A/N Just a bit of background on this story. It actually started off as a one-shot entitled "Happy at Last" but morphed into something much more complicated and intense. As a result, since originally posting (19th Nov 2012) I have heavily edited the first chapter (6th Feb 2013) and hope that it reads more fluently and fits in much better with the whole story.
This story has many twists and turns and there will be some chapters that may be difficult to read. (There are warnings on individual chapters). Ultimately though, it's an EO journey, based on the premise that love can conquer anything. S x

1

A few months after Elliot left SVU.

Her heart rate quickened when she saw the name appear on her phone's display. She hadn't heard from him in months. Why on earth was he suddenly ringing now after all this time? What could he possibly have to say to her? She had tried so hard to put him out of her mind and just get on with her life, but seeing his name brought it all back as though it were yesterday. She had considered him her best friend and yet he had walked out on her with barely a second glance back. Their friendship had meant nothing to him. Well, maybe not nothing, she thought as she fingered the necklace permanently hanging around her neck, but certainly not enough for him to want to consider keeping her in his life in any meaningful way after he had retired from the force. The emptiness she felt was like a constant ache that never really left her, however much she tried to convince herself she was 'over it'. Unsure how sensible it really was to risk deepening old wounds, she briefly considered letting it go to the answer machine, but she knew she could never do that and she guessed he would know that.

"Elliot?" she said nervously, her voice barely more than a whisper due to the sudden and inexplicable constriction of her now very dry throat. Her fingers gripped her phone like a vice. She held her breath waiting to hear that voice; the voice that for more than a decade had soothed, comforted, encouraged, inspired, yet more often than not thoroughly enraged her. There was no end to the complexity that had been their partnership. She had previously sometimes wondered if there wasn't some kind of invisible force drawing them together, for however hard they fought against it, however much they ran in a futile attempt to escape facing their feelings, they had always ended up back side by side. Then suddenly, he had completely pulled himself away with a finality that had hit her like a ton of bricks. It had been a complete shock. For weeks she kept expecting him to walk back through the door apologising profusely, saying he had made a huge mistake… and after a while they would surely be back to normal, sparring over who got to drive that day. The weeks had turned into months, however, and he never returned.

There was no response on the other end of the phone and she wondered if she had been hallucinating and maybe he hadn't called after all. A quick inspection confirmed that the name was definitely his and that she was connected.

"What do you want, Elliot?" she said finally, frustrated. She hated that she was still so affected by him. She wished she had been strong enough to never answer the damn call in the first place. She knew she had no control over her actions when it came to him though. However angry she felt, she knew it would ultimately never change how she really felt about him, the feelings she tried to bury, but never quite succeeded.

"So you're Liv?" The voice was cold, the tone antagonistic but more shocking, it was female. Her mind started racing. It definitely wasn't Kathy. She knew her too well. Besides Kathy, and the kids for that matter, knew her too, so they would hardly be calling wondering who she was.

"Who is this?" she asked.

"Bitch!"

Olivia almost gasped in shock, her jaw dropping in amazement. What was this? Who was this random woman ringing up on Elliot's phone? Where was Elliot?

"Look, I don't know who the hell you are," she said, managing to shift her focus away from Elliot and back to the strange woman on the other end of the phone. "…but I think you have a wrong number." She prodded the end-call button with decidedly more force than necessary and slung her phone down on the table, now thoroughly pissed off… but also confused and hurt. It hit her hard how much she actually did want him to call her and she found her eyes swimming with tears.

She heard her phone vibrating again and she sighed, blinking hard and wiping away the couple of tears that were on the verge of escaping and rolling down her cheeks. The sensible thing would definitely be to ignore it… but what if it really was him this time? The chances of that weren't high though, given the fact she had only just hung up.

She reached for the phone.

"What do you want?" she asked wearily, trying to appear unruffled and in control.

"I know what you and Elliot have been doing. I just wanted to introduce myself. This is his girlfriend!"

"What?" Nothing could have thrown her more. Elliot had a girlfriend? That must surely mean he had split up with Kathy? He had since found someone else already? Her confusion as to the reason for the call suddenly dissipated as she realised that for some reason completely unbeknownst to her, this woman had obviously got it into her head that Elliot had been cheating – and with her. It was preposterous; completely crazy. She had barely time to think though for the woman on the other end was continuing her rant.

