Jackson had wanted to punish her. Or maybe he had only wanted to test her. Would she really fight for him? Would she ever decide that his desires were greater than her own? If it was a test, he couldn't even choose a question, let alone an answer.
"Is this you really want?"
Of course this isn't what I really want! His mind screamed, but his mouth couldn't get the words out. He stood there unable to say the words that were at the forefront of his mind. I love you. I forgive you. Stay with me.
She ran out of the office, unable to watch him sign the papers, knowing she would be sick if she had stayed.
" , it's your turn and then you are a free man," Jackson wasn't sure if it was the jovial tone that his lawyer said it in, or the insensitivity of the statement, that caused him to snap.
"I don't want to be a free man," His eyes watered and the tears he had been holding in finally fell. The lawyer looked at the table awkwardly. Mortified Jackson ran out of the room murmuring, "I can't do this."
Jackson didn't know what he was going to say when he reached her. When he reached the parking lot, he had only one thought, I need to hold my bride. Looking around he didn't see her car. His eyes closed in pain, and the feeling in the pit of his stomach sunk even lower.
April knew that running away wasn't going to fix anything. She knew that it wouldn't bring her husband back to her, that it wouldn't magically heal her brand new wounds, and that it couldn't protect the child that was in her womb. April just didn't know what else to do.
"April, I know a false positive sucks, but I don't think that leaving is going to help. I don't want you to hurt anymore." The white lie she told Arizona was something April could justify. Jackson would find out through a chain of people who would be sworn to secrecy. Arizona had been notorious for having a big mouth and a moral compass that only worked when she decided it was important. So instead of allowing for Jackson to find out, she lied.
"I can't be here anymore. Seattle is toxic for me." Another lie, Seattle was where she became a swan. Seattle is where she had her son. Samuel, whose brief presence on this earth was the highlight of her life.
The subject dropped, and Arizona allowed silence to settle between them as they sorted through the last of April's stuff. April emailed Bailey her resignation that morning,knowing that she wouldn't have the courage to face her ex husband. She went through the motions of preparing for another tour, knowing that no one would question her leaving for Jordan once again. Her words would be taken as truth and the hospital would run just as seamlessly as it always had. April had always known that she was replaceable.
"Riggs will be here in about a half hour, to take me to the airport." He owed her, and convincing him to participate in her deception wasn't difficult. They were so different, yet he understood her so well. April knew she could trust him with her life. As they waited they spoke of surgery, not branching into anything deep or personal. April was exhausted, and speaking of anything heavy would bring her to tears.
When Riggs arrived they kept it light, making promises to be safe and to email whenever possible. Arizona's eyes speaking volumes about how sorry she was,and how much she would miss her as she walked the pair to the car. April allowed herself to be held basking the warmth and before she let go she whispered, "If he asks, tell him that I love him." April choked on a sob as she quickly got in the car.
"Do you think that I am being cruel?" April broke the silence when they were an hour away from Seattle. Nathan was thoughtful, taking his his time before answering the question.
"You don't owe him your happiness April. You were wrong, but you shouldn't have to pay for it forever."
"That's not what I asked."
"You will talk to him about the baby when you are ready, you have self preservation. That doesn't make you cruel. It make you human " April nodded in appreciation.
"I really appreciate you helping me move-"
"It's a four hour trip April, I only had to take the weekend off. Plus we get to go whale watching, so it's really not a hardship." he managed to coax a smile out of her.
"I think you will do really well with the island life."
"It's in Northern Washington Nathan, it's hardly a laze on the beach climate." April did agree though, she needed a change of pace desperately. For the first time in over a year she was ready to slow down and breathe.
"You can't deny that San Juan Island is picturesque, and that is right up your alley." April smiled softly and as Nathan continued to talk about the offerings of her new home, she was able to sleep .
Jackson knocked on Arizona's door after a long shift at the hospital. He had gone over his words all day, unable to think of anything else. Arizona opened the door, and when she saw that it was him her face fell.
"She's not here."
Jackson stopped the door as Arizona tried to slam it in his face, " I just need to talk to her."
Arizona shut her eyes, knowing that this was only going to cause more grief, "And I would let you, but Jackson she is gone." At the glazed look in his eyes she clarified, "She left Seattle this morning." Jackson staggered backwards,unable to breathe. Arizona reached for him, and after pulling him inside he collapsed onto his knees. Arizona joined him, comforting him as she would his wife.
"I love her," Jackson murmured to the blond. "So much."
"She loved you too Jackson. She told me to tell you that." Arizona pulled him up off the floor and pushed him towards the couch, "I have champagne, tequila, pinot noir. Pick your poison."
6 Months Later
"Is she still lying to you?" Jackson asked Arizona as she joined him for lunch in the cafeteria. It only took him a week to find out that his wife had not returned to Jordan. His wife was somewhere alone, and she didn't even know that she was still his wife. The not knowing was the hardest.
"Yep, two emails a month about the desert. Riggs gets the same treatment though, that makes me feel a lot better," Arizona responded without looking up from her sandwich.
Jackson flinched at the answer. Six fucking months and it was the exact same conversation, and it was all his fault. He destroyed her. They destroyed each other, but that didn't stop her from being his soul mate, from them being each other's person.
