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It had been a long time since I last cried.
I rarely do, and when I mean rarely, I mean it- it's practically literal. So, of course as I'm sitting here mulling over my thoughts in the dark with the bed covers yanked up past my waist, I find that it's rather difficult to handle all these emotions swirling within me like a black, bubbling cauldron. I never really liked to face my troubled thoughts, let alone talk about them, and now that they were getting stronger day by day, month by month, by now I was starting to realize that it was going to look like an unending battle.
What am I supposed to do? I asked myself, curling my fingers into the blankets. I felt the bitter sting of tears well within the corners of my eyes, threatening to spill over and stain my cheeks like two flowing streams. I blinked them back, shaking my head to and fro in hopes of banishing them. I felt that familiar tingling pressure build up within my chest until it altogether spiraled up my throat and made me swallow back a heaping wad of saliva.
I didn't want to cry. Please, I did not want to cry.
"Mom, Dad," I whispered, letting the resilient walls of my emotional fortress crumble into a heap of withered ashes. The tears were there again, teasing me in every horrible way possible, before they leaked out and gingerly streamed down my cheeks.
When was the last time that I cried for them like this? When was the last time that I thought about them and truly missed them?
'I miss them everyday,' I concluded, brushing the back of my hand over my flushed cheeks. The pressure inside my chest was intensifying, the burning within my throat was scorching and my eyes were blurry and wet with a torrent of pent-up tears bubbling at my eye ducts.
How long had I gone without crying for them?
I blinked my eyes once or twice, sealing my mouth from any noise- I didn't want Stitch to hear me. His hearing was impeccable.
I sighed and took a deep breath, a breath so deep that I felt a tiny prick of pain stab itself within my chest. I winced and rubbed at my eyes again, my hands returning with a coat of salty tears.
I wiped them on the blankets, or at least, what I thought were blankets. . .
"Lilo?"
"Wah!" I squeaked, accidentally biting my tongue. "Oww."
Stitch was sitting patiently in front of me, his large, black eyes wide and worried. His elongated ears were lowered as they rested along his back, while his clawed fingers were fiddling with themselves in front of him. He looked agitated, maybe even melancholic, but it was obvious that he too had something on his mind.
I smiled at him and wiped at my eyes again, shaking my head softly. My black hair slipped over my shoulder and cascaded down my front, barely touching the bed.
"Yeah, Stitch?" I asked, looking up at him once more. I tried to muster a faux smile, but it was hard trying to get it to stay on my face without some random frown or crinkle marring my lips.
Stitch's ears twitched, but they didn't perk up like they usually did when he was happy and care-free. That meant he was still worried about something.
"Okitaka, Lilo?" he whispered, his fingers still fiddling with each other. He slowly blinked his large eyes and lowered his head, scooting over a few inches so that his knee was touching mine. "Okitaka?"
When he was like this, I found him to be unbearably cute. He looked so adorable as he sat there in the middle of my bed, his ears twitching and his nose quivering, while his eyes slowly blinked and blinked. Really, if I could just reach out and swipe him into my arms so that I could cuddle him for eternity, I would have, but I was too lethargic to do so; and plus, it would make for a very awkward situation. We usually hugged each other in daylight, when one or the other did something sweet or after we completed an important task that would warrant a reward, but it was never during the night- during that time, we usually didn't need or call for a hug.
"Why Lilo cry?"
I looked up at him as I broke away from my thoughts, sniffling a bit. I brought my hand to his furry knee and patted it, my fingers brushing at the soft pelt of his fur. His ears twitched again and his knee almost jerked up, but he steadied himself and continued to stare across at me.
"I wasn't crying," I said to him, blinking away my remaining tears. "I just had something in my. . ."
Stitch was staring at me firmly, hands in his lap as his expression read, Bullshit. I guess I wasn't going to win with that lame excuse. We spent far too much time together for him not to see right through me. Sometimes, I wished I wasn't so easily read like an open book, but I suppose I was just like that. I wore my emotions on my sleeves sometimes, no big deal, right?
"Okay, I was crying, happy?" I asked him, turning my head away. "But I'm not anymore, so you don't have to worry."
"Lilo," he drawled out, resting his clawed hand on top of mine. I turned my head and stared at him begrudgingly before I sighed once more and let my shoulders slump. His hand felt warm and his silky fur felt smooth to the touch and for some reason it comforted me, but at the same time it didn't. Maybe it was because a very taboo emotion was popping up right now, something that didn't lie on the path of platonic friendship; it was too risqué to say what it was anyway.