"How could you do this? Why would you steal someone else's boyfriend! You slut!"

Even though she recognised it was obviously a huge misunderstanding, the way this woman was talking to her made her initially reluctant to enlighten her to the truth. What was going through Elliot's head? Did he have any inkling he was dating a nut job? How old was this woman anyway? She sounded youngish, she decided. She certainly had balls to be ringing her like this.

"Look, you've made a huge mistake," she said, deciding to attempt to reason with her. The news that Elliot and Kathy had split up still had her reeling and it left her feeling like she was floundering. Defending herself for an affair that just wasn't happening seemed much less of a priority than finding out what had happened with his marriage. She wondered how Elliot was. Separating from his wife would have knocked him for six. Why on earth hadn't he told her, let her be there for him? He would have needed a friend. Was that why he had hooked up with this woman? Was it some kind of rebound thing? Was it a solution to his loneliness; a middle-aged crisis even? Olivia felt a little guilty dismissing this woman's role in his life so quickly, but she knew Elliot and knew he would have taken the split with his wife hard. She wondered if this woman was a blond like Kathy. Something then occurred to her.

"Why do you think we're having an affair?" she asked curiously. A simple check of his phone would surely have easily revealed that he hardly ever called or messaged her.

"He whispers your name, in his sleep," the woman spat. "Why would anyone do that unless something was going on? You must think I'm an idiot!"

Olivia's eyes widened at the revelation. Elliot was whispering her name? Did that mean he really cared about her after all? Did he miss her? Was he feeling guilty about leaving her like he had? She doubted it was anything more than the man missing his partner of over a decade, but even so, hearing that he cared even a little, she couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face.

"Look, I promise you nothing is going on. We were partners for years. We had a long professional relationship. He's probably just remembering and thinking about that."

"Yeah sure! Look, I'm warning you now. If you ever come anywhere near him again, I won't be responsible for my actions…"

"OK then," Olivia scoffed, fairly confident that she probably had the upper hand should it come to a fist fight. It occurred to her how 'high school' this situation seemed.

Apparently finished, the woman hung up and Olivia sank back on the sofa, still reeling. Elliot and Kathy had split up? He had a new girlfriend? He was whispering her name?

…

The call she apprehensively hoped for never came. She had assumed that his girlfriend, whatever her name was, would be unable to resist giving him a hard time about his supposed affair and that he'd find out about her call to his supposed fling. As the hours dragged on though, there was no communication from him and she couldn't help feeling disappointed. She considered calling or messaging him herself, but didn't want to risk another run in with his girlfriend, not least because the thought of him with someone other than Kathy, someone she had at least been used to from the start, made her feel something she wasn't sure she wanted to put a name to. It was semi-amusing to think of Elliot being smothered like that though. She wondered if he had any idea what he was dealing with.

By the time nine o'clock came and went, she decided she likely wouldn't be hearing from him that day and moreover, given the lack of communication from him generally over the last few months, it would be reasonable to assume she might never hear anything. She decided to get changed into her pyjamas and open a bottle of wine. The call had shaken her to the core and she was starting to feel depressed again as she thought of him and admitted to herself just how much she missed him. It was useless dwelling on the situation though. He had gone and that was that. She was alone as she always had been.

By the time she was on the second glass, she had convinced herself that it was much easier to try and pretend that she was angry with him rather than accept the truth, the thing she had avoided admitting all this time: the fact that she was desperately and completely in love with him. There was no avoiding it. With tears in her eyes, she contemplated whether she should run a bath or not, but then the insistent pounding on her door began. A wave of nervousness hit her as something told her it must be him. It had to be. Who else would it be? Unless it was that crazy woman! Maybe she had found out her address and come looking for her. One look through the peep hole though immediately informed her that her initial suspicions were correct. It was him.

Her hands shook as she unbolted the door. She had no idea what to say to him. She was so angry that he had just walked away, yet at the same time she was so happy to see him after all this time. She decided that she wouldn't say anything. She'd let him do the talking. He was the one who'd left. He was the one whose girlfriend had phoned her with a truckload of accusations and insults. He owed her. He could do the talking.

