Hi guys! I'm back!
Apparently I can't stay away from Kurtbastian for too long lol... This chapter has been tickling me for weeks now. After some consideration, I think you guys were right - the story needed a sequel! The final chapter was too open, maybe. And also, I think I didn't get to write as much fluff as I wanted haha so... probably this fic will take more time, and the updates might be somewhat slower but... I hope you enjoy it for as long as I feel able to keep writing ^^
P.s. I don't own Glee.
As it was getting pretty frequent these days, Kurt's alarm woke Sebastian up. Sebastian groaned, annoyed, while his body complained loudly for the little rest it had got. Then, as he was about to murmur something rude about Vogue and how they enjoyed exploiting their interns, Sebastian felt Kurt's body making little efforts to stretch below him, soft and warm.
He opened an eye and peeked discretely at Kurt's attempts to not fall asleep again. The boy couldn't even open his eyes, his lips puckered into some kind of childish pout, but his face showed how he kept struggling to wake up.
Sebastian had to bite his lower lip to contain a chuckle. Kurt was such a grumpy person in the mornings. He looked like a giant baby annoyed by the lack of sleep.
Almost unconsciously, Sebastian wrapped his arms around Kurt's torso and decided to give the boy a hand. His lips started pacing Kurt's upper half, from his navel to his chest, and Kurt's body got immediately somewhat tense at the touch.
Kurt managed to open one eye and gave him a what-the-fuck-u-doin'-man glare. Sebastian ignored it, and started kissing Kurt's neck instead.
Kurt groaned now, annoyed. "Bas-we-don't-have-time-for-this" he mumbled on a single breath, making almost impossible to understand what he was saying.
But Sebastian already knew Kurt's response. It was the same than any other morning when they slept together during the week. Kurt couldn't help but being reluctant at first, all sleepy and grumpy; then, Sebastian would charm his way through Kurt's mood and make Kurt's body respond instead.
So, naturally, Sebastian ignored that too, and started working his tongue all the way up Kurt's neck, until he reached his earlobe, where he'd be more thorough. It was fair enough, since it was one of Kurt's favourite spots. Sebastian did all that while squeezing Kurt's thigh gently, merely playing with the inner part of it until he reached Kurt's crotch and confirmed, quite pleased, that Kurt's body was being responsive.
Sebastian immediately parted Kurt's legs, wrapped them around his own waist and started to thrust inside Kurt lazily.
Kurt opened his eyes completely then, equally aroused and startled. He wrapped his arms around Sebastian's back and took a hold on his skin, panting.
Kurt's morning orgasms were completely different from his nightly ones, Sebastian had learnt. Kurt's face looked harmless, almost as if they were doing it for the first time, and his eyes couldn't quite focus on a particular spot until they were locked with Sebastian's. Then, the boy wouldn't look away until they both had come.
Sebastian kissed Kurt's cheek, softly, running his nose all the way down to Kurt's jawbone to bite it gently. Then, when Kurt's moans became more frantic and messy, he searched for his beautiful, piercing blue eyes and dived on them.
He smiled against Kurt's lips, greeting them with warm, wet pecks, while his eyes never left the stare. Kurt returned the smile and mouthed Sebastian's cheek mindlessly, not even kissing him anymore. His mouth had gone numb. I lost him, Sebastian thought amused, but then he felt Kurt's hand running up his spine to grasp his back hair.
Fuck, Sebastian locked eyes with Kurt again and there it was: that almost imperceptible tickle on Kurt's pupils whenever he was about to come. It was so shy, so small, so kind somehow, that it always made Sebastian lose focus for a moment. It made him feel as if Kurt was asking for his help, or maybe his protection, and he always reacted kissing Kurt's temples and holding him tighter, closer.
Not long after that, Kurt's cum was all over Sebastian's belly, warm and fresh, making Sebastian weirdly proud. Instead of tumbling down like other times, Kurt cupped his face and whispered: "Come babe, come" with the gentlest, most honest tone Sebastian had ever heard. Somehow, Kurt managed to sound dirty and sweet at the same time whenever they were in bed, and it was gonna ruin Sebastian, he knew it, because it was fucking addictive.
Sebastian came, hard and exhausted, inevitably tumbling down over Kurt's body. His mind, his senses, the whole of his neurological receptors shut off, leaving him with a feeling of wildness he loved to embrace. All he felt was his own heart beating dangerously fast against Kurt's chest, and said boy's hands drawing soothing circles on his back.
Eventually, Sebastian recovered his cool and smiled against Kurt's skin, his whole body filled with a sensation that didn't feel much like arousal anymore. It felt like home. Like finding his place. Like…
"Bas… Not to kill the mood, but I've got to hit the shower now" Sebastian heard Kurt's doubtful voice, and he remembered he was trapping Kurt, as usual.
With no little effort, summoning all his will, Sebastian got off Kurt and laid beside him, catching his breath.
His mind was still kind of a blur for the orgasm, but thankfully it dissipated enough to let him feel and perceive Kurt's final kiss on his lips before the boy got up and left his bedroom.
