Missing Moments in PoM
Disclaimer: I do not own Penguins of Magascar. I make no money off this story.
Chapter 1: A Visit from Uncle Nigel (episode 249)
(Based on the penguins needing a DNA test to figure out their gender idea)
'Of course I'm a spy. I couldn't let your group find out. Females tend to be quite distrustful of males who would rather have adventures than stay at home and raise the little ones. I am shocked at how easily they accepted you into their squad, but perhaps that means equal opportunity will someday be reality,' Uncle Nigel commented, fiddling with his machine.
'Um... what do you mean, Uncle Nigel? My teammates are all male, just like me,' Private stated, giving himself a once-over. The older penguin laughed and slapped him on the back with a flipper.
'You didn't know? Young ones these days. You've been bunking with three sexy females and thought they were male this entire time? And here I was worried about your virginity,' Nigel chuckled, shaking his head.
'Uncle Nigel,' Private gasped in shock.
'It's true, my boy. I'm surprised they never mentioned it, especially since you clearly behave more like a male than a female,' the older penguin pulled the pink unicorn from under his nephew's pillow and gave it a shake.
'But, girls are the ones that like dollies and unicorns. I thought I was just a little strange for a boy,' Private admitted.
'Hah! Don't you know anything about your own species, lad? Male penguins stay at home and keep the egg safe and warm. The females are the ones that go out into the wild to hunt for food. They have to be tough and steadfast, able to brave hungry seals and so forth in order to return to their mates and children. They're born and bred to be strong and agile. Very rarely do males, like you and I, choose the adventurous life,' Uncle Nigel threw a flipper around his nephew's shoulders and hugged him close.
'Wow. So Skipper, Kowalski and Rico really are females?' Private blinked up at his uncle.
'That's right. Now, we have more pressing matters to attend to. I'm here to capture the Red Squirrel!'
'Guys, guys, guys. I mean, girls. You won't believe it! Uncle Nigel and I fought the Red Squirrel!' Private dropped down into the base and clapped his flippers.
'You called it, Private. I don't believe it,' Skipper commented, glancing up from his magazine.
'Waka nava gwrls?' Rico grunted.
'I agree with Rico. We are not female, Private. I already did the DNA test and Alice was clearly mistaken. Oh, and I also do not believe the story about you and Uncle Nigel fighting the Red Squirrel,' Kowalski scoffed.
At that moment, Uncle Nigel came flopping down into the base and gave them all a goofy grin.
'But, Uncle Nigel is a spy and we did fight the Red Squirrel. And he says you are female!' Private shouted, hopping from foot to foot.
The three older penguins gave their youngest member a startled look, then burst out laughing.
'I don't understand it either. Why don't we discuss it over tea and biscuits? Private, if you would...' Uncle Nigel pushed the younger penguin lightly to the side.
'Oh fine,' Private stormed off in a huff, slamming the door behind him.
'Someone's in a mood today,' Skipper commented, shaking his head.
'What a silly story. Fighting the Red Squirrel and us being females? Ridiculous,' Kowalski went back to his card game.
Suddenly, acorns were falling from the ceiling entrance.
'No!' Uncle Nigel tackled Rico just as he/she picked one up. Red smoke started to billow from the acorn and it was lights out for the penguins in the room.
'You really are a spy?' Kowalski gasped, staring at the older penguin in amazement.
'What? You didn't think a male penguin could handle the... oh wait, Private did say you thought you were all male,' Uncle Nigel slapped his head with a flipper.
'What are you going on about? Of course we're male,' Skipper glared at the spy.
'No, you're not. All three of you are clearly female. Private's a male. I'm a male. It's obvious to anyone. I'm sure even the Red Squirrel knew,' Uncle Nigel pointed to his arch enemy.
'Pah. Of course I knew this. Everyone knows that the female penguins are always the fighters. The males tend to stay at home and raise the chicks. Except males like super secret agent Nigel. That is why he is so dangerous. Clearly he is superior to the other male penguins of the world,' the evil squirrel commented, rolling his good eye.
'I am NOT a female. And besides, Kowalski already did a DNA test,' Skipper growled, glaring back and forth between the Red Squirrel and Uncle Nigel.
'Um... well, actually...' Kowalski actually looked embarrassed.
'What did you do?' Skipper frowned, crossing his flippers over his chest.
'I had a hunch that I was the female and I didn't want anyone to find out, so I might have... tweaked the machine. It is possible that I tweaked it too much,' the scientist admitted.
'Kowalski!' Skipper slapped his forehead and groaned.
'Well, we defeated the Red Squirrel and now there's just one last thing we have to do... Kowalski, you'd better make sure that DNA test is working properly this time,' Skipper ordered, glaring at his teammate.
'It is. But, Skipper... what if it turns out that the three of us are actually females?' the scientist asked, setting up the machine.
'Well, I guess we'll just have to deal with it. I'm sure the machine will just confirm that we're all male. After all, Private's the most girly one in our group,' Skipper patted the younger penguin on the back.
'Ah, but Private clearly behaves likes a normal male penguin. Liking cute and cuddly things, being overly polite, nurturing and all that. While you three are clearly strong, agile and even a bit violent. Just like the females back home,' Uncle Nigel sighed.
'Uh huh... Stop making googly eyes at us. Frankly, it's a bit creepy,' Skipper announced, looking away from the older penguin.
'Sorry. It's been a while since I've been in the presence of beautiful warriors like yourselves. Private, you are the luckiest male penguin on the planet,' Nigel sighed, giving his nephew an envious glance.
'The machine's done. And here come the results... well, Rico is a female. Private is a male. I'm a female... wow, yeah that still surprises me even now. Oh, and you're a female too, Skipper. Looks like Uncle Nigel was right,' Kowalski admitted.
'I want a second opinion,' Skipper announced.
'You want me to do what?' the one-eyed dolphin stared at his mortal enemies in shock.
'You heard me. Test our DNA and tell us what gender we are. If Kowalski can do it, then obviously you can,' Skipper glared up at Dr. Blowhole.
'My machine worked just fine. We're all female... except Private,' Kowalski frowned, giving her leader an irritated look.
'You're a female?' Blowhole gaped at the penguin scientist in shock.
'Apparently,' Kowalski rolled her eyes and turned away.
'Fine. I'll do the test. But, I'm doing it because I choose to do it, not because you ordered me to,' the dolphin commented, throwing Skipper an annoyed look.
... an hour later...
'Congratulations. You're all girls... except you,' Dr. Blowhole threw Private a brief glance before turning his full attention to the sexy female penguin scientist... er, Kowalski. Yes, he meant to think Kowalski, not sexy female... damn!
'Well then. Rico, pink bows for everyone. Except Private,' Skipper declared.
'Actually, I'd prefer a blue bow,' Kowalski spoke up.
Rico spit up three bows and took the purple one for herself. Skipper just rolled her eyes as she adjusted her pink bow.
'Awwww... I want a pretty bow too,' Private sighed.
...the end...