Summary: After the events of Windows of Opportunity, Jack thinks of his son, and his role as a father.

Category: Angst
Pairings: None
Spoilers: Windows of Opportunity, Cold Lazarus Size: 26.5 KB
Content warnings: Possible tissue warning
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, so don't sue.


The past few, months, weeks, days had been hard. "Ha, days. Maybe just this single day" Jack thought to himself. His confrontation with Maliki had been hard emotionally and had taken it's toll. Not that he would admit that the confrontation had left him vulnerable to anything. He was special ops trained and a single man could not turn him into a blubbering wreck. But the Maliki had put O'Neill into a contemplative mood.

So, this was how Jack O'Neill, a Colonel in the United States Air Force found himself seated in his darkened living room staring at the television screen in front of him. The lights flickered across his face, as the scene played out before his eyes. A child's laughter could be heard coming from the speakers.

He had missed so much. And this was just another video of a moment of Charlie's life that he had missed. Jack could no longer even remember which mission had sent him away, causing him to miss this precious first.

Sara had begged, bartered and pleaded to be allowed behind the curtain for Charlie's first school play, and finally Charlie's first grade teacher Mrs. Hanolin had agreed out of sympathy. Sara had wanted to catch every moment on tape for Jack as Charlie climbed into his duck costume. He had the lead role in the play "The Ugly Duckling". Jack recalled reading the story to his young son thousands of times. As one of his favorite books it had been set by his bed-stand to be read each night. Sara had kept the book up in the attic for a long time unwilling to throw it away, and had given it to Jack after the crystal clone incident.

Just as the book had sat on Charlie's night stand until the day that he had died, it's new home was propped up against a lamp on Jack's dresser in his bedroom. A constant reminder of his long past son.

Jack jumped as the voice he had been recalling filled the room. He had watched this tape so many times that he closed his eyes and let the words wash over him, his lips silently moving in tandem with the young boy's.

"Hey Daddy! I know you couldn't be here, so Mommy said that if I talk to the video camera she could show you later. I miss you a whole tons Daddy and I wish you could be here. Mommy and I miss you when you go away, but its ok because its your job. When I grow up Daddy I'm going to be just like you! I'm going to go and get the bad guys, and you and Mommy will be really proud of me! I miss you Daddy wherever you are, and maybe you can come to the play next year." The young boy glanced around quickly. "I have to go Daddy, but I'll see you when you get home!"

Through his closed eyes Jack could feel a single tear slip down his cheek. God he missed Charlie so much. And it was a sad testament to his abilities as a father that there were a stack of video's just like this one in the attic, and scattered throughout his collection of tapes. He hadn't been able to make it to the second grade play either.

He wasn't so different from Maliki, he secretly longed to hold Charlie in his arms once again. His birthday was coming up, he would have been thirteen, a teenager. He should have been worried about which girl he was going to go out with, and baseball, and hockey, and the next school play.

Jack silently wondered how many school plays, and sports games, and dates he would have missed, and slowly hung his head. "I am proud of you son, I always was."