November Song
I do not own "February Song" sung by Josh Groban, nor do I own Law and Order: Criminal Intent. I'm not making any money off this. It's just for fun. This has Season 6 spoilers.
Where has that old friend gone,
She watched him stalked out of the Major Case squad room throwing his black binder, that had become an extension of his arm, onto his desk. He shouted out a claim that he was unafraid of losing his job and it struck a cord deep in the recess of her chest. Had this case so totally torn them apart that he didn't care about losing his job, and in the end, losing her as well?
Lost in a February song,
She had the entire squad room staring at her. Goren and Eames. Eames and Goren. They just weren't one without the other. It was only natural that Major Case would look to her for an explanation. Only she had none. She knew that he was forced to live in the cloud of hospital antiseptic and pills because of his mother's condition. Now, it had only intensified with her being diagnosed with cancer and an older brother that was dodging his responsibilities.
Then it hit her. That was when she had noticed a parting of ways so to speak. It had been that hostage situation in Water Haven. She didn't know about his mom until he confessed to his mother's illness to the suspect. The suspect…not her. It had struck her as odd that he hadn't mentioned it before then but now in hindsight, it should have set off all kinds of alarms. But it didn't. She was his partner of six years and failed to see him shutting her out.
Tell him it won't be long,
Till he opens his eyes, opens his eyes.
She had asked him that day if he was okay and normally he would have shrugged off her concern and replied with some random quote or fact. But not that day. As she drove them out of a paradise that had just witnessed a horror, Bobby had just turned away from her and stared out the window. No words, just silence the entire drive back to the city.
That was where the healing would have to take place then. Words. But it was going to be an uphill battle. Bobby used words the way a fairy tale knight uses a sword and shield. He either hid behind them or defended himself with them. And trying to approach him after today's events, she wasn't sure which way he would use them.
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
Communication had never been problem between them before. In fact, that had been their strongest point in their partnership. It even went so far as after they walked out of the bull pen, the communication never stopped. She had to duck her head from the stares of the onlookers as tears stung the back of her eyes. How many times had she called him after work to find out what kind of computer should she buy, or what was the best TV on the market. And it was never a five minute conversation. He would list the top ten electronics and tick off the amenities as if he were reading it straight from the manufacturers.
Seasons change, did relationships also go through those changes? Had she and Bobby passed through the awkward brightness of spring into the relaxed pattern of summer? Was this their fall now? Was the partnership ending with a flash of bright colors that were signaling the death of something that had been wonderful?
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life.
She sunk into her chair at her desk and pulled out a couple files trying to look busy. She desperately hoped that Captain Ross and the rest of Major Case took the hint to leave her alone. She picked up a pen and then realized that it was visibly shaking. Dropping it in semi-disgust, she wondered when along the way she had stopped being a woman and became solely a cop. When had she given up her feelings and emotions? Had she totally given all the emotions over to Bobby and let him deal with them?
Her eyes rested on the picture sitting on her desk, the one of her and her dog. The only personal item she had ever allowed to grace her desk. She looked over at Bobby's desk and saw the Santa mug that had survived his outburst earlier on in the day. That mug held fifty times the sentimentality than her picture. It had been a gift from his mother, when she had been lucid enough to realize it was Christmas. She had bought it from the gift shop and kept it hidden in her room for close to a month before surprising him with it on Christmas day.
Alex covered her mouth and felt the tears winning out. He had called her at eleven o'clock that Christmas night. He had been crying, she could hear the roughness in his voice that only came with intense emotion. He had poured his heart out to her that night and, believing it was unprofessional to become emotionally involved in her partner's life, she had remained stoic, listening but not encouraging.
And I never want to let you down
There were so many times she could have been there for him and fell short. And yet, when push came to shove, he always put her first. In a hostage situation, he always would plead for her release first. On the job, she found him looking out for her safety before his own. But it wasn't just her, it was everyone that surrounded him. He gave more than he ever had received. But who was giving to him? Certainly not his mother or his brother. That was all the family he had. Their job didn't really allow for time spent with friends. And now, he had made one slip up and she had given him the cold shoulder for the entire case. He had needed understanding and support and she had given him nothing.
Forgive me if I slip away
She was never one for cutting and running on a problem. There was always a solution and she would find it, not matter what. There was always a conclusion that could be found. But all she wanted to do right now was slip under some rock and be forgotten by the world. She knew his situation and she had completely ignored it. This was going to take more than just an apology.
When all that I've known is lost and found
"Alex?"
She looked up to see Ross standing over her, concern written all over his features. "Yes?"
"Line two. It's for you."
She nodded, not really up to taking any calls from her family or anyone else for that matter but Ross seemed insistent that she take the call. So, like the good soldier she was, she picked up the phone and hit line two. "Eames."
A heartbeat of silence. "It's me."
"Bobby?"
"Yeah."
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
"Are you alright?" It was the first and foremost thing on her mind. Did he regress so much that all common sense would leave him and he would do something rash? Would he just retreat farther into the shell that she had backed him into?
"I'm…okay."
It was a response that she could read into and so she grabbed onto the lifeline of hope that he had thrown to her. This could be salvaged. Whenever she had asked him if he was alright (which was usually after his weekly visit to his mother) and he would respond "okay" it always meant "not good but not devastated." He had reopened the lines of communication with her and she jumped on it. "Talk to me, Bobby. Please?"
