Okay, I realize I have a whole mess of open stories at the moment, but I just couldn't keep this one off the site. It's my favorite one yet.
I'm having some romantic issues at the moment, so it kinda motivated me to get off my keister and work on this story. So please enjoy.
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Prologue: What Hurts The Most
My insides squirm and cringe inside me as I think about what she's done. How could she have done this to me? I'd trusted her. I'd trusted her with everything. I'd given her everything. And all she could do was turn around and sell my soul to Voldemort.
It was all a lie. It was all a game to her. Every tear, every smile, every laugh and every kiss. Every meaningful glance. Every embrace to tell me it'd be okay. It had all been a big fat lie. After all this was done, I wouldn't even have the memories of the happiness I'd known once. All I'd be able to remember was the horrible lie I'd been forced to live, thanks to her.
"How..." I stutter, not even capable of finding the words necessary to complete the question. "How... could you do this? How can you live with yourself... knowing that you've ruined my life? How could you go on knowing it was all a lie?"
Her sobs are racking her whole body. Her whole face is flushed with the shame of what she's done to the world, as raging torrents of tears pour down her cheeks. She looks sincere. My heart wants to believe it too. All I want is to be sitting next to her, holding her as close as I can, smoothing down her hair and whispering in her ear that I love her and I forgive her. I want that. I still want that. But my head know that there's only one thing that Alex is good at: acting.
"Harry, you don't understand," she pleads, in a pathetic attempt to grasp at any shred of dignity she has left. "You weren't there... you don't know..."
"What don't I know?" I ask her angrily, staring her down with eyes filled with fiery rage. "You sold me out! You said you loved me and you'd never leave and then you go and screw me over! You're a liar and a cheat and that's all I need to know!"
"Harry, I do love you!" she cries, standing up as well. "And it's true! All those things you said about me! I'm a liar and a cheat and hurt people and the world would be so much better if I would just evaporate off the face of the earth! But I love you! That's not a lie."
"I'm getting more than tired of hearing this, Alex!" I tell her. "I don't believe you! How do I know your not still working for him?"
"Harry, I wouldn't lie about this!" she begs. "I just barely broke away! He's still looking for me right now! Harry, I need you!"
"Yeah, well I don't need you!" I shoot back. "And I don't care if he does find you! You deserve whatever he gives you!"
"Harry, you said you'd love me! You said that no matter what happens, you'd always love me and protect me! Did you lie? Did you think it'd be easy to love me? To protect me? It's never easy!"
"Well it certainly makes it a lot harder when the woman you love says she's working for the guy who keeps trying to kill you!" I shout back.
"See, you do love me!" she yells back. "We love each other!" She takes my hand and sets it at her cheek, her eyes pleading with me silently. I feel how warm she is from getting so worked up, and the moisture from her tears and all I want is to take her in my arms and never let her go. "Why should the rest matter?"
I sigh, wanting to give in to her so badly. I feel the silky softness of her face against my hands and the warmth of her body. And as I pull my hand away I know it'll be the last time I ever feel it.
"Because it does matter," I say, resigned. "We are over, Alex. And I don't care anymore. I really, really, really... don't care."
Her eyes silently plead with me, please... please, Harry. I love you. Don't do this. But I'm done. I can't even look at her. I can't listen to this anymore.
I go to the counter and grab my jacket. In one swift move, I have it on, and head to the door.
"Harry!" she sobs, running to me in her final effort for forgiveness. "Please don't go!" She grabs my arm, and I feel the warmth of her hand for what I know will be the last time. I shake the sadness from my head. You aren't sad, I tell myself. You can't be sad over her. She doesn't deserve you. She doesn't love you. She'll never care about you.
"Harry, don't leave me here!" she screams. "You saved me! You saved me from everything! You made me want to live again! What am I supposed to do without you?"
"I don't care," I say tiredly, wrenching my arm out of her grasp and turning the doorknob. "I just don't care anymore."
I yank open the door, and, taking a final glance at her and burning it into my mind forever, I walk out, slamming the door behind me.
I only make it around the corner from her front door before I can't move anymore. I lean against the wall, my hopeless sobs weakening every part of my body. I slip down the wall until I'm sitting on the cold, hard ground, crying with abandon like I haven't since I was little kid.
I hate this. All of this. I hate myself for loving her still, even when she's betrayed my trust and broken my heart. I hate her. I hate that she's so beautiful and smart and witty and amazing. I hate that she lied and deceived me. I hate what she's done.
She's truly ruined my life. Entirely and wholy, it is annihilated. I have nothing left. Her love, or the love I thought she'd given me, had me whole again. Every empty space and every loss and every hollow feeling evaporated like puddles in the midday sun and was replaced by the gift she'd given me. And after this, that completion has been stripped away, leaving me here scarred and damaged and hopelessly empty.
And more than that, she nearly killed me. Every victory from Voldemort had been courtesy of her hands, every loss suffered her fault. Every attempt at my life her doing. All my small victories had been obliterated thanks to her inside work. And now with the war waging as hard as ever, she's responsible.
Yet even after every way she's destroyed me, I'm still alive. I can still feel and cry and hurt. And for that, I hate her the most.
Okay, here's the drill: if you liked it, review. If you didn't like it, review.
Now that that's been established, another update won't be up for another week, because I have a bunch of reports due this week, as well as my high school exit exam. So I'll post the next chapter when I'm on SPRING BREAK BABY! Yes, because while all the drunken, sex-crazed university students hit the beach, go streaking and do keg stands, I'll be in my living room, typing away like I don't have a life. Which I don't. Lol. Oh well.
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