So, I'm back.
This is my second CM fic, and it was a sudden hit of inspiration from midnight insomnia.
I'm not so sure about how the story was written. I'm not so used to writing in this point of view, so bare with me.
It was inspired by Love the Way You Lie by Eminem…So, yeah.
Review if you so wish, my dears!
"When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves- they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true." –Cheryl Hughes
Reid knows Morgan lies to him. He knows where Morgan goes on Friday nights. He knows he's just baggage that Morgan's going to leave on the sidewalk one day. He knows this is all going to come to an end one day. Reid knows all these things, but can't manage to get himself to leave.
Every damn night since they've gotten together, when Reid pretends to be asleep, Morgan leaves to go to the bars of DC and meet with his newest conquest. When he's there, he's single Derek Morgan. He doesn't have a care in the world, as he drinks the night away and always ends up bedding some stranger. Nowhere in his mind, is the lonely genius who lies in their bed, his heart breaking little by little, night after night.
When Morgan returns the next morning, after Reid is already awake, he always claims to be on his morning runs. Of course, there was a flaw in the excuse in the beginning when all he came home in was rumpled jeans and a gray t-shirt, which of course, had no marks or stains of sweat on them. Since then, he's gotten more sophisticated in his excuse, actually bringing a gym bag with clothes in it to change into, and throwing water all over the shirt, creating a poor imitation of sweat. But Reid saw through it. He would've seen through it even if he hadn't been awake all the times that Morgan leaves.
Reid watched how Morgan acts around his conquests. He hadn't even been trying to follow him. He just went to a bar with a friend of his who was in town and asked to go get a drink with him. Turns out, for Reid's luck, they wound up at the same bar that Morgan was that night. Luckily or not, Morgan hadn't spotted them. But Reid most certainly did. He barely listened to his friend that night, too absorbed in trying to be unseen by Morgan, and at the same time, trying not to break down in tears right there.
The way he responds to those girls and guys that rub up against him, it's almost like he never knew Reid. Sure, Morgan and Reid still have sex, but Reid already took notice that it was only on nights he didn't leave. It was only on the nights that he didn't have a date set up, and needed to release stress. That's all Reid is to him now. Just a toy that Morgan plays with and abandons when he's done, leaving his emotions so drained and confused he has no choice but to go with it.
Even now, when Morgan is out again and Reid lies in bed, looking over the situation, he's not even sure if he can get out. He knows he would be fine if he got out of this relationship, but he chooses not to believe himself. He'll just be stuck in this continuous circle for longer, just being a game to be played. Even now, as he drifts off to sleep, he hears the door softly open, and he wonders if he'll be stuck in this life forever.
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It was weeks later, and many conquests later, that Reid's friend Ian, convinced Reid to leave Morgan. It took a lot of convincing, and Reid was still doubtful about how he was going to approach, but he was going to do it.
"Spencer," Ian told him one day. "You don't even need to say anything to him. Why don't you just take your stuff out while he's out one night, and leave a note? I know it'll make things better on you, and doesn't it make things worse for him? I mean, he leaves you every night to go sleep with random strangers!"
Reid had sat there for a moment, contemplating Ian's words. He could leave a note and take his stuff when Morgan was gone tonight. Reid had already checked his planner in his work desk, and he saw the secret dot he put on all the dates he went out. He could do it. He could just leave.
And that's exactly what he was going to do.
For the first time in a long time, Reid smiled. He grabbed Ian's hand and some boxes, getting ready to do something he should've done a long time ago.
"Let's do it."
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When Morgan left that night, Reid called Ian and gathered his stuff into the boxes, while Ian helped him load them into his car. He didn't have much here, just some clothes and some paperwork for the BAU. But, it almost felt liberating to put that little amount of things into the boxes. To feel like he was finally free from the ropes that bound him here.
But, when Ian was putting the last box in his car, Reid started having second thoughts about leaving. Looking back on every memory, every scar they had put in this apartment, he reflected on the good things that had happened here.
The dent on the wall behind the couch being made when they were playing Frisbee with Clooney. Clooney was gone now, passed away a couple of years ago from cancer, but the dent remained.
The red stain in the middle of the beige carpet. The stain was made when the team had come over for a cookout, and Henry had spilled his juice from his sippy cup. JJ had, and still does, apologize profusely for the stain in the carpet, and has repeatedly offered to hire a carpet cleaner to get the stain out.
Then there was every time they had made love in the apartment during the early stages of their relationship. How kind and gentle Morgan had been with Reid during that time. Back then, it was still called love making to them. Now it's just sex or banging, or whatever meaningless term they had come to call it.