Sebastian put as much energy as he could into the kiss even though it was brief as hell. He groaned when Kurt left, annoyed for the morning rush; then looked at Kurt's wall watch and froze. Kurt would be so mad at him when he noticed the hour. Or maybe he had noticed already, but had chosen to let it be?
Sebastian got up smiling – he had opted for the last possibility – and hurried into the kitchen, putting on Kurt's apron. He'd make up for making Kurt be late with a sinful breakfast.
Only last week, Kurt had been late to work twice, and there was someone to blame: Sebastian. Every time he ended up convincing Kurt to spend the night together, Kurt would always spend a very stressful morning as a result.
But there was nothing to do about it; not really. There was no way Sebastian would be deprived of their morning quickies. Which were never that quick, truth to be told. But Sebastian suspected Kurt was growing as enthusiast as he was of those.
Sebastian heard the bathroom door and observed a completely dressed up and hair-styled Kurt preparing to hurry to his bedroom when the boy stopped on his tracks. He turned around and looked at Sebastian. Sebastian quickly minded the burners, playing dumb.
Sebastian heard Kurt approaching him with a steady rhythm but suddenly stopping before reaching him. Sebastian couldn't help the smile that crept up his lips when he realised Kurt was taking in his outfit. He was only wearing the apron. Nothing else.
Sebastian turned around, pretending to be looking for the butter over the table when his eyes met Kurt, who just stood there, awkwardly observing Sebastian, frozen-like.
Sebastian shot him a cheeky smile. "Good morning, stud" he said provocatively, then chuckled quietly and turned around again, towards the burner.
"Good morning" Kurt mumbled clumsily on Sebastian's back, but remained still.
Sebastian turned his neck and observed Kurt with amusement. "I'm making you breakfast" he said with an unintentionally suggestive tone. Dammit, he had aimed at being sweet, but having forgotten to use his underwear and knowing that Kurt was somewhat affected by this, there was no way Sebastian could dismiss a chance to unsettle Kurt's cool.
Kurt approached him and folded his arms. "Bas, I-… thank you, but you know I can't stay and have breakfast with you. I'm already late!" he protested, somewhat stressed.
Sebastian cleaned his hands on a cloth, eyeing Kurt cautiously. He dropped the cloth then and broke the distance between them very slowly, calculatedly placing his hands on Kurt's waist and stroking it. He smiled playfully and brought his lips to Kurt's neck, giving him a lingering, smooth peck.
"Of course you can" Sebastian whispered. "I'm pretty sure I burnt all your batteries, babe. Breakfast is the least I could do" he chuckled cheekily.
Kurt gave Sebastian a tired look, but his hands were already caressing Sebastian's arms. "This is so not fair" Kurt lamented on a whisper. "Even your clothes' choice was consciously picked to make it hard for me to say no" he complained.
Sebastian placed another kiss on Kurt's neck, this time wetter, right below his ear.
Kurt shivered and break the hold. Sebastian didn't love it, but… he knew Kurt only had a limited amount of patience and he was dangerously ending it. So he chose to smile innocently and let it be.
"Okay. I'm having breakfast, but we don't have time for this now" Kurt stated, trying to sound firm and authoritarian. Sebastian noticed it with amusement and slapped Kurt's butt. Then he couldn't help but squeeze it, making the boy shiver again.
"Fine" Sebastian added, to ease Kurt, and slowly tried to stop eye-devouring him.
Kurt casted him a grateful smile and awkwardly retrieved Sebastian's hand from his butt. Sebastian rolled his eyes and turned around, minding the burner again.
Kurt sat down on a stool and took out his phone, sighing defeated. Sebastian gave him a brief look, wondering if he'd be texting Isabelle, or if he was simply bored, having to wait for him to finish the cooking.
Sebastian hurried anyway, and planted a plate of eggs, bacon and beans in front of Kurt. Kurt eyed the plate, a fond smile gracing his soft lips, then looked up at Sebastian and smiled without reservations. Sebastian returned the smile, but narrowed his eyes at him. What was that excited look Kurt was giving him?
"Come here" Kurt grabbed Sebastian's apron and lifted himself up a bit on the stool to meet Sebastian's lips. He rewarded Sebastian's good deed with affectionate pecks, and Sebastian couldn't help but chuckle idiotically.
Yeah, his good deed had been totally worth it.
Sebastian sat next to Kurt, on another stool, and handed Kurt over the newspaper in silence, while he minded his own plate of food. He knew Kurt liked having his breakfast in silence while reading the news, so he would not dare to disturb him right now.
Sebastian noticed Kurt was looking at him, though. Not at the paper. He returned the look, kind of confused.
"You're getting ridiculously cute" Kurt commented on a casual tone, but he was smirking knowingly.
Sebastian winced, putting down his fork and throwing his head backwards. "Is this how you pay me?" he casted Kurt a falsely resented look and Kurt smiled wider, but pretended to ignore him looking at the paper intensely; so intensely that he could actually be studying it.