She forced herself to focus on her anger and she opened the door with a cold glare plastered over her face, which she desperately hoped he wouldn't see through.

"Can I come in?" he asked, sounding subdued.

"No," she replied sternly. It was a risk. There was nothing she wanted more than to pull him into her arms, drag him inside and never let him go again.

"Liv, please?" It was as close to begging as she'd ever heard him, but she had to be strong. He had hurt her badly and she wasn't going to let him brush it under the carpet. She deserved to have her feelings acknowledged. She needed him to understand.

"What do you want, Elliot?" she asked, annoyed to hear her voice crack slightly making her worry that he'd immediately see through her tough exterior down to the vulnerable part of her that just wanted to fall into his arms and cry like a baby.

"Do you really want to have this conversation in the hallway, where all your neighbours can hear?"

She inwardly grimaced. She most certainly didn't want to be the focus of tomorrow's lobby gossip in her building.

"Fine," she grumbled, standing back just enough to allow him to slip inside.

He walked over towards the couch and stood awkwardly, waiting for her to say or do something, but she stubbornly stood with her arms folded, glaring at him. It was the only way she could hide her real feelings right now. She couldn't help but notice he had lost some weight since she'd last seen him and he looked… amazing.

"Mimi told me she called you," he said finally.

"Mimi? So that's her name? How old is she anyway?" The last thing she wanted was to appear jealous, but she couldn't help herself.

"Old enough," he sighed. "I made a mistake, Liv. It's over."

"I see. So why are you here?" She was determined not to make this in any way easy for him and to be honest was kind of enjoying his discomfort.

"I gather she wasn't overly polite."

"You could say that. It's not everyday you get a random caller telling you you're a bitch and a slut for having an affair with your part… ex-partner." She blushed very slightly, realising her near-miss. She hoped he wouldn't pick up on it. Luckily he didn't seem to.

"I'm so sorry, Liv," he said, stepping closer towards her. For a moment she froze as she registered his increasing proximity. How close was he going to get?

"It's OK," she said, "She's obviously a little unstable."

"No I mean, for everything. Not just her. I'm really sorry Liv."

She glanced at him sharply. His head now hung in apparent shame or remorse, or something. She almost hated him for not even allowing her to remain angry. She could feel herself softening. He seemed to be picking up on her changing attitude and he stepped even closer.

"Liv, I… I missed you." The words rang in the empty air. She believed them, but she couldn't get past the hurt of the last few months so quickly. It irritated her that he thought he could just pop round out of the blue, say sorry and all would be forgiven.

"You could have called!" she said as icily as she could, slipping around him and sinking down onto the sofa.

"I know," he replied sadly. "I should have." He slowly stepped over and perched himself down beside her.

She sighed. They were getting nowhere. She was starting to doubt he even had a good reason for not having contacted her in so long.

"Why are you really here, Elliot?" she asked, all animosity now gone from her voice. She was so tired of the emotional rollercoaster. She just wanted to know what he wanted and for him to leave, so she could get back to her wine and cry herself to sleep.

"When Mimi told me what happened and how she had rung you, accusing you of that, it just got me thinking. I just had to see you. I have to make this right again Liv. I need you in my life."

"How can you do this, Elliot?" she said, suddenly angry again. "You left, no calls, no texts, nothing! I had no idea if you were OK or not. You were my best friend and you cut me out of your life for no good reason. I can't do it again. I can't let you back in, knowing that you might just up and leave again at any time!" She felt the tears pricking at her eyes now and embarrassed she looked down at her knees. There was no way she was going to let him see her cry. No way. "Please, just go, Elliot," she said firmly.

Instead he shuffled closer and took her hand in his. She tried to pull away, but he gripped her with just enough force to keep her hand in his without hurting her. She didn't resist further. She was too busy concentrating on blinking back the tears.

