Those Left Behind

Description: Mai struggles to understand the reason for Zuko's unexpected betrayal and departure, leading her to seek the truth she must be missing. Mai/Zuko.

Disclaimer: I have no claim to Avatar: The Last Airbender. Please don't sue for infringement, etc. This disclaimer applies for the remainder of the story.

Chapter One: Decisions Unmade

When she found the letter on her bed, she sat down hard, slumped on the floor, with a piece of paper crumpled in her fist. It wasn't ladylike, and it wasn't dignified, but she realized that she, for once, didn't care at all. She didn't feel much often, but whenever she was around Zuko, he had an infuriating way of inspiring a thousand different emotions inside her, and it would seem that his departure had the same effect. She didn't know what to call them most of the time, and this one was certainly a new one. "You idiot…" She murmured, pulling herself up and flopping limply on the bed. She blinked furiously, fighting back the swell of emotion before shutting her eyes and feeling the hot stream of liquid slide from the side of her eyes. There was a painful lump in her throat she couldn't swallow.

"He's going to get himself killed…" She muttered, rolling onto her side and curling up, clutching the letter close. They had been building up these feelings for one another for so long, and just when it seemed like they could finally be in love, and… happy, even… He had to go and throw it all away. For what? Mai didn't think she really understood Zuko, but he had chosen to say goodbye to her. He had chosen to tell her his plan before anyone else. But he had chosen this fool's path over stability with her, but for what end? Did he really think that siding with the Avatar was the right path? Did he really think that burning his bridges with his family and his old life was worth whatever it was he planned on doing with the Avatar? Was ending this war really worth all that?

A defiant voice inside her told her it was.

There was a sharp rapping on her door. Instinctively, Mai knew it was Azula, and she panicked for a moment. What was she supposed to do? Was Zuko stupid? Why would he do this? And what was she supposed to do about Azula, knocking at her door? She shoved the scroll under her pillow and tried to orient herself. "I'm coming." She called dryly. She strode to the door and opened it, keeping her expression as blank as possible.

"Mai… I'm glad to see you're safe after the disturbance today." Azula brushed past her, looking shrewdly around the room.

She knows. Mai realized with a jolt, but shut the door complacently. "I'm glad that the little peasant rebellion was easily crushed."

Azula lowered herself with dignity into one of Mai's chairs. "Yes… Yes, it was. I thought you should hear it from me, rather than the town crier, though, that my dear brother has quite unfortunately shown his true colors to be those of a traitor."

Mai didn't know why, but Azula's simpering words made her want to forget that she had knives and simply punch her in the nose. "I-is that so?" She lowered herself on the bed, wondering exactly how she should react. If she was too distant, Azula might assume she had already known, and if she reacted more than she might normally in such a situation with no fore-warning, Azula would know she had already known. She inwardly cursed Zuko again, because while he was off gallivanting with the Avatar, she had to deal with his sister.

"Yes, it's a terrible loss. Father is so disappointed. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now." Azula studied her fingernails, and looked put out at the fact that she had a hang nail. "You should have seen what one of those Water Tribe peasants tried to do to me."

Mai closed her eyes briefly and tried to breathe. Azula was changing the subject on purpose; stalking Mai like a cat does its prey. She tried to think quick enough to get the princess out of her room and think of what she was going to do next. She had put up with Azula's manipulations while she was with Zuko for the whole summer, and now that he was gone again, he had left her with an ugly decision to make. "I don't know what to say. What did he do?" She stated monotonously.

"Oh, he threatened Father, and said he was going to free Uncle and join the Avatar. Of course, dear Uncle broke out of prison all by himself today, so Father is furious about that as well." She looked into Mai's eyes, searching for any hint of anything. "You didn't hear anything about this, did you? I wouldn't want to bore you with details you've already heard."

Mai hardened. "Of course not, Azula. I can't believe Zuko would be so foolish, but if that's the decision he's made, then I'm not going to waste another moment of my time worrying about it. Now, I'm exhausted. I want to take a bath, and I want a fruit tart. I don't want to talk about your stupid brother anymore. I don't want to talk about the war, and I don't want to talk about anything."

