[I do not own anything created by Joss Whedon, as much as I'd like to own Spike]
Author's Note:
The second fic which was an idea thought up by sibling in a review. On a roll here, folks! Since it's Christmas day, I'm bored out of my tree and have writer's block on all my other stories [winces], I'm writing this. Should be okay.
Uncle Spike's Maths Lesson
Summary: the two times tables are giving Annabelle some trouble, so it's Uncle Spike to the rescue.
by Adele Elisabeth
Annabelle threw down her pencil in despair. "Maths is evil."
Spike looked over. He'd been roped into babysitting duty while Cordelia and Rupert went out. "What's eatin' ya, mini-bit?"
"The two times tables. I think my teacher is a demon. Can we get Auntie Buffy to stake him?" Annabelle gave Spike her most hopeful look.
"Somehow, I'm thinking no. But I can help you with your maths." He offered, coming to sit next to her on the floor. Sesame St played in the background on the TV.
"Okay, let's see...all right. Say you've got a Jz-quek demon." Spike began.
"Jacket demon. Gotcha." Annabelle nodded, and Spike didn't bother to correct her.
"Right, now, you think back to your lessons with Auntie Anya and your Daddy. What happens if you chop a 'jacket' demon in half?"
"You've got two pissed off demons."
"Watch your mouth, mini-bit. But that's right, now there are two of them. So what is two times one?"
"Two." Annabelle beamed with pride, scribbling it down.
"Next, two times two. So, Auntie Buffy's not the cleverest slayer in the world--"
Annabelle giggled.
"--so she keeps on hacking 'em in half. How many demons have you got if you chop two of 'em in half?"
"Four pissed off demons!"
"Didn't I tell you to watch your mouth, mini-bit?"
"Can't."
"Why not?"
"My nose is in the way."
Spike chuckled. Wee thing was a girl after his own heart. He could see she was going to be a little fire-cracker when she got older. Then he frowned. She'd also probably be pretty, considering she took after her mother. He wondered if she could go to an all-girls catholic highschool. And primary school. And then into a convent for the rest of her life.
"Uncle Spike..." Annabelle rolled her eyes. Uncle Spike had gone all quiet and it was annoying. "You have to keep helping me with my homework!"
"You look like you're getting it whether I help or not...maybe I should just go back to my book, eh?"
Annabelle clambered into his lap, giving him her most adorable puppy dog look, kissing his cheeks, and finally settling down so she was resting with her cheek pressed against his chest. "Please keep on helping me with my homework, Uncle Spike? Pretty pleasure with extra special sugar and cherries and everything? I'll love you for absolutely ever..."
"You'll love me forever anyway, mini-bit." Spike grinned, but Annabelle knew he'd caved. He always did. So maybe he was the Big Bad. He was still just a big ol' purry kitten under there. And ticklish. Had that ever been funny!
Annabelle rearranged so she was still in his lap, but facing away so she could write in her homework book. "Next number?" she prompted.
"Right. So, Auntie Buffy manages finally to kill one of the demons the right way, leaving us with three demons. But then she forgets how she did it, so she chops 'em all in half again. How many's she got now?"
"Six!"
"So, what does two times three equal?"
"Six!"
"That's right. Then two of the demons run away -- to take care of something else -- so Auntie Buffy has four demons to contend with. Then, they turned on each other and sliced each other in half, so that there would be more 'safety in numbers'. So now there are four more. How many are there?"
Annabelle's forehead furrowed in concentration. "Eight?" she ventured finally.
"That's right. Then three of them get killed properly -- the rest of the Scoobies have shown up -- and there's five. If Auntie Buffy slices these three in half, how many does she have?"
"Ten. Two times five equals ten."
"Do you think you can tell me what two times six equals?"
"It's a pattern." She said finally. "It goes up in twos. Two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve. And so on."
"Told you it's simple. You didn't really need my help after all, did you, mini-bit?"
"Of course I did." She responded indignantly.
"Anything else you need help with?" he offered.
"Well..." Annabelle trailed off.
"Go on, mini bit. What is it?"
"I have to write a poem."
***
Author's Note:
Heheheheh. I think that's a fairly good place to stop. Just a little bit of plotless Spike-Annabelle bonding fluff. Set in my C/Gverse, naturally. Big round of applause to Spike. Slots in neatly with 'A Is For Adultery' and both of these stories fit between 'Surprise!' and 'History Always Repeats Itself'.
Apart from the 'Surprise' epilogue, anyway, which is technically set right at the very beginning of 'History Always Repeats Itself'.
Pfft.
Anyhoo, I hope whoever is reading this enjoys it. And would be so kind as to leave a review.