"Meega soka," Stitch breathed, baffling me. What was he sorry for? What had he done?
"What?" I questioned him, tilting my head in confusion. "Sorry, what for?"
For a moment, a look of perplexity glazed over his eyes, before he asked hesitantly,
"Meega do something. . . bad?"
I stared at him again before letting a small laugh escape my lips. Did he really think he had done something wrong to make me cry? Was Stitch really that selfless? Well, he wasn't like that to begin with anyhow.
"No, of course not Stitch. You did nothing wrong," I explained to him, my fingers twitching as he held my hand firmly. Once or twice, his claws brushed across my skin and rubbed tenderly at the palm of my hand. "It's just…my parents."
"But, they are…"
"Yeah, that's why I'm crying," I breathed out. I turned away from him, my eyes starting to go blurry. It was always difficult to talk about it without my eyes watering up. "I don't know, it's just, I haven't really had the time to cry for them, so I just…I just…I-."
In that one instant, I was almost there- I had almost given in to my woes and began crying, but before that happened, something else managed to steer me into an entirely different direction, leaving no room for sadness.
Stitch had engulfed me into an embracing hug, his furry arms wrapped tightly around my shivering body as his claws trailed a non-existent pattern up and down the length of my back. For a moment or two, I didn't know how to reciprocate. What was I supposed to do? How would I do it? Instead of confusing myself and purging my mind into even more turmoil, I gave in to the warmth of Stitch's body and succumbed to the essence of the hug, my chin resting on his shoulder as my entire body hunched forward.
I sighed to myself, his fur rubbing against my skin and the warmth from it all traveling across my whole body. It felt so right, so comforting- so relaxing. Actually, I think it felt better than any feel-good song out there.
"Thanks, Stitch," I mumbled, finally wrapping my own arms around him. I clasped my hands together and rested them atop his back, leaning into his warmth once again.
"Isa okitaka, Lilo," he replied curtly, still traveling his claws across my back. I smiled against him, still feeling that stinging emptiness that often remained after feeling melancholic, however, this time it wasn't as agonizing as it usually was whenever I burdened my emotions upon myself alone.
Wait.
I unclasped my hands and withdrew from his embrace, straightening my back as I took a good look at him and tilted my head. He stared at me and blinked his eyes, also cocking his head in confusion. His ears lowered themselves across his back, for they had somehow perked up during the hug.
I smiled, my eyes widening as realization hit me in the back of my head. I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before, and how long had I been with Stitch?
Maybe I took his friendship for granted sometimes, it was a simple mistake that people often made from time to time, but once you actually take the time to really think about it…
… I wasn't alone.
I hadn't been for the past nine years. I thought back to my previous thoughts before Stitch had interrupted my solace to cheer me up. No wonder I hadn't cried for my parents in such a long time.
I simply didn't have the time.
Stitch had always been there for me, making me laugh, taking me on outrageous adventures across land and space, and being that needed filler for the stinging emptiness in my heart, so really, he hadn't even allowed me the time of day to be depressed. In a way, he was sort of like my own personal vent, although I didn't want to look at him that way for that purpose alone. He was like a vent, but he was also my best friend. We had done everything together, from exploring the galaxy to venturing into even the most difficult of situations, so what I was I doing here sitting alone in my room with the lights off, crying myself silly?
Somehow, I had forgotten.
I wasn't alone to begin with.
I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms snugly around his form and burying myself into his chest. We landed haphazardly across the bed, meshing into the messily strewn blankets before we broke apart and simply laid there on our backs, looking up at the closed ceiling dome. I sought his hand, and when I finally found it, I wrapped my fingers around his own and clutched at it, letting a content smile spread across my face as easily as flowing water.
"Thanks again, thanks so much," I whispered to the air, letting my breathing even out until my whole body sunk into a relaxed euphoria.
"Ih," he replied, squeezing my hand. I turned to look at him and found that he was already staring at me, twitching his ears out of habit.
"Sleep here with me Stitch, please?" I asked him quietly, squeezing his hand in return. I turned to him, letting out a breathy laugh. He stared at me as well, black eyes unwavering. Finally, he nodded and scooted closer.
"Ih. I will."
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