Azula stood promptly. "Of course, Mai." She strode to the bed and stroked the elder girl's hair. "If you hear anything, of course, I'm counting on you to let me know. Father doesn't tolerate traitors, and we're counting on everyone to display their loyalty to the Fire Nation in these… troubling times." She strode out the door, and Mai released the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

"Damn you, Zuko…" She whispered, flopping backward on the bed. Of course he had, in a fit of righteous fury, packed up, challenged his father, and left to join the Avatar. She should have seen it coming from the conversation he had had with her only the day before.

"I was the perfect prince. I was the son my father wanted. But… I wasn't me."

With a statement like that, she should have known Zuko was going to do something stupid. He knew that she would have stopped him if he had told her beforehand. He knew he was leaving her with an awful choice. Treason or loyalty to the Fire Nation. Him, or her family. Damn it. It was right or wrong, but she was just so confused as to what was right and what was wrong.

Mai wasn't stupid, and she wasn't blind. She was obedient, and she did what others told her to, but that didn't mean she didn't have her own thoughts, opinions or emotions. She had seen the looks of defiant anger in the faces of the people of Omashu, and she had seen what people like Azula were capable of doing to their own people, let alone the people the Fire Nation was conquering. But her mother had told her to keep her mouth shut, so her father could gain power, and Mai obliged.

Now, Zuko was presenting her with another way. An end to the war she despised at heart, an explanation for the state of the world, and a life with him, where they wouldn't be bothered by Azula's meddling and attempts at control over their relationship. Mai loved Zuko more than she was loyal to Azula, but what did that mean in the end? Did that mean she was willing to become a turncoat and leave like Zuko had? Maybe Zuko was used to life as an outcast, but that didn't mean she was. She was used to life as an aristocrat, not living on a military ship, chasing after an enigmatic figure of untold power, or hiding in the forests of the Earth Kingdom from a crazy princess. And if she was right, which she was fairly sure she was, Zuko was not going to be living on a ship in his exile this time. He would be struggling for supplies, living life on the run, battling his own people at every turn, hiding out as the Avatar had to.

She, Mai, was not sure she could handle that kind of life any more than anyone else. She pulled out the letter again, skimmed it, and then groaned. Why was joining the Avatar the right thing? Zuko didn't explain, and there wasn't anyone left in the Fire Nation who could tell her. There had been no Avatar since Avatar Roku, and since the one succeeding him had not come of age yet when the Air Nomads were massacred (defeated, she reminded herself. Massacre sounded so vulgar.), it was widely assumed he would have died with them and been reborn in the Water Tribe (leading to the subsequent attack on the South Pole and capture of every water bender). Few assumed he had survived the attack, unless they were in confidence of Fire Lord Sozin, who believed his old friend's reincarnation was still living.

So, why was the Avatar so amazing? His name suggested his importance, even though there was not much room for spirituality and learning of the Avatar in the Fire Nation. It meant that he was the incarnation of… something. Something great and powerful. She snorted involuntarily, having met the air bender, and composing herself when she remembered the power he wielded that she herself had witnessed. She was missing something. Something Zuko had not missed over the years, and something he was willing to throw everything away to support.

She sat up and folded the paper, tucking it neatly inside her robe and pacing her room. No, perhaps she would not leave the Fire Nation and openly declare herself treasonous against her home country, but she would no more complacently follow Azula. If Zuko was willing to throw away his life, what he had worked so hard to regain, there had to be something very important, a piece to the puzzle, she was missing. Was that enough to go to the extremes he had? Mai didn't know yet, but it was enough to do some research and make a decision for herself. She seized her cloak from the chair and hid flint and a candle in her sleeves, sliding out the door of her apartment.

