Mitch is dead. And I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it from happening.

It was the day after the raiders had come to our home to kidnap more of us. And they'd succeeded. They got away with Louis, Aasim and Omar. And while that, too, sucked a lot and I wished it never happened, it wasn't the thing I was most upset about. After all we'd been through, losing Mitch was too much.
Somehow I'd made it through the funeral. We'd had those before, but Mitch's funeral had been harder on me than any of the other ones. Still I'd bravely been there from start to finish, but hadn't said a word to anyone and kept myself separated from everyone else. And after the funeral was over, I'd just.. run away from our graveyard, straight into the dorms and the room I'd shared with Mitch. But of course, it was only my room now. I'd thrown myself onto my bed, leaned against the wall and pulled my legs against my body, trying to comfort myself. And I cried. I cried a lot. All the kids here were cool, but Mitch had been the one who always stood up for me. And now.. he was dead because he tried to save Tenn. It was his fault that Mitch was gone! I felt more tears well up and make their way down my cheeks, leaving streaks after them, which then were replaced by other streaks as more tears came up. I couldn't stop them.
I sat there for hours, in my own company, refusing to see anyone. I acted like a child, turning down anyone who knocked on my door. Clementine had been the latest one to try and pay me a visit. She had come to the door, asking me if I was hungry and wanted to come and eat something. She wasn't all wrong, because I hadn't been eating anything all day. My stomach was so empty that it hurt, but still I had turned down Clementine's offer.
"I don't want anything,"
I'd said to her, driving her, like all the others before her, away from me. She was worried. They all were, I knew it. But right now I didn't care about making them feel better. I didn't even care about myself. But they cared about me in return.. yet it still felt like there was nothing left, like I'd lost everything.

The day turned into night, and I still hadn't moved. After Clementine no one had tried to visit me. They were worried but also respected my wish to be left alone. Come night time, I heard more and more footsteps from the corridor outside my door. Others, except whoever had the lookout shift, were coming in to sleep. I heard some of them stop behind the door and wish me a good night.
"Good night.."
I said quietly back, my voice nearly a whisper. My eyes were red and hurting after all that crying. The tears had dried up for the moment, but I knew that the smallest thing would allow them to start running again.
I waited until I heard nothing but silence, and then got up to stretch my legs a little. They had become numb after not moving for so long. Soon I stopped by the window which gave out to the yard. I leaned against the worn-out desk and looked through the half-broken window. If I squinted my eyes, I could see the graveyard. I hesitated. I didn't want to do it. But I still felt like I had to. Earlier, during the funeral I hadn't even properly said goodbye to Mitch. I thought, maybe now was my chance when everyone else was asleep.

When I got out, the courtyard was silent and peaceful. And our graveyard.. even more so. No one was around. And actually, for once, I preferred it that way. No one could see me cry. The graveyard was dimly lit with a few candles. I walked closer, taking my time and looking at the graves. Sophie and Minerva.. They weren't even dead. Brody.. Marlon. Mitch. My eyes fixated on the cross with his name in it, and I sat down on the ground.
"Why'd you have to leave me? I wish you were still here.."
I almost whispered and looked at the cross with sad eyes.
"The others are really cool, of course. Clem and AJ have been so amazing, too, but.. I'm not sure they get me quite like you did. I know I pissed you off in the start, but you still stuck with me and looked out for me. Like that one time.."
I spoke, thinking about something that happened years ago.

I was so little back then, I think I'd only been here for no longer than a couple weeks. I'd seen all the kids but didn't really know anyone yet. I'd made some attempts, though. Some of them sure thought I was a decent kid, maybe, while others thought I was weird. And they were right about that one. But seeing how I was going to spend a long time in here, just like the other kids, I wanted to make some friends.
Then there was this one night in particular. It had been sort of a hot day, and when it turned to night, some darks clouds had covered up the sky. I was sitting on my bed in the room I shared with Mitch when the sky went really dark and the first lighting struck somewhere not too far from the school. I jumped up on my bed, scared out of my tiny mind. So far I hadn't told anyone how I was scared to death because of thunderstorms. And now it sounded like there was going to be one right on top of us. I was alone in the room, pulling myself as far away from the window as ever possible, and hugged my legs tightly. Soon another lightning lit up the sky, making me jump once more. I started shaking. And not too long after that Mitch came into the room for the night. That's when he saw my tiny figure nestled on the bed, clearly freaked out.
"Hey.. are you doing alright in there?"
he asked, walking closer to the bed. I tried to nod but couldn't do even that. And he saw through my lie, anyway, and decided to sit on the bed.
"Scared of the storm, are you, little buddy?"
I proceeded to shakily nod once more. And this time, what I meant was true.
"It's alright. It'll pass eventually, and it can't hurt you in here,"
Mitch added, sitting closer to me and leaning against the wall, hanging out with me until the storm came to a pass.

