Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
"Hey Blaine, can I talk to you?" Finn asked as everybody started to clear out of the choir room.
"Sure." Normally Blaine would hang out with Kurt after Glee practice, but today Kurt and Rachel missed practice to attend and Open House for NYADA.
Finn shifted awkwardly from side to side waiting for everyone else to leave until finally it was just Blaine and him.
Once the door closed Finn started talking, "I've been thinking, and it's about time I had the 'Talk' with you."
"The what?" Blaine asked, hoping this wasn't headed where he thought it was.
"The 'Talk.' You know the one. As Kurt's big brother it is my responsibility to look out for him," explained Finn.
"You do realize that Kurt is 2 months older than you," said Blaine trying to reason with Finn's thought process.
"But, I'm bigger," said Finn as if that settled the matter. "Anyway, it is my responsibility to let you know that if you hurt Kurt, I will hurt you. And I was talking to Puck about this-"
"Wait!" Blaine interrupted. "You spoke to Puck about my relationship with Kurt," Blaine spluttered out in disbelief. He couldn't get the image of Kurt's face, a mix of horror and rage, out of his head. This could not get any worse.
"Well yeah. Puck is the expert on these types of things. You know things…that two people do together when they're close? Like really close, that's the main part of it. Sometimes even three people are involved, but that's a lot more complicated. And I didn't quite get how that works," Finn babbled.
It just got worse. His boyfriends' stepbrother was having the sex talk with him. Using advice he got from Puckerman no less.
"Puck explained how two guys did…well you know. And it sounds really painful. If I'm not supposed to let you hurt Kurt, then I'm not sure I can let you do that," Finn continued.
Okay, Blaine needed to take a moment. Finn was talking about stopping him and Kurt from having sex. Sure, they haven't gotten there yet, but when they are both ready he couldn't allow Finn to stand in the way with his dopey sense of chivalry. He had to take control before this spiraled into an even crazier place where Finn thought hand holding was evil.
"Finn, I'm going to have to stop you there. It's very sweet that you care so much for Kurt. I care a lot for Kurt too, and you have to know that I would never hurt him," explained Blaine.
"I know that," Finn conceded. "You're like part of the family. And I know you wouldn't hurt Kurt, but I had to say something and make sure," Finn said sheepishly. He scuffed his shoe and wouldn't make eye-contact with Blaine while mumbling, "It still sounds really painful."
It was hard staying exasperated with Finn when he looked like a five-year old. "Finn, I'm not going to get into the details of sex between two men. I think Kurt would be mortified if I did," said Blaine, while Finn flinched at the thought. Blaine continued, "If you do want to become more educated about it, I suggest you speak with Burt about it. He has a very good way of explaining things."
"Dude, how do you know that Burt gives a good sex talk?" asked Finn with a confused look on his face.
"I may have pushed Burt to give Kurt the sex talk," Blaine said awkwardly. Blaine continued, "And Kurt may have found out that I had a hand in it. But, then he told me what Burt said, and I wish my father would have had that talk with me. You have a really amazing stepdad."
Finn nodded, "I know. What I don't understand is how Kurt didn't kill you. And how did Burt not kill you? You told him to give his son a sex talk, and then you started dating him? That's a little weird."
"Well he did have a talk with me once I started dating Kurt. It included talking about my intentions and possibly threatening me with a shotgun. But, it seemed like he already knew that Kurt and I were going to be together long before I did. Kurt really wasn't too upset with me past the initial shock and anger. I think that it's a testament to the way the talk went. Otherwise I would have been killed twice-over, once by Burt and once by Kurt."
"Well, I'm glad they didn't kill you. I really like having you around. I mean Kurt is awesome too, but now that you're dating it's like I have two brothers or something. It's awesome," said Finn.
"It is awesome," chuckled Blaine. "So, are we okay now? And like I said, don't hesitate to talk to Burt. I think it would be a good thing."
"Yeah, we're good, and I'll think about talking to Burt," Finn said slinging his arm around Blaine's shoulder as they started to head out the door. Finn stopped abruptly causing Blaine to jerk back a little. "Umm Blaine can you do me a favor?" asked Finn
"Of course," Blaine replied, turning around to face Finn.
"Can you not tell Kurt about this conversation? I know he didn't kill you about the thing with Burt, but he loves you and thinks you're cute. I don't have that sort of protection. He'll kill me when he finds out, and he could do it. He may be smaller, but he pulls out all the stops when he fights. And his bite hurts!" said Finn his voice getting higher and louder with each sentence.
Blaine smirked, "I won't tell him about this conversation. After all we have to protect each other in a family, even if it's from one another, right?"
"Right, said Finn with a smile, slinging his arm once again around Blaine's shoulder as they continued to walk down the hallway.
We watch out for family right.