When Darkness Falls
In memory of Edward (Equalizer) Woodward 6/1/30 to 11/16/09.
McCall was alone on his building's rooftop staring off at the parts of the city that he could see from there. It was dark and freezing, but he didn't care. He hadn't care much about anything these last few days.
His back was to the figure that was moving towards him. "Hello Mickey."
He stopped in his tracks somewhat perplexed. "How'd you know it was me?"
McCall didn't make eye contact—he just kept staring out at the city "I know your footsteps. I know a lot of people's footsteps."
Mickey was trying to be cautious with his choice of words. "I've been calling you for the last couple of days and all I get is your machine. So I thought I'd stop by."
"What made you come up here?"
"Your neighbor across the hall saw you come up. It's cold up here. Why don't we go back to your place and fix something hot—coffee, tea, whatever?"
"No, I'm fine. You go ahead."
Mickey was getting a bit concerned. McCall's behavior was troubling. "Yea, ok. I wouldn't stand so close to the edge of the roof, if I were you. It can get pretty windy up here. "
"Thanks for the advice Mickey. Please go!"
"No! I'm not leaving until you talk to me. What's going on? You don't answer your phone. You're standing here at the edge of your roof staring off into who knows where. And another thing, I thought you didn't like heights?
McCall finally turned and looked at Mickey with an icy glare. "I don't! I'm terrified most of the time—but that didn't stop me from jumping out of airplanes, climbing up and repelling down cliffs. Do you know why? It was part of the mission. The mission takes priority over every thing including any fears or doubts you may have. I did it because it was my job. It's funny, you're suppose to face your fears to get over them." He laughs a bit. "I've faced this fear at least a 100 times and I'm not over it." He turns back to the city.
There's a strange silence. Mickey takes a deep breath. "So, why are you up here?" It suddenly occurs to him why McCall may be acting so strange. "Awe crap! That wasn't your fault! Your last client's mother—she was killed. You think that was your fault. That's got to be it."
"You don't know what you're taking about."
Mickey gets a little closer to McCall—almost standing beside him. "I don't huh! I've been on enough missions with you to know how personally you take things. That's what makes you good because you care-- but it can also mess with your head when thing don't go as planned and people die. I'm sure the psychological association has a name for it. Sometimes we don't have control over events—that's just the way it is."
"Is it?? He started shaking his head back and forth. "No, it shouldn't have happened. I … I was responsible! I allowed myself to get side tracked." He made eye contact again. "I …I can't do this anymore."
"So, don't. Move to some place warmer. I never understood why you do this equalizer stuff anyway. I mean really, the people out there could give a rat's ass about anyone else until they get in trouble then they call you."
"Mickey, Mickey, Mickey. I know what you're trying to do. Engage me in a debate. For your information, I do this equalizer stuff because of my former job in the company. I did some things that…" He takes a deep breath to contain some deep seeded emotion. "Anyway, I try to make amends, hoping to find redemption in helping people. I just can't do it."
"That's bullshit and you know it. You think you can't hack it. You of all people should know that some times people die—good people. Also, many more are alive because of what you do. Quit, when it's time. That time, is not now. You know that movie "It's a Wonderful Life?"
Annoyed at this point. "What!?"
"You know, were the spirit shows the guy how much worse his town would be if he didn't exist."
"I've seen it, what's your point?"
"Turned out he made a difference. You, Robert McCall, have made a difference."
A slight smile came across face. He looked back at the city a little differently this time. "Alright then, let's get that cup of tea."
R.I.P