You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
The relationship that we had crafted was slowly coming undone. I could practically see the edges of our star-crossed love fraying. You had always told me to be cautious around you. You told me that you could never give yourself to me fully, but it was something that I came to accept. I knew that we could make it work.
It's getting dark and it's all so quiet and I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like a big mistake
The sun is setting and my hands are shaking. You promised that you wouldn't leave me alone. I should have known that it was a promise that you couldn't keep. Who did we think we were kidding?
You were always so cautious when we were alone. In public, I caught glimpses of what our life together should have been like. It could have been beautiful if it weren't for your fear of the shadows in your life.
Everyone thought that we would be married.
Maybe I pressured you into it. Maybe you wanted to try and be normal. Maybe this really is your fault.
Oh, holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold
But now that I know what it's like, now that I know all of the beautiful intricacies of your soul … It's just so hard to let go.
I almost lost you once before, when you thought that he was going to hurt me; when you were concerned about him getting his sadistic, murderous hands on the girl who was distracting you from your duties as his puppet.
But now, now the look in your eyes is different. I know he is gone. I know the coldness in your gaze isn't his.
It is much crueler than his gaze could have ever been.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought that I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Maybe I overreacted to the rumors that spread across campus about you and that girl.
I should have known that you had left that behind when your darkness left you.
But now you've left me wondering if the darkness ever left you at all …
Secretly, I'm screaming inside. I've wanted you all along. I don't care about your evils, your faults, your character flaws.
Don't you understand?
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now
I'm haunted
There is a hole in my heart. This empty apartment hurts to look at.
I can't even sleep in here anymore. Do you know that?
I had to go and sleep on Téa's couch. You know that I don't even like her that much.
I thought that you would understand the loneliness; I thought that you would be sensitive to it since you always told me about how lonely you felt when he was in your life.
I told you that I'd never leave you. You just smiled at me; I knew better than to expect a similar answer from you.
You were never that type of guy.
Stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He will try to take away my pain and he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead
I didn't think the last time I ever saw you would be a bleary, smudge-ridden memory.
Deep down inside, I had always hoped that it would be like in the movies. We'd grow old together, we would have something special.
I didn't think that I would feel this way three years from now.
You left me in our bed. It was seven-twenty in the morning and we had been up all night working on essays, hardly regarding one another for more than a few minutes at a time to ask questions about grammar or condemn our professors to hell.
You were running late for class, like always.
I tried to kiss you goodbye, but you just held me.
I have moved on … or, at least, I have gone through the motions. I have a new boyfriend. You've probably heard about it. It's been in all the papers as of late. My life's story is now splashed on the covers of gossip magazines.
Sure he's rich, he's gorgeous, and he's well mannered. And sometimes, sometimes he makes me smile.
He's also not you and I don't know if I can ever forgive him for that.
And I don't think I've ever been held as tightly as that bleary Wednesday morning in late September.
And I don't think that I'll ever forget it.
Oh, holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding onto nothing
Now that I'm thinking about you, reliving all of those terribly fond memories, I'm struggling to breath. It hurts to think that you ran away. It hurts even more to think that maybe it was me that pushed you away.
How could I trust you if you hardly trusted yourself?
Maybe I was stupid. Maybe we were too young.
Maybe, just maybe, we really were meant to be together. I guess we'll never know now.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
I thought I knew where our lives were headed.
We talked about it thoroughly that night. The bonfire had started to die down and the gang was singing songs, gathered around, everyone pressed close together to savor the warmth. The ocean breeze made your silver hair intermingle with mine.
Your fingers gripped my hand so tightly when I told you that I wanted to move in with you, now that we were in our second year of college.
"I'll finally have you all to myself, all the time."
I can still feel your warm breath in my ear; I can feel it mingle with the sound of the waves and the rush of cool air flowing inland. I can smell the sweet chocolate scent of your breath mingling with the salty air.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now
I'm haunted
Everything that happened between us is engraved into the back of my mind. It's etched into my skin. These arms are still yours. These legs, too. My mouth still longs for your pale skin and warm lips.
I can't stand to part with the idea of you. That's what you are now. An idea that I once had; a page in the book of life that I write with every breath I take.
The breaths don't come as easily now.
I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone
No
You can't be gone as long as I have pieces of you.
That's why I never moved anything.
I still pay the rent on our apartment.
I washed the coffee cups, but I put them right back where they were. I come here when he's at work. He thinks I have class at that time and he doesn't call. Not like he would otherwise.
You used to call me in between my classes, just to check up.
I left the bed unmade. You used to tell me that leaving the bed unmade meant that we could preserve our intimacy. Leaving our bed for the day was simply a pause to the real, important matters in our life. You and I were real.
There are still strands of your silver-blue hair in my old hairbrush. The clothes you decided not to take with you are still neatly folded in the second and third drawers of our beat-up, secondhand dresser.
I haven't changed the locks. You still have the key, I looked for it everywhere. Maybe you're holding onto that just like I'm holding on so tightly to all of this.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
You left me half way through our story. You ran away and, for all I know, you never even spared a look back.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
I can't go back
I'm haunted
Sometimes I feel like there are eyes on me as I'm walking down the street. They could just be paparazzi or angry Kaiba fan-girls, but I like to pretend that it's you.
I like to tell myself that, while you did run away, maybe you suddenly realized that you couldn't really leave me behind. That I was a part of you just as much as you were a part of me.
Maybe your beautiful brown eyes have lost that frost; maybe they've warmed up again. Maybe they're that delicious melting chocolate color I came to love.
Maybe it really is you watching me and you're just afraid to come to me. Maybe you think that the rumors are true. Maybe you think Seto and I really are engaged.
You'd be right.
You'd also be a fool to think that I wouldn't leave him in heartbeat to rush back into your arms.
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it
It's been three years, but I leave you letters in this plastic box. I hope that someday you'll come home and read them.
Dearest Ryou Bakura,
I don't know how many more letters I'll be able to write. Now that I'm pregnant with our first child, Seto wants me to take it easy. I do some marketing for Kaiba Corp. just to keep my mind busy. Everything is wonderful; he's very kind to me. I think he really does love me …
And I can't help but think that it's been eight years.
I hope you haven't forgotten me.
Your name is still embedded in my heart.
I still dream about your voice.
I love you,
Goodbye,
Reiko Kaiba née Fujiyama
Ps. Sorry about the tear stains. I just can't stand the fact that I can't see you clearly in my mind's eye. I try so hard to picture you as you must look now, but I can only see you as I did that Wednesday morning. Fuzzy and distant, like a dream from childhood, like a ghost whose foggy body drifts between the realm of the living and the dead … I try to blink and clear my vision, but when I open my eyes you're always gone …
The now dirty-blond 27 year-old with distant brown eyes crushed the letter to his chest, just like he had done with every other one of the letters she had written. He let a tear fall as he folded the letter back up neatly and placed it back where it belonged in the third and final plastic tub that she had placed on the living room floor.
It was the last letter that she had written him. It was dated almost seven months ago at this point.
She hadn't come back and he really couldn't blame her.
He reached into his coat pocket; he had a thick envelope inside. It was full of replies and excuses that were not good enough.
He had no real reason for abandoning her that morning.
He had been afraid of disappointing her.
He had been a coward.
He pulled the envelope out of his pocket and fished a pen out of the backpack on his shoulder.
He wrote:
"You'll never find me. I don't deserve you. I'm glad to see that you've moved on."
He crossed it out.
He scribbled:
"I'm an idiot and you never have to forgive me for what I've done."
Wrong, wrong, wrong. He scratched it out.
"I love you, too. I always will."