I do not own D. grey man

This is my first fanfic so don't hurt me if it sounds crappy and stuff like that.

This story is about the hyperactive lovable red head we all know and love!!

So, read and enjoy with no flames!!

What have you done to yourself? You are a pitiful lowlife. You are not supposed to love only to record. That is your destiny: to record history. Nothing more will you do. You are supposed to think that every human is trash and nothing more, or, as the bookmen say, ink that is used to write our history. How much ink does there have to be, to make you into that very same ink you are using? What makes you able to not love? You just record and that is all you are supposed to do. You are meant to walk this road. The road that is traveled by oh so many, you are supposed to walk that road with no second thoughts in mind. You are not supposed to think only listen. That is your job, your destiny.

I am here at the cliff where the head quarter is. I woke up this morning fooling everyone with my smile. My smile is only but a empty expression. My smile, no, my 49th personality's smile is only for show. I am not a person that deserves the precious gift of life, I deserve nothing and that is that. My destiny is set, and that is it. I walked to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. Ah, jerry's cooking smelled so wonderful. I wondered how he made the plainest food, soba for example, into a master piece. I wish I could do that: make everyone happy by doing something in there favor. I wish I wasn't on this cliff doing what I am going to do, but I know deep down it would solve so many problems if I just faded away in the history I was recording….

I was there waiting for the perfect time to jump, but then I thought of 'him'. Kanda Yuu was his name. His name enchanted every nerve in my body. I didn't like to use 'kanda' because it reminded me of panda. And, in thinking of 'pand' i thought of Granpa jiji. Yeah it freacked me out too. So, I always used Yu. He was stubern and didn't like it when I called him that. He had a first anme, why not use it!! He Sarted to ease up on the name, or I hoped. Maybe he finnaly accepted the 49th me will not give it up.

What is wrong with me, no the 49th me. why does he break so many rules to get what he wants, why? Why, did he break the most important rule you must never break as a bookman? to love, why was it forrbidin in the bookman clan. Who the hell came up with that rule anyways, damm. Why do things have to be so complicated? I love Kanda Yuu, no matter what. I just can't stop thinking about him. He's in my mind every day and night. When did I start to have these feelings for him? Why did I fall in love with a cold, loveable, samuri? If i didn't fall this deep in my own love for him, then i could have least seen him every day till I departed with the head quarters. Kanda Yuu, do you think of me the way I do you? Ha, now I really am kidding myself. Why would Kanda love me. I only a nusaince to him. So, why do I keep thinking about him. Why??

Meanwhile with Kanda...

Where the fuck is that bunny!! God, I couldn't even sleep because of him. Dammit! All night I was thinking about him, crap. That damm bunny is going to pay. i woke up five times from that retarted nightmare. Why does it concern me anyways if he dies. That stupid rabbit has nothing to do with me! Aw crap, why am I still thinking about him? after I got out of my fucking room, i went to go eat some soba for breakfest. On my way I would just scrowl at people to give them a warning that I am Pissed off. I sat down where I always do and eat. I kept thinking why I was dreaming about Lavi the usagi.

Lavi is such a baby: he always have that goofy grin on his face. Damm, that gets me so pissed off!! He has that stupid grin, that fucking red hair, and those soft, pink lips. Wait, what the fuck did I just think? No way, no way! I can't , I won't, I refuse to love him. no I am staight as a pole, or so I hope so...

Then something caught the edge my eye...