Fair enough, Sebastian thought, and resumed eating.
/
Sebastian was dreading next week. It would mark the return of Sam and Santana, and it meant Kurt and he would no longer have the apartment for themselves.
Not that he was living there. He still had his own apartment, of course he had, but he dreaded it too. It reminded him too much of his grandfather, and he didn't feel completely at ease being there.
I could get a job, though, he thought in the middle of the most boring class he had ever attended, Pharma. But he had never worked before, and he was pretty sure he could only get some lame job as a waiter, like Kurt had been forced to do at the diner.
He yawned. Man, he was too used to have things come his way and he knew it. He didn't think it was his fault, though. His parents had always spoiled him mindlessly, giving him everything he wanted and never teaching him the importance of anything.
Sebastian puckered his lips, uncomfortably. He knew he hadn't earned his apartment. Just like he hadn't earned the expensive clothes he was wearing. It unsettled him.
His mind wandered off briefly towards Kurt. Gayface sure was the most dedicated person he knew. He had been working ever since he came to New York, and now he even had a job he liked. He deserves it, Sebastian thought, unconsciously smiling.
It still made him feel uneasy, though, what he and Kurt had. Ever since he had come back from France, almost one month ago, everything had speeded up. And Sebastian had been unable to stop it. Every time he was around Kurt, his solely concern in the world was to make the boy happy. He shook his head, annoyed.
Who said he was able to make anyone happy? He wasn't even sure he was able to make himself. But Kurt did, make him happy – if 'happiness' was actually an apprehensible concept, which Sebastian doubted, unable to repress his cynical side.
Thank God, Sebastian thought victoriously when the bell rang and he was able to breathe fresh air again. The relief was short, though, because that only meant he had Chemistry now. Fuck. Why had he come to class today, again? Oh, right. The Theatre Club had its first meeting today.
/
Sebastian went to the auditorium and found some familiar faces talking animatedly to each other. He recognised most of those, but there were some faces missing – graduate students. Which unsettled Sebastian, because that meant there was no one in charge of the club anymore.
"Bastian!" John greeted him with a quick hug. John was a brunet boy Sebastian had become sort of friends with a few months ago and learnt, much to his surprise (the boy was quite flirty), that he was straight. And that might have turned out for the better, considering how short his list of real friends was.
"Hey!" Sebastian greeted him back. "Where's Amy?" he wondered out loud, since the redhead girl was almost all the time all over his boyfriend.
John casted Sebastian an awkward smile. "I guess she doesn't really like theatre" he joked.
Sebastian arched an eyebrow at him. "What?"
"We broke up – she broke up with me, to be more specific" the brunet had the humour to admit. "It was for the best" he shook his head, trying to dismiss the subject. "Anyway, you've heard about the new guy?"
Sebastian looked around, amused. "Which one?" he asked. He had already counted three new additions to the club.
"Oh, he's not coming until next week" John told him. "He's a transfer from Texas, and apparently has quite a reputation."
That got Sebastian's attention. "Oh, really – what kind of reputation?" he couldn't help but ask on a suggestive tone.
John rolled his eyes at him. "Not the one you're thinking, dumbass – he made his Broadway debut this summer."
"That's impressive" Sebastian conceded. "What is he doing here, then?" he asked, maliciously.
"He cares about his education?" John asked rhetorically. "I don't know – it wouldn't be so weird" the boy said, always guessing the best out of people.
"Right" Sebastian said sarcastically. "I'm gonna need a name, Johnny" he said, gaining a wince from his friend.
"Ew, don't call me that!" John protested. "I swear I've never met someone who enjoyed so much using nicknames, God" he complained.
Sebastian chuckled. That was probably true. Kurt loved his nicknames, though.
A smug looking guy passed by John and him then, handing them over a pamphlet. Sebastian took it distractedly, but the guy wouldn't let go of it. Sebastian raised his eyes, confused, and met the other boy's.
The guy was giving him an intense, anything but innocent look, and had his lips curled up on a suggestive smirk. His hair was gelled, styled backwards, and his shirt, Rolex and strong cologne screamed 'rich boy'. And 'gay'.
The moment they locked eyes, the boy let go of the pamphlet and passed between Sebastian and John, giving Sebastian the chance to take a good look at his backside.
Nice butt, Sebastian thought and smiled pleased. Very nice... Now he would at least have something nice to watch during rehearsals.
"God – you gays are so obvious is almost boring" John complained, making Sebastian chuckle.
"He's a freshman – let him be" Sebastian protested, remembering how excited he had been when coming to the city for the first time and being new at NYU, with all those hungry eyes looking at him all the time.
"No, you let him be" John pointed a finger at him, in a warning way. "We'll have to see him all year, so you better not screw him. I don't want a Kyle rerun" John told him.
Sebastian arched his eyebrows in surprise at that. "It wasn't that bad, you drama queen" he protested, amused, and his eyes wandered briefly towards Kyle, who was sitting beside the piano with a bunch of new kids.
