Simon could not sleep for the life of him. It was 3:30 in the morning and he was wide awake, unable to get any shut-eye, and he knew why.
It was because Bram wasn't there with him.
It wasn't like they'd fought or anything, on the contrary, actually. Bram was off on a book tour with his publisher, and since Simon was a kindergarten teacher, he couldn't really miss much school. So there was Simon, lying in the large double bed and missing Bram's arms around him.
He flipped over onto his other side, but eventually gave up on trying to sleep. He got up and turned on the light, grabbing a sheet of paper from the nightstand. On it, Simon drew a picture of himself and Bram, sitting on the porch like they did so many nights in the summer between high school and college, watching the sun rise. He decorated it like a postcard, and wrote a little note on the back.
Blue,
You're out right now, and I guess this gesture is a little dramatic, but I can't sleep and I can't think of anything that I'd love to do more than write to you. I wish you were here. I miss you, and I know it's only been a few days, but I really, really miss you. I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you, lazy kisses and passionate kisses and sticky syrup kisses over pancakes and kisses that lead to more. And I just really love you a lot, babe. I love you more than you know.
Love,
Your Jacques
Slapping a stamp on the postcard and addressing it to Bram, he crept out of the master bedroom, down the hall to their daughter's room. Alissa was fast asleep in her bed, a tender little smile on her lips, and Simon couldn't help but stand there for a minute and watch her little chest rise and fall.
When he was able to pull himself from the door, he walked outside and placed the postcard in the mailbox. His intention was to head inside, maybe make some tea and binge-watch TV, but then he stepped onto the porch, and almost like is body had its own mind, he sat down on the front porch. It was an exact replica of how he and Bram used to sit by each other, whispering and kissing as they watched the night turn light blue. Except Bram wasn't there.
Simon felt a tear pricking his eyes and he wiped it away, whispering encouragement to himself. It didn't help. Simon supposed it must take two to whisper in the night.
He turned his hand over in his lap. It felt off, like something was missing, and he realized the off feeling came from the spaces between his fingers, empty, right where Bram's own fingers fit perfectly. Another tear came to the corner of his eye, and this one he let fall. It slipped down his cheeks and landed on his empty hand.
Simon sat on the porch for hours thinking about all the times he'd had with Bram and all the times to come with Bram and Alissa. He stared at his empty hand until the shadow of the large tree in the front yard was cast onto it, and then he looked up and realized that the night was over. The sky was illuminated in beautiful pinks and oranges, the most beautiful sunrise he'd seen in a long, long time.
A text came through on his phone, and he turned to look at it.
my love: good morning, sunshine (heart)
Simon smiled, texting a response back to Bram and heading inside. He knew the next few days without his husband would be hard, but at the end of the day all that mattered is that they'd always come back to each other, and that made him happy.