He pulls down the last leaver and the TARDIS lands with a dull thud. He has always loved the feeling of these landings, like when your stomach flips in an elevator, only far better. Although admittedly he never had really grasped the concept of elevators. He is hot and sweaty but there is a smile marching up his cheekbones. River Song. Feeling around the controls he finds something with a reflection. He pulls it out and fixes his hair with one hand, pushing a handful of wavy brownness over his ear. He smiles, just the way River likes it.
The weather on Earth is rainy. He had always loved Earth rain, the way it tasted different to any other precipitation in the universe. He sticks out his tongue and catches a large drop, swallowing it with his eyes closed. There was something bout the Earth that he found incredibly beautiful, he would tell of mountains that swayed in the breeze and rivers that could sing but there was a beauty in Earth which made them seem tedious and boring. No matter how many times he travelled the universe, and he had nearly seen it all now, it seemed to be Earth that could steal the breath from his throat. The air tasted of the passion and humans and that seemed a beauty too intricate for them to understand.
When he turns River is standing behind him, and he knows she has been watching him. He has learnt to read her eyes, to interpret what she means from her beautiful smile. Her hair is wet even though she stands under an umbrella and it clings to the side of her head in dark, straight strands. He pushes it back over her ear and smiles, "Hello there."
"Hello," she says. He takes her hand and pulls her gently into the TARDIS, closing the doors behind him.
"Wow, this place really never gets old!" She whispers to herself. The Doctor is pleased at this, like a child with a new toy that someone else wants. He pulls the leaver flamboyantly and the TARDIS lurches into life, River falling against the console. He never tells her that he doesn't have to make it do this, that he just likes to see the rare, insecure side of River Song.
"Where are we going to this time?" River asks, dragging her hand along the console and turning a nob accidentally, trying to fix it but failing. This surprises him and it takes a moment to respond to her question.
"Oh, um, the planet Sedesse, the most westerly planet in the entire universe, best views in my opinion, one of the commercial ones on the outer rim, bought by the Leisure Palace company who owns places like the planet Midnight…"
He keeps talking, running around the outside of the control changing things and then changing them back again, blindly spitting out facts about this planet so as not to look River in the eye. There is something different about her and it makes him feel insecure.
Something beeps and he lands the TARDIS, feeling the planet drop slightly under its weight. He opens the door and lets River exit first, taking her hand as they step onto the soft grass. She is looking at him with a confused expression, her eyebrows hovering into her forehead and smile wavering to the left. He looks down and realises that he is holding his hand out, an automatic response to seeing her now, waiting for her to give him her diary so he can figure out where they are meeting. He retracts his hand, feeling embarrassed. It doesn't matter this time, he thinks, I couldn't ask now anyway. "Wow, this place is tiny!" She walks around the edge and comes back next to him. "And look at that view, the stars, the sky, it just doesn't stop does it!" She exclaims, teetering on the grassy edge. This makes him nervous, she doesn't sound like River, she sounds younger and her voice wavers on certain words. He sits next to her and puts his arm awkwardly around her. She feels different, he thinks; her body feels softer and more beautiful. And younger. This recurring thought of her being younger is concerning him but he forgets it, taking comfort in the knowledge that she likes the micro-planet he chose.
He walks nonchalantly back into the TARDIS and grabs a basket from the ground. He takes it back to River and puts it down next to her, looking at her and smiling in anticipation. Inside the basket are a rectangular carton and a box, which he places in her hands. "What is it?" She takes the box and turns it around, trying to see the contents, her thin fingers making shadowy marks on the plastic. "Fish fingers and… milk?" she turns the label to face her, "Custard." He doesn't understand, she is supposed to like it she is supposed to laugh and kiss him and do things he could never initiate himself. But instead she just stares back at him with her deep blue eyes full of emptiness. "If you say so Doctor." He doesn't like the way she says Doctor, uneasily, like it is unfamiliar in her mouth. She takes the custard and pours it into the bowl, smiling uneasily. Taking a fish finger, she dips it into the yellow, raising it slowly to her lips and grimacing as she swallows. She forces a smile and pushes it down her throat slowly, so that he can see it moving along her neck. He sighs and puts his head on his knees.
They sit for a while under the tree, looking out at the gold and purple galaxy that shines before them. The tree above scatters soft green leaves into the picnic blanket and onto River's shoulders. The suspicion of who she is has been seeping into his mind for a while, she is not River Song, she is Melody, Mels, the last time he saw her was her third regeneration. Hitler. He feels like an idiot and he suddenly doesn't want to talk to her. He hates the way this works, he hates how when he really wants her, when he needs her, she is gone, distant. And he knows that now he will never know the real River again. He should have known, he went to far back. He stands and takes her hand, guiding her back to the TARDIS. She smiles at him, subtly insecure. He smiles back and closes the doors.
She steps out of the TARDIS onto the wet street, the rain has stopped now but the footpath is littered with puddles. "Look I'm really sorry." He says, knowing he will not be able to explain it. "Can…Can I…" He knows he will regret what he says but he cannot stop himself, "Can I kiss you?" The sentence sounds clumsy and the words fall over each other. She looks at him, "Sure, if you like you can." She sounds insecure and it makes him feel strange to have the power over her. He leans in, brushing his lips against her cheek, but it feels wrong. Redness advances up her cheeks and he realises he has never before seen her blush. He stands back, leaning his shoe on the heel and staring down at it, suddenly entranced by the leaf stuck to it. She walks away slowly, the wind pulling strands of her hair away and making them dance in the wind. Back to the TARDIS he sighs and pulls the doors closed slowly. But it occurs to him that he could explain and he pushes his head through the gap in the doors, "River!" He yells. But she keeps walking, and it takes him a moment to realise why.
The Doctor steps back inside and aimlessly pulls down on one of the controls, making the TARDIS light up in blues and greens. He pushes his head against the controls until he can feel the pain taking over his body, "River," he whispers, "River I love you."