"Not now. I just didn't…um…want, want you to worry."
Shame overcame her in a second wave. He didn't want her to worry. She hadn't picked up the phone and called him, no, he had called her so she wouldn't worry. She should have been the one to call. Check on him. Show him that someone in this world hadn't filed him away as a nut case or background scenery.
"Eames?"
"Yeah?"
"You alright?"
A droplet fell onto the file that was in front of her. She brushed a hand across her face and found her cheek was wet. Maybe her emotions were still salvable. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just worried about you."
"How about tomorrow morning?"
"What?"
"Tomorrow morning, we'll talk."
"Face to face, Bobby."
There was a few seconds of silence that stretched on for an eternity. "Fine. Face to face. Where?"
"My place?"
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Tomorrow morning it is then."
Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
She had been up since seven, watching the street from her front window. It was now ten o'clock and Bobby hadn't shown yet. She normally didn't have problems sleeping but last night had been a terrible exception. She tossed and turned and gained maybe two hours of sleep. She tried to cover the dark circles under her eyes with make up but it was a trick that had failed on numerous occasions with Bobby.
She was worried, given his actions yesterday, that he wouldn't show up this morning. He was famous for crawling into the recess of his mind and not emerge until things had been resolved. That was how he solved crimes, but what most people didn't realize, that was how he dealt with life as well. For all she knew, he was still sitting in his apartment, staring at a wall and trying to make sense of why she had turned her back on him.
The light from headlights refracted through her windows, sending an array of rainbows on her pale yellow living room walls. Getting up from the chair where she had taken up watch, she saw his car pull up into her driveway. She was at the door waiting for him, relief and joy showing themselves on her tired face.
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes.
"Good morning."
He gave her that appraising look that he only used when assessing a situation. Apparently she looked a little too happy to see him. His surprise cut her deeply but she tried to hide that fact from him as he stepped through her doorway. Had she really let him believe that she didn't care anymore? Sure, they were partners but they were also friends. It wasn't something that she had set out to gain, his friendship, but she had it. And she had mishandled it. But that was about to change.
"How's your mom doing?"
He sat down on her couch and let out a sigh. "She's alright. I need to go up there today though. She has another chemo treatment and insists…"
"That you be there?"
He nodded.
"Do you want some coffee?"
"Sure. Thank you."
She moved into the kitchen and found herself dumping four teaspoons of sugar into the mug she had left out for him. It had been strictly out of habit that she knew what he wanted in his coffee. Six years of doing coffee runs, thousands of cups shared between the two of them and now, these two cups would determine where they would go from here.
It's in front of your eyes.
She handed him the mug of coffee and sat down in the chair catty-corner to the couch. She wondered if he had eaten at all since yesterday and if she should have asked him if wanted anything. But he seemed content enough with coffee so she let it slide. Maybe once things were settled they would feel more like eating something. He took a sip of the liquid and leaned back on the sofa, closing his eyes.
"Perfect," he said. It was then that she realized it was perfect. And the thing that scared her the most at this moment was the possibility of having to find another partner. She couldn't find one that fit as well as the large man sitting on her couch right now. The best choice she had ever made in her life was not deciding to become a cop, but rather deciding to stick out the ride as his partner. She had gained not only a trustworthy partner but also a faithful friend.
She loved him and that thought hit her like she had run her car into a brick wall at 100 miles per hour. It wasn't a romantic love, but it transcended friendship. And she had almost thrown it away for a couple of words that were spoken out stress and grief. His one murmured word opened her eyes to something that was too precious to let slip away. Perfect.
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world
"I'm sorry, Bobby."
His head was still laid back against the back of couch cushions. His eyes remained closed. "You weren't the one who walked out."
"No, but I may be the reason that you did walk out." She wrapped her hands around the hot mug, ignoring the sting of the heat on her palms. "I should have had more understanding of your situation. I let you down."
Alarm started to rise in her chest. He was silent, just lying there unmoving. She thought that he may have fallen asleep. It wouldn't have been the first time that he had been asleep and she had failed to notice it. It happened quite a bit on stake outs. Maybe he was just processing everything she had said. Or perhaps he was trying to politely let her know that her apology was too little, too late. Either way, his silence was making her a nervous wreck.
Where has that old friend gone?
Lost in a February song,
"Bobby?"
"Hm?"
"Are you awake?"
"Yeah."
"Did you…hear me?"
"Yeah."
Tell him it won't be long
Till he opens his eyes
"Well?" Alex asked.
A half smile slowly quirked on the corner of his mouth and he opened one brown eye. "Do you honestly think you have anything to apologize for?"
"Of course I do. You've always been there for me when I needed you and I wasn't there for you this time. I'm really sorry for that."
"You answered the phone at your desk when you knew it was me calling. You opened the door to me today. That meant more to me than anything."
Alex let his words sink into her mind. He had told her to back off, because she was afraid of him throwing away his career and ultimately throwing away their partnership. His mind was far from work at that point. Their communication was skewed and that had been his way of letting her know that. Even when their partnership was off balance, she realized she could always leave the communication to him.
"So, we're good?"
His eye slid shut again but a contented smile stayed on his face. "Yes."
Opens his eyes