I lie in a ball under my covers. Why is this so hard for me? Why am I reacting this way?
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
He wouldn't like it if He saw me this way. He would hold me in His arms and tell me everything was going to work out. NO! I can't think like that. It hurts too much. I laugh at the lunacy I have been driven to.
Sometimes I drive so fast
just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
it makes me feel alive
I want to hear His voice again, but with no help from Jacob possible, it didn't seem likely that I would be doing anything would make it possible anytime soon. My thoughts are getting dangerous again. It is too easy to think of bad things when I am alone without any distractions. It's hard to breath. I pull myself into a tighter ball, trying to regain control of my breathing again.
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
All I ever wanted was Him. Even now, when I knew He didn't want me the same way I wanted Him, I couldn't help but want Him back. Why did He have to leave? Why couldn't I have had a few more moments to say goodbye?
To walk within the lines
would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
have been to the extreme
Maybe I could make it. Jacob makes me feel almost normal again! Maybe I could serve with his help. He certainly helps me hear Him even if he doesn't know it. He makes it easier. But that wasn't a safe subject either. Thinking of Jacob was just as hard as thinking of Him.
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
anything to make me feel alive
This pain was too much, but at least it was better than my zombie-like state. I can't go back to that.
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
Why! Why was it that the slightest reminder of Him coagulated me in my tracks? I guess I know why. I want him so badly! He was the entire reason for my existence.
Let down your defenses
Use no common sense
if you look you will see
that this world is a beautiful
accident, turbulent, succulent
opulent permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
don't wanna waste it away
This isn't fair! Jacob shouldn't let her get this way! He knows how hard it is on me and he's abandoning me, it's not right! He has to know what he's desertion is doing to me! He shouldn't get away with this! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind the next time I see him.
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Why should I wait until he comes looking for me? I should go looking for him and tell him off now. I jump out of bed and run to my truck.
Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please