The Woman I Can Never Have
By SurferChick
A/N: A little story I wrote on vacation about Doggett's feelings for Scully. Hope you like!
D/C: I don't own anything except the plot. Chris Carter and Fox and other people who are luckier than me own them.
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I don't know why I'm attracted to her. At first glance, she looks like all the other FBI agents: serious, though, and a desire to make the world better. But once you get to know her, you realize there's so much more behind that professional look of hers.
But I still don't know why I would have feelings for her. She's my partner. The bureau's always frowned upon office relationships. I could never go through with it.
Mulder did. She loves Mulder, not me. And why wouldn't she? He's outgoing, funny, hardly ever goes by the book. Completely the opposite of me. If I were a woman, I'd probably pass me up for him.
My psychiatrist seems to think that I would go after her, even though he and I know it's impossible to follow through on it. He says I should walk away from it. Follow another path, probably the one to Agent Reyes. My psychiatrist's still single, by the way.
Monica…I was probably in love with her at a time. It's funny. Everyone says I should be with her. I know her so well and her attraction for me is definitely there. But shouldn't I have feelings for the person I'm supposed to be with?
It's all so complicated. Complicated and difficult. Kind f like my whole life. First Luke dying, then me failing him and never catching the murderer, and now this. Skinner even said I should take therapy. When I said I already did, he said I should try to increase my sessions. Like I've got time to, randomly driving off to different points of the country on a limb, trying to find "the truth."
But I treasure those moments. Because two feet away from me in the car would be her. We would talk about normal things, the things that partners talk about. Maybe even what friends talk about.
I think I'm going to quit therapy. It really hasn't helped. The fact remains that I still go after the impossible. Finding a murderer or daring to love someone I'm not "supposed" to. How would things have been different if my wife hadn't died? Or if Mulder had? Or if Monica wasn't around? There are so many factors. So many factors to make my life miserable.
So I'll continue loving her from a distance. It's what I'm best at, right? Never giving myself happiness ever since Luke. I can't allow myself to let that happen to anyone else. Never again.
So, goodbye to you. Go with Mulder, the better one. The safer one. The one you're supposed to be with. But, please, don't forget me.
Don't forget the man who went against what everyone else thought and fell in love with you. I know I can never be with you. But please.
Don't forget me.
FIN