Warnings: AU, puppy-play (?), shounen ai/yaoi, crack!fic

Pairing: LxLight

Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Owned by Ohba Tsugumi, Obata Takeshi, et al

Summary: Light's friends and family have a little problem with his new dog—namely that his dog is less a dog and more a man. Well, Light's a bright boy, he's sure to realize this too… right?

A/N: Be forewarned—this is a peculiar child of a peculiar brain. Whether the reader may find anything worthy of approbation, the author cannot say—except that zie hopes the reader will show enough human respect and dignity to refrain from sacrificing zir upon the alter of the reader's indignation. Thank you most kindly for your time and for, if you may be so inclined, a memento of your visit in the form of a review. The author is, as always, the humble and pitiable servant of your entertainment.

:Kennel Club::

Yagami Sachiko smoothes out the wrinkles, wrought in anxiety's carelessness, marring the hem of her cream colored linen blouse with slightly trembling hands. With determination she, a woman full-seated in the sensitive time of her autumn years, keeps her gaze upon the exquisitely handsome face of her only son—and not on the… the creature, dark-haired and dark-eyed, tightly curled up on the settee with its messy head in her perfect son's perfect lap. Yagami Light affects a questioning, attentive look as he strokes elegant fingers through the thick mane of black hair. The creature makes a soft, indulgent and indulged sound.

"Light, dear, I know you've always wanted a pet, a dog to be precise, and I know we were unable to make room for one when you were growing up, but…" Her voice trails off as she forgets herself and casts a quick, pointed glance at her son's chosen animal companion. Well, animal certainly suits the creature. A pair of slate-black eyes drills into her with their unaffected flatness. Those eyes aren't mirrors of the soul. One cannot stare into them and thus into the inner workings of the mind fueling their light. They are mirrors that only reflect the soul of the unlucky person caught within their purview.

A little shudder takes her shoulders and she finds she has once again begun to wring the hem of her blouse between agitated digits.

With the hand not weaving soothing patterns through the thick black hair sprouting from the pet's head, Light brushes away his mother's hesitantly voiced opposition.

"I know he's not a purebred, so his temperament is somewhat suspect, but mixed-breeds are said to have more robust constitutions, generally speaking." The young man casts an undeservedly, in Sachiko's opinion, soft look at the thing he has taken home with him. "Besides, I couldn't just leave him there. That would have been cruel."

She sighs for what must be the hundredth time since arriving at Light's student apartment and shifts with discomfiture as she feels the needling gaze of Light's new "dog."

Surely this is some sort of joke her son is playing. Surely he can't actually want that thing as a pet. It's not even… even…

"Breeding isn't the issue here," she tries again, gently and with all the patience one must have as a mother. "It's the fact that you… That isn't a dog, dear. That's a person."

Barely.

Please, please, you've realized this, haven't you? She thinks desperately. She hates to think that denying her child's earnest requests for animal companionship during his developmental years has led to some sort of psychological degeneration now that he's in the university and living by himself.

Light frowns. "Mom, you can't treat animals like humans. If you start doing that then they'll never learn acceptable behavior."

"I—That's not—Light, isn't this joke a little too much?"

"Joke? I'm perfectly capable of caring for the needs of another living being." Light's well-formed mouth thins to a miffed line. "I know reading about owning a pet and actually owning one can't be exactly equated, but there are millions of people out there who've started from a similar position and succeeded. If you're worried about my classes, don't be. I've already arranged my schedule and everything. Honestly, I don't see what the issue here is."

A headache begins to nip at the mother's temples. Another sigh pulls free from her mouth. The "dog" watches her, face devoid of any discernible emotion and all the more unsettling for it.

"The issue—Light… Is this some kind of new… thing?" she probes delicately. Maybe this is something sort of fad his generation is into these days. Her own frown deepens. Light has never been one to blindly follow trends, though. Perhaps it's a game or… "Are you… Do you like men?"

Only someone who knows Light as well as she does—or at least thinks she does; by now she's not so sure—would be able to catch the brief look of shock that sweeps over his face and then smoothes out, leaving only a slight pinking of the cheeks in its wake.

"What? Mom, is that the real reason you wanted to visit me?" He pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand and then regards her levelly. "I told Sayu not to say anything. Just because I don't want to date a pop idol doesn't make me gay. I only went on one date with Amane-san and that was to get her to leave me alone. She was practically a stalker by that time." And under his breath, though loud enough for Sachiko to hear, he mutters an annoyed, "She still is."

Sachiko hasn't felt this defeated by her son since he was five years old and sent home from school for logically and coldly destroying his classmates' belief in Santa Claus and Kamen Rider. The number of angry phone calls from the parents of hysterical and thoroughly disillusioned kindergarteners had been innumerable. Little Light's response to his own parents' reprimands had been a perplexed stare and a calm, "They're not real. They're lies. Aren't lies bad?"

What do you say to that? How do you distill the varying degrees of right and wrong, the gray area of white lies and all the intricacies and nuances of social interaction so that a precocious five-year-old won't break the minds of his age-mates?

"Don't worry," Light says calmly, a confident smile brightening his face. "I'm not interested in dating right now. Besides, Ryuuzaki here hasn't quite settled in yet. He still needs more training; otherwise he'll keep making messes. Won't you?" This last part is directed at the "dog" in his lap, who tilts his head enough to give Light one long, flat stare at being addressed so. A small grin pulls at the corners of the young man's mouth, and Sachiko is struck by how genuine it seems. Seeing it makes her wonder how many of her son's smiles over the years have been real.

