did i lock the door to the house

did i lock the door to the car

did i turn off the coffee machine – oh wait i don't have one – i've always wanted one – if i did have one would i remember to turn it off

did i turn off my hair curler – do i have a hair curler – if i did i would definitely, definitely, definitely remember to turn it off – what could happen if i didn't – it could burn a hole in my counter – it could start a fire in my house – my house would burn down and all of my important documents would be lost – i could be in the house when the fire started – oh my god i could die in a fire – i could die from disease – did i wash my hands

did i wash my hands

did i wash my hands – i could get germs on my hands – germs would turn into a disease and i could die – yes, die in a fire, die from disease – isn't it all the same thing – death is death is death

did i bring my shopping list with me

can everyone see that i'm crazy

i bet they can

they can see that i'm crazy

they can see that i'm talking to myself

they can see my thoughts

the government can see my thoughts

they have the technology – i saw it on the nightly news

i also saw a story about a burglar who breaks into women's houses and does unspeakable things to them then robs them – did i lock my house

did i lock my car

did i – CRASH

"Oh, I'm so sorry miss. Can I help you up?" Suddenly I was looking up into the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. Green Eyes shifted uncomfortably.

how long had i been staring at him – i bet he thinks i'm crazy – he thinks i'm crazy because i am – everyone else thinks i'm crazy – i bet he thinks i'm crazy – oh, he's just like everyone else – thinking i'm crazy – they're all out to get me – just like the germs – and the fire – and the burglar

"Miss? May I help you?"

"Oh! Yes, please. Sorry. I'm … scattered today."

He chuckled. "Hello Scattered Today. I'm Edward. It's nice to meet you."

I laughed. "Oh no, it's actually Bella. Hi. Oh wait. Did I already say 'hi?' I probably did. So … hi … again. God, I'm such an idiot. Did I say that out loud? Am I still talking?"

He full on lost it. I thought he was going to fall over – he was laughing so hard. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing at the customer."

I cocked my head to the side. "'Customer?' You work here? At the grocery store?"

"Yeah. You didn't notice what I'm wearing?" He asked gesturing to his work uniform.

of course i should have noticed it

i should have noticed a lot of things – maybe i would have if his eyes weren't so beautiful – beauty is only skin deep – what if i met him on the street and was enticed by his eyes

what if i met him and he hurt me

what if he hurts me now – just because we're not on the street doesn't mean that he can't – never let your guard down – my father used to tell me that – he was the chief of police back home – chief of police – i bet he's seen a lot of crime – crime that could happen to me if i let my guard down – oh wait – is he talking to me?

"You don't have to gawk at me. I know that I'm fat. You don't have to stare," Green Eyes snapped.

"Wait. What?" I asked confused.

"You were staring at me. It's okay. People do it all the time. I'm overweight. I get it. You don't have to rub it in, okay?!" He turned to walk away.

"I have OCD!" I shouted after him.

stupid! why did i say that – oh yeah i let my guard down – i couldn't help it – he looked so sad – i just wanted to talk to him – i just wanted him to understand

Green Eyes froze and slowly turned around. "Okay?" He didn't seem to know what else to say.

"I wasn't staring at your weight. Honestly? I never even noticed your weight. That was literally the farthest thing from my mind. My mind gets these thoughts – these obsessions. Huh, I guess that's why they call it obsessive compulsive disorder. Sorry. Again. I know I'm speaking really fast. It's just something I do when I get really into it. Sorry. Stop me anytime. Please. If you don't, I'll just go on and on forever and never stop and I'll talk about the most random things just now I was thinking about –"

"Okay okay okay. I get it. You're the first person in the world who didn't notice my weight," he murmured dejectedly.

Bella gave him the once over. He was probably around three hundred pounds, but he still seemed really cute. And those eyes! They could make a snowman melt.

He chuckled at me again. Please don't let me have said that out loud.

"I can make a snowman melt, huh?"

"Oh no. I did say that out loud. Again, no filter. Sorry."

"No problem Bella. So … I have a question," Green Eyes asked shyly. "If I asked you out, would you say yes?"

I hesitated. "I don't know. You seem like a really nice guy but –"

His whole demeanor changed. "And that's all it comes down to, isn't it?" He asked coldly. "I'm a nice guy but you just want to be friends. You have a boyfriend. You don't want to get into anything serious. You're getting over an ex. Yeah, I've heard it all." He turned to walk away again.

"Would you stop it?!" I asked exasperatedly. "Would you let me finish a sentence? Despite current evidence, I'm sure you really are a nice guy. It's because you're a nice guy that you don't need to deal with me and my crazy."

"I don't think you're crazy," he said softly.

"Well then you're the only one. If you're sure … then sure! I'd love to go on a date with you." My first date, I added mentally.

"Okay then!" He said excitedly. "I'd love to take you! Tomorrow at six? Here's my number. Where should I pick you up?"

"Not at my house!" I said quickly. "Sorry. I saw it on the nightly news. Here's my number too. I'll just meet you somewhere. That way you have an escape route if you realize you in fact can't handle my crazy. Besides, you should always have an escape route. I saw it on the nightly news. Escape routes can save you. They can –"

"I'll see you tomorrow at six," he again finished for me.

What did I get myself into?