"Thanks for looking out for me that night.. And every day after that,"
I said, sniffing.
"I'm still scared of storms, even with the walkers around and everything, but thanks to you.. it's not so bad anymore."
I kept observing the cross, almost feeling peaceful for a moment. But not too long after it my emotions took the control again.
"Why did you just run at Lilly like that?! You'd still be alive if... Mitch, you're a goddamn idiot!"
My voice rang loudly on the silent graveyard. It startled me, hearing how loud it really sounded. Soon I'd learn that someone had heard the end of my frustrated monologue. Violet had been up in the bell tower and was on her way back to the dorms. She caught me off guard, to say the least.
"Hey.. what are you doing here?"
she asked quietly, startling me.
"You can't sleep either?"
she continued. I shook my head, attempting to quickly wipe away the tears.
"No, I.. I can't. So I just thought I'd come here, and.. you know.. to think, I guess."
My voice was shaky and I was ready to bet that Violet knew I'd been crying, but I felt like she wasn't going to make fun of me. She walked closer and I thought she was just going to go on her way, but instead she stopped right by me and sat down next to me, in front of the graves.
"I used to spend quite a lot of nights here after we lost the twins.."
she said, glancing over to the side, where their graves were.
"After we thought we lost them,"
she then corrected herself, unable to fully hide the subtle bitterness in her voice.
"I felt like I needed some alone time, and the best way to get that was to come here and just.. talk to Minnie and Sophie, even though they wouldn't talk back."
I didn't say anything, just listened and let her continue.
"I remember being so angry at Marlon and Brody, like.. how could something like that happen? We were always being so careful and never went anywhere alone. But I never yelled right at them even though I maybe should have. Instead I just came here to let out whatever emotions I was feeling. Like you're doing now,"
she finished talking and looked at me. I wanted to look away, but didn't. Instead I met her eyes, and saw a little, almost comforting smile on her face. That's when I finally spoke again.
"I was thinking about when I'd only been here for a few weeks or something like that.. There was that huge thunderstorm that night, and I was like.. scared to death because of it. I was just sitting on my bed and then Mitch came into the room and saw how scared I was.. He sat there with me until the storm went away, and.. I guess that's when I first understood that I wasn't alone here. That other people didn't hate me even though I came out weird or annoying, or maybe both."
Violet nodded, listening to me.
"I kind of remember that night, now that you brought it up.. Someone else was going to come check on you but Mitch said something about how he was your room mate and he was going to look after you,"
she said and my eyes grew a little wider.
"He did? That's.. I didn't know. I mean, we spent a lot of time together after that, but just never really talked about it."
"He sure did,"
Violet confirmed.
"It seemed to me like his mind was made up. He took you under his wing that night and looked after you ever since."
I sighed.
"Even when I was the biggest idiot ever."
"Even then,"
she said and suddenly proceeded to very lightly squeeze my shoulder, as if to calm me down. After that we sat side by side in silence for a few minutes, both thinking our own things. Until Violet broke the silence.
"I was on my way to the dorms, to try and get some sleep. Do you want to come with me or do you want to stay here?"
I hesitated only for a short moment.
"I think I'll stay for a little longer. I, uh.. I still got something I want to say to Mitch.."
Violet stood up and nodded in approval.
"Okay. Have a good night."
"You, too,"
I said to her and watched her walk away from the graveyard.

After she was gone, I turned to look back at Mitch's grave.
"I don't know why I thought she'd make fun of me just now.."
I muttered quietly, and then smiled a little.
"Mitch, I just wanted to say.. Thanks. For always being by my side,"
I said, standing up and touching the cross, tracing the outlines of Mitch's name with my fingertips.
"I know I didn't always seem grateful, but I really was. Thanks for listening to what I had to say.. Both back then and now. I'll.. come talk to you again later."

Having said that, I stood up, took one last look at the cross and started walking away in Violet's footsteps.