With the skill of many a doting parent, she shoves this unsettling little thought aside. She's his mother and they're his family, why would he need to pretend to be or feel anything in front of them? Right?

"Now, let's get going before they give our reservations away at that bistro you like so much. Up, Ryuuzaki." Light nudges his pet's head off his lap and stands, casually brushing off any stray hairs that may have fallen upon his neatly pressed khaki pants.

"But… "

"Everything's fine. Really."

His diamond bright smile does little to ease the unrest in her heart, but she honestly has no idea what to do or say. Has the distance between parent and child really become so great?

Matsuda Touta tries, really, really tries to reign in his enthusiasm at being allowed to visit Light at his new apartment. He's fully aware, much to his own chagrin, that getting this excited about hanging out with his boss' son is probably not a good thing. But—But this is Light he's talking about here, and who in his department wouldn't want to spend time with the brilliant young university student. Half his colleagues trip over themselves in their rush to greet the caramel-haired youth whenever he stops by the NPA headquarters to meet with his dad or help out with one of their trickier cases; the other half grumble away at their desks, secretly wishing their pride would let them follow suit.

There's just something ineffably magnetic about the young man. One can't help but want to be within his circle, even as his radiance keeps one an acceptably respectful distance away. Drawn close and yet held back by the force of his personality. Untouchable, yet serenely generous. He's like the Madonna of justice—well, except he's a man and isn't a Christian, but Touta sometimes swears he can see a sort of Renaissance corona of brilliance around the Chief's only son when he's caught unawares in the act of deep contemplation.

Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. Not maybe. It is an exaggeration. And wouldn't Light laugh at him if he ever says such—about the glowing part, at least. More than half of the department think of the Chief's son as the NPA's Madonna, their Holy Idol, and that isn't an exaggeration by half.

Not that there's anything womanly about Light. It's just that someone, totally not Touta, honest, maybe once innocently and without ill intent likened the aura about Light to that of the Madonna depicted in European paintings and the nickname stuck. At least they don't call Light that to his face, but he has to know about it. Certain pointed remarks accompanied by a demure sweep of coppery lashes attest to this fact.

Well, at least he doesn't seem to hold it against them. All evidence points to the young man finding it amusing if entirely ridiculous.

He's even invited Touta to his place to meet his new puppy and discuss, off the record, a certain case the NPA is trying to keep a lid on—or at least away from the mass media. A task in vain if ever there is one.

"It might be a bit messy," Light warns him with a wry quirk of his lips as they mount the stairs leading to Light's student apartment. "Ryuuzaki always finds a way to get into things he shouldn't when I'm away. I've had no end of trouble keeping him out of the fridge and cupboards once he realized that there's food inside them. I've actually had to have child-proof catches installed."

Light shakes his head with rueful amusement. "Didn't even take him a day to figure those out."

"Sounds like a smart one. He must he a handful."

The college student hums in thoughtful agreement, and Touta can see he must be thinking of whatever recent shenanigans his new puppy has gotten himself involved in since Light brought him home.

"Well, prepare yourself for the worst, detective-san," Light says gravely, his tone belied by the glow in his honey-dark eyes, as they stop before what must be his door. Touta memorizes the apartment number and exterior layout and catalogues the structural integrity of the metal door and lock for purely non-stalker-ish reasons.

Besides, it's not like the Chief hasn't already thoroughly researched the area and its inhabitants. Then there's the slight adjustment to patrol routes that has officers more frequently seen along the route Light takes between the university and his apartment.

Who knows when there might be an emergency here? Right?

Fingers tapping a nervous tattoo against his thighs where he keeps them safely tucked away in his trouser pockets, Touta watches the neatly trimmed caramel strands of hair part and slide away to reveal the young man's elegant nape as he searches through the shoulder bag at his hip for the keys. Light's navy blue knit shirt makes the delicate cream of his skin really glow in the crisp spring sunlight. Not—Not that Touta is noticing or anything. He's especially not noticing the almost imperceptible citrus-spice of the young man's scent as he totally does not lean in closer to that inviting line of pale neck.

Keys found and lock conquered, the young man pushes open the door and tactfully declines to make anything of the color in his guest's cheeks.

"Tadaima," Light calls out as they enter.

What answers is not a handful of rambunctious puppy joy, eagerly awaiting its master's return.

Touta's first instinct is to reach for his gun, which he doesn't actually have on him since he's off duty, as the strange, slouching phantom of a man comes shuffling around the corner from the where the small kitchenette must be. Deep-sunk black eyes drill into him and the man's pale mouth turns down behind the screen of one reddened thumb.

"You'd better not have gotten into the fridge again," Light snaps tartly as he slips off his shoes, stylish and made of pale brown leather. The stranger turns his flat, unreadable stare upon Light, and Touta can't help but take a protective step forward.

"Wh-Who—?" Unable to properly articulate his mind, the reckless detective flails an arm wildly at the weirdo watching them silently from further inside the apartment. Light's gaze dances bemusedly between the two.

"That's Ryuuzaki, Matsuda-san. The puppy I was telling you about. Well, he may be a little big for a puppy, but he sure acts like one most of the time." The look the young man sends the milk-pale phantom is sharply amused, yet full of tolerant warmth.

"Did you miss me, boy?" Light asks the emotionless man as he strides up to him and carelessly ruffles his hair with a hand.

"Woof," the stranger says, deadpan, black eyes unblinking and focused on Touta over the young man's shoulder.

"Gah?" is all Touta can manage in response.

Ending Notes: The author's latest kink is totally not puppy-play...