Yeah, truth to be told, Kyle hadn't been his finest moment. The guy had been the sweetest, and Sebastian had known it from the beginning – yet he had screwed him and ignored him completely the next day. He still felt kind of guilty about that.
"Besides" Sebastian added, "I'm not screwing people around anymore" he defended himself, although he wasn't quite sure why. It wasn't anyone's business. Plus, wait a minute. Since when he wasn't screwing people around?
"Oh you're not?" John asked, clearly amused at Sebastian's dubious expression.
Sebastian scratched his neck, awkwardly. "I guess I'm not" he tried to say casually, but John was already chuckling.
"Who's the unlucky one?" John asked, maliciously.
Sebastian kicked his foot. "You knew him – at Homecoming party" he said, annoyed that John hadn't made the connection. It wasn't like Sebastian brought people to parties all the time.
"Oh" John made, surprised. "Kurt, wasn't it?" he said, and he actually looked like he remembered Kurt.
Sebastian nodded, pleased. "Remember that fine piece of ass?" John made a disgusted face. "Now – why would I want to screw around when I can screw that whenever I want?" Sebastian joked, but couldn't hide the cheeky smirk that crept up his lips.
"Oh, sounds like a keeper" John joked too, laughing.
Sebastian laughed along, then felt weirdly guilty for the way he had depicted Kurt: a fine piece of ass. "But you do remember him, right? I mean, you liked him, didn't you?" he added, on a clumsy attempt to make clear that Kurt was much more than that. He actually was a keeper, but for a whole different reason. He was… well, he was Kurt.
John narrowed down his eyes at Sebastian, with a surprised yet confused smile gracing his lips. "Of course I did. He spoke fondly of you" the brunet explained on a mysterious tone that let see that there was more to it than he had said.
Sebastian's heart-beating got funky. "Did he?" He let slip the question.
John nodded. "Yeah, lovebird" he punched Sebastian playfully. "I found it a little weird that you'd bring someone like him to the party, but… yeah, the guy seemed legit" he shrugged.
Sebastian folded his arms, curiosity taking the best of him. "Why did you find it weird?" he asked confused, but mostly angry that someone would think Kurt was a weird choice as a plus one for him.
John chuckled, amused. "Oh, come on, Seb!" he protested. "Don't be like that! The guy was so obviously into you – it just seemed weird to me that you'd be okay with that."
"With someone being into me?" Sebastian asked rhetorically. "Oh, sorry if I appreciate the idea of someone liking me" he said kind of harshly. Did that make him a narcissistic? Knowing that Kurt liked him? Or was John as certain as he was that he did not deserve someone like Kurt?
"Not just liking you" John cut his train of thoughts. "More like, in love with you, I'd say" he shrugged again.
Sebastian knew that John was simply making an observation, based on what he knew of Sebastian, and he could really not resent that. But it somehow hurt anyway.
"Those are big words" Sebastian said, more to himself than to John. "You shouldn't take them lightly" he told John off.
"I don't" John told him, gentler now.
"Neither do I" Sebastian said back.
He felt selfish, once again. Maybe he hadn't earned Kurt's affection either. Just like he hadn't earned his apartment, or the clothes he was wearing.
Everything had happened so fast. Seriously, what had he done to make Kurt so certain that he, Sebastian Smythe, deserved to be loved? Those were big words indeed, and Sebastian had certainly not taken them lightly. That conversation had stuck with him, making him revalue every day the way he had been looking at the world so far.
His daily struggle, every day now, was to make sure Kurt didn't regret and take back his words. In the meantime, if he could figure out a way to actually believe those words, double win. But those were too good to be true.
"Hey, looks like Andy is here" John pointed at the boy, who came in the auditorium talking cheerily to another newbie.
Sebastian couldn't help but tense up his fist and closed it tightly. He had made the mental resolution to ignore the blondie, but it wouldn't be easy considering that they shared the same friends at theatre club.
He nodded as in to tell John that he had acknowledged Andy's presence but decided to go talk to someone else instead.
/
Around 7 p.m., Sebastian was suffering traffic while he headed to Kurt's place. It occurred to him, all of a sudden, that he hadn't even checked with Kurt if they were supposed to spend the night together again. Maybe four days on a row was a little too much.
He phoned Kurt and put the speaker on.
"Hey" Kurt answered after a few rings, with a dozed off voice.
"Hey, handsome" Sebastian greeted him, energetically. He was probably less tired than Kurt was. "How are you doing?"
Sebastian heard Kurt sigh then, and couldn't help but felt a little uneasy. "I'm uh-" the boy started to talk, but he sounded kind of distracted.
"You okay?" Sebastian's tone got slightly concerned. Thank God I didn't come unannounced.
"I'm on a weird mood" Kurt admitted, calmly.
They fell in silence, and Sebastian wondered whether it was a good idea to come over.
"You want to be alone or…?" Sebastian finally broke the silence, dubious, but firm nonetheless. He was only five minutes away from Bushwick, but Kurt didn't need to know that.