"Liv, it's not like that. I didn't cut you out because I didn't care. Please don't think that"

"Then what is it?" she asked. She meant to sound angrier; stronger, but with his hand around hers, it was hard to focus on much other than how good it felt to be touching him. She could feel the attraction. It was a pull she struggled hard to ignore. His fingers were stroking her hand now and he forced them between hers and squeezed her hand gently. Then his other hand suddenly moved up to her necklace, the one she had worn constantly since the day she had received it.

"Semper fi," he whispered.

Her stomach clenched with a ripple of sensation that made her shiver. His hand moved upwards from the pendant, tracing a path up her neck and towards her face. His palm was now against her cheek and she knew he could feel the dampness there.

"Elliot, don't…" she moaned softly. This was too much. How could he come here? How could he touch her like this and not know what it was doing to her, how much it hurt to have him so close but so far. She closed her eyes hoping to prevent the fresh tears from leaving.

"Olivia, look at me." It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she found herself opening her eyes, her gaze meeting his immediately. He was staring straight at her intensely and she was suddenly terrified. There was something in that look, something that told her what he was about to say.

"Olivia, the truth is… I'm in love with you…"

Her heart almost stopped as the words filtered through to her brain. Surely this couldn't be real. She stared at him horrified. He was obviously expecting a verbal reaction, but she was stupefied. She had never in a million years dreamed that he felt the same way. She had fantasized about this moment so many times, but she had known it wasn't real. She blinked hard. Maybe it was the wine? Maybe she was dreaming? She opened her eyes. He was still there, looking at her expectantly, a growing expression of hurt and disappointment on his face. She realised she needed to say something. She needed to tell him she loved him too, always had, but the words wouldn't come. Unable to speak, she simply leaned in, clutching his shoulders desperately, pulling him to her. She felt his arms wrapping around her as he finally held her and for several seconds they remained like that, locked in each other's arms in an embrace that seemed to convey everything that she wanted to say, yet couldn't.

She felt him pulling away, grasping her arms to remove them from him and for a second she knew it had been too good to be true. He was talking about platonic love; their friendship. He didn't love her in the same way she loved him, the way she had always loved him.

Then he took her chin in his hand and raised her head, bringing his own so close to hers, but not yet touching. He stared directly into her eyes and she knew he was asking her permission to go ahead. Impulsively she leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his.

As soon as she felt his warm soft mouth against hers a shudder ran through her body. It was like a wave of electricity that made her tingle, causing goose bumps all over. As their kiss quickly deepened and she felt him pushing his tongue inside her mouth, she felt the undeniable ache between her legs as she finally gave in to her feelings, wrapping her arms around him once again as he did his around her. So many lonely nights she had conjured up his face, imagining his hands exploring her body as she laid on her bed with her hands between her legs, stimulating herself in the way she had longed he would. Now he was here, kissing her, caressing her, overwhelming her. She wasn't sure if it was all the years of anticipation and waiting but she knew she had never been so turned on by a single kiss in her whole life.

She felt like she was going to explode. Part of her wanted to pull away and find the words to tell him how she felt about him, but the sensation of him on her neck was too powerful. She was losing control and she was happy to give in to it. As he kissed her neck, exploring the sensitive area around her collar bones she knew there was no way she could stop. She would go wherever he took her.

He returned to her lips and she kissed him eagerly. How could she never have known how amazing it would feel? It was as though their mouths were made to lock together. He stroked the side of her head and face and she shuddered again at his touch. Then he started kissing her where he had just stroked and she felt him place his fingers to her mouth. Gently she took them inside, the sucking action causing a pool of wetness between her legs. She had no idea how she was going to get through this to the end. She could barely breathe.

He pulled her closer to him and she hoisted herself onto his lap, wrapping herself tightly around his body, enjoying the pressure of his thigh, which she so badly needed to go some way toward relieving the ache between her legs. She could feel his erection pressing against her through his trousers and the thought of him growing hard for her intensified her need for him all the more. His tongue was now back deep inside her mouth, desperately exploring everywhere. His lips pressed down as he varied the pressure constantly and expertly. His hands now began fumbling with the buttons of her pyjamas, as he desperately sought to remove the last remaining barriers between them.

"Elliot," she managed to murmur between the motions of their kissing.

"Mmm?" he said, moving to her neck again, allowing her to speak more easily.

"Not here."

