Disclaimers- I do not own anything with relation to Twilight. Does that make sense? Oh well I do not own Twilight!

summary: Before Bella came along all the girls fallen for Emmett and Jasper. But mostly Edward cuz he's the single Cullen. These are all the flirty attempts that have failed.

Jessica

I can do this! Every boy wants me. You're cool, popular, hot, and always in the spotlight. Who doesn't want you? (A/N Every boy in America) You're Jessica Stanley.

Yesterday the most gorgeous boys came to our school. And if I can't have them then no one will. After school that day I planned to ask their sisters what they like in a woman. The blonde one just hmped at me and walked away. Alice stood at her locker like she was expecting someone. I then asked her my question. And this is what she said, " Put chicken fat in you're hair." ( icarly is so funny. I got this from them)One thing's for sure, she sure is nicer than the blonde. It's good to know that I'm on the good side of one of my future sister in law.

I wanted to make sure I make a good impression so instead of my shampoo I used chicken fat. Then when I was done washing, dry, and all that mumbo jumbo, I used more chicken fat to make my hair glisten. Then I used my most revealing outfit. I look totally good. Oh-yeah. If I wasn't me then I would totally date myself.

Now, to the school!


This is so nerve racking! I walked straight past their car when they got out and they didn't even look at me! They looked as if they smelt something bad. So at that time I thought If they don't like the air then I must use my chicken fatted hair to waft away the stinky smell. It was kinda hard to do though. My hair was already flowing in the wind directing at them. So I looked right and left so it can become more flowy. Alice kept giggiling and whispered something to the blonde one which I now know as Rosalie. Then she was laughing out loud! I don't think that was very lady like.

So now it's lunch and I already decided to sit with my new husbands. I quickly strutted over there and sat down. My face slowly went up beautifully and saw six pairs of eyes on me. The eye color was black for all of them. But who cares, they're hot! Hmmmmm better start with the one that doesn't look so terrifing. Oooh the reddish brown haired one!

" Hello," I purred seductively. All he did was gag. He must want me! " So I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie with me at my house. There will be no one there. Just you and me. Alone. Since the movie will be playing it would be very dark in the room." I started to think rated R scenes with me and him

He looked very disgusted for some reason. And he kept gagging. Is he choking?

"Is he choking?" I just had to ask.

"Maybe," said Alice with absolutely no concern for her brother. Wait. Lightbulb!

"I know mouth to mouth!" I'd take any opportunity.

"I'm ok!" Edward sounded confident. Hmmmm.

"Are sure you don't want to check? The thing you must have been eating might've decreased you're air supply." Please say yes. Say yes! Yes Yes!

"I'm ok. Now can you please stop trying to ask me out. I will never go out with you even if you were the last woman-no thing on earth." Wha? No one does that to Jessica Stanley!

"How about you blondy?" Say yes!

" I'm not a lesbian." I was talking to the guy that's blonde! People are right. Blondes are dumb! (Not dissin blondes. Jessica is the dumb one)

" Not you! The handsome one right here." I rolled my r's.

"Sorry but he's my boyfriend." WHAT?! Well they aren't related so I guess that's okay.

"How about you muscle man?" Come on! I might need a big, strong, strong man like you!

"He's mine." Everybody's taken? 'Cept Edward.

" You sure you don't wanna go out with me Edward?" I asked just one more time hoping he would say yes.

"I don't like you. Please leave."

Well! I can't believe it. I just got rejected 3 times. Wait no. Edward said no another time so...what's the number after 3? I ran to the bathroom as soon as I can. In the mirror I saw an ugly lady. What happened to the hot girl I used to be? Ick the chicken fat dried. EWW! What Alice said was a trick or sarcasm. Or both! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Chicken fat is in my hair! Eww. Eww. Eww. Eww.

Emmett's POV

Gah! There is a hideous monster in front of Edward! I must protect him! Oh, wait no that's just Jessica trying to ask us out. Is that chicken fat?

Thank you to everyone who read this. Please review. Please. I want to know something. Lauren or Angela next? Pretty please! Review