"Oh- no, no, I'm good" Kurt stated frantically. It was almost as if he didn't want Sebastian to think for a second that he didn't want him to come over. Sebastian smiled. "Besides, I'm not alone" Kurt added, confusingly. "Sam came back" he explained.
Sebastian remained silent for a moment. Fuck. He thought they still had one more week. "… Should I buy him earplugs?" He chuckled.
Kurt chuckled too, making that innocent, cheery noise that didn't fail to get under Sebastian's skin, making his chest finally deflate and let go of the haunting worries. "He can borrow mines – don't worry" Kurt said, and he sounded better now, more awake. Sebastian smiled, pleased.
"Hurry up home, meerkat" Kurt suddenly said on a sigh, making Sebastian's stomach tingle.
Home. Had Kurt just implied his apartment was home? Sebastian gulped down, trying to hide his excitement. It felt like home to him too.
"I'm almost there" Sebastian assured him kindly.
/
"Hey!"
Sebastian heard a familiar voice greeting him from across the street. He turned around and saw Sam waving his hand at him. He waved back, but couldn't help the groan that left his throat. Why did he come back so soon? He wondered, annoyed.
"Hey" Sam repeated when he had crossed the street and caught Sebastian.
"Hey, Sam" Sebastian said back, unaffected.
Sam patted his back then, making Sebastian wince. He tried to disguise it with a smile and helping Sam with the brown bags he was carrying.
"So you're back" Sebastian commented, waiting for the boy to take out his keys.
Sam smiled brightly. "Yeah" he agreed, animatedly. "I'm not sure for how long, though" Sam added, lowering down his tone.
"Oh… is that so?" Sebastian asked, trying to sound casual, but he was dying to know for how long he will have to worry about having Kurt's roommates around.
Sam opened the door and held it for Sebastian. He nodded, but it didn't look like he wanted to talk about it. "So – you and Kurt, huh?" he changed the subject drastically. "I'm glad you guys are still dating" Sam grinned, looking genuinely glad indeed.
Sebastian felt a shiver down his spine. Dating. He wasn't even sure they had gone on a single proper date together. Sebastian knew he wasn't the brightest at figuring these things out, but he had always thought they just hooked up and talked. That was what made it different for him. That they actually talked. But they didn't date.
He smiled awkwardly but said nothing. They reached the elevator and fell in silence. Sebastian looked down, wishing time would go faster, because he could feel Sam's piercing look on his nape.
"Dude" Sam called him.
Sebastian returned the look, reluctantly, and found a dubious Sam narrowing his eyes at him. Sebastian gulped down, somewhat nervous.
"Never mind" Sam muttered and shook his head, as the elevator doors opened.
Sebastian sighed with relief, then caught a glimpse of his pale reflection on the mirror before leaving the elevator and froze. Was that freaked out guy really him? What was that about? He mentally slapped himself. Enough is enough, asshole.
He hurried to catch Sam at the apartment door, and soon enough he saw Kurt laying on the couch, looking really sleepy. He had set the table for three, meaning they would be having dinner with Sam, but he was wearing his most worn out pyjamas and his hair looked wet, not even hair-styled. Not that Sebastian cared, but he knew Kurt enough by now to know that was Kurt's depressed-look.
Apparently the noise from the door awakened Kurt, because he startled and locked eyes with Sebastian, making Sebastian unable not to smile widely. Sebastian rushed to meet him on the couch. He sat down right next to Kurt (not that he was marking his territory, but… oh well, Sam could take the chair) and grabbed Kurt's legs to place them over his own lap.
"Look who didn't even have the energy to look nice to greet his man" Sebastian joked, smirking cheekily.
Kurt pouted and slapped Sebastian's arm. "I'm showered and I smell nicely" Kurt complained, playing along. "That means nothing to you?" He chuckled, tiredly.
Sam snorted, placing the food and drinks on the table.
Sebastian glared at him not very nicely, but the blond didn't notice it.
Sebastian gave up on his glare and gave Kurt his undivided attention once again. "You're feeling better?" He asked, feeling weirdly concerned.
Kurt smiled, a glimpse of surprise on his eyes. Sebastian gulped down. Right, Kurt had simply said he was on a weird mood – he hadn't even said he was feeling anxious, or sad.
Kurt nodded, though, and Sebastian brought his fingertips to play with Kurt's tip toes.
Sebastian felt Kurt relax next to him. His expression got softer, calmer, Sebastian observed, and before he could realise, they were staring at each other in silence. Suddenly all seemed so simple it was ridiculous. They just clicked. Effortlessly, most of the time.
Sam sat down on a chair then, making Kurt react, who sat up properly too. Sebastian did the same, reluctantly, and they started eating.
Kurt was unusually quiet, Sebastian noticed, and after a few minutes he decided to carry the weight of the conversation with Sam.
"So… how's Lima?" Sebastian asked, trying to make small talk.
Sam arched an eyebrow at him.
Something told Sebastian that Kurt and Sam were on a similar mood, but he didn't know which mood that was quite yet.
