Why am I standing here again? Oh, yes. Tormenting myself seemed like a good idea at the time.
Colonel Mann is issuing orders to Gibbs' team. It looks like they are on to something. Gibbs arrived halfway through, but just stood by and watched, letting her get on with things. When they had the information they needed, she looked over to him for the final approval, which he gave without hesitation. They work well together, they make for a smooth, efficient team. Their strengths complement each other, and despite the apparent friction at the start of the case, they have been professional and motivated.
I'm not normally a jealous person, but somehow seeing them together makes me jealous. Only Jethro could get this reaction from me. I ask myself why. After all, we haven't been together for a long time. He owes me nothing, but somehow I feel like I have been replaced. I almost lost him, we almost lost him just a few short months ago. Nobody knows, and no-one can know the fear that has left me with. He is back now, but he is different, and I still worry that maybe this is it, that maybe he'll be gone for good.
She waltzed in and took her place by his side, almost as if she had always been there. She became his partner without any difficulty it seemed, not someone to take under his wing and train, but a full partner. The attraction was there too, even the team could see it.
Then, Jethro nearly died again. I knew something was wrong, but he being his normal stubborn self, denied it and she seemed to think I was just being territorial.
I know they have noticed. I have always been able to hide my feelings, it's one reason I've done well in the politics game, but this situation seems to have switched off that control. I can't seem to help the comments, nor can I stop myself watching them, even though it hurts me to see them.
So I will stand, watching and waiting. Hoping that, if nothing else, she brings him back safe.
Don't do this to yourself, Jen. I understand, I do, even though we have been over for a long time, I find the sight of you with someone else difficult, but you don't have to subject yourself to this. How much do you know, and how much are you guessing? I know you saw the attraction between us almost as soon as we did.
You're professional I know, and you're good at hiding how you really feel, but I also know you well enough to know you're hurting. Is it just residual feelings, or do you really want something more from me? What is it you are afraid of?
Things are simple with Hollis. We are well matched, we work smoothly together, there is no history to bog us down and threaten us. And the sparks that fly between us are invigorating. Not that that means everything is easy.
Like two good dancers on the dance floor, we move in harmony, a give and take partnership. Only problem is, I know with you, the movements would flow effortlessly, in perfect rhythm, as we floated round the dance floor, the way good dancers become great with a partner who is in sync.
She knows there is something between us. I can see it in her eyes, in the way she watches us, know she is trying to work out how much of an issue it will be, whether she needs to be concerned.
What did you say to her in your little meeting?
She's watching again. There is definitely history between those two. Both of them have confirmed that much, but neither is prepared to elaborate beyond her comment that it had been a while. I can understand her, I haven't known him that long, and I know even now, he would be hard to get over.
I look over to him to see what he is thinking, to find him watching her. Their eyes meet and communicate for a long moment. It is impossible to read what either of them are thinking, at least for an onlooker it is. What does that say about their current relationship?
She knew that there was something wrong with him, before any of us had the slightest clue that it wasn't just a hoax. After all, he had been cleared by Ducky. I thought she was just trying to stake her claim, saying she wasn't ready to lose him. She obviously knows him well, for someone who is so difficult to read. I guess that kind of connection could continue long after any relationship is over. Although, from what I can gather though, he had no problem cutting his ex wives out of his life, and given what I know of him, could shut down on you emotionally in seconds.
We have to go. The team and I have found a lead. As we leave I feel her eyes following us. I catch them briefly and I realise unexpectedly that what I see there is worry, a deep fear that has more to do with him coming back alive, than any concern about another woman in his life. I look away but I promise, I will have his six, nothing will happen to him if I can help it. That is the least I can do.
I won't stand aside, he is worth holding onto, but I will abide by his choice. I guess the real question is what does he feel, for her and for me?