Chapter Title: So You Think You Might Be Gay
Rating: M for SEX.
Warnings: Sex.
Pairings: Harry and Perry.
Note: No notes.
Summary: Harry thinks Harry's gay, but Perry doesn't.
Setting: Perry's house? (Where does Perry live?)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just a used condom and an empty bottle of lube (LOL WUT.
POV: Harry, lol. Though, it'll switch between he and Perry.
-HARRY-
I was just going through Perry's move rack, minding my own business, when I came across this movie of Perry's. I know, it's fucked up to go through other peoples' shit, but I was bored and I had nothing to watch.
So this movie's called "Nasty Cocksuckers and Bareback Fuckers". It seemed interesting when I was looking at only the spine, but when I pulled it off the shelf, I yelped in shock. I'm not saying I was grossed out by it... well, I was at first, but that changed when I looked at it more.
Anyway, the cover had these four big buff guys on it. Naked. With raging boners. Did I mention naked? I was more aroused with that alone than I thought possible, so I decided to put it back on the shelf like nothing had happened... but the damage was done.
But then I heard a voice from the other side of the living room. "Harry, I'm gonna get some Chinese. Do you want anything?" It was Perry. For ONCE he wasn't yelling at me for being alive.
What kind of name is Perry anyway? What a weird name, Perry. It's even worse that it's actually really his name for real and not a nickname. It makes me think of that little cat-thing from Blue's Clues named Periwinkle.
What? I'm not saying I watch Blue's Clues, I just heard the name...
"Uhm, uh, n-no. No thank you," shit. I was nervous. I bet he's going to ask me what I'm up to.
"Harry, are you up to something?" he asked me, as he put his hand to his hip all gay like. Man, he's so gay. Like, not gay like normal gay, but GAY, like... gay, like... what's gay? I can't think of anything that gay. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.
"Ha. Ha, funny you should ask, P-perry, I was just looking for a really good por-MOVIE to pop in while I waited for you to get back..." I waved my hand at the movie rack, and grinned. I bet I looked like a fucking idiot.
"You're such an idiot sometimes. But I love you anyway, Harry. Listen, I'll be back in a bit. And Harry," he paused as he opened the door, "please don't eat the last Zinger," he said to me, almost pouting while he smiled. I nodded and grinned a toothy grin.
Just get the HELL out of here, PERRY.
I waved and he smiled again, and shut the door. Time to eat the Zinger! I made my way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. There was Sprite, Mountain Dew, Diet Coke -- Diet Coke? Ew. Who the fuck drinks that shit? There was Pepsi, Orange soda, and -- ooh, Perry's Zinger.
I am aware that sounds wrong, but who cares right? Everybody loves Zingers. And I love stealing Perry's Zingers.
I grabbed it and made my way to the living room. I decided to watch some of Perry's porno and popped the DVD in. It started, and as soon as the first guy popped his wiener into that other dude's butthole, I was hooked.
I took a bite out of the Zinger but couldn't chew it. It just sat there in my mouth. Kind of like when you stick a Cheetos Puff in your mouth and let it dissolve, only it wasn't a Cheeto and it wasn't dissolving. Instead, it just rolled out of my mouth.
"Shit!" I swore, picking it up and tossing it in the trash. Then I heard Perry's car. With his fucking techno music. Fucking techno.
I hid all the evidence of the stolen Zinger and put the DVD back where I found it. Perry burst in through the door, with a huge smile on his face. It won't last, of course.
"Harry! Come here, I got you something," he said, walking to the kitchen. I followed, wondering why the hell he was so happy. Too bad I ate his Zinger. He's gonna pull my eyes out of my head for sure. That, or he'd smash my head in the door. He's done that before though. Ouch.
I approached him, trying not to seem nervous about both of the things that just happened. In case you weren't paying attention, I just got into gay porn and I ate Perry's last Zinger. And Jesus, he was wearing his really nerdy bright red sweater and matching sweatpants.
He reached into a brown plastic bag and pulled a comic book out.
"You told me once that you like Iron Man, and that you didn't have the first one, so I had a friend get a hold of this for me," he said as he handed it to me. I swear, I felt like I could melt into a puddle right here and now. I just stared at it in all of its glory. It was even in one of those glossy protective thingies.
"Aw, Perry... look, I have something to tell you. You're gonna hate me for the next four minutes and seventeen seconds," I began to confess.