"Lima?" Sam asked, confused.
Sebastian smirked, somewhat amused at Sam's facial expressions. The boy was so expressive. "That's not where you've been?"
Sam chuckled. "Oh, no, man. I'm not from Lima" he explained. "I mean, I've lived there, you know? But my parents live in Kentucky."
"Oh" Sebastian took that in. There was a gap on his brain where 'Sam's living situation' was supposed to be. Kurt had told him some stuff about it, but he still did not quite get the whole story. "How's Kentucky, then?" he asked instead.
Sam smiled. "Good" he nodded. "Stevie and Stacy are getting terribly-"
Sebastian couldn't help but log off. That should keep the boy talking for at least a few minutes, and he'd just have to nod along. He gave Kurt a brief look instead, who kept minding his own bowl of noodles, distracted.
Sebastian placed his right hand on Kurt's knee and squeezed it, making Kurt's bubble explode. He looked up right at Sam.
"Rachel?" Kurt asked, confused.
"Oh, yeah- I saw her in L.A." Sam explained. "I forgot to mention it" Sam scratched his nape.
"L.A.?" Sebastian asked, confused now.
"Dude! I was just telling you!" Sam complained, but resumed talking anyway. "I had a few meetings with some agencies and… well, I gave her a call too" he commented, shyly.
"How is she?" Kurt asked, smiling already. "Is she coming anytime soon?"
"I don't think so" Sam shook his head. "They already wrapped the pilot but she's like doing little shows and gigs all over L.A., you know? Broadway tunes, mostly – meeting new agents… She's really busy" Sam explained, like he shared the tiredness Rachel was probably feeling.
Sebastian regarded the boy with curiosity. He couldn't really remember if those two were together or not.
"You guys hooked up or something?" he asked mindlessly.
Kurt slapped his thigh and gave him a murderous look, while Sam choked with his food.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. Jesus.
"Well… did you?" he asked again nonetheless. What was the big deal?
Sam chuckled nervously and scratched his nape. "No, man. I don't know what gave you the impression, but we're not together or anything" he explained nervously.
Sebastian frowned and shared a quick look with Kurt, who was giving still him a heavy glare. He sighed.
"My mistake, then" Sebastian shook his head, but couldn't help the smirk that graced his lips. "But you want to, don't you?" he let slip, very intentionally this time.
Sam chuckled nervously again, but this time he looked less awkward. "… I mean, she doesn't even live here anymore" Sam simply said, as if that was self-explanatory.
"Why don't you move to L.A.?" Sebastian said, and this time he knew he deserved the slap Kurt gave him on his thigh. He had just said the first thing that had come to his mind.
Sam raised an eyebrow at him.
"Are you serious, dude?" the blond asked, incredulous.
Sebastian raised his eyes then, looking at Sam first, then at Kurt (who looked like he was about to kill him) and couldn't help but feeling perplex. He shrugged, taken aback. "What's the big deal? Isn't L.A. as good as New York when it comes to modelling?"
Sam narrowed his eyes at him, then chuckled. "Duh. But that's not the point. The point is-" he interrupted himself, visibly struggling to make his point.
"Is there anything holding you back here?" Sebastian further asked, with a convincing tone.
"No" Sam replied quickly, then startled when he heard himself. "There's not" he repeated, more to himself than to Sebastian.
The blond went mute and looked frozen, like he had just realised something.
"Sebastian" Kurt cut in. He eyed him fiercely. "What are you doing?" he whispered, although Sam was too lost on his thoughts by now to pay them any attention. "Are you seriously telling him to move to L.A. just because of Rachel?"
Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Kurt. "So what?" he asked, clueless.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "What if she's not delighted with the idea? Do you know what kind of pressure that could bring upon her? That's not fair! They're not even dating" he said as lowly as he could.
"Hey – I'm just telling him to do something about it!" Sebastian defended, taken aback. "He's clearly not happy here" he said, pointing to Sam and not caring enough to lower down his tone.
Sam looked at them, mesmerised.
"I need to figure this out, Kurt" the blond boy said, making Kurt startle now. "And I've never liked New York, to be fair… I almost didn't come back today" he confessed, looking down sadly.
"Sam…" Kurt sounded a little guilty then, and Sebastian felt immediately uneasy. He didn't want Kurt to feel bad about himself.
Thankfully, Sam shook his head and grinned. "I still have work to do here for a few months" the boy explained. "I've got time to think about it" he insisted, trying to ease Kurt's sad expression.
"I see" Kurt breathed out. "Well, I'd miss you terribly, you know that, right?" he gave Sam a small smile.
Sam returned it, brightly. "Me too, bro."
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Jesus Christ… it's not like you'll never see each other again" he said harshly, feeling somewhat repelled by the sudden drama and breaking the tension.
Kurt sighed and ignored him. "Okay. I wanna see those L.A. pictures now!" he said enthusiastically.
/
Sebastian couldn't really sleep that night. Kurt had insisted he was just tired when they got in bed, but Sebastian knew better than that.
