrows or the like. Erik was retching; Clint was breathing deeply through his nose and rubbing Darcy's back, while she was bent over with her hands on her knees. Oddly, Natasha and Bruce seemed to have suffered few ill-effects. They were both upright and breathing normally, and nary a hair had shifted from when they went into the Bifrost. Even more oddly however, was that Pepper - composed, classy, unflappable, perfect Pepper - was bent over, puking. Tony was fussing over her like a mother hen, rubbing her back, stroking her hair, and just generally being the really sweet guy that he hated for anyone to see.

'Pep, are you okay?' Tony sounded like he was about to have a heart attack.

'Yeah, I'll be fine in a few minutes, but I don't think the baby liked that Bi-whatever.' Pepper was taking deep breaths through her nose and resting a hand protectively on her stomach.

'Oh, okay- wait, baby?'

'Surprise, sweetie?' Pepper smiled weakly, some of the colour returning to her face.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Tony looked like he couldn't decide whether to be ecstatic or terrified and so his face was contorting into an odd combination of the two that mostly made him look kind of like The Scream.

'I'd just got the results back when we got that text about Jane and Thor. I just kind of forgot until now with the excitement of it all.'

'You forgot about the fact that you were carrying my progeny in your uterus? The next Stark heir, and you forgot?' Tony seemed to have decided on delighted as he was grinning from ear to ear and wrapping his arms protectively around his wife.

'Ah, well, thanks for at least not claiming ownership of my uterus.' Pepper smirked dryly, though Jane could tell she was pleased.

'Felicitations, Man of Iron and Lady Pepper! This glorious news brings a time of great celebration.' Thor's voice boomed and bounced around the orb-like room.

'Holy shit.' The Stark-Potts' mini celebration was interrupted by Bruce's exclamation. He was standing in the door of the Bifrost staring out onto the 'Rainbow Bridge' (At this moment Jane's brain- Science-y or not- couldn't come up with a better descriptor). A golden city, all turrets and towers, was visible at the end of the bridge with a giant black abyss on either side. Staring into the unending blackness sent an unwelcome chill down Jane's spine that she had difficulty shrugging off. Thor wrapped his arms around Jane, drawing away from her thoughts, and suddenly wind was rushing past her face and goddammit she was flying. Jane Foster totally loved her boyfriend. Seriously, and it wasn't just the so-good-it-should-be-illegal body or the godly powers, she legitimately loved him. Even if his family was a whole new level of crazy and would need decades of family counseling just to crack the surface of their problems. Jane let out a very un-Jane-like whoop of glee. She totally fucking loved her life.

All too soon Thor stopped at the doors to an immense palace. The doors were probably taller than the Empire State Building and a gleaming gold that would have made Auric Goldfinger pass out of desire. Her fiancé knocked and the gates swung open. Thor held her hand as he led her up the streets of his hometown, pointing out various sights to her and carefully matching his pace to her own. The streets were lined with Asgardians who weren't trying at all not to intimidate the little mortal Midgardian girl. Jane could see the faint outlines of her friends and their escorts when she turned back and she felt (slightly) sorry for leaving them behind to walk the whole way. Fortunately for them, however, they appeared next to Jane and Thor a few moments later and the whole party continued up the path. Jane was pretty sure she could hear Darcy singing We're Off To See The Wizard under her breath.

At the steps of the palace they were met by a woman who could make Natasha feel insecure about her self-image. She was tall, blonde, athletically statuesque, and completely flawless. Jane felt like she was about to burst into tears when Thor and the woman embraced like old friends.

'Thor, my darling, it has been far too long.' The woman's Cupid's bow lips were pulled into an unintentionally seductive smile. Jane was sure that if she looked at herself in the mirror there would be steam pouring out of her ears.

'Freyja, you are right it has been too long. I would like you to meet my beloved, Lady Jane Foster.' Thor tucked Jane protectively under his arm and she felt some the insecurity melt away.

'Thor release the girl, I must ready your beloved for her wedding. I will not steal her; doing so is quite vulgar, I am over that phase.' Thor and Freyja shared a laugh at a private joke. 'Come along Lady Jane and friends.' All the women but Natasha, who was clinging onto Bruce's arm, followed.

'I see you Miss Romanova, come along now.' Natasha reluctantly let go of the Doctor's arm and slunk behind the rest of the women, mumbling something about 'Thirty lashes with wet bamboo', 'Romanced by some bosomy Amazon', and a couple of things in Russian that made Clint wince.

They walked down a long passage lined with golden torches until they reached a large arched door. Freyja waved the other women in was a flick of her fingers but held Jane back with an arm.

'I've know Thor as long as he's been alive, so I can safely tell you I've never seen him happier than he is when he's with you. I am not sure if you are aware of this, but on Midgard I am not only worshipped as the goddess of love but as that of war. If you hurt Thor I will find you and you will understand exactly why this is. Do we understand each other perfectly?'

'Crystal.' They walked into the room together and Freyja immediately got down to business. She looked distastefully at Darcy's dress. 'My dear girl, what is that you're wearing?'

'It's from the last wedding we went to. I thought it would be silly to waste money on another one when it's just going to get ruined.' Darcy said pragmatically.

'Thank you Darcy for your heartwarming faith in my ability not to have a wedding that ends in the total destruction of Central Park.' Jane said dryly.

'Hey!' This from Pepper, 'That had nothing to do with my wedding planning skills and everything to do with who I was marrying. If I just married some normal genius billionaire playboy philanthropist I would of had a completely normal, non-tentacled wedding.'

'Very true.'

'Lady Jane, please sit back in this chair.' Freyja gestured to a rather innocuous hairdresser-type chair. Darcy and Natasha were herded off to one side by Freyja's assistants and Pepper gracefully took a seat on the other. The Asgardian proceeded to poke and pull at Jane for nigh on five hours. The scientist kept her eyes squeezed shut except when there was absolutely necessary. She was changed into several outfits, giving her the distinct feeling of being rather like a doll or a small child unable to dress herself.

When Dr Jane Foster was finally shoved from the chair and in front of a large mirror and instructed to open her eyes she had to pinch herself several times to make sure it was in fact she, Jane Foster, standing there and not some convoluted Asgardian body double.

She looked beautiful.

Her normally plain, straight brown hair had been brushed and curled, and it looked like some of her honey-gold highlights had been deliberately brought out. A gold diadem held her hair back from her face and white ribbons held the ringlets at the crown of her head. Her eyes were made to look larger with hints of makeup so well-applied that it didn't look like she was wearing any at all. Her white, floor-length gown was embroidered with gold, and fell off her shoulders. The sleeves stopped at her elbows and were open; they draped beautifully. Gold drops dangled from her ears, and gold bangles chimed on her wrists.

'You look like Anastasia,' joked Darcy. 'You know, the one in the Disney movie.'

'That wasn't Disney,' replied Jane automatically. 'It was Fox films.'

'Either way,' said Pepper, 'you look fantastic. And all of Asgard is going to talk about how stunning you are. And about how Freyja's outdone herself.'

'I had lots to work with,' said Freyja. 'It's nearly time for dinner. We'll go see Frigga – who will love your outfit, Lady Jane – and then go down to stun the plebs.'