Chapter 1

Sawyer looked up from staring at the ocean. He saw people busy renovating their tents. It was like the last 3 years hadn't happened, like it was all a dream. But he knew it wasn't, he had Juliet's screams in his head to prove it. He still felt her hands desperately hanging on to his.

It hadn't worked, Jack's plan hadn't worked. The only thing that happened was a stupid flash and when it was over they were still at the Swan station, only it was already build. They had moved in time again. He had tried to still find Juliet, although he knew deep inside she was gone. But he had no clue where she was. Was she dead, or maybe she was stuck in the Swan station in 1977? He had gone crazy and Kate and Jack held him and calmed him down. Eventually he had giving up and went silent.

After the incident they headed back to the beach, since nobody wanted to go back to the barracks anymore. Especially not Sawyer, and luckily the others understood that. Jack came back into his leader role and Sawyer was fine with that. Let him do whatever the hell he liked to do, he didn't care about anything anymore. Everyone in his life he cared about always left him, some way or another.

He now looked up to Jack who was busy talking to Sayid. Sawyer was out of hearing reach but he figured they were discussing how they were going to rebuild the tents since Sayid was making heavy arm movements and pointing at some of the destroyed tents.

Sawyer already took care of his tent, he had found it in the same state he left it in 3 years ago. After removing some dirt from the entrance it looked like nothing had ever changed. He sat down on his airplane chair who luckily enough was still there.

He looked up again and saw Kate approaching Jack and Sayid ,mingling herself in the discussion. Probably talking about where she was going to stay. Kate's tent had been destroyed right before they had left the beach, and he remembered pretty clearly why there was a big X on her tent.

Jack was looking over the beach and pointed towards Claire's old tent who was pretty much intact. At that Kate looked at Jack as if he was crazy, yelled something at him and stalked off. That was a strange sight, Sawyer thought. He had never seen Kate mad at Jack. If he had seen it 3 years ago he would have smiled to himself. God, how he had hated seeing him and her together. Kate always following him around with those damned puppy eyes. Some things must have changed.

The conversation he had had with Jack was still clearly on his mind. Jack had told him he had her. Sawyer had immediately known who he was talking about. It hadn't surprised him, he had already expected the two of them hooked up together once they were off the island. But he was taken aback at another thing Jack had mentioned. He lost her. And it was too late to get her back.

After their talk Sawyer slapped some sense into him because he wouldn't listen to him but Juliet had stopped him and said that Jack was right. The conversation he then had with Juliet was also still clearly in his mind. She had told him that although they love each other, they weren't meant to be together. He still didn't get why she said that. Maybe it had something to do with him looking at Kate. Juliet knew how he felt about Kate and how hard it was when she left. He didn't know what he was thinking when he looked sideways at Kate when Bernard talked about all that mattered in the end. He hadn't even noticed it himself until Juliet confronted him with it. But now Juliet was gone.

He blamed Jack for all of this. If he hadn't had the urge to blow up a damned nuke, everything would be alright. Did the doc still not see that he couldn't fix EVERYTHING?

He had so many questions but he knew he wasn't going to find the answers. He tried to take his mind of things because it was killing him thinking this over and over again so he went in his tent to see if he maybe had something of his stash left.

Kate had never been so angry at Jack before. She could have just slapped him in the face. When they were talking about which tent she should live in he seriously proposed Claire's. If anyone knew how much she missed Aaron, it was Jack. Not that she had talked about it with him. It still hurts too much to talk about it. She glanced over at Claire's old tent. It was in a pretty good state and Aaron's crib was still visible beneath some branches. She took the branches of the crib and dusted the sand off the railing. Kate thought Jack understood her situation, especially when he had asked her why she made him promise never to ask about Aaron. Did he seriously thought that she could live in Claire's tent, with all those memories stuck to it?

She glanced over at Sawyer's old tent and noticed that it was in the exact same state as he left it. With him sitting in the exact same chair. It was really an unrealistic sight seeing him sitting there. As if he had been waiting for her there the whole time. But she knew that wasn't true. He hadn't been waiting for her. Somehow in the back of her mind she always thought that he would wait for her. But when she came back she had found out that he was living together with Juliet. He had moved on.

The only thing different about him was his face. He looked so much older, she noticed. Not the carefree smart-ass he once was. And she missed that in him. He had a pained expression on his face which she remembered seeing once when she had read his letter for him.