What if things were moving too fast for Kurt too? It was weird, but even if everything had speeded up for Sebastian, he just couldn't find it in himself to want to stop it.
Suddenly, Kurt broke Sebastian's hold in bed carefully, trying not to wake him up. The boy got up then and grabbed his robe before leaving the bedroom. Sebastian witnessed it all, but felt weirdly frozen.
He had a thousand questions burning wildly on his head. But did it even matter? Sebastian felt that as long as Kurt wanted him to stick along, everything would be okay. The rest was unimportant.
It was killing him though that Kurt was feeling blue for some reason and he wasn't giving Sebastian the chance to help him out. He got up, impulsively, and looked for Kurt around the living room, until he realised where the boy had to be.
"Hey" Sebastian said once he reached the fire escape.
Kurt was sitting there, facing the street with a distracted expression, until he heard Sebastian.
"I couldn't sleep" Kurt casted him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I woke you" he murmured.
Sebastian shook his head, smiling. Then he observed Kurt, with an uncertain expression. "Can I sit with you?" he asked, tentatively.
Kurt eyed him surprised, as if he found Sebastian's question ridiculous. "Of course you can, dummy" Kurt said truly, moving to his right and patting the place beside him.
Sebastian appreciated the gesture and smiled warmly, then he sat down too.
"Bas, you're gonna freeze" Kurt told him off, probably realising just then that Sebastian was on his briefs. And just when Sebastian thought Kurt would say it was better to go back inside, the boy opened his robe and used it to cover both Sebastian and him.
Sebastian thanked him with a lazy smile and took comfort on Kurt's warm proximity. If only they could be like this forever… "So this is the fire escape – your hiding place" he commented, forcing himself not to get too lost on his own thoughts.
Kurt smiled at him. "It is. But you can keep a secret, can't you?"
Sebastian nodded and rubbed Kurt's thigh. "Sure" he yawned, then locked eyes with Kurt and wondered what could possibly be making Kurt insomnious.
Kurt stared at him, a little taken aback, Sebastian noticed.
"Are you okay, Kurt?" he asked, genuinely concerned.
"I don't know" Kurt admitted, looking down at his lap.
Sebastian's hand kept on caressing his leg, though. "Kurt, you- you know you can talk to me, right?" Sebastian mumbled, clumsily. "I mean, I know I haven't been exactly great, or useful, when you've needed to talk before, but… I'm- working on that" he said, sincerely.
Kurt held his gaze mutely, and for a moment Sebastian feared he was crossing a line. Violating Kurt's privacy or something. But then Kurt wrapped his hands around Sebastian's upper neck and took a hold on his jawline, bringing him closer to plant a kiss on Sebastian's cheek.
Even if Kurt was allegedly the one on a weird, blue mood, Sebastian was the one feeling healed right now.
Kurt rested his forehead on the kissed spot, breathing in heavily Sebastian's scent.
Sebastian tugged on Kurt's arm and held him tighter on his own arms, kissing the top of Kurt's head soothingly.
"I-" Kurt tried to begin, with his head buried on Sebastian's neck, but he had to clear his throat. "I just keep feeling like there's something I'm doing wrong, but I can't figure out what is" he explained. Sebastian waited, knowing there was more to come. "And I can't stop picking on myself, because I feel like I'm gonna screw up" Kurt gulped down, breathing unsteadily.
Sebastian stroked Kurt's back, but brought one hand to Kurt's cheek and cupped it. "Screw up what?" he asked, cautiously. He couldn't bare seeing Kurt like this, all the more so when he suspected their relationship had something to do with it.
Kurt regarded Sebastian with fear, and Sebastian couldn't help but frown. "This" Kurt said. "Us" he added, when Sebastian expression got confused.
"Us?" Sebastian asked, incredulous. "Kurt…" the boy looked away briefly, nervous, then locked eyes with Kurt again. "There's only one way you could screw us up" he said.
"Which would be…?" Kurt asked, concerned.
"If you said you don't want to see me anymore" Sebastian bluntly admitted, casting Kurt a nervous, bitter smile.
Thankfully, Kurt returned the smile, and shook his head on what it looked like disbelief. "I don't think I'll ever say that" he told Sebastian, casting him a shy look.
Sebastian breathed out relieved. "Then I think we'll be okay" Sebastian smiled coyly too.
Kurt nodded and hid his head on Sebastian's neck once again, and Sebastian took the chance to hold and comfort him, even if he wasn't sure he deserved it, since he was partially responsible for Kurt's distress. After all, it was their relationship what was making Kurt be like this. But he hoped Kurt was feeling calmer now. Reassured.
Sebastian kissed the top of Kurt's head once again, and rested his cheek against it. He took in the views then and observed the fire escape.
"You were right about this place… it's got that something" Sebastian whispered.
Kurt breathed out warmly against his skin, tickling Sebastian unintentionally.
"I'm glad you like it… it's just the view of a street but- it's soothing, somehow" Kurt commented.
