The Wizard of Ozzy
Whoosh was the sound Kyle heard as he walked into the basement room. "Whaa!" he screamed as he and his friends were thrown into a vortex.
"Ughh," Talon moaned as he began to stir. He felt a weight on top of him. Before he could open his eyes, he knew who it was. Then images came rushing to his mind. Them being sucked into a vortex, then he and Sara trying to grab onto each other in it. It all was appearing in front of his eyes.
Sara shivered she had never felt so cold in her life. She opened her eyes to see her laying on top of Talon their lips barely touching. "Ahh!" she screamed. "You pervert!" she screamed as she kicked his ribs.
Kyle awoke to a scream. He rolled over and stood up. He walked over to Sara and she screamed when she saw him. "What?" he asked tiredly.
Suddenly all the images vanished as he felt a sharp crunching sound in his ribs. He shot up like a rocket when he heard Sara scream. He looked at where she was staring and his jaw dropped.
"Kyle your and ogre," Sara yelled in astonishment. She suddenly felt very strange as if weightless. She looked down only to see her hovering a foot off the ground. She tried to concentrate but the more she thought the higher she rose. She felt something grab her feet. She looked down and saw three skeletons trying to grab her ankles.
Talon and Kyle watched as the skeletons tried to grab Sara. Talon was running towards them as she screamed.
"Stop!" he yelled. The skeletons looked at him and bowed then sank into the ground below them.
Sara wanted to get onto the ground to safety. She only wanted to feel the dirt below her, no air under her feet just soil. She had only wanted this then she started to gradually sink back onto the ground.
"Congratulations on mastering your first powers," A loud speaker yelled after very bright lights turned on. Then immediately someone appeared in front of them. "I have a quest for you. I want you to help us regain control of Occupied Oz then we'll send you back," He said kindly.
They all thought for a moment then agreed. "Okay we'll do it," They said in unison.
Talon sat in his room, he wondered about his task ahead. There was a knock at the door. "It's time to go," said the grunt.
They landed and stuck to their dismount like a bouncy ball.
After getting up, they saw a town. It was full of people that were smiling; they had bright colors and were republicans.
"How nice," Talon smiled as he pulled out his Katana sword and snapped his fingers as 20 zombies crawled out of the ground.
"Running through town singing "One Love" by Bob Marley Talon decapitated the population of republicans. He then turned to see an angry mob of shoplifters and News Media/ Paparazzi.
Sara and Kyle ran in. Sara quickly threw giant foam magic balls at the shoplifters who in turn fell to the ground. Kyle looked at News Media/ Paparazzi then tried to scare them but they were to busy reporting to the major broadcasting stations to be scared of him so he at them then turned on channel five and watched news from his stomach. Sadly, they got better ratings in his stomach so he ate a grenade and blew them up.
As soon as they got done looting Munchkinland of all cheese, non-perishable fruits, rubies, and shiny nickels they left.
"The only thing we can't find is that yellow brick road the republicans were screaming about," Talon said sarcastically.
"How about that tie-dye red and yellow brick road?" Sara said mockingly.
"Good enough," Talon said sadistically.
As our sadistic, delusional heroes traveled down the hippyfied road evil skipped rope in the shadows. After about 15 minutes of cheesy narrations, our heroes came to a cornfield with a scarecrow in it.
"Excuse me Mr. Scarecrow," Talon asked in a girly voice." We are from the band Kansas, we want to speak to the Dark Prince of Occupied Oz and see if he can help us find the band Toto so we can continue touring." Talon concluded trying not to giggle.
"Well okay I will help you if you let me do my song and dance," the scarecrow said as he got of the stake and began to dance.
"This is going to be interesting," said Sara.
"I know every spat and spisle even in manisle but I cannot thin.." as the scarecrow was finishing his very corny intro rhyme Talon interrupted him.
"I listen to Rock and Metal!" he said as he pulled out a lighter and a spray can and torched the scarecrow. "Purple Haze all in my mind, "
'Cuse me while I kiss the sky!" Talon started singing as the scarecrow burned.
"Smores anyone?" Sara asked as she pulled out chocolate, marshmallows, and gram crackers.
