I hate you.
I wish I could spat that phrase right at your face, and yet, every time I try to do so, I understand that I cannot. Maybe it's my inner gentleman side, or maybe it's you, your eyes staring at me, hoping to see that unique feeling I give to the other girl. I don't know, and I couldn't care less…
I hate you, Sierra, I really do.
From the day you started to creep me out with your fan-girl madness, I despised you, but you never had the heart to notice or accept that fact…
How could you be so blind?
Everyone else knew that my only love was Gwen and Gwen alone… And even though she turned me down, I had never lost the hope to win her heart…
Everyone saw it, except you…
And yet, like a dying warrior, claiming he's fine, you hid before the stubbornness wall, living in the constant illusion that I loved you.
When the reality was the complete opposite.
And yet, I said nothing. That was my biggest mistake – staying silent, praying that you'd realize the hopeless battle you got yourself into, hoping that you would accept it and let it go. Leave me alone…
But that never happened and it never will.
I stayed silent when you started using my toothbrushes. I stayed silent when you started stealing my underwear. I stayed silent when I could hear your breathing next to my ear when I was "sleeping". And I even clenched my teeth and didn't say anything when you "accidentally" grabbed my crotch in front of all my friends…
I used silence to try to ignore you, to try to forget you, to try to persuade you…
Yet my patience lost itself yesterday.
You walked into my bunk bed. In a skimpy night dress. You looked at my shocked face and grinned. And then you took something small and round from your pocket. I couldn't see in the dark and then I heard you talk "When we'll get married I want a daughter."
I froze. I wanted to scream my lungs out, all this pain that followed me the day I met you, yet my voice never managed to break the surface.
I hate you.
Even now I feel the bile running up my throat when I remember those words of yours "we'll get married"…
I guess that is the reason why I am here now – I'll finally be free.
Free.
Ironically, I'd never imagined that my life would end in a bathroom on a flying plane. Yet, I could never imagine that my life would be ruined by one psychopathic girl either…
I make one last deep sigh and watch as Duncan's razor (that guy would surely kill me if he knew I took it without his permission) buries deep into the sensitive skin on my wrists.
I hate blood.
I hate the color.
Almost instantly I feel very sleepy, so tired that I didn't had any strength to stand.
I curl into myself and rest my head onto my arms.
I close my heavy eyes and continue to listen to my fading heartbeat.
I feel happy. Free. Safe.
My only regret is that I didn't tell Gwen about my true feelings, yet I wish she would be happy.
And Sierra?
Burn in hell, you evil bitch…
My pale body makes its last attempt to breathe and I hear a high-pitched, heartbreaking scream behind me…
Burn in hell…