"Did it- sooth you?" Sebastian asked, not with the most confident tone.
"You did" Kurt said, kissing Sebastian's neck now and making him melt widely against Kurt's lips.
Fuck, how did Kurt manage to be so brave? So… loving?
"Let's go to bed" Sebastian got up, carrying Kurt's torso with him, so Kurt had no choice but to get up too. "I can cuddle you there and it'll be less cold" he explained, because he really wanted to return Kurt the 'love'.
Kurt nodded and grabbed his hand, letting Sebastian guide him to his own bedroom. Sebastian smiled at this.
As promised, once they got in bed Sebastian spooned Kurt and placed the covers above them, to keep themselves warm. Then he slowly brought his hands to caress Kurt's waist and hid his nose on Kurt's nape, where he placed a soft kiss too.
Kurt grabbed his hands and intertwined his fingers with Sebastian's, bringing the hands closer to his chest, where he held 'em gently.
Sebastian felt a wave of overwhelm creeping up his upper body, wondering once again what on Earth he had done to deserve this. This warmth. This affection. This man.
"Kurt?" the word suddenly slipped from his lips on a whisper, and for a second Sebastian even thought he had imagined it.
But Kurt's hum on response told him differently. Sebastian remained silent, though.
"Bas?" Kurt asked then, confused, as his thumb timidly caressed Sebastian's own.
Sebastian breathed out. Just say it, dumbass. "I also feel like I'm gonna screw up" he admitted, slowly feeling like all his walls and defences were going down one by one at Kurt's touch.
Kurt turned around then, losing Sebastian's hands on the process, but wrapping his own hands around Sebastian's torso instead, facing him, although there was almost not lighting.
Sebastian put his hand on Kurt's back and noticed it was a little cold, so he grabbed the covers again and this time he made sure there was not a single inch of Kurt's skin that wasn't covered.
He felt Kurt's lips on his chest then.
"Why is that?" Kurt asked, almost whispering, while he ran a finger along Sebastian's chin.
Sebastian loved how familiar Kurt had grown with his body, how the boy no longer felt timid around it. How he mindlessly nurtured it with his tenderness. He gulped down, nervous.
"I- I guess I don't even know what I'm doing most of the time, you know?" Sebastian babbled, trying hard not to tense up under Kurt's touch – although their bodies were pressed so close against each other that there was no way Kurt wouldn't notice it.
And that went both ways. Sebastian could also notice Kurt's uneasiness – he could even when they were not touching each other, so how could he not now?
"I'm too cynical" Sebastian breathed out, conflicted. It was weird – he had never considered his cynicism to be a bad thing, but when it came to his own feelings… his cynical side never helped.
Kurt's hand suddenly stopped and rested against Sebastian's chest. "What do you mean?" Kurt asked, clearly not following Sebastian's train of thoughts.
Sebastian rubbed his temples, trying to keep his insecurities at bay. Come on, jerk. This is Kurt. Talk! He sighed. "Well, you know me, Kurt" he simply said, straightforwardly. "I don't understand love – I'm not even sure I believe in the concept" he said, somewhat exasperated.
Not at Kurt, of course not. But at his own notions. Why couldn't he just love? Why did he have to stop to even consider the stupid notion? God. Sometimes Sebastian envied how easily people fall in love.
"I don't-" Kurt mumbled, but got stuck there. Sebastian looked down at him. The boy kept staring at his own hand on Sebastian's chest, lost on his thoughts. After a few seconds, he returned the look. "I don't think you have to" Kurt finished, holding Sebastian's gaze now. "I mean…" the blue eyed boy smiled, kindly. "You once told me you chose experience over notions" Kurt explained, and Sebastian found himself getting warmer every second.
Kurt remembered some stuff they had talked about months ago. And the way his lips curled timidly to give Sebastian reassuring smiles, damn. How did he do it? How could anyone be so sweet… to him? Sebastian just couldn't understand it.
"I still do" Sebastian smiled back, bringing up his hand to stroke Kurt's back hair affectionately.
Kurt closed his eyes and lingered in the touch, humming quietly. "You don't need notions then, Bas" Kurt whispered, opening his eyes again. "We-" he cleared his throat, somewhat nervously, "we can experience and figure things out together" Kurt added, then gave Sebastian a small smile.
Sebastian's insides melted with that small smile. He came quickly closer and kissed Kurt's cheek fondly, stroking his back too as he felt like he needed to employ his whole body to show Kurt that he meant it. That he meant he wanted to love him, even if he hadn't been able to bring himself to put it in words.
"I like that, babe" Sebastian said, resting his head back on the pillow.
Kurt kissed the inside of his arm and rested his head pretty close to the skin – so close that his breathing kept tickling Sebastian's skin, but he wouldn't dare move his arm away or such.
Kurt looked so relaxed at last, that it almost made Sebastian forget how the boy had been acting that afternoon. But he didn't forget. Only, he didn't want to ruin the moment now with further asking. Whatever it was unsettling Kurt, Sebastian would find a way to sooth him in the morning.