My best friend is kissing me.

I am kissing my best friend.

On the lips.

We were arguing about me calling her boyfriend a douche, which he really is, and how I kept forgetting to light incense before I burned a doobie in our apartment.

We were in a really heated moment when she just stopped and stared into my eyes.

At first I thought that maybe something was wrong, like, she was having a heart attack or something.

I knew she was too young for that, but she had been yelling really loud and her face was all red.

I remember thinking she looked so fucking sexy in that moment and fucking scary all at the same time.

And then, I remember thinking her lips looked like they were getting bigger.

Gigantic, even.

I was very, very stoned; mind you.

I didn't realize, until her lips were on mine, that her lips were getting closer to me instead of getting bigger in size.

I briefly thought of how dumb I can be at times and then the thought was gone and I was kissing my best friend.

Fiercely.

There had been millions of times that I fantasized about being with her.

I never made a move on her because she always had a boyfriend.

She has a boyfriend started flashing in red in front of my mind.

I reluctantly pulled away from her.

I almost didn't, but I've been cheated on before and I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

Her eyes stayed closed for a minute before they flew open and she looked into my eyes, horrified.

When she took her arms out from around me, I felt cold instantly.

She started for the door, but I grabbed her arm before she got there.

I went around her and stood in front of her, both my hands grasping for hers.

"No, Spencer, you can't run out on me after…that!" I say to her accusingly.

Raising my voice was a big mistake.

She kept staring at the floor and I saw the tears fill her eyes and threaten to spill over.

My eyes filled, too, seeing her cry.

I slid my hands up her arms, bringing her closer to me.

"Don't cry, Spence, please. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

I hesitate, not getting a response from her.

I whisper, "Spence, look at me, please?"

I bring my hands up to her face and guide her eyes to mine.

A tear escapes her eye and I brush it away with my thumb.

"You're not mad at me…for k-kissing you?" She barely whispers out.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"No, the truth is I've wanted to do that for a long, long time since I've known you. I'm a little upset that you were about to run out on me, though."

I didn't expect that telling her that would make more tears fall, but it did.

I pull her into a tight hug and she buries her face into my shirt.

I start rubbing circles on her back and she starts shaking.

"Sshhh. It's okay, Spence. Please, don't cry anymore. I hate seeing you cry, you know that."

After a few more sniffles and shakes, she pulls back from me.

"Ash, I have a-a-"

I interrupt her, because I know what she's trying to say.

"You have a boyfriend, I know. That's why I pulled away from you." I tell her, looking into her eyes.

"I thought you thought it was a mistake and you were going to be angry with me." She brings a hand up to my face and stares at me admiringly.

"Never." I say with conviction, then grab her hand and kiss her palm.

Her boyfriend, Jamie, pops into my head and I gently drop her hand and step back from her.

Before she panics, I pick her hand back up and hold it in mine.

"I won't do anything more with you while you and the douche ba-…Jamie are still together. You know why I won't, because you were there picking up the pieces." She nods knowingly and I don't have to go further into it.

"I want you, though, Spencer. I want you to be mine and ONLY mine." I tell her sincerely, speaking from my heart.

"I want to be yours, Ash." She says in a sob and then hiccups.

I can't help it that my face split into a smile.

She's so damn adorable.

And so fucking sexy.

I'm starting to wish I had kept kissing her.

"I love when you smile like that, Ashley." She says and it breaks me from my thoughts of doing dirty things to her.

"Your brow pinches up and there's that spark in your eyes…you're beautiful." She whispers the end.

"You're the reason I smile like that, Spence. I think it's always been you." I tell her truthfully.

"It's been you for a while now, Ash. I was just too scared to do anything about it." She looks away from me.

"I didn't think you felt the same way as I do." She admits.

"You did do something about it, though." She looks up to meet my eyes.

"You kissed me." I smirk and it turns into a frown. "You've just got really bad timing, Spencerella."

She pinches my side, I yelp, and we both start laughing.

After a while, we sober up and we are left looking at each other.

"I'm going to end it with him, Ashley." She finally says. "I can't be with him anymore. He's a good friend, but I'm not in love with him." She pauses.

I know exactly what it is she is going to say before she says it.

And I am so happy when she says it.

"I'm in love with you." She says it and I see relief roll off of her.

"I so wish you weren't with him because I want you right here, right now." I say as I bring my body closer to hers.

I don't say it back, because I want to say it at the right moment.

"There are so many things I want to do to you. Some things I can't even speak of." I bring my lips deathly close to hers and then back away from her.

I walk over to the fridge and grab myself a beer.

Spencer doesn't drink beer so I don't bother offering her one.

When I turn back towards her, she is giving me the most god awful look.

"You're such a tease."

I give her a look that says 'you've gone fucking bat shit'.

"Me? I'm not the one with the boyfriend, Princess. Believe me, if he wasn't in the picture I would be alllll over you ten minutes ago." I take a long sip of my brew and then wait for her to respond.

"I'll be back tonight." She walks over to the couch and bends down to kiss me on the forehead.

"I'll see you when I get back." She says and she stalls, standing there looking at me with adoration in her eyes.

"Be careful, Spence. Call me if you need me." I holler to her as she leaves the apartment.

Sometime later I fell asleep on the couch waiting up for her.

I woke up when I felt someone running their hands through my hair.

I opened my eyes to find Spencer straddling me.

Instantly, my hands found her hips easily.

"Am I still dreaming?" I ask her and she laughs; tightening her legs around me to keep her balance.

"No, you're not dreaming. I'm right here." She leans down and brings her face close to mine.

I remember what she left to do earlier and put my hands on her shoulders; holding her back.

"Are you only mine, now?" I ask her in a whisper.

She grins from ear to ear and nods only once before I crush her body into mine and plant my lips on hers.

I break from the kiss to give us both a chance to catch our breath.

Our lips are still touching, though.

I can feel her breathing into my mouth.

All I can think about is that I want to do this for the rest of my life with her.

"I'm so in love with you, Spence." I tell her, my lips moving passionately against hers with every word, emphasizing every syllable.