He was clearly thinking deep of something and she knew what it had to be. She noticed he was smoking a cigarette. She smiled a little to herself, that must mean his stash was still complete. She always thought that he must have had at least one pack horded up somewhere.

Sawyer looked up from the sand when he felt a shadow coming over him. It was Kate.

"It surprises me your tent is the only one that is still intact. I always thought that once you leave, that boar will get his revenge." She said smiling down on him.

Oh great so were back to square one, he thought. He didn't smile back, he didn't even look up at her. But he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Yeah well, seems like he had a bone to pick with Snuffy over there." He said looking at the big man desperately holding onto the piles of his destroyed tent. He was a little taken aback at his ability to joke around while there wasn't anything funny right now. It was just that she did that to him whenever they were together. It was so easy to go back to their old banter. But he quickly made sure she got the hint that he wasn't in the mood for fooling around. She already understood and started out in a softer manner:

"So, I was just checking on you to see if you're alright…" She said hesitantly not really knowing how he would react.

He finally looked up at her and said:

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone." He said flatly.

Kate looked down at the ground, tugging her hair behind her ear, silenced by his cold demeanor. She opened her mouth to say something but then walked away. He followed her with his eyes until she reached Jack and stormed by him. Jack called out to her and got a hold of her arm but she jerked her arm away from his grip.

Sawyer felt a little guilty for dismissing her like that. But what was he supposed to say? He wanted to stay away from her as much as possible because he wasn't stupid. He wasn't going to fall for that again.

Right before they came back he had told Horace that he was over her and that he didn't even remembered her face. He spent 3 years with another woman that he really loved and felt what it was like to be loved in return. Then why was it that he was still drawn to her. He had done a lot of thinking about their relationship the past 3 years , if you can even call it a relationship. It wasn't serious, Kate kept running back and forth between him and Jack, Kate never told him she loved him, like Juliet had done a million times and the whole thing only lasted for about 4 months. It was like he had said to her a couple of days ago, they could never have worked out, they were both too screwed up. With Juliet he had an actual relationship, she loved him and she had his back.

Luckily there were a few abandoned tents left so Kate moved into a small tent at the backside of the beach. She remembered it once belonged to Libby and pictures of her death flashed through her mind. Hurley had been so sad and the sight of her suffering and him saying goodbye to her had made her break down too.

She was rearranging the inside of the tent because everything on the inside was ruined. Kate felt someone standing behind her and turned around meeting Jack's glare.

"Kate, I just wanted to say I'm sorry" He began apologizing.

She shifted a little and pulled her arms around her body. Let him do the talking, she thought.

"It was a reckless thing to do. I wasn't thinking." She looked up at him and said:

"It's ok Jack. No harm done." She said coldly.

Jack smiled at her relieved she forgave him not picking up the cold tone in her voice.

"So," He continued, walking towards her tent looking around in it.

"I can help you with the tent if you want to?" Jack hadn't had a clue what else to say. It wasn't their usual talk on the beach because a lot happened since then. They now had a history. They were engaged for Christ's sake. They had tried, and it hadn't worked out. And seeing Kate's behavior right now he wondered if they were ever going to give it a chance.

"No thanks Jack, I'll handle it myself." She smiled at him trying to convince him that she was fine. But Jack wasn't stupid. He wanted to say something but nothing came to his mind and decided it was best to just leave her to it.

Things had turned out so different for everyone, Jack thought. It killed him to know that it was partially his fault that Juliet was dead. And everyone blamed him for it. He hadn't meant for that to happen, he only wanted destiny to decide. Destiny. He thought about Kate and him. At one point he thought they were. It lasted very long before something had started between them. And when it did they were happy for a while. Kate needed someone to help and take care of Aaron and he did his best to be a surrogate father for him. But he always wondered if he wasn't a substitute for someone else. She did after all had some sort of a relationship with Sawyer for awhile before they left. She must have thought about him sometimes when they were together .

Jack had thought a lot about it when he was living with Kate. On the island she hadn't chosen him, she choose Sawyer, although she hadn't admitted it he knew she sneaked into his tent at night. She never came to him. Until Sawyer wasn't there anymore. He could have seen it coming, he thought slapping himself for being so blind.

He wondered what would happen between Kate and Sawyer. They always seemed to be unable to stay away from each other long. And now that they both had nobody things got very uncomfortable. He had already seen Sawyer's sideways glances at Kate when she didn't notice and he had seen her talking to him by his tent. Seeing them together had stung deep inside. Great, he thought, they all came full circle again.