To the esteemed staff and students of the Shin'ō Reijutsu Academy...
1. Genryuusai-sensei's staff is not to be used to be used as a costume prop. No, Ukitake, you cannot be a wizard. We don't care about your hat or your lightning bolts.
2. Students are no longer allowed to make individual purchases of alcohol equaling or exceeding an amount of twenty liters.
*Addendum: Students are no longer allowed to purchase alcohol at all without accompaniment by a staff member.
*Addendum: No, the academy never has and never will use alcohol for science experiments. We don't have a science class.
3. Kyoraku and Ukitake are banned from associating with the Shihoin. Stealth raids, body snatches, ambushes, and "ganking" against allied or enemy ninja are not an authorized way of increasing your combat skills in the Shin'ō Reijutsu Academy.
4. Fireworks are now banned within a ten mile radius of the academy grounds.
5. Bakudo 69: Silver Tongue Strike is now banned upon pain of death. We don't care how pleasurable the death is. It doesn't matter how many women you get to sign your petition. If you start getting men, you will be killed.
6. You are not flesh eating zombies or a pair of ravishing incubus so stop scaring the mortals before performing konso.
7. There is no need for Unohana to perform more than one physical examination per year. Stop putting requests for them.
8. Medical gowns are not to be worn as a substitute uniform, even if you dye them black. "Unbearably hot" temperatures are not an excuse.
9. Signing your name as "The Pretty Pretty Princess" is not fooling anyone, Ukitake. Stop it.
10. Hollows are not pets, it doesn't matter how cute they are. You may not threaten to feed the underclassmen to them either, even if they are punks.
11. Telling underclassmen that, "gaining bankai means you get to slaughter millions with giant swords and explosions," is not a good way to motivate them.
12. Genyruusai-sensei is not a super saiyan so don't tell people otherwise.
13. Sleeping with your instructors does not earn you early graduation.
14. Sexy-no-jutsu is not a valid battle tactic, even if it works.
15. Students are not allowed to bring in children from surrounding neighborhoods for sleepovers and candy even if the child molestation charges were dropped.
...tbc
A/N: Along with the entirely unrelated series, IC, this was originally meant as comic relief for Tell the Long Road, but was separated to better maintain mood and to get a few more readers. Reading either IC or Tell the Long Road is recommended, but unnecessary.
Inspired by H.E. Gray.