He just looked up from the brown bags slowly. He made eye contact with me. He had this evil look in his eye like he wanted to throw a telephone pole through my head, which he is perfectly capable of doing. I was in for it now!
"Don't tell me, Harry, that you ate my last fucking Zinger. Please, don't tell me you ate my Zinger," he sounded more panicked than angry, and opened the fridge and looked around for it.
"Yes, I ate it," I confessed, lowering my head.
It's just a Zinger. Sheesh. "Harry, I asked you not to! How could you do this to me? I got you a job, I let you live in my house, and I don't even make you pay the bills!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.
Remember in the movie how I said that thing he did with his nose was the single gayest thing ever? Well, throwing his hands up in the air beat that.
"Look, Perry, I'll make it up to you. I promise!" I pleaded, getting on my knees. Perry just stood there, looking down at me with crossed arms while he sighed. "It's okay, I knew you were going to eat it. It's okay. Come on, let's eat," he said, pulling white boxes out of the brown bags.
What a gay. I mean, guy. Hehe.
After we had sat down to eat dinner in the living room, the pressing question exploded in my head. Am I gay?
I had to ask the expert. "Perry, I want to ask you something," I began, all nervous. It was really awkward for me, gimme a break! Damn.
He looked at me, while he was wearing his retarded red sweater. I hated that sweater. It was too happy. It was too... SANTA CLAUSEY.
"Huh? What is it? Does it pertain to the movie?" he asked me, while he popped a weird round thingy into his mouth. So I don't know what shit's called, so what?!
"Uhm, n-no. No," I stuttered. He sighed and turned to face me as he swallowed that weird round thingy. He even put one knee up on the couch. "Good, because I hate explaining movies to you. What do you need to ask me?"
"Perry, am I gay?"
Mr Red Sweater just laughed at me. Loudly. Obnoxiously. "WOW! Harry, what brings this up? You're definitely NOT gay," he exclaimed, still laughing.
I had to tell him everything. "I watched your gay porn. Well, not YOUR gay porn, but the gay porn you have on the movie rack. And I liked it. A lot. I was watching it while you were gone," I told him, trying to make him think my question was serious.
The smile faded from his face and his mouth gaped. "You did what? You watched gay porn? And liked it? You weirdo," he said, starting to giggle some more. Fucking asshole.
"Perry, it's not funny!" I cried.
He kept giggling like a little boy and looked at me. "Seriously?"
I nod. "I think I might be gay," I responded.
"So you think you might be gay? Then there's only one way to find out. Come with me," he said, as he paused the movie and headed upstairs. I followed...
We arrive in his bedroom, where I was kind of familiar. I had slept with him in his bed afterall. Well, not like that. But whatever.
"If you want to know you're gay, you're going to have to get aroused by what I'm going to do. Do NOT look away, and do NOT close your eyes. Tell me to stop when it gets too weird," he instructed, as he pushed me onto his bed.
How come he gets the king size and I get the twin? That's not fair.
Perry began to unzip my pants. Wait, what is he doing? "Perry, what??" I had no words to say, but he just covered my mouth with his hand. "Shut up," he commanded, as he kept going. I thought I could tell him to stop when it got too weird...
So he unzipped my pants, and took them off. My boxers were next, and soon, all of my clothes were on the floor.
"Jesus, Harry. You're hairy and skinny as a plank. You should eat more," he complained, running his fingers down my chest... down to my belly button... down to my -- WOW.
It's not that I was getting sexually aroused, but it tickled. A lot. Now he was playing with my penis... trying to get it hard. It kind of wasn't working. "Harry, sit up," he prompted me, and I did so. Now he was all I could see as I sat up straight, playing with my weanie.
"I've never seen one like that before," he said out of nowhere. What the hell was he talking about? "Huh?" was all that came out of my mouth.
"Nothing, I was thinking out loud. Ignore that," he said quietly. What the fuck is going on down there?
Then, he did the unthinkable. It was wet, it was slimy, and it was hot. Not hot like sexually arousing, but hot like in temperature. "Perry," I whispered after a while. He didn't say anything. He just sucked.
I watched him go up and down, all the way. It was turning me on, and I was completely hard watching him blow me. It felt good too. He had nice lips. A hot tongue. He was so good...