After the smore snack they were on their way again. As they came across some trees that had ripe apples, Talon went grab one but Sara stopped him.
"Talon remember the movie 'The Wizard of Oz'?" Sara asked.
"No, why? Talon replied.
"Those trees are alive and while attack," Sara said.
"Okay," Talon said grinning.
"Three, Two, One," Talon shouted as a zombie ran into the forest and exploded. The trees were no more. All of them were gone. The hippie activists would be here soon.
"Hey, shouldn't there be a Tin Man across from here?" Talon asked.
"I'll check," Sara said as she crossed the road.
As soon as she lifted a branch there he was. Hmm, Sara thought as she raised her arms to him and said a spell.
"Hooray!" Kyle yelled as he saw Sara bringing out the ex-Tin Man now Tin Porta-Potty. "I'll be right back," Kyle said as he grabbed his favorite hunting magazine and ran into the porta-potty.
"FLUSH!" flushed the Tin Potty as Kyle went inside.
"Okay Sara now that we are back n track where's the lion?" Talon said.
"Roar!" screamed a lion as it jumped out from behind a bush.
"Bad Kitty!" Talon said as he hit it with a rolled up newspaper.
"Ow!" I submit!" cried gender-confused lion.
"Man what a wuss," said Talon as he unrolled the newspaper.
"Lion," said Sara." Why are you so scared?"
"Because I'm gender confused," said the lion.
"Well let me educate you through this helpful video." said Talon as he pulled a television and VCR out from behind another bush. "Sorry due to the content the narrator is not allowed to narrate at this time, if he does will be sacked, and in turn his sackers shall be sacked."
-2 Hours Later-
"Wow, thanks guys and know I know what I am on the inside," said the lion as he skipped away.
"Well now to Occupied Oz," Talon said happily
As our misguided heroes walked down the tie-dye red and yellow brick road EVIL sat in a donut shop while on brake.
"Hey look poppies!" Talon said," and across from it is Occupied Oz and there is a free Led Zepplin/ Pink Floyd concert and a Timmy who does something later in the story.
"Awesome Talon, the sky's spinning," Sara said.
After the premature Woodstock our dysfunctional heroes finally reach the gates of Occupied Oz. Where they were greeted by a little green man.
"Ah finally Occupied Oz!" Talon yelled as they emerged from the Poppies.
"Oy!" he yelled as he hit the door with his fist. "OPEN UP!" he yelled again.
"Who is it?" said a little green shag carpet covered obviously overheated man.
"It is we the Dysfunctional Heroes from three paragraphs ago," Talon said.
"We would like to speak to Ozzy of Oz," Sara added.
"Ozzy? We have no Ozzy we have..." said the little green oh you get his name man before he was interrupted by dramatic DUH, DUH, DUHS.
"Narrator stop doing that!" yelled Sara. "It's annoying!" she concluded.
"Fine!" said the Narrator as he finished the sentence.
"We have no Ozzy, we have Micheal Jackson!" reiterated the little green if you want to see his name go back a few paragraphs man.
"Why do you have Micheal Jackson little green go back a sentence to see his name man?" Kyle said.
"Be gone I cannot tell you that!" said the little green name stated previously man.
"Fine!" said Talon as he pulled out his sword.
As Talon ran around cutting Democrats and killing Micheal Jackson and putting Ozzy back on the throne of Occupied Oz he decided to look for Kyle and Sara outside the city gates.
"Where'd they go?" he said. "Hey a ransom note with a ransom address," he said.
After reading the ransom note and eating lunch Talon quickly set out on his journey to the Dark Lord's castle.
"AHH!" Sara screamed.
"I know it's preposterously EVIL!" the Dark Lord said.
"You sank my battleship!" Sara replied.
Anyway back to the story.
"The Dark Lord's castle!" Talon shouted as he jumped out of a taxicab.
"Aren't you supposed to be stealthy as you stealthily attack the Dark Lord's castle? Oh yeah, five bucks mack," The driver said.
