(This is loosely based on "Tiny Titans".) ("Death of the Author" cover graphic designed by Miss Clock. I should have mentioned this earlier.) (A larger version of this graphic can be viewed in the "Heroic Visions" section of TGNMemory, along with an explanation of what the blue lettering probably means.)
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(Support the new "Teen Titans Go!" tv series, coming to Cartoon Network in 2013! For more details, visit TGNMemory!)
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Tiny Titans, The Musical!
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Act One:
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(The scene is the interior of the Batcave. The Batmobile is parked in the background. Hundreds of bats cling to every available surface. A tiny figure is scrubbing the floor, with a wire brush and a bucket of soapy water. It is Tiny Robin. Tiny Robin stands up, and steps forward into the spotlight. he starts to sing.)
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Tiny Robin:
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Well, Batman calls me a twerp!
And, he makes me do all the work!
This isn't much fun, away I should run
From this mean old Bat-faced jerk!
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(Tiny Robin angrily throws his scrubbing-brush, and dumps the bucket of soapy water into the Batmobile.)
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Tiny Robin:
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Let Batman remain, in this fortress of guano!
But as for Tiny Robin...
Color me gone-o !
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(Tiny Robin gathers up his tiny belongings, and wraps them in a red and white checkered tablecloth. He ties the bundle to the end of a stick, and slings it over his shoulder, in the manner of a tiny hobo. He walks out of the Batcave...)
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Act Two:
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(Tiny Robin is walking down a dusty rural road. He stops under a road sign that reads "Jump City 3000 Miles". He mops his tiny brow.)
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Tiny Robin:
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Well, here I am, on this lonely road
If I could read
I'd know where it goe'd...
I'm all alone... Oh look!
A toad!
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(A tiny green toad hops up to Tiny Robin. The toad transforms into Tiny Beast Boy.)
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Tiny Beast Boy:
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I used to be... in the Doom Patrol!
But, having lots of fun is my primary goal!
Hello, my name is Tiny Beast Boy.
Mind if I join you?
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Tiny Robin:
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Not in the least, boy!
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(Tiny Robin and Tiny Beast Boy stand shoulder to shoulder, and then merrily skip along the country road. They sing together.)
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Tiny Robin and Tiny Beast Boy:
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Here we are, two tiny friends!
Walking down the road
To see where it ends!
We'll walk along, both night and day!
Two tiny friends, headed West, hooray!
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(Tiny Robin and Tiny Beast Boy continue to skip down the road. The road winds into a dark and mysterious forest...)
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Tiny Robin:
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Into this forest, we shouldn't have hurried...
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Tiny Beast Boy:
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Something about this, makes me feel worried!
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(Ahead of them on the road, they spy a tiny figure in a dark blue cloak. The tiny figure is sniffling, and sighing.)
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Tiny Robin:
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Who is that? She looks lonely and weepy...
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Tiny Beast Boy:
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Yes indeed, she seems mournful and creepy...
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(The tiny cloaked figure approaches them. It is Tiny Raven.)
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Tiny Raven:
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Hello, I suppose. Yes, hello.
Who are you? Where do you both go?
Might you care, to hear my tale of woe?
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Tiny Robin:
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Not really, no.
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Tiny Raven:
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I suppose, that I can't really blame you.
To know me, would only serve to shame you.
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Tiny Beast Boy:
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We'll take your word for it.
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Tiny Robin:
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Yeah. See you later.
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(Tiny Robin and Tiny Beast Boy start to walk past Tiny Raven. Tiny Raven angrily jumps in front of them, and points her tiny finger, accusingly.)
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Tiny Raven:
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Wait! Stop!
Good grief, boys are dumb.
You see a sad girl...
and you treat her like scum?
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You're supposed to say
"It's not so bad"
You're supposed to say
"Don't feel so sad"
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You're supposed to offer
to be my pals!
You're supposed to say
that you like mopey gals!
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... And, did I mention, that I have scary powers?
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(Tiny black thunderbolts crackle from Tiny Raven's tiny fingers. Both Tiny Robin and Tiny Beast Boy become very alarmed.)
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Tiny Robin:
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Quick, pick her some flowers!
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(Tiny Beast Boy hurriedly gathers some daisies from the roadside. He hands the improvised bouquet to Tiny Raven.)
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Tiny Beast Boy:
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Um... You're the nicest girl, that I've met all week...
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Tiny Raven:
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(blushing)
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This is really sweet, you cute green freak.
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Tiny Robin:
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I had a feeling, that we could all get along...
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Tiny Raven:
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Let's all be friends. Now, shut up, here's my song...
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My name is Tiny Raven
and my fate is something awful
of misery and terror
I've surely had a craw-full
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My mommy was a beatnik
And my daddy was a demon
My cousins all have antlers
It's enough to leave you screamin'
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But now my heart is joyful
'Cause I've found myself some friends
I think that I can face the world
(At least until it ends)
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And now I'm headed westward
To find purpose, and some toys
Just little Tiny Raven
and two tiny stupid boys!
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(The tiny trio continues walking down the road, Tiny Raven in the lead, and Tiny Robin and Beast Boy at a respectful distance. Tiny Raven notices that the boys are avoiding her. She shrugs, and picks up Tiny Beast Boy, and starts carrying him like a teddy bear. Tiny Beast Boy whines, and struggles helplessly.)
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Tiny Raven:
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You'll settle down, once we are married...
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Tiny Robin:
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Poor Tiny Beast Boy...
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Tiny Beast Boy:
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... I'd rather be buried!
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(They continue down the road. Eventually the forest opens into a broad meadowland, with wildflowers and streams and butterflies, and ponds and waterfalls, and duckies and bunnies.)
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(Afternoon turns to evening, evening fades into twilight. A million-billion stars glitter in the indigo sky.)
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(And our tiny friends continue their trek...)
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(Until a tiny silver flying saucer careens from the heavens, smashing into the meadow and rending a jagged crater in the ground!)
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(The tiny trio gape at this spectacle in abject astonishment. Even Tiny Raven finds herself momentarily at a loss for words.)
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Tiny Raven:
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I find myself momentarily at a loss for words...
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(Something inside the wreckage of the tiny flying saucer is moving... It's a tiny alien space-girl, with hair the color of Orange Crush, and a complexion the color of tangerine sorbet. It is Tiny Starfire. She kicks her way out of the ruined spacecraft, and confronts our tiny friends.)
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(Tiny Starfire begins to sing.)
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Tiny Starfire:
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Chai, Kori-ri-ri and'r!
Tamar, ka! vorh-andr?
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(Tiny Starfire realizes that no one can understand her. She walks over to Tiny Robin, and kisses him. She restarts her song.)
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Tiny Starfire:
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Greetings, puny Terrans!
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I am tiny Princess Starfire
and I crashed into your planet
Submit or die! Just kidding!
I am friendly alien, dammit!
All I want is shopping
and some mustard for my food
And a place to store my clothing
... and perhaps this little dude.
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(Tiny Starfire picks up Tiny Robin, and slings him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Tiny Robin whines and struggles helplessly.)
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Tiny Starfire:
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Your behaviour will stabilize, once we are wed...
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Tiny Beast Boy:
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Poor Tiny Robin...
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Tiny Robin:
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... I'd rather be dead!
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(Pause.)
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(There is more of this.)
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Public Service Announcement: Please support the new full half-hour length "Teen Titans Go!" animated tv series, coming to Cartoon Network in 2013! To show your support, please copy and paste this announcement! Thanks!
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