DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters of CASTLE. I am merely borrowing them for my own enjoyment (and yours too hopefully) as well as my sanity (and yours too probably).
Author's Note: Tonight's episode was awesome, but again with the Castle / Beckett moment that makes me want to bang their heads together. This little drabble is the result and I am keeping up my end of the bargain, another week passed and another Castle / Beckett fiction for you all. Hope you enjoy! Leave a review if you've got the time.
Beating the Odds
"I guess it really is all about beating the odds," Castle said as he and Beckett left the warehouse. "I mean look at us."
Kate's heart gave a lurch as she looked up to her partner. "Us?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant about what he was saying. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that if you looked at us four years ago, you never would have thought that we would have turned out the way we have."
"And what way have we turned out Castle?" Kate asked, trying to keep her voice amusing.
"Oh you know, good friends, partners even."
Kate shook her head in relief, glad that that was all that Castle was going with this.
"And yet…" he continued causing Kate's heart to stop a little.
"And yet what?" she asked, stopping in the street, forcing him to stop with her.
"And yet I can't help wondering if this is it."
"Huh?" asked Kate. "It?"
Castle let out a breath and then looked around. "You know, us working cases together, solving mysteries the usual."
"What about this is so wrong?" asked Kate, wondering if she had played it all wrong. Wondering if by lying to him about what she remembered that she had inadvertently pushing him away.
Castle sighed. "Nothing it's just…" he paused trying to word his feelings in a way that would let Kate know that he was looking for more out of their relationship without completely freaking her out.
"What Castle?" she prompted in a quiet voice, genuinely scared now.
"Lately I've been wondering if something more wouldn't be…" Castle paused struggling to find the right word. "...better…" he added finally.
Kate felt as though her entire world was crumbling down around her. "You sick of following me around?" she asked surprised at the waver was in her voice.
"What?" exclaimed Castle, horrified at the tone that he heard in Kate's voice. "No. Not at all. What— why would you think that."
"Well you just said that you wanted something more."
"I didn't mean that I wanted to stop shadowing you."
"Well it sure sounded like that to me," Kate said bitterly.
"Hey now," Castle said, trying to diffuse her anger. "Don't bite my head off."
"Don't you think that it's warranted?" Kate asked angrily.
"No," Castle defended. "I don't."
"Well then you should watch what you say Castle," she said as she strode around the car to get in the driver's side.
"I always watch what I say," he snapped, unable to stop himself.
"Oh no you don't," she countered. "You say things with no idea of the consequences or how that might make the other person feel."
Castle's first instinct was to say something biting back, but then he realized that Kate was talking about something completely different. He strode around the hood of the car and stopped her from getting in. "What are you trying to get at?"
"What were you trying to get at when you told me that you loved me?" she asked, and as soon as the words were out of her mouth she realized that she had just broken the promise that she had made to herself when she had woken up all those months ago. Kate wasn't going to say anything about Castle loving her. She wasn't even going to hint at it and all it took was the mistaken impression that he was leaving her to cause her tongue to break the promise that her heart had made her mind.
Castle looked like a dear caught in headlights. "You remember that."
Kate nodded and ran her hand through her hair. "Yeah."
"But you said—"
"I know what I said," she interjected, knowing that Castle was going to remind her of how she had said that she had heard what he had done for her instead of admitting that she had heard him confessing his love for her.
"Then why did you—"
"I had just been shot Castle," she interrupted, wincing internally at the hard tone in her voice. Of all the ways that she had imagined this conversation going, the way it was going wasn't anywhere on her list. Kate had imagined that it would have been romantic, like one of Castle's romantic sub-plots. Instead it was one of their normal drag-out fight-like arguments.
"What did you expect me to say?" Kate finished in a quiet voice.
"I…" Castle began, stopping after one word when he realized that whatever he said at the moment would have long reaching consequences. "I wouldn't have expected anything," he admitted. "I would have hoped that you'd have told me that you heard me, at least an acknowledgement that you knew how I felt but that you couldn't deal with it—"
"I couldn't deal with it," Kate said.
"I know," he conceded in a soft voice. "But I was so worried about you Kate, and you pushed me away."
"I thought that you had forgiven me for that."
"Course I have," Castle assured. "But after bearing your soul to the woman that you…" he paused, suddenly having problems saying the word. With a sigh, he continued. "…you have no idea how worried I was that I was going to lose you."
All Kate's anger drained away, as she realized how vulnerable he was. "You didn't lose me then," she promised as she took his hand. "And you're not going to lose me now."
Castle looked down to their joined hands and wondered if his wildest dreams were coming true and that she and him had beaten the odds to actually get to a place where they could talk about their feelings openly and honestly. Kate looked into Castle's eyes and realized that his head was probably spinning and so she decided to take their relationship to the next step, the consequences and the potential problems be damned.
"I couldn't deal with your admission when it happened," she began quietly. "And I'm pretty sure that I'm still not in the right place to deal with it now but we've beaten the odds so far and I figure that we can beat them again."
Kate paused and gripped Castle's hand a little tighter. "I did hear what you said to me Castle," she said as she stared into his eyes. "I've known since then that you love me and I… it took getting shot to realize that I love you too and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier and I'm sorry for lying to you."
Castle shook his head. "Don't be sorry," he whispered as he leaned in close. "You're telling me now… and that's all that really matters."
"Better late then never eh?"
Castle nodded. "Yeah."
Castle didn't say another word; he just leaned in close and kissed Kate and of course, Kate kissed him back.
END