"I think I am going to hire a private investigator," he confided softly. Arizona looked shocked as he continued, "Nobody here knows where she is. Her family has refused to speak with either of us at all since Samuel. She isn't listed as practising at any hospital in the country. I even called Cristina to see If she knew where April is. I am running out of options."
" What I don't get Jackson, is why now? Why not before you have her sign the papers. Your divorced, now you get to move on," Jackson recoiled as Arizona snapped at him, trying not to look as guilty as he was. April was his wife,he had kept it secret once before but this time it was so much worse.
"I love her." Was the only thing that he could only defense he had for his actions. The only thing that held onto, he wasn't sure where he would end up if he let that go.
"All right Mrs. Avery, looking at the results of the Amniocentesis,again,I might add, I can tell you that everything is going to be just fine."
April could only smile as she walked down the street after her doctor's appointment. It was going to be okay. Her babies were going to be okay.
The first month she spent on San Juan had been rough. The morning sickness was an annoyance, and the devastation of of no longer being a wife killed her. After the first month the things begin to look up. She would take long walks on the beach, simply breathing in the fresh air. And although April missed Jackson, for the first time she could imagine surviving without him.
April spent her days doing research for medical journals, missing surgery, but enjoying a break from the craziness of trauma. She made sure she ate well, got her exercise in, and took her prenatal vitamins. She was able to smile.
Her babies would be healthy. And April was confident that she soon be able to tell the Jackson that he would be a father.
She would still call his phone when she knew he wouldn't answer, reveling in the sound of his voice. April would rub her belly soothing their children with stories of its daddy. Some days seemed almost perfect. Almost.
In the middle of the night Jackson woke up to the sound of his phone vibrating groggily he reached for it, "Hello," he was met with silence. He was about to hang up when he heard labored breathing on the other side line.
April cannot believe that he answered, he usually slept like the dead. She had woke up from a particularly bad nightmare, and needed to hear his voice. Her heavy breathing quickly turned to crying. Small sniffles turning into choking sobs,.April couldn't bring herself to hang up.
A shock went through Jackson's system, putting him at full alert.
"April? Sweetheart I need you to breathe, can you do that for me? Breathe." April stayed on the line, calming down as Jackson continued to talk to her, "I miss you so much! Everything is going to be okay. Just stay with -."
"I-hiccup I should have. I should have stayed with you, I was such a coward-hiccup, so I just ran away. I am sorry. I'm sorry. We are divorced and it's all my fault. I-"
"No no no, I didn't sign the papers, ." Her words had been she was nearly incoherent , "Hey we are going to be okay, remember what you told me, this is the mud. We just have to pull each other through it. I love you so-"
"Oh my God!"
"What's wrong?" There was silence. "April you're scaring me, what's wrong?" Panic was laced in his voice.
"You will hate me. Oh Jackson you're going to hate me." The more she talked the less lucid she sounded, "April You need to tell me where you are and then call for help. You're scaring me."
"God can't have them. God took Samuel but he can't have them." Jackson froze his blood going cold. Fear gripped his heart.
"Sweetheart -"
"Riggs knows. Riggs-" The line went dead.
Nathan was operating on a stabbing victim when Jackson got the hospital.
"A word Nathan," Jackson all but snarled at the man.
Nathan looked up and asked for a moment. "Now Riggs."
"Dr. Avery my patient is on the table, so -"
"And my wife passed out 15 minutes ago while on the phone with me and I don't know how to get help to her." The words for accusing, and they were met with equal frustration, "Your ex wife." Riggs deflated under Jackson's glare, "273 Oceanview Drive, San Juan Island. "
All Jackson could think was that she was so close, he left the OR,but not before throwing his own stone "Current wife jackass, I never signed the papers."
In the next five minutes he made frantic phone calls, gassed his car and was speeding down the interstate with no thought to speed limits. Before he was even out of city limits, his wife was being operated on.
As April woke up she basked in a moment of warmth before her hands gently made there way towards her stomach. When she found her stomach flat she jolted awake.
"They are both okay," April's husband spoke softly to her as he made his way from the doorway to her bedside, relief evident on his face. "All three of you are going to be okay." He touched the side of her face gently, "Never scare me like that again please." She nodded her head in agreement.
" Can I meet them? They're okay right?" He smiled down at her and pointed to the baskets at the corner of the room.
Jackson walked over to his daughter's crib picking her up,"Besides missing their mommy? They're a little small but other than that they are perfect. Except, this little girl desperately needs some mommy cuddles "
April burst into tears as Jackson handed her their daughter, laughing and crying at the same time, "Can I have the other one?"
Jackson grinned widely, "He's already a Mama's boy." His family was absolutely beautiful.
" What should we name them?" Jackson was startled by the question, "It's your turn." April smiled softly at the man she loved.
Jackson was silent for a moment, "Charles, but we will never call him Chuck. And our daughter, she's Elizabeth."
"Perfect."
Jackson smiled, because he knew it would be,eventually. With a lot of work, and even more tears they would be okay, because she was the one.
AN: I have Japril depression. The treatment? Reviews.. I would also love to here predictions :)