It had been at least an hour since Azula's visit, and darkness had fallen around the royal grounds. She inhaled slowly and hurried, unseen, through the night, rushing toward the stronghold where she knew Azula would keep her new prisoners. The guards were already asleep, doubtlessly understaffed and exhausted from the excitement of the day, and she slid past them effortlessly. She followed the stairs down into the catacombs and made a face at the oozing, slimy walls. When she finally found them, she was shocked at how many there were.

"Why didn't the Avatar try to escape with more of you?" The words spilled from her mouth before she could manage a proper introduction or greeting. She was astonished that he had allowed so many to be taken prisoner, and not stayed himself.

They all stared openly at her, but only a harrowed looking Water Tribe warrior responded. "He would have stayed with us, but if we have a prayer of defeating you people, he had to leave with our youths." He looked at the stone floor of the large cell, and even in the dim light Mai could see he had already been subject to Azula's torture.

She stepped toward the cell, and before she realized it, her fingers had the bars of the cell in a death grip, peering around at the team of rag tag fighters. "Why did you all come here today?" She asked, trying to keep her voice low. "Why was this worth it to you?" Maybe their reasoning was similar to the one that had driven Zuko to leave, and she found that she was becoming increasingly desperate in finding understanding.

Another Water Tribe warrior stepped forward, looking worse than the first. "If you had endured the lives we have, you would fight too. If you had seen the monstrosities the Fire Nation has caused us, and felt the pain caused by those horrors, you would fight." His blue eyes were cold as the ice his people lived among. "My wife was murdered in a Fire Nation raid on the South Pole. My children are fighting with the Avatar. My children."

Mai could clearly see that his suffering was not caused by his battle wounds, nor by the torture Azula had inflicted upon him or his comrades. Somehow, the warrior had been able to tell that Mai was not there to taunt them.

She stepped away from the bars, pulling her hood back to reveal her identity and address the group. "Someone I care very much for left me today…" She trailed off, trying to decide how much to tell these people. "He said that fighting with the Avatar was his destiny, and bringing peace to my country, and the whole world, was something he truly believed in. And I…" She was surprised to discover that she was crying, but she pushed on. "I don't know what he learned that made up his mind. I don't know if I should be of the same mind, or if he's just crazy. But… but there are so many people around the world who have those same feelings about the Avatar… I want to understand whatever it was that brought all of you here, and led him to leave. I want to make up my own mind about this, and I want to do something about it, either way."

The group stared at her, and finally a murmur travelled throughout the room. The second Water Tribe warrior spoke after a long moment, offering his hand to her through the bars. "My name is Hakoda. I'm the leader of the Southern Water Tribe warriors." When she tentatively took his weathered hand, he grabbed her elbow in a ceremonial handshake, which she shakily returned.

"My name is Mai." She returned slowly, her mind racing, and she reached into her pocket, handing a small knife to him. When he took it, she pulled her hood back over her eyes. "I'll be back… Use that at the right moment. You'll know when it comes." She turned and left the group stunned and speechless, a thousand new questions presenting herself with every beat of her hammering heart.

End Chapter One

Note: When I started writing this, it was supposed to simply be a one-shot about Mai struggling with Zuko's decision in the wake of the failed invasion, and trying to reach a decision of her own. I didn't think Mai would be the type to simply up and leave on someone else's whim, especially when it meant her life and the lives of her family would be deeply impacted, and so this story was formed from that internal conflict. By the time Azula left, though, I knew that this was going to turn into a multi-chaptered story, because my mind was already leaping into what could happen in the next chapter, even though I hadn't planned on one. I had decided after beginning the sentence challenges that I wanted to write a Mai/Zuko story, and I wanted it to suit the nature of their relationship, which is mysterious and more complex than most give it credit for being. Then, I decided that I wanted to address the aftermath of the failed invasion from the other side, those left in the Fire Nation to deal with Azula, which included Mai. So, here we are, and I'm facing the frustrating inner conflict of finals, versus graduate school applications, versus a desire to write that won't be satiated. That said I'm going to try hard to finish my school finals (which, to my agony, are all papers that won't simply write themselves) before working on another chapter of this, or any of my other in progress stories. Thanks so much for reading!