Maybe Morgan would quit cheating if he confronted him. Maybe he would change because he saw how much this was hurting him. Maybe this could be saved.
"Spencer," Ian said quietly behind him, laying a soft hand on his thin shoulder. "He's not going to change. He'll just keep doing this to you, no matter how many times he says he'll quit. Promise after promise. Lie after lie."
"But," Reid argued. "What if I tell him I know and it's hurtin-"
"He knows, Spence," Ian cut him off. "If he can't see how much it's hurting you, then he's blind as a bat. Besides, he's a profiler, too. Trust me, he sees how bad it's hurting you, and it doesn't bug him one bit."
Reid swallowed and pushed back the tears, realizing how badly he needed to get out of here. He grabbed the notepad and pen Morgan always leaves on the counter. It's actually ironic to Reid, considering this was the same notepad Morgan always writes his excuses on for Reid to read in the morning.
Reid uncapped the pen, and wrote his final parting to Morgan. He made it very short and simple, but also put in some of the anger and frustration he's been feeling.
He took a breath, put the pen back, and walked out with Ian, leaving the relationship behind him.
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It wasn't until around seven in the morning, that Morgan finally returned home, dressed in his usual workout clothes, to find Reid's car missing. He walked inside, to also find Reid missing. Morgan searched every room of the house, calling Reid's name, his voice rising in confusion and panic. Had someone broken in and kidnapped Reid and his car? No, that was highly unlikely. He always locked the doors when he left.
Morgan sighed. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but when he was there, and he was the life of the party, he felt no remorse. He didn't miss random ramblings of statistics or any useless knowledge that Reid always spits out. He only heard the music from the jukebox blaring and only felt the ladies and men rubbing up against him.
Despite what others think, Morgan did really have feelings for Reid. He knew he liked the relationship they had. But, he just couldn't uphold a regular relationship. He didn't like the strings attached thing that he had with Reid. He just wanted the sex, and that's what he was getting from the others at the bars. He never had to contact them again, or even remember their names.
He could probably tell Reid about his feelings, and they could try and fix their relationship, and maybe Morgan could grow to like it. He really did want to able to stay with Reid, but he needed help. But Reid never even seems interested in their relationship anymore. He always seems distracted or not even enthusiastic at anything he does. To Morgan, he feels like he's not even trying in the relationship.
Realizing he didn't even breakfast, he headed to the kitchen to try and find something easy to fix. Usually Reid fixed the breakfast. He always made pancakes and eggs, which Morgan always looked forward to. But, today, looks like he'll be serving himself toast and butter.
But, on the way to the kitchen, Morgan spotted the yellow notepad he always wrote his excuses to Reid on. His note had been ripped off, and another had been written.
Looks like Reid has already been up, Morgan thought.
Derek,
Once you get home from the bars, and after you've slept with another person behind my back, I want you to know I'm leaving. I don't know what we had, but whatever it was, I'm finished. Apparently, you've been for awhile.
Spencer
It took Morgan a couple of minutes to actually process what was written in the note. He stopped reading when he saw the words "I'm leaving".
Suddenly, there was that choking feeling in his throat, and the sick feeling in his stomach. Reid had finally found out. He had found out he was being unfaithful, and now Morgan was paying the price for it. He didn't have anyone who he could trust with his problems. Anyone who could handle his baggage. He did have someone, but he had just broken his heart and sent him away.
Morgan quickly made his way up into their bedroom, checking the closet. Maybe if Reid had left any of his clothes, he could catch Reid coming back to get them, and beg him to give him another chance. But, alas, Reid was smart enough to bring all of his possessions with him, leaving him no longer tied to that house. Reid was gone, and Morgan wasn't going to get him back.
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It was weeks later, when Morgan actually saw Reid outside of work. They didn't talk to each other much anymore, unless it was related to work. Morgan has tried many times to get Reid to talk to him, but the young genius remains silent, not wanting to get sucked back into the circle he just recently got out of.
So when Morgan saw Reid sitting with what Morgan recognized as Reid's friend Ian on a bench on the beach, holding hands and laughing, Morgan realized his chance was over. He could've been faithful and gave Reid the love he deserved. But no, he had to cheat and be deceitful. He basically sent Reid into the arms of someone else, and he was the only one to blame.
As Ian stole a kiss from Reid, Morgan quietly walked away, letting that feeling of hollowness and shame seep through him. He sent a text to his date at the club, telling her he wasn't coming. Somehow, he didn't think he would be going to the clubs anymore.
So? How was it? Please, leave me any comments or constructive criticism. I definitely need more practice in the Criminal Minds department! XD
Until next time!