"Well I just felt like shouting. Here you go for ninety eight, four ninety nine, five dollars," Talon said as he handed the driver the money. "Anyhoo the Dark Lord's Castle!" he shouted again.
"Hey mack," said the driver.
"Yes?" Talon said agitatedly.
"Yez forgot your sword," the driver said as he handed the sword to Talon.
"Oh, thank you. Honestly I keep forgetting it. You'd think I'd remember this time," Talon said.
Now as Talon ascended the tallest tower by jetpack he wondered if the castle had heating. It was highly cold and he could not stand fighting cold.
"Excuse me Mr. Lord I've come about that revenge I faxed you earlier," Talon said as he entered through the tallest tower's window.
"Hold on a second," came a voice from the bathroom.
"Okay," Talon said as he sat down on the sofa and picked up an issue of 'Life' magazine.
"Okay about that fax Mr.?" the Dark Lord said as he sat at his desk.
"Talon," Talon said.
"Okay Mr. Talon about that fax. What type of revenge are you looking for exactly?" the Dark Lord inquired.
"I was thinking along the lines of fight to the death with a quick donut brake about halfway in-between the fight. And maybe if possible I kick you and as you stumble I free my friends and we in turn push you into a giant vat of butter since your made of toast in all and then you climb out and my ogre friend Kyle eats you," Talon said exhaustedly.
"We might be able to do that how about on Monday because I'm booked Saturday and Sunday. Were always busy with kidnappings/revenge during the holidays," The Dark Lord said.
"Okay seems fair. So Monday?" Talon said.
"Monday. Thanks for coming we aim to please," The Dark Lord said as Talon climbed back down the tower.
-Monday-
"Okay ready?" Talon said.
"Ready," The Dark Lord said.
"Action," the narrator said.
"You evil fiend! How dare you take my friends!" Talon said dramatically.
"Join me and I'll let them go and we can destroy those who hired you!" the Dark Lord said excessively.
"Never!" Talon said.
"Fine then let's fight!" said the Dark Lord.
After about fifteen minutes of sword fighting the Dark Lord was loosing badly and was about to fall into a vat of butter they took a brake. As the characters took a donut brake they found they only had mustard rolls, which they all hated, but the Dark Lord loved so they hated him more.
"Go!" Talon said as the Dark Lord and he started dueling again.
"Ahh!" the Dark Lord screamed as Talon pushed him into a vat of melting butter.
"Are you guys okay?" Talon said as he released Sara and Kyle from the time out chair.
"Yeah." Sara said.
"Watch out!" Kyle yelled as the Dark Lord climbed out of the vat and ran toward them. "I'll save us he's made of toast," Kyle said as he grabbed the Dark Lord and began to eat him.
"Noo!" the Dark Lord screamed as Kyle the hungry ogre devoured him.
"He'll be back," Talon said.
"Why?" Sara asked as she looked around at the castle.
"He's gonna come back in The Wizard of Ozzy: The Quest for more political parties to destroy.
"Oh, that makes sense," Sara said.
"Well wanna rule the entire world in the story?" Talon said sadistically.
"Okay," Sara said evilly.
"Hey I narrate this story and you're not going to rule evilly your going to spread goodness and joy to all," said the narrator.
"Narrator you say what we tell you!" Talon and Sara said angrily.
"You don't control me!" said the Narrator.
"Now No longer gender confused lion attack with your new friends from that activist group," Talon said
"Okay gang let us get them," said the pink-sheeted leader with a tail stick out from his robe.
"NO MORE HOMOPHOBES! NO MORE HOMOPHOBES! NO MORE HOMOPHOBES!" the group of pink-sheeted rioters said as they attacked the narrator.
"I give," said the narrator.
"Okay I have some plans for you…" Talon said evilly as the story ended.
This is Talon's plans if you wanted to find out.
"Hey you forgot about me." Timmy said as Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin left without him.
"Timmy this is the narrator hold on Talon told me to narrate you onto that bus so hold on." the narrator said.
"Okay awesome I get to tour with Led Zepplin/ Pink Floyd." said Timmy as he poofed onto the bus. END
I have gotten permission from every person who's in this story and they have read this story and are comfortable with it