A/N: If you're reading this, then welcome to Bitter Regrets. It's a bunch of one-shots based on relationships that either a) ended during the books or b) were never established during the books. In short, lots of angst about things that can't/won't/once happened. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to request a pairing!

She watched his back as he walked down the hall, feeling like a page again. Why was she doing this? How could a crush, so long dead and buried, suddenly resurface, seemingly without reason? And yet, there was a reason. Kel knew that he had been drunk, and would have never said those things otherwise, but still, she couldn't help but wonder…No! What was she thinking? She had Dom; Neal had Yuki. That was how things were supposed to be. He was her best friend. Yes, she had once had a crush on him, but that was so many years ago. How could Neal even possibly cross her mind?

At dinner, she watched from across the table as they sat and ate together, fingers entwined. She felt the corner of her mouth turn up in a sad smile as she wondered, could that have been me? Would I be sitting next to him, holding hands with him, kissing him, if I had only told him? If we had only known that we both liked each other?

Is that the life I really want? She thought. Neal had finally found a serious relationship, something she just wasn't ready for. Besides, she had been, what, twelve, thirteen, at the time? Hardly able to accept and express "true love." They could not have courted; acting like a girl around the pages would had made everything uncomfortable, even unbearable; being alone together could get them both expelled! It would have been impossible!

Keeping her crush to herself had been perfectly rational; in fact, it was the only thing she could have done. Why then, was she so sad now? Why did she keep seeing her self in Yuki's place, laughing, talking, flirting with Neal? Why had being with Dom never feel exactly right, the way Neal's company had always been? Why was Neal the only person who knew her, wholly, completely, unlike anyone else? She sadly smiled as she remembered the night before.Everything just seemed so confusing.

"Remember that time that I found the love note you wrote to Kel? The one with all the frilly flowers in the margins?" Merric had spontaneously put in.

"Yeah, I remember," Neal had slurred, "Keladry/I love thee/You break my heart/With tons of glee…" He laughed so hard that he fell off of his chair, and laid on the floor, hiccupping.

She had fled the room.

So how could knowing this, now, years later, change anything? It was too late. Those feelings were dead, gone. She had lost Neal years ago, in favor of friendship. Surely there wasn't anything to regret about that, was there?

And yet, forever on, she would see him, and with a sad smile, wonder what could have happened if she had known…