"Harry," he whispered between mouthfuls. "What," I moaned, barely able to make it sound like a question. "Your cock," he continued. "Uh-huh." I wanted him to spit it out already. No! Not what I meant...
"Your fucking cock tastes good," he said all at once, sticking it into his mouth again. Fuck. Is this what he likes? He's fucking turning me ON, bad. Or is that badly? Hmm.
He slobbered all over it. This is the best blow-job I've ever had... I was getting close... really close.
-PERRY-
Harry's dick was a good length, and a good thickness. It was warm, and it tasted great. This was the only way to show the idiot how gay he wasn't, but he was enjoying, the fucker. Now he's stroking my hair.
Suddenly, he pulls me up to his face and kisses me. I know he's confused, but I don't think he wants to do this. He's just horny and undersexed... but I wanted it. I wanted to kiss Harry Lockhart.
The truth is, I've been in love with him. Or rather, it was a little crush at first. I can't help it. I always fall for the helpless guys. Harry is the most hopeless guy I've ever known.
And now, he's kissing me. His lips are so nice and warm... so soft. And he still uses that damn Cherry Flavored Carmex I told him to stop using. But I don't care. I just want to kiss this idiot in front of me.
I'm not going to lie; I've never made a move because he always gave me the straight vibe. I'd never waste my time on somebody who could never feel the same way for me.
He laid back and pulled me with him, on top of him. Kissing. Now using tongues. He still tastes like fucking Orange Chicken and... a Zinger?
He pulls away and gasps for air. Does he not know how to breath when he kisses? Loser.
"Perry, what are -- I mean, what am --" he just stopped and stared up at me. Do NOT tell me he was feeling weird now, of all times. "Perry, w-we should s-stop. I uhm... don't want to ruin our already strange f-friendship by asking you to d-d-do this," he stuttered nervously.
Way to fuck up the moment, Harry.
Instead I just sighed and got off of him. "Okay Harry. For you. Even though I was really enjoying it," I said as I walked out. What a cunt! I was fuming now.
"I'm gonna go finish my sweet and sour pork," In the restroom. You know what I mean.
Harry's such an idiot. I thought maybe we'd even have sex or something. But he HAD to bring up the friendship thing. Friends can fuck too, though, right? I've fucked my friends, and we still talk. Maybe it was the kissing.
I closed the bathroom door and looked at myself in the mirror. It's not his fault. He's confused.
But... it kind of hurts me that he's using me as a lab rat. Wait, what am I talking about? I made him do it. But he kissed me... Whatever, I'm confused now too. Fucking prick.
He knocks on the door. "Perry, uhm. Thanks. I enjoyed it. Uhm, too. Maybe we can do it again when I, uh, don't feel weird about it... I mean, it's not weird with you, because I'd actually like to have sex with -- I mean, I'd like it if you were the first guy I've ever -- what I mean to say is that I'd like for you to be my first. You know, guy that I've... you know." How sweet...
"Harry, I'm not a guinea pig. But I appreciate that you'd want me to be the one..." I choked on my words. I wanted to open the door, but I couldn't. Harry's such a damn heartbreaker.
"Come on Perry, open the door," he asked, sounding nervous. I could hear him saying something quietly behind the door, but I couldn't quite understand.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing, forget I said anything. I'll be in the living room," he said finally as I heard him walk away. It was safe to step out now.
I opened the door, but right there, was Harry. "I thought you left," I muttered, frowning. "Idiot."
He just smiled like a goof and put his soft warm hands to my face. "Harry, stop. We're just friends," I said, putting my hands over his.
"I want to be more than that, Per."
"Pear?" I laughed a bit.
"Yes, Pear."
"But Harry, I hate pears..."
"But Perry, I love Pears," he told me, as he turned red. He was too cute, I have to admit it. No wonder I put up with this guy... I think I might be hopelessly in love with Harry.
And without me noticing, Harry leaned forward to kiss me. I wanted to say something mean, but I couldn't. I just kissed back, putting my hands around his waist.
He's straight... I don't want to fall for my friend just because he's confused and I happen to help him... I don't want Harry Lockhart to break my... heart? Hey, that rhymed.
-AUTHOR'S NOTE-
Yay, my first REAL KKBB fic. The other one was too heartbreaking for me, so I had to write a happier one so I wouldn't be depressed as soon as I finished writing it. I'm not suicidal, mind you, I just put a lot of feeling into what I write...
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. THERE WILL BE MOAR.