He pulled away and looked questioningly into her eyes.

"Bedroom…" she whispered nervously.

He grinned and then to her surprise she suddenly found herself being lifted upwards as he stood, holding her in his arms easily, as though she were as light as a child. He laughed at her yelp in protest and kissed her on the forehead. Then he carried her to her bedroom, laying her down gently on the bed.

He immediately went straight back to work, kissing her, but this time working downwards in a slow tantalising descent. He stopped to pull her now only half-buttoned up pyjama top over her head and she went to work to remove his shirt. He grinned when he realised she was braless and he pulled away from her mouth just long enough to take in her now naked upper body. He murmured with pleasure as he buried his head in her chest and started caressing her nipples with his mouth. She ran her fingers through his hair and down his back, unable to properly reach anywhere else but wanting, needing to touch him.

As he took her nipple into his mouth she squirmed against him, rocking her hips in an attempt to control the friction. This was moving so fast. She highly doubted she would last much longer. She placed her hands on his face and encouraged him to raise his head. He leaned forward and started kissing her on the mouth again. She began pulling at his belt, while simultaneously he pulled at her pyjama bottoms pulling their garments completely free from the bodies and kicking them to the floor.

Clad only in their lower underwear, they once again wrapped themselves in each other's arms, side by side, rocking gently against each other. Then he slipped free and began moving down her body, kissing and teasing making her literally squirm as he kissed the sensitive skin on her neck, moving down to her breasts and then to her stomach. He continued on his path and finally reached his destination, plying the insides of her thighs with kisses for a short while, before gently hooking his fingers through her panties and pulling them down her legs.

Her eyes almost rolled back in her head as she felt the initial sensation of his mouth on her most sensitive parts. As he explored her with his tongue and lips, she fisted the covers on the bed, moving her legs apart slightly and opening up to him, desperate to get the release she craved. She found herself giving in completely to the sensations. She was completely his in that moment. He possessed her. It was like nothing she had ever felt before. She moved against him, as she felt it building. He seemed to detect just how close she was and he quickened his actions, sucking, licking, even the occasional soft and gentle nip which almost made her want to cry out with the intensity of the pleasure he was producing inside her. Her body arched as the first wave hit and she lay trying to catch her breath for a good minute.

Then a sudden and desperate need to feel him inside her hit. She wanted to get as close to him as she possibly could. She wanted him to feel as good as she did. She began to remove his underpants, the final barrier between them and he understood what she wanted, what she needed. He started to nestle in between her legs, but then he stopped, his face was so close to hers that all she could see were his blue eyes, gazing into hers as he spoke with a conviction that left her in no doubt that he meant what he was saying from the bottom of his heart.

"I love you Olivia Benson."

She pulled him to her desperately and reached down to take him in her hand to finally guide him inside her. He gently and slowly pushed his way in, giving her time to adjust to him, enjoying the new onslaught of sensations that threatened to now overwhelm him. He pushed in as deep as he could reach. The enormity of being inside her almost brought tears to his eyes and he blinked, amazed at how much this felt emotional just as much as it did physical. His whole being was enveloped with a feeling he had never felt before and he knew that this was everything. This was where he belonged. They were one entity.

"I love you too," she whispered and smiling he leaned down and kissed her as he started to rock rhythmically, slow at first then picking up speed eventually moving in a desperate frenzy, as for a moment he lost control and the only thing he could think of was the sensation of feeling himself inside her like this. He was already so close that he knew he wouldn't last long. He didn't care. He needed the release and it came suddenly. He shuddered and felt her muscles clamping around him as he rode out the waves. He could barely breathe. As he slowly returned to a more normal state of existence, he turned his attention back to her, expertly using his hands and their combined dampness to push her over the edge for the second time that evening.

Once she finished convulsing, he wrapped his body around hers, holding her tightly with his head buried in her neck. He never wanted to move from this position. She held him equally firmly and for several minutes they just lay like that, both catching their breath trying to take in the enormity of what had just happened and what it meant.

"I never want to let you go," he whispered. "I just want to do that again and again and again."

She smiled at him. "Me too," she said just as he leaned in and kissed her again.

And for